Funny stories about your period

[MysticMisty]

Breakthrough bleeding during pregnancy is a thing and the hospital wouldn't know about you not getting laid lol.

Hospitals have to ask that because it's not that uncommon for women to show up and subsequently find out they're pregnant. As mentioned, breakthrough bleeding that's not a miscarriage in progress is very much a thing, and a lot of women just don't recognize the signs that they're pregnant. You think it'd be hard to miss, but they just think they're getting fat (or fatter) and are just randomly tired all the time, or just had a few bouts of stomach flu, or what have you.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

Sometimes I think back to the time I was about thirteen or fourteen and I completely murdered my bedsheets (it was like the time I had broken the ketchup bottle on the kitchen carpet), but I didn't tell/ask my mom about it to wash it properly because I had recently been told to be careful about watching my cycle and I didn't want to be yelled at for being so careless. I believe I did throw them into the washer, but I didn't know what to use and the stain was too deep and it didn't come out. Then for months I just kept using the sheets and made sure the covers were tactfully on until I had to change out the sheets and then threw them out. Far as I know due to repressed memories, none of my parents knew about it.

It sucked, too, because honestly, those were my favorite bedsheets ever that wasn't Pokémon-related. They were like this but navy blue and the patterns were black (the kitchen carpet above was a similar color).

 

[Aunt Carol]

I was prone to nosebleeds as a kid. Forget training bras, in retrospect it was great to have had training blood stains.

It sucked, too, because honestly, those were my favorite bedsheets ever that wasn't Pokémon-related. They were like this but navy blue and the patterns were black (the kitchen carpet above was a similar color).
View attachment 3473276

If only your lost bedsheets had been this same red-brown color scheme; you could have gotten away with it forever! The people who make "period panties" are missing out on a trick.

 

[Varis]

I stopped having periods when I was 15. I don't know why. Maybe I'm infertile. I'm only able to have them when I'm on some form of hormonal contraception. I had my IUD taken out earlier this year, and haven't had another one put in.

I was reading this thread while having breakfast this morning. Two hours later I was bleeding.

This thread is cursed and I welcome everyone who has posted in it to eat a dick.

This has been my funny period story. Fuck you.

 

[Meiwaku]

The funny part about my period is used to hate them but now i am happy that i actually have a normal funcional female reprodutive system white trannies punch holes in their groin and and have massive hemorrage.

Tranny sneed actually made me love my uterus.

Also nice try FBI on these stories.

 

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

Nothing beats the ol' "is it a cramp or do I need to take a really big shit" game

 

[Rewire Tea]

I'm single, and have absolutely no way of becoming pregnant, no sex is happening here. My cycle will sporadically be a week or 10 days late once a year-ish. And every time I'm still like "... pregnant?"

The very first time I tried out a menstrual cup, I was sitting there, hunched over, hand up there trying to get the damn thing to seal.... and my father phoned. Timing. Had to let it go to voicemail, finish, make up an excuse, and call him back like 20 minutes later. I couldn't tell him what I'd been doing, because he's squeamish about things like that.

 

[Gef Mongoose]

I handled my first period so well, that I shocked my parents. I was 13, and a couple of weeks before, my mother had agreed to give me permission to watch a video at school, with the other girls in my class, about puberty. The boys watched their own version, separately. We still talked about it together afterwards.

I was sitting on my bed reading a book one evening, and felt like I had pissed myself a little. Went to the bathroom, found out that I had “become a woman”, looked for my mom’s pads (thankfully she didn’t use tampons), changed my pants and underwear, and went back to my room. My mom discovered my bloody mess in the trash can about a half hour or so later. She called me into the living room, and I thought that I was in trouble. She just wanted to make sure that I hadn’t freaked out about it or anything, and she was impressed that I didn’t need their help. My conservative, redneck dad who had a basic understanding of the female reproductive system was impressed and also a little terrified. And then my mother proceeded to call her sisters and my mother about it. That was the most embarrassing part.

 

[Snusmumriken]

Here’s a great little nugget of horror that I just recollected upon reading these latest entries:

The first hotel chain that I worked at (housekeeping) was by far the nastiest in every regard, despite also having the most expensive room rate. I won’t get into the details but everything about it from the guests to the cleaning procedures was downright disgusting. But nothing was more disgusting than this.

There was a tweaker on our team for a week at most, though I think she was also a sped to begin with. I was searching the floor for someone on who I could borrow a towel from when I caught a glimpse of her in one of the guest rooms putting her hand down her pants, and then checking her two fingers. When I asked her wtf she replied, “Oh, I thought I got my period.”

I had to hide my horror as best as I could and ask for a towel, which was my mistake because I guess I should have known that she would have grabbed one for me without even thinking to wash her hands.

She got canned pretty quickly, not for the incident itself which I told my execs about, but for shit-talking them on FB. Priorities.

 

[one_time_user]

The most recent story I have about periods right now is the 'struck by a rubber mallet' epiphany I had as I was looking at the price of all the period underwear in my period.co cart (with a first time customer 50% off coupon) : 'HOLY SHIT! I can use my fsa/hsa to pay for these and get them paid for by work!

I got 20 pairs (different absorbencies and shorts for bedtime). thanks work!

 

[Sergeant Major Buzzkill]

When I had my first cramps (no idea why they didn’t happen the first weeks I had my period), I happened to be on a camp field trip. We were supposed to be helping out at a school. And guess who felt this nagging feeling that she was going to either throw up or take a massive shit?

Me. I stayed in that bathroom throughout that entire time with a counselor periodically checking in on me the entire time. Felt so terrible, both not knowing what the fuck was going on and wanting to get involved with helping out.

Fast forward to when I was riding home with my mom and telling her what had happened, she told me “oh so you had cramps.” Lol whut.

 

[ZsaZsaBinks]

One time I was in the bathtub and I pulled my tampon out and couldn’t because there was a loop of skin from my vagina wrapped around it. I tried cutting away at the tampon because I didn’t want to cut the skin, but I still couldn’t get the tampon out. Eventually, I got scissors and cut the piece of skin to release the tampon.

 

[Sergeant Major Buzzkill]

One time I was in the bathtub and I pulled my tampon out and couldn’t because there was a loop of skin from my vagina wrapped around it. I tried cutting away at the tampon because I didn’t want to cut the skin, but I still couldn’t get the tampon out. Eventually, I got scissors and cut the piece of skin to release the tampon.

Please tell me you stoped wearing tampons after that. Like what the hell, dude.

 

[ZsaZsaBinks]

Please tell me you stoped wearing tampons after that. Like what the hell, dude.

I didn’t. I wear them to absorb the flow. But I was only on my fourth period and only 13 1/2 years old and I thought my hole was just small. I was still a novice to using tampons. This was the first time I put a tampon all the way in so that I couldn’t feel it.

 

[Sergeant Major Buzzkill]

I didn’t. I wear them to absorb the flow. But I was only on my fourth period and only 13 1/2 years old and I thought my hole was just small. I was still a novice to using tampons. This was the first time I put a tampon all the way in so that I couldn’t feel it.

Well that explains that then… hopefully you didn’t have any significant injuries from that mistake .

 

[ZsaZsaBinks]

Well that explains that then… hopefully you didn’t have any significant injuries from that mistake .

I didn't but it was scary. I hoped that I would be okay afterwards. I haven’t had any injuries from the surgery.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

I cannot use the pill because I'm always told to start when I spot, and then I bleed during the entirety of the pack until I get to the placebos. I start again as soon as the placebos end. And repeat.

My periods have never been great, but they have been really fucked this year, like heavy bleeding two plus weeks with severe cramping that spreads from my boobs to my knees and severe vaginal pain. My gyno decided to try hormonal pills again. Ended up heavy bleeding for the entire fucking month. Needed a blood transfusion because my blood tests revealed an extremely low RBC count (I was extremely lightheaded and incoherent between the dizziness and pain). I'm still bleeding with severe vaginal pain. It feels like I'm being stabbed down there and nothing stops the pain for longer than an hour. Please end me in Minecraft.

 

[one_time_user]

not trying to play with any conspiracy theories but, did it start after your covid shot? because that has been confirmed as a factor for many women.

 

[Aunt Carol]

My gyno decided to try hormonal pills again. Ended up heavy bleeding for the entire fucking month. Needed a blood transfusion because my blood tests revealed an extremely low RBC count.

I hope your gynecologist got a big "TOLD you so." At least you get some pretty goddamn clear documentation for the next time insurance wants you to try the cheap option first.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

not trying to play with any conspiracy theories but, did it start after your covid shot? because that has been confirmed as a factor for many women.

No, I dont think so (although I’ve debated it). It was progressively getting worse over the years even before my first jab. My “regular” cycle in my early years were 5-7 days (including cramps), high school 7-10, adult 10-14 days until recently. I have been regularly 14+ since hmm, last November? I also keep having to get ultrasounds and my ovaries are utterly fucked and seem to be getting worse. I’ve lost weight and it hasn’t helped much.

I hope your gynecologist got a big "TOLD you so." At least you get some pretty goddamn clear documentation for the next time insurance wants you to try the cheap option first.

Lol no. I’m on a hormonal IUD now. And she still wants to do pills on top of it if the IUD itself doesn’t stop the period in a month. Fuck me. I’m also on additional iron now (was on 15 mg a day beforehand). Regarding the pain I was told take Ibuprofen and “be patient.” All I’m thinking is “I’m a fucking retard for thinking this could help” and “at least this will help with insurance if I actually get a hysto.” That and I need a new gyno.

I’ve been in severe enough pain lately to lose days of work and even a job altogether over this shit. The flow is annoying but the pain feels like I’m being repeatedly stabbed and/or scraped in the vagina. It’s worst when I’m standing. Makes it very hard to walk or stand for long periods, and considering my job, that’s really a problem. I’m barely making through most of my shifts, albeit with OTC pain pills that do jack shit. There’s a lot more to it, but I’m already TMIing and honey potting a lot as it is. I will say, though, this is becoming a legit quality of life issue.