Grand Jury speculation thread

[Dox Savage]

Someone here is going to pay big money for all of CWC’s toys in order to preserve them as is for posterity.

Ruckersville will definitely at least have some kind of Tourist Trap / Roadside Attraction about Chris Chan like out of House of 1000 Corpses.

 

[Penis]

it’s going to trial. he’s fucked

I don't know. I legit think that Chris is fucked in the head enough that Heilburg just might be able to convince a jury that this is just another one of hus delusions.

Remember, Barb wasn't questioned. What do they really have? An autistic retard that shits himself talking to a violent psychopath that gets turned on by literal cat shit? Plenty of people have injected shit into Chris' head. All Heilburg has to do is convince a few people on the jury and the whole case falls apart.

 

[King Kiwi]

I can only imagine how that went down. That had to have been some Homer Simpson-level shit.

HEILBERG: Chris, everything has been worked out. If you plead guilty, the court will sentence you to time served and you can leave jail today.

CHRIS: Hm, yeah.

HEILBERG: All you have to do is say "guilty" when the judge asks you how you want to plead.

CHRIS: Okay.

HEILBERG: Chris, this is very serious. I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that you understand exactly what you need to do.

CHRIS: I understand.

JUDGE: Mr. Chandler, how do you pl--

CHRIS: That's Ms. Chandler! I am Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, CPU Goddess Blue Heart! I did not do anything wrong and Magi-Chan told me this has all been a setup by Michael Snyder and those damn dirty trolls! Soul Bonding is NOT incest and I was HEALING Barbie! True love is ILLEGAL in Virginia!

HEILBERG: Fuck.

The world: What did you expect?

 

[Penis]

What are the chances that Joshua Connor Moon will be called to the stand?

I say a 75% chance it will happen due to him overseeing his personal affairs before Chris's arrest.

Null doesnt even live in the US at this point

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Ruckersville will definitely at least have some kind of Tourist Trap / Roadside Attraction about Chris Chan like out of House 1000 Corpses.

A four story Chris statue. You can pay to climb up inside it to a beautiful view of the Ruckersville area from Chris' head, while you listen to random Chris quotes play. Then you go down a twisty slide to the anus so Chris can poop you out into a giant air cushioned adult diaper, finally falling into a feces-colored ball pit.

 

[Norman B. Normal]

Basically in America a Grand Jury is just the Prosecutor presenting the basis of his case to a jury and asking them if they think he has enough grounds to proceed with a felony prosecution, it's honesty just a formality since 99% of the time they approve the indictment.

It should be noted that the alternative to the grand jury system is that the prosecutor just gets to indict whoever he wants whenever he wants. The system forces the prosecution to get their shit together beforehand precisely so the grand jury won't decline to indict. So it's not really a formality, because it prevents the prosecution from proceeding with shoddy cases that even the grand jury doesn't want to touch.

 

[King Kiwi]

Plenty of people have injected shit into Chris' head.

Let's see:

BlueSpike, Clyde, Prator, Bella, The Idea Guys...

BRING ON THE SUBPENISES!

 

[Dox Savage]

Then you go down a twisty slide to the anus

Not to his Un-clit? Pass, I'll keep driving until I get to the Nick Bate Museum down the road. Or heck the Cyrax Museum is also just a short jaunt away too. It'll be a fun filled daytrip to Virginia regardless.

 

[Nicest Person on a Honda]

I legit think that Chris is fucked in the head enough that Heilburg just might be able to convince a jury that this is just another one of hus delusions.

Being fucked in the head is not enough to get off on an insanity plea.
There is an old joke, "Does the defendant know the difference between a judge and a grapefruit? if so, he is fit to stand trial"
Insanity pleas have extremely high bars to meet, people with skitzophrenia, bipolar disorder, autism, meth-fried brains, and other serious psych disorders go to prison all the time. Do you know what you were doing is wrong? That is the only question that matters.
Insanity is out of the question, even for chris.

 

[MangoDesu]

Chris's lawyer would never want this case to go before a Grand Jury. That means that Chris's court appointed attorney is probably going to be asked to be released from the case in the next few days.

I'm a retard, why would Chris lose his public defender if it went before a grand jury?

 

[Kramer on the phone]

Before everyone starts flipping out, this does NOT mean Chris is getting charged with Felonies. What this means is that the Commonwealths Attorney believes there is good cause to charge him with a felony. Therefore, the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court is no longer the proper venue. The case is therefore being moved to the Circuit Court which is the principle judicial arm of the State and handles everything not related to petty crime and domestic disputes.

The next move will be the State actually charging him with something or an immediate plea deal. The clock is ticking right now because this has become a habeus corpus issue. They have to indict, get chris to plea to something or let him go in a speedy manor at this point. On the plus side, Virginia's circuit courts are fully open to the public so we are going to get way more info going foreword.

kiwifarms meet ups when?

also what could they charge him with? at this point with a plea he'll be out, he has a year of credit.

 

[TayandYou]

I hope all the idiots who wrote him letters get called up to testify as to what Chris confided in them about the case. Weens never win, get doxed by the court fuckers.

 

[Christorian X]

So I'm relatively current on all this but I seem to be clear on a point. With the charge Chris is currently facing, wouldn't he be hitting the maximum confinement? Could the state be forced to release him and he be free while awaiting any trial the Grand Jury wishes to move forward with or have new charges been filed?

 

[Dox Savage]

Being fucked in the head is not enough to get off on an insanity plea.
There is an old joke, "Does the defendant know the difference between a judge and a grapefruit? if so, he is fit to stand trial"

So how long until Chris incorporates the Judge into his fantasies like everything & everyone else he's ever encountered then believes the judge is actually an evil owl furry named Judge-Chu?

 

[yobacaust]

I called and got proof for you fellow Kiwis

https://www.dropbox.com/s/593p8d02rvx6xra/Chris%20Chan%20Proof.mp3?dl=0

You breathe like you weight more than a whale and your choice of words reveals that your IQ is inversely correlated to your BMI.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

I can only imagine how that went down. That had to have been some Homer Simpson-level shit.

HEILBERG: Chris, everything has been worked out. If you plead guilty, the court will sentence you to time served and you can leave jail today.

CHRIS: Hm, yeah.

HEILBERG: All you have to do is say "guilty" when the judge asks you how you want to plead.

CHRIS: Okay.

HEILBERG: Chris, this is very serious. I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that you understand exactly what you need to do.

CHRIS: I understand.

JUDGE: Mr. Chandler, how do you pl--

CHRIS: That's Ms. Chandler! I am Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, CPU Goddess Blue Heart! I did not do anything wrong and Magi-Chan told me this has all been a setup by Michael Snyder and those damn dirty trolls! Soul Bonding is NOT incest and I was HEALING Barbie! True love is ILLEGAL in Virginia!

HEILBERG: Fuck.

This reminds me when Chris was ousted by the police and he was talk to Null about the whole thing and Null said don't talk about this to anyone in which Chris started telling people. No surprises here.

 

[Yksi_Toveri]

kiwifarms meet ups when?

Sweet Jesus, no. Just NO. No offense to anyone here, but I never want to know your real life identity nor have mine known. Even if that smoking hot bartender at the bar turns out to be one of the most racist, anti-troon people on here, I would never want to know this.

 

[3-2-1836]

Regardless of what happens his life is over. Even if they turn him lose on the streets with probation he'll be at least a level 2 maybe even a level 3 sex offender.

That means no more malls, game stores, card stores, hobby stores. He'll also be effectively homeless.

We'll have to see what the indictment says, if it's just plain rape then he'll have to register for life, but he'll have no location restrictions as generally the only thing non-pedo sex offenders are restricted from in Virginia is physically entering schools without prior written authorization.

If they charge him with rape by incapacity or physical helplessness then yeah, he'll be effectively banned from malls, and gamestop for life as that's one of the few non-pedo charges that carry location restrictions.

B. Every adult who is convicted of an offense prohibiting proximity to children when the offense occurred on or after July 1, 2000, shall as part of his sentence be forever prohibited from loitering within 100 feet of the premises of any place he knows or has reason to know is a primary, secondary or high school. In addition, every adult who is convicted of an offense prohibiting proximity to children when the offense occurred on or after July 1, 2006, shall as part of his sentence be forever prohibited from loitering within 100 feet of the premises of any place he knows or has reason to know is a child day program as defined in § 22.1-289.02.

C. Every adult who is convicted of an offense prohibiting proximity to children, when the offense occurred on or after July 1, 2008, shall as part of his sentence be forever prohibited from going, for the purpose of having any contact whatsoever with children who are not in his custody, within 100 feet of the premises of any place owned or operated by a locality that he knows or should know is a playground, athletic field or facility, or gymnasium.

Note this is only for loitering, when it comes to residence and housing restrictions Virginia law explicitly states that only applies to people convicted of touching kids, so he's free to live wherever he wants.

 

[Professor Iris]

If that there jury don't consist of twelve pickle men with puckered lips that sentence Chris to be tickled to death, I'm gonna ask for a refund.

 

[Norman B. Normal]

I'm a retard, why would Chris lose his public defender if it went before a grand jury?

It's very difficult for a lawyer to provide an effective defense for a client who refuses to follow his advice. Heilberg is a respected private attorney who doesn't need this shit.