Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Rinascere]

It's never the same but, like using marmalade, it's a perfectly cromulent way of doing it.


It's because he's a mushbrain and it's not about flavor or quality or making something that looks appealing. It's making food so he can eat something. That's it.

But I'm also assuming that he followed the recipe that he stole from somebody who claimed this was how Julia did it. Although she never did. She made Canard à l'orange, not chicken.


So what? If the Spiderverse is a thing and there's loads of different Peter Parkers and other people using the Spider-Man name or whatever then it stands to reason that one of them will eventually be gay. It's not that big a deal. I mean Marvel and DC have had gay characters before. Point is them being gay wasn't their superpower. It was just who they were. You know... like how Jagoff wishes he was as bold as this Spider-Man and could squeeze out of the closet and admit that he wants to suck dick. The soyface he makes in every single selfie just screams "faggot".


He's too much of a narcissist and he's lazy as fuck. If he can't have cartoon Jagoff made for nothing on his merch then he's just going to go full blown soyface Jagoff.


Yeah but that's because TikTok is Chinese so those evil communists have his ID. Not like Google which is 100% 'Murican.


Making your own damn bread is fucking easy. Follow the No-Knead method. Flour, water, salt and yeast. Mix it up, let it rise a long time and bake in a Dutch oven the next day. Costs you pennies per loaf and tastes better than anything you get at the store. Hell add things to it like sundried tomatoes, olives, cheese, jalapenos, onions. The combinations are endless.

I do this exactly, I mix the dough up and let it rest overnight and bake it fresh in the morning in my little Dutch. It's an excellent Lazy Man recipe, ironically.

 

[Bland Crumbs]

oh god, he's making birria (or as he pronounces it, buh-reeuh)

since his attempt at consomme already looks like kidney stones in a bowl of piss and blood, this is going to be very ugly

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Can we crowd fund some money for him not to cook? I think that would be a good use of money. I am willing to throw $100 in to not watch him waste food.

 

[Staffy]

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That really looks like sewage water where you'll get a skin infection if you get in contact with it. This, alongside with Jackoff's idea of replacing his bitmoji with his ugly mug on his channel logos and shirts, proves that he has an ugly sense of presentation.

 

[Trappin in the Trap]

Jack's face is the last thing you'd want on something, anyone's face is the last thing you'd want on something in most cases. Maybe from the chest up, maybe just the face if you toss a color filter over it. The only time I can see just an awkward picture of someone's clavicle-to-face area is when people make custom t-shirts for someone that died. You know, those pictures that are taken from social media feeds and aren't really meant to be printed onto anything?

Now If Jack is making custom "RIP Jack Scalfani shirts" for himself because he knows no one else will care to remember him, then I'm all for it.

 

[Exist0]

What's fucking with me is that on the JOTG shirt, he is wearing a JOTG hat. Seeing it twice like that is doing something to my brain. Memeception or some shit.

 

[MasterDisaster]

The "Into the Spider-Verse" movie with all the different Spider... things and people was great. Personally I loved Spider-Man Noir who literally could only see in B&W and was voiced by Nic Cage.

But yeah, he's being a pussy by making such a big deal over this. The question is has he mentioned anything about Jonathan Kent, the son of Superman, being in a gay relationship? This was something that a lot of people were flipping their shit over when they saw the headline, "They're making Superman gay".

I'm sure Jack is in that boat of people that despise Lightyear for the nanosecond same sex kiss instead of the moving being pretty damn boring and taking itself way too seriously.

Also what about Spidersman, the Spiderman comprised of thousands of sentient spiders sharing one mind?
I'd take a hundred gay superhero movies over one trans superhero movie, just saying.

 

[Jack of the Lantern]

There are factory outlet bread stores around. There was one near my grandmother’s house. It’s long since closed, but looks to have been an Entemanns/Bimbo Bakery store. You could buy stuff quite cheap there. Pretty much anything in their product line from crackers, to snacks to bread. It’s along the lines of what @captkrisma said in his post. But a different brand. I assume this was overflow because there was a Bimbo warehouse near by. (BTW, I know that sounds and looks weird, but I swear it’s a real brand pronounced beem-bow).

That gave me some terrible flashbacks to a job I had a lifetime ago. Complete PL, but I used to drive a truck for Bimbo. It’s a Mexican company that tried to sell in the US without checking if their company name meant anything else in this new market. It did, they failed, but they had untold liquid capital pouring out of Mexico and outright bought a massive US market share (the depot joke was that the company was just a cartel operation). They own Entenmann’s, Thomas Arnold, Sara Lee, Ball Park, and what must be scores of smaller companies. Last I knew of them, they were trying to buy a large chunk of Pepperidge Farm, but would have to offload a bunch of Stroehmann holdings to avoid hitting monopoly status.

To bring this even remotely back on topic - their factory outlets are definitely a good place to get industrial bread and snacks for an insanely low price, but you have to be extremely careful if you shop at them. The stores are stocked with the local depot’s stale, which was any bread that sat on a truck or in a store longer than seven days. Most modern bread will withstand that just fine, but some guys would push completely rotten, moldy product into the stale drop-off. Their delivery trucks weren’t air-conditioned, and horrible things can happen to even the most processed of bread after seven days in a humid metal box. It then gets dropped off at the discount stores where the employees tended to shelve any product that was put in front of them, no matter what color or how furry the bread had become.

 

[RainwaterDrop]

WE DID IT, FOODJACKS! WE WON!

Eh, I guess we'll still see it in his Facebook posts. Despite the fact that his bitmoji infuriates a primal side of my lizard brain, if he stopped using it entirely, I would miss it.

I don't think Jagoff is capable of understanding this, but he can use his bitmojis on his posts as much as he wants, but he can't do it on any commercial venues such as his channel and his sauces, even if they don't meet criteria such as being edible or watchable lol!

Odds are we will get some tard raging from him over this, with the added bonus of him using a bitmoji on these posts. As is expected!

NGL, I also went to the Wonderbread/Hostess thrift stores to buy bread and snacks. They had some really great prices on bread and I think those fried pies were like .50 a piece? They all closed back in 2014 when Wonderbread and Hostess filed for bankruptcy, and are now sold mainly inside Big Lots.

Company stores are great, it's very autistic but I fucking love company stores, sometimes you can buy stuff there that you won't find anywhere else. On my neck of the woods there's a local baking company who does that, they have everything they offer from bread and cakes to their hard to find snack lines. If Jack meant that buying from these stores is a good idea, it's maybe one of the few pieces of advice he ever offered that made any sense, and of course he had to add a bunch of horseshit to fuck up at some point lol!

He's making new shirts. The hats are gone. He somehow managed to make worse shirts without the bitmoji

https://cooking-with-jack-merch-store.creator-spring.com/

Fuck, I liked these, not out of any actual merits or qualities but rather because these are fucking hilarious. Just imagine seeing Jack around, with all that fucking lard of his, wearing a colossal print of himself looking like an asshole. If I saw that in public I would need to make a break for the restroom to control the urge of laughing as hard as I can right then and there. Jack will do fucking anything but put actual work in stuff which is supposed to be appealing!

Question: why the fuck doesn't Jack just commission some artist to draw a logo? His face is fucking horrifying on those shirts and if Bitmoji really C&D'd him, then he might as well rebrand with art.

Art for business purposes is, in fact, tax deductable after all. We know he writes off his food and buys a shit ton of appliances he never uses, would getting a cheap comm really be just too expensive for him?

Too lazy and too much of a cheapstake for it. Guys like Jack love to spend money on themselves and fucking hate to pay people what they're worth, if a decent designer came up and offered a reasonable quotation to him he would probably tard rage and say he could do better for that price. And considering we are talking about the Jagoff, the man who fucking comissioned the "asshole chipmunk" song and liked it enough to use on his show, these might literally be the shirts he comissioned from someone!

 

[captkrisma]

Company stores are great, it's very autistic but I fucking love company stores, sometimes you can buy stuff there that you won't find anywhere else.

The one near my hometown still made the TMNT custard pies in limited runs. I think they'd make 1000 a day to be sold strictly at the store shops.

 

[BruceyBoy]

And to think he could have avoided all of this by paying some shitter a few bucks on fiverr to make some jackmoji's for him... Tax deductible too

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Exactly. Facebook steals the shit out of your data but he still posts his salmonella consumption on there

But again it's not run by flithy communists and instead is run by filthy 'Muricans.

And I know I say that in jest but how much do you want to bet that he honestly feels that way?

I do this exactly, I mix the dough up and let it rest overnight and bake it fresh in the morning in my little Dutch. It's an excellent Lazy Man recipe, ironically.

I used to let it sit overnight now I just up the yeast and let the stand mixer do all the work.

The one near my hometown still made the TMNT custard pies in limited runs. I think they'd make 1000 a day to be sold strictly at the store shops.

Oh man I loved those as a kid. Green pies filled with "goo" or vanilla pudding as it was better known. Dunno if I really want to have one now but the nostalgia factor alone seeing them in a shop would be pretty cool.

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

Even his machines hate him

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

Even his machines hate him View attachment 3442376

"I'm worried about companies stealing and farming my data but I'm also going to put a corporate box that listens to everything said in my house and transmits it to google servers (That they totally promise only look for the activation words and nothing else, pinky swear) and pay for the priviledge."

 

[GentlemanFaggot]

Even his machines hate him View attachment 3442376

Protip: most computers have trouble parsing search data when you speak to it like this:

"Google play...uh...uh...TAMMY, what was that song? TAMMY! Uh...that Mexican song at the taco place..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand that. Did you mean, La Cucaracha?"

"NO!"

 

[Jack of the Lantern]

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The answer is ... Birria Tacos!

Jack Facebook video roundup:

"It's party time" - Hope eats an Amazon box. Still not a beagle.

"Time to vote" - imarku "sent" Jack a dutch oven. What should he make? You can suggest anything but NOT COMFORT FOOD, THAT'S FOR AUGUST.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

The answer is ... Birria Tacos!

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Jack Facebook video roundup:

"It's party time" - Hope eats an Amazon box. Still not a beagle.

View attachment 3442431

"Time to vote" - imarku "sent" Jack a dutch oven. What should he make? You can suggest anything but NOT COMFORT FOOD, THAT'S FOR AUGUST.

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I guess "birria" does rhyme with "diarrhea" so Jack is on point for this recipe.

HOPE still has the harness on. These creeps literally leave it on their dog 24/7!

The oven is listed at $125 on their website and the handle isn't even bolted on straight. Maybe Tammy could cook his dead arm in it?

 

[Rinascere]

The answer is ... Birria Tacos!

View attachment 3442429

Jack Facebook video roundup:

"It's party time" - Hope eats an Amazon box. Still not a beagle.

View attachment 3442431

"Time to vote" - imarku "sent" Jack a dutch oven. What should he make? You can suggest anything but NOT COMFORT FOOD, THAT'S FOR AUGUST.

View attachment 3442436

I'm no culinary wunderkind, but if you're making broth wouldn't you want to actually chop your vegetables up a bit more or is just halving them the way to go?

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

I'm no culinary wunderkind, but if you're making broth wouldn't you want to actually chop your vegetables up a bit more or is just halving them the way to go?

For stock and broth, the longer you let it simmer, the larger you want the vegetables. For things like beef broth, you'd want larger vegetables but things like fish stock you'd want smaller. That being said, you still should cut the vegetables up somewhat, probably quarter the onion at the largest.

You also want to skim that stuff off the top, but that's effort and Jack doesn't do that.

 

[DontEatThat]

Even his machines hate him View attachment 3442376

Judging by how often he uses 'text to speak' and that fucks up im not surprised by this. He slurs and mixes up his words so often any device (let alone other humans) cant understand him clearly. Of course this makes Jack angy because he believes everyone can and should understand his fat. stroked out logic.

 

[Laughingjoke2]

Even his machines hate him View attachment 3442376

Machine probably can't understand Mushbrains rambling.