What are your restaurant red flags?

Big menu, especially if it's like food from all over the world. You see a place that has Indian, Italian, Cajun, Greek and sushi on the menu, run.
If the FOH staff looks miserable, that's a bad sign. They should either be too busy to experience human emotions or goofing off because it's dead af.
If the restaurant is less than a year old it's 50/50 it's gonna suck really bad or it's gonna last 50 years, one visit is all you need to know which it will be.

Green flags:
If the place is ran and owned by a middle aged couple that is the same ethnicity as the food they are selling.
If the menu has like 3 things on it.
Happy FOH staff.
They just opened a second location.
 
As someone who used to work in restaurants i'd say check between booth chairs as you wont believe how much food ends up in between the chairs.
are you suggesting to do an ethan and eat free food waste?

They just opened a second location.
that can be a problem. sometimes it fucks up the old place, sometimes they send their dingus kids to run the new place, etc.
 
are you suggesting to do an ethan and eat free food waste?


that can be a problem. sometimes it fucks up the old place, sometimes they send their dingus kids to run the new place, etc.
Agreed, better green flag would be that they opened a second location 6 months ago and it's still doing well.
 
Attitude and mood of employees is probably one of the most indicative factors. If they seem professional and relaxed your food will probably be good. I've went to hole-in-the-wall places that served beyond excellent food on an affordable lunch menu as well as snooty hipster places that served mediocre grub for top dollar and everything in-between, and the good places no matter the price point have always had chill employees that seem comfortable and not stressed out.
 
I went to a pizza shop once that was staffed by a bunch of Indians and Pakistanis. As I was eating my pizza and wondering why the place was deserted, I heard a shrill Indian voice from the kitchen screaming, "YOU SAY YOU WANT TO SCRATCH!!! SCRATCH WHERE???" I somehow didn't end up with food poisoning, much to my shock, but I never went back.
 
The classic "if you can't see the kitchen, be wary" is usually a decent bet but I don't always use it as a rule. Just most of the time. I don't mind dingy looking places because plenty of diners don't look great but they have great food. Usually I go to the restroom first to wash my hands and if a place can't keep the restroom clean then I usually walk out.

Beyond that though a lot of what I would use to determine if I eat at a place would be seen within the kitchen. For years I worked maintenance and was able to get an inside look at many kitchens and have seen the best and the worst I try to get as much of a view as possible even if I am going to places I know are good. Things change fast. You cannot underestimate how quickly fortunes can turn in the restaurant business and a place that was awesome last month could be complete trash this month. The number one thing for me is in food prep and how prepared food is left (or not left) around the kitchen during the preparation process. Buckets of raw meat without a lid sitting on a counter near an open door or underneath dusty shelving are a red flag.

You'll see this at a lot of Asian places where they constantly need a supply of various chopped chicken/beef/pork and they usually keep them in rectangular plastic containers. And I get it if the container is left out for a couple minutes because something happened or the place got busy. But it is the location in which that container is left that makes all the difference.

Another excellent rule of thumb for restaurants or really any commercial property is to look at the ceiling. People do not look up and you can hide a lot of blemishes by leaving them up high. Water stains on ceiling tiles are a major red flag for me anywhere. The first thing that gets cut when money starts to run out are the ceiling tiles. Missing ceiling tiles are not only a violation of the building code in any non-shithole country, but they are an instant disqualification for me and I won't shop or eat at a place like that. Ceiling tiles are not cheap, but neither are a lot of the ingredients going into a meal. If you are cutting corners on your ceiling tiles, you're probably cutting corners elsewhere.
 
I probably have nothing new here, but to think of it a bit, there's one Chinese restaurant nearby I started to visit because it was so much closer than my regular one (that has always made delicious food but where I need to travel a bit) and honestly I should have paid more attention to a few differences between these restaurants before having to make the realization that nearby location is kind of shit compared to the old one because of the quality of the food (like.. the meat in the sauces was literally fucking borderline inedible.. it was so tough to the point I had to leave most of it uneaten, you need to chew that shit forever and the variety of veggies coming with the sauce and rice was just plain disappointing and bland compared to old location's same dishes), but indeed, to think some of the potential warning signs the new location had:

1) Obvious af, but every time I went to my old regular Chinese, there was some kind of traffic of people ordering food and the kitchen was usually always busy when in the nearby place it was always, ALWAYS, kind of quiet or fucking plain empty.
2) I don't mind if you aren't smiling behind the counter but (what I assume to be) the family running the place fought in their language in the kitchen that made me feel like I entered their home and am disturbing their family life lmao.
3) Repeating theme here, but indeed, the menu. Old place had kind of long menu, but it was imho pretty regular for a Chinese restaurant with lot of similar dishes with little differences like more spicy sauce, beef or chicken with same veggies etc etc. when the new location had fucking 4 pages long menu with all kind of different shit in there.
4) They got this afternoon buffet thing (the better restaurant never had) and honestly it confused me a lot. It had some regular Chinese dishes, okay, but also fucking sushi and some western dishes that really didn't go together with Chinese food. I never ate there during the buffet thing, but I watched some photos of it briefly on some advertisements outside the restaurant and remember just feeling a lot confused.
I've noticed that places that focus on more authentic Chinese food (sichuan in particular) but also have American style Chinese dishes make the American style dishes a billion times better than your average takeout place. It feels incredibly basic to order general tsos and fried rice from a place with tea smoked duck on the menu but sometimes you just want that kinda shit and it's better than anywhere else
 
Attitude and mood of employees is probably one of the most indicative factors. If they seem professional and relaxed your food will probably be good. I've went to hole-in-the-wall places that served beyond excellent food on an affordable lunch menu as well as snooty hipster places that served mediocre grub for top dollar and everything in-between, and the good places no matter the price point have always had chill employees that seem comfortable and not stressed out.
This is probably the best indicator. I've worked in the food industry my whole life and the happier I am at work, the better the food is. Good food is made with love, there is no love in a TGI Friday's.
 
So for Chinese/Asian restaurants, restaurants that have 500 different things on the menu from all regions of China/Western Chinese food are a no go for me. Lacks direction, especially in Europe. Almost all of the good Asian restaurants I have been to in Europe that wasn't London had a focused menu. This is the sort of thing we serve, we do this style of food, and if it's outside that, we don't do it.
Unironically, any Chinese restaurant that doesn’t violate any health violations.
You go to Asia to find good Chinese food, they usually are in centers which violate every heath standard, but the one or two things they crank out are really good.
Go to the UK or Australia or Canada or NZ and you will find all and I mean all "Italian" (run by Greeks, half the time) places are trying to charge you 5 star prices for a bowl of spaghetti or a Margherita pizza. Absolute nonsense. They buy their spaghetti from a commercial supplier; it's not like any of them even make it themselves.
One of the great thing about Italian cuisine is if you do a deep dive on it, most of the classic dishes everyone likes are pretty easy to do yourself. Most pastas are doable with the right ingredients. Pizza is possible if you can be bothered, though also understandable why you might not. Some of their fish restaurants though, that is worth going to once in a while.

For me, unless it's a good pizza that I can't make a home or something like a mixed plate of Italian seafood, they are rarely worth going to.
 
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Anyplace that keep reminding you that they’re “local” or “only eat local”. Imo they’re using this to hide the fact their food sucks. There is a small local chain around where I live. They always do the whole “eat local only” shit and every time, I hear people complain about getting sick from there.
 
Asian restaurants that don't lean heavily into Asian aesthetics, decor or furniture BUT with lots of upper-middle-class looking Asian patrons inside are usually the best.
The most striking example of this: In one major European city, I once entered what, judging from the menu appeared to be a Korean place and found myself in a sort of Bavarian beer-hall looking space, absolutely packed - about 70% business dressed Koreans and 30% random native locals. I later read in an article that the Korean lady that had taken over the previous restaurant when it went bankrupt simply couldn't be bothered to redecorate, as that was simply not a priority for her.
The food was absolute top notch. Great Kimchi, very nice bibimbap and bulgogi.

In general I become suspicious the moment I see a very diverse and long menu.
The only places that had long menus that also made decent food were those where there's long lists of the same 5 basic dishes with lots of slight variations.
When I visit a city, I tend to look for a restaurant that is connected in some manner to a brewery and has a very short menu - because those places will focus on a handful of dishes that go great with (their) beer. And most things that go great with beer will also warm the soul of any traveler far from home.
A long menu as you say is suggestive of issues. For me it says delivery trucks and microwaves. Smartly dressed people who are from the country thr restaurant is modelled after, as is the case with some Syrian Arab restaurant near me suggests somewhere good.
 
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Anyplace that keep reminding you that they’re “local” or “only eat local”. Imo they’re using this to hide the fact their food sucks. There is a small local chain around where I live. They always do the whole “eat local only” shit and every time, I hear people complain about getting sick from there.
Indeed. If they need to resort to guilt tripping people into buying their food, it is very likely not good enough to bring in customers on its own merit. I'm all for spending money outside of multi-billion dollar corporations, but I really don't need to be preached to about it from the people who stand to see imminent gain from my wallet. It's a bit of a glaring bias that reflects poorly on their ethics in that way.
 
I once went to a restaurant, and to be polite I struck up a conversation with the woman making my coffee. I asked her what she was up to, she said she was studying in college, I asked her what she was studying, and she said, "Gender studies." I hope she likes working in a restaurant for the rest of her life.
 
Restaurants and bars that have you scan a QR code in order to see a menu.

They tend to be hipster places on top of it, which I hate in general.
I've yet to run into this, but if and when I ever do, I'm walking out or at the very least not ordering anything. If they can't be fucked to provide menus, it just shows how lazy, tech-obsessed, presumptuous, inconsiderate, cheap and hipstery they are IMO. I don't give a dead moose's last shit who it is or what service they provide, I'm not downloading an app or scanning for bullshit that they can't be be fucked not to cut corners over. God help the poor retards who tell me that I need to download an app just to do business with them, and I could see some restaurants possibly going that far. Has anyone run into restaurants that require you to download their app?
 
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