Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

s. It looks like the "food" is made of clay.

It is! Had to make sure.

Now I feel silly; just never-ever-ever have I seen anything like this before.

 

[NoReturn]

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Sounds like she might be starting another business venture?

In reference to Tess starting a new business... she's wondering in her TikTok what makes people want to buy a product. How about knowing I'll actually get the product?? Let's hope she's not doing this on her own again... it'll be the t-shirt scandal all over again.

At the same time as Anna! What a coinkydink!

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She uploaded another tiktok about not knowing what to wear to an art show tonight, but it was taken down before I was able to archive it. I did get the caption, which is the melodramatic attitude you'd expect from Tess.
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She also posted about the art show on her story.
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Spoiler: the art in question

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Yes, that's really it.

If art is supposed to make you feel something, then this is art, it makes me feel disgust, shame, and anger. I need eyebleach.

Yeah, that’s what I was talking about when I mentioned “meat jelly”. But this — penne in broth? Some alien ring thingies? — is worse than that.

But thnx @𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔 , I’ve checked her acc (rip my recommendations), seems like it is some weird food related (quelle surprise) shit. That's better than literal food as in “meal to serve”, but gosh you're weird, westerners.

Spoiler: Proof

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This is literally food in glass. Hope it doesn't rot.

Well, at least my internet access is safe.
Pardon for the panic, but I was genuinely shooketh.

Don't blame the west for this. This is a very specific group of retards.

Cryptic story post from last night.
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She dropped Bowie off on a plane to Sydney.

It is! Had to make sure.
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Now I feel silly; just never-ever-ever have I seen anything like this before.

Resin art is "in" right now.

 

[Speakeasy Electric]

Ah, aspics. In the 1950s-60s they were very in trend in the upper Midwest USA. Grandmas still have old cookbooks with aspics and they can be reliably found in the region at thrift stores. Here’s a fun article showing some aspic abominations.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Another week, another drain on her “mental energy “, more anxiety, depression, oppression, blah, blah, blah.
Ya know what Tess? If life is so hard, and you’re struggling that much, why don’t you check yourself into some mental facility somewhere? It’s never ending.

But she is an international, well known supermodel who has several successful businesses and is living her best life!

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

She will never admit this of course but I suspect she lost one of her cakejohns and is now desperate to find the money to cover what he used to give her. We’re getting into a recession and people generally start tightening their belts. Giving some fat chick money to fart on a cake is something one does when the good times are rolling and they are flush with cash. Or he just found someone younger and hotter to fart on cakes instead.

Either way, Tess needs to fill a hole in her income and is going to grift off her remaining paypigs. Her EYBS shirts have given her a nuclear reputation so any new venture is going to resemble her FTF x EYBS that immediately hit clearance prices. Also unlike her last big downturn, there is no Jolene to drag her ass along. She might have to stay with family the next time she hits the skids.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Quotes don't work; little piece of offtopic:

Don't blame the west for this. This is a very specific group of retards.

Please don't be offended, I use “westerners” as a kinder version of “‘muricans”, referring to things from weird cultural stuff do thematic shit like fucking hell, you literally have companies what sew parachutes for fatplanets”

We’re getting into a recession and people generally start tightening their belts

The old political poster that instantaneously became a meme

Spoiler

“It's time to tighten up our belts”

 

[Alpaca Autopsy Expert]

She will never admit this of course but I suspect she lost one of her cakejohns and is now desperate to find the money to cover what he used to give her. We’re getting into a recession and people generally start tightening their belts. Giving some fat chick money to fart on a cake is something one does when the good times are rolling and they are flush with cash. Or he just found someone younger and hotter to fart on cakes instead.

Either way, Tess needs to fill a hole in her income and is going to grift off her remaining paypigs. Her EYBS shirts have given her a nuclear reputation so any new venture is going to resemble her FTF x EYBS that immediately hit clearance prices. Also unlike her last big downturn, there is no Jolene to drag her ass along. She might have to stay with family the next time she hits the skids.

Sounds legit.
On a side note, did Jolene & her boyfriend ever get married? If she did, I don’t recall Tess posting about it. I’d imagine it would be an occasion for her narc rage to implode inside, all while congratulating her “bestie” with a strained smile on her face.

 

[Some Crazy Lady]

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She still anorexic?

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Sounds legit.
On a side note, did Jolene & her boyfriend ever get married? If she did, I don’t recall Tess posting about it. I’d imagine it would be an occasion for her narc rage to implode inside, all while congratulating her “bestie” with a strained smile on her face.

Not that I can see, but it looks like Jolene's sister passed away this morning. Tess will likely make this about herself at some point today.

 

[multiverse]

Not that I can see, but it looks like Jolene's sister passed away this morning. Tess will likely make this about herself at some point today.

Oh she already has

 

[Water-T]

Either way, Tess needs to fill a hole in her income and is going to grift off her remaining paypigs. Her EYBS shirts have given her a nuclear reputation so any new venture is going to resemble her FTF x EYBS that immediately hit clearance prices.

The mark on her reputation after that T-shirt snafu is probably one of the reasons why her capsule collection bombed so quickly. No one wanted to risk giving Tess money and ending up with nothing in return. That and because her obese asskissers don't spend money on clothes aside from muumuus and caftans.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Jolene seems to be having a awful 2022. Her brother died recently enough she was spreading his ashes in April, she lost her job in June, she had a bunch of jewelry (like sentimental stuff) stolen and now her sister dies.

Feel legit terrible for her. I hope she has actual good friends, because Tess certainly won’t be of any help or comfort.

 

[rocknrollmartian]

Oh she already has
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Tess right in front in more streetwalker garb trying to look hawt with Jolene's sister hiding behind her; what a lovely tribute:

 

[Simon]

Tess right in front in more streetwalker garb trying to look hawt with Jolene's sister hiding behind her; what a lovely tribute:
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What an insufferable cunt. This is probably the only picture she has of them together, because, per usual, Tess takes any opportunity to make a horrible event about her. This person died, better post a pic of my disgusting sausage rolls with her in the background, so it looks like I gave a shit about her.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Tess right in front in more streetwalker garb trying to look hawt with Jolene's sister hiding behind her; what a lovely tribute:
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Even better it looks like Lizette was photo bombing fatty who was so lost in her selfie vanity she didn’t see her coming up from behind. (Also funny how easily an entire human can hide behind Tess)

Just to clarify, I can see from the GFMs that have been posted for burial expenses, Jolene lost her dad to a heart attack in 2016 and her brother in Oct. 2021 due to Covid. I think her mom passed in the 00’s.

Jolene losing two siblings within 9 months is horrible. I think both must have been under 45.

I believe she still has a half-sister because on the dad’s GFM she refers to her sisters (Jolene & Lizette) losing their father.

 

[Gramlol]

She will never admit this of course but I suspect she lost one of her cakejohns and is now desperate to find the money to cover what he used to give her. We’re getting into a recession and people generally start tightening their belts. Giving some fat chick money to fart on a cake is something one does when the good times are rolling and they are flush with cash. Or he just found someone younger and hotter to fart on cakes instead.

Either way, Tess needs to fill a hole in her income and is going to grift off her remaining paypigs. Her EYBS shirts have given her a nuclear reputation so any new venture is going to resemble her FTF x EYBS that immediately hit clearance prices. Also unlike her last big downturn, there is no Jolene to drag her ass along. She might have to stay with family the next time she hits the skids.

Lol stay with family? That means moving to Alabama, right? That'd be the last of her grand glam supermodel arc narrative.
It would be utterly hilarious. She could take up that receptionist job again like she did at 19.. but it's more likely she goes on disability

Prostitution is not sustainable, dumbass

 

[multiverse]

Lol stay with family? That means moving to Alabama, right? That'd be the last of her grand glam supermodel arc narrative.
It would be utterly hilarious. She could take up that receptionist job again like she did at 19.. but it's more likely she goes on disability

Prostitution is not sustainable, dumbass

Mississippi.

 

[Alpaca Autopsy Expert]

What an insufferable cunt. This is probably the only picture she has of them together, because, per usual, Tess takes any opportunity to make a horrible event about her. This person died, better post a pic of my disgusting sausage rolls with her in the background, so it looks like I gave a shit about her.

Wasn’t there also an African American model (I forget her name) who passed away, and Tess had the audacity to say this woman had called her from her hospital bed “to remind Tess to eat”?

 

[Your Favorite New Friend]

Wasn’t there also an African American model (I forget her name) who passed away, and Tess had the audacity to say this woman had called her from her hospital bed “to remind Tess to eat”?

TRANSCRIPT OF PHONE CALL

LA'SHANIQUANDRA JOHNSON: EAT MORE TESS, YOU FAT FUCKING COW
TESS: [BREATHES IN OBESITY]
LA'SHANIQUANDRA JOHNSON: LOL, I'M LITERALLY DYING

 

[Water-T]

Wasn’t there also an African American model (I forget her name) who passed away, and Tess had the audacity to say this woman had called her from her hospital bed “to remind Tess to eat”?

It was probably something like, "Bitch, how about eating a goddamn salad for once, and not drowning in ranch dressing"