Grand Jury speculation thread

[cwcvillemayoress]

You breathe like you weight more than a whale and your choice of words reveals that your IQ is inversely correlated to your BMI.

You try calling while you got the coof.

 

[StraightShooter2]

So some ween made a video claiming that Chris was offered a 5-year plea deal and rejected it, but I see no confirmation of the length of the plea deal anywhere else, so this guy's either just making it up or giving bad info:

 

[King Metalia]

What could've been

Lesson one of christory there are no happy ending

 

[Neo-Nazi Rich Evans]

You know a man is truly interested in a woman when they bring up their Oedipus complex. Totally normal because that's what every woman wants to hear.

Yes. Bella was extremely interested in incest, and wrote incest fanfic. The fact that Chris started referring to incest as "something you'd find in fanfic" is probably Bella's doing.

I think it's not implausible that Bella enjoyed talking about incest with Chris and that made Chris feel comfortable to talk to Bella about his raiding of Barb's dusty tomb.

yep, this is bella we are talking about, not a normal nor sane woman by any stretch of the imagination. so in this case, yeah incest is totally something you can talk about to get her interested.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

Chris specifically mentioned that he was there to be "restored". In the context of his case, that definitely means "restored to competency". That is all the court is concerned with.

In the last letter summary, there was a part where Chris allegedly said that something legal happened in early June, which would have been about a month after he got out of Bedlam.

 

[Your Favorite New Friend]

There is a punk kid in my neighborhood who egged my house last summer and has been in trouble with the police multiple times. I saw him on his bike get hit by a car about ten days ago and busted out laughing as he cried on the street. He wasn't seriously injured, but it still makes me smile when I think about it.

I hope you bought him a new bike.

 

[Yankee Shogun]

What could've been

Chris being who he is, if he was less retarded he might have been able to make some pretty good satire. The whole "combining two media icons and pretending to be so obsessed with it you wear a medallion everywhere" could be seen as commentary if it was done by someone with the ability to self-reflect.

Makes me wonder if he's going to have any outbursts in court, I think he'll 100% mention Null, no doubt about it.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

I'm thinking he forms a new break off splinter sect to rival the Sunni's and the Shiite's. Call it the Suniichu's. It will spread across the lands like a fire driven by the winds. All Hail the Holy Lolcow. Prepare the Jihad in his name.

Well, the Nation of Islam largely got its members from prisons. Chris' religion could be to autists in jail what NoI was for Basketball Americans in prison.

 

[FrickleMyPickle]

Chris being who he is, if he was less retarded he might have been able to make some pretty good satire. The whole "combining two media icons and pretending to be so obsessed with it you wear a medallion everywhere" could be seen as commentary if it was done by someone with the ability to self-reflect.

Makes me wonder if he's going to have any outbursts in court, I think he'll 100% mention Null, no doubt about it.

If he doesn't try to tackle the judge and then get set on fire in prison, what the hell was the point of any of this?

 

[Yankee Shogun]

Well, the Nation of Islam largely got its members from prisons. Chris' religion could be to autists in jail what NoI was for Basketball Americans in prison.

If he goes to jail he's gotta be put in some kind of special tard jail, right? There's no way he's gonna be allowed among the general prison populace being as mentally ill as he is.

Maybe if he does get put into Tard Meccah he can work on spreading his religion from within the prison, the Sonicholos can come to life.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

So some ween made a video claiming that Chris was offered a 5-year plea deal and rejected it, but I see no confirmation of the length of the plea deal anywhere else, so this guy's either just making it up or giving bad info:

Jesus, what an A-logging faggot. Nice collection in the background though (Vectrex! Odyssey!)

And at least he basically admitted that he's like Chris in that he sits at home with his toys.

 

[Nointey]

So some ween made a video claiming that Chris was offered a 5-year plea deal and rejected it, but I see no confirmation of the length of the plea deal anywhere else, so this guy's either just making it up or giving bad info:

When did the Manchild version of Negan Smith start learning about Chris-Chan?

 

[Optimus Prime]

If he goes to jail he's gotta be put in some kind of special tard jail, right? There's no way he's gonna be allowed among the general prison populace being as mentally ill as he is.

Maybe if he does get put into Tard Meccah he can work on spreading his religion from within the prison, the Sonicholos can come to life.

Wait, I've seen this before...

 

[Big Buns]

Well I didn’t see that coming. Chris is supremely fucked and won’t see the outside for a long long time.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

So some ween made a video claiming that Chris was offered a 5-year plea deal and rejected it, but I see no confirmation of the length of the plea deal anywhere else, so this guy's either just making it up or giving bad info:

I’m sure it’s utter BS but only a retard would take a plea that would result in five years. Five years in prison is a worst case scenario for Chris, not a plea deal.

 

[Dr. Silvestrechu]

Lesson one of christory there are no happy ending

Barb got a happy ending though, dozens of them.

 

[StraightShooter2]

I’m sure it’s utter BS but only a retard would take a plea that would result in five years. Five years in prison is a worst case scenario for Chris, not a plea deal.

Supposedly the max sentence in Virginia if they tack rape charges on is life, for what it's worth.

 

[mindlessobserver]

I think Heilberg knew who Chris was and specifically requested to be on the case. Why would a very respected and semi-famous criminal lawyer be doing pro bono family court cases when he defended such high profile cases as the Beltway Sniper (which I do believe he did pro bono as well, someone correct me if I'm wrong). I just have a feeling he knew of Chris before the arrest in some manner, with Greene being such a small population, and when he saw the arrest he was all like, "That poor retard doesn't stand a chance with Tiffany the First Year Associate" and felt a genuine need to give Chris a better chance.

All members of the State Bar, especially those involved in criminal defense are officers of the court. County courts like Greene County can't afford to hire public defenders, which means if you want to practice law in them in a criminal capacity, you accept that your number gets called on occasion and you have to do your duty.

 

[RodgerDodger]

Lesson one of christory there are no happy ending

If Chris doesn't somehow Fuck Himself however will he get Pregnant so he can birth the Holy Child?

 

[metroid_fetish]

It is the year 2032 and Chris has finally reclaimed his throne as the rightful lord of his manor. He strides through the front door and greets his mother's desiccated corpse with a hearty "Heyyyy, Barbie, it's soooo nice to see yooouuu!" After a passionate session of cunnilingus, he retires to his boudoir to find his kingdom in utter shambles. His Lego city now resembles Detroit, his Transformers' die cast metal too rusty to transform, his Commodore 64 has deteriorated to a lowly Commodore 16, his PSN account inbox full of messages from users named PedoHunter420 and NieDiggers, and every streaming service is showing season 7 of Sonic the Hedgehog: The Blue Arms Chronicles. He hangs himself minutes later.