Artcow Ralph Lee "Rick" Wagner III - "Lyric Poet", Racist, Homophobe, Autistic Boomhauer Impersonator

While I agree on the Shaner similarities, I must confess that unfortunately I don't really have a whole lot of IRL stories to share like our friends @Gook Choy & @Pocket_Sand! did. I personally only ran into Rick once in-person, but have seen him multiple times elsewhere. I don't actually live in San Antonio, so really these encounters are few and far in between.

That said, there is a very peculiar part of his website that I feel needs reiterating now that this has become a featured thread:
"Stud" is a livestock term for siring young
B5r74lq.jpg

01Bp7Al.jpg

edit: I just now realized that Rick literally thinks I am Chris-chan.
 
Last edited:
  • Winner
  • Informative
  • Feels
Reactions: ficklepickle, Gordon Cole, Jaiman and 31 others
IBA Wagner said:
1.WOMEN'S LIBERATION is when girls ask for total rights and authority
With limited work and responsibility

2.REJECTION is when a girl puts a good man down
And just for...

3.MISREPRESENTATION is when is when a girl by padding, powder, and paint
Tries to....

4.SHOPPING is when you ask a girl for a date
But for her...

5.Gossip is when a girl to ruin your influence with men or women
Tells...

6.A THEIF,and I make no new confession,
Is a girl who steals you possessions.

7.MISSING... is when you are in a girl's company,
And she detains you from...

8.STAND ALONE is when you need a girl's backing
She leaves you...,

9.CONFRONTATION is when you're in a girls company,
And she introduces you...

10.TARDY is when with a girl you have a date
You arrive...

11.CHASE is when a girl is looking for a place, event, or friend
Leads you on a...

12.SPENDING SPREE is when with your good name
Your girl... 13.SWITCH is when a girl with you have a date
\ Trades herself for a girl...

14.FIGHT PROVOKING is when a girl tries to incite
The anger....

15.PASSPORT is when to gain admission to a event or country
A girl uses a...

16.DOMESTIC PROBLEMS is when a girl lets you get in a fight
With her...
Click to expand...

The fuck is it with those ellipses, Rick? Am I supposed to fill in the blanks with a word that rhymes? Or do you think you are being dramatic? Or maybe you're so demented that you forgot how you wanted to finish those verses? Or perhaps you just uploaded unfinished drafts of your poems?

There are many poems where he does that, mind you.
 
  • Agree
  • Like
Reactions: Wally Balljacker, DykesDykesChina, Super Collie and 1 other person
NoStinkingBadges said:
This thread is literally the best thing ever
Click to expand...
It really is. It's hard to find good parts of the website because everything written by him has made me shake my head in disbelief.
I honestly laughed out loud. The juxtaposition between what was emailed to him and how he took it is amazing.
BBB.JPG
edit: this is the conclusion of the MORAN boot saga I forgot to add this first bit:

MORAN1.JPG

"Please do not use ink. Write with pencil only."
 
Last edited:
  • Winner
  • Feels
Reactions: Jaiman, KraftEagle, Wally Balljacker and 3 others
Okay, I have a question...

tcu_diploma.jpg

http://rlwagner.com/image.php?image=tcu_diploma.jpg

How did this person ever succeed in getting a university degree? I estimate his intelligence to be somewhat lower than CWC's, and his spelling and grammar are gradeschool-level at best.
TCU seems legit, does anyone know something about this institution -- is it easy to get a diploma there? I find it hard to believe that Wagner would succeed at getting a highschool diploma.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: ficklepickle, Jaiman, Wally Balljacker and 6 others
DykesDykesChina said:
Okay, I have a question...

tcu_diploma.jpg

http://rlwagner.com/image.php?image=tcu_diploma.jpg

How did this person ever succeed in getting a university degree? I estimate his intelligence to be somewhat lower than CWC's, and his spelling and grammar are gradeschool-level at best.
TCU seems legit, does anyone know something about this institution -- is it easy to get a diploma there? I find it hard to believe that Wagner would succeed at getting a highschool diploma.
Click to expand...
Not easy or hard to get into really, sort of your run-of-the-mill average college here in Texas. Judging by his age and the way he makes lists I'm chocking more of his problems up to senility and Alzheimer than lack of intelligence. Then again, you never know.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: Wally Balljacker, The Giver, GandT and 4 others
DykesDykesChina said:
Okay, I have a question...

tcu_diploma.jpg

http://rlwagner.com/image.php?image=tcu_diploma.jpg

How did this person ever succeed in getting a university degree? I estimate his intelligence to be somewhat lower than CWC's, and his spelling and grammar are gradeschool-level at best.
TCU seems legit, does anyone know something about this institution -- is it easy to get a diploma there? I find it hard to believe that Wagner would succeed at getting a highschool diploma.
Click to expand...

Alex Krycek said:
Not easy or hard to get into really, sort of your run-of-the-mill average college here in Texas. Judging by his age and the way he makes lists I'm chocking more of his problems up to senility and Alzheimer than lack of intelligence. Then again, you never know.
Click to expand...
You also have to remember how easy it was to get a college degree in the seventies.
 
  • Agree
  • Informative
Reactions: Gordon Cole, KimCoppolaAficionado, Wally Balljacker and 7 others
DykesDykesChina said:
Okay, I have a question...

tcu_diploma.jpg

http://rlwagner.com/image.php?image=tcu_diploma.jpg

How did this person ever succeed in getting a university degree? I estimate his intelligence to be somewhat lower than CWC's, and his spelling and grammar are gradeschool-level at best.
TCU seems legit, does anyone know something about this institution -- is it easy to get a diploma there? I find it hard to believe that Wagner would succeed at getting a highschool diploma.
Click to expand...

I highly doubt he was this insane 46 years ago.
 
Last edited:
  • Agree
  • Optimistic
Reactions: Jaiman, Feline Darkmage, Wally Balljacker and 5 others
I love how one of his consistent misspellings is "Corthians" for "Corinthians." You can't even blame that on Texas dialect, which tends to put syllables in. I also like how he thinks HIPAA is spelled "HIPPA," and this has led him to make a completely wrong backronym ("...Physician's Poor Attempts" instead of something like "Asshole Attempts").

I'm wondering about why his sweetheart-from-the-ground-up should work toward a master's degree but not take the "comprehensive exam" (I guess he means "candidacy exam"), unless he's saying he himself never got that far and he just wants her to support his efforts in trying again. I will definitely give Wagner points for having more interesting requirements than CWC's, although Wagner's, too, are oddly specific. They're just funnier.

Idiosyncratic lingo, too! ("Meden" for "health care professional" or whatever the hell you actually call doctors and dentists when grouped together.) Very nice.

But you know, I'd be distracted too if I were shuffling around in inadequate cowboy boots. Surely that has to be one of the most uniquely Texan tragedies you could ask for. Why has he not made a poem about those Morans?
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: KimCoppolaAficionado, Wally Balljacker, BOLDYSPICY! and 1 other person
cat said:
View attachment 74446


wat

http://rlwagner.com/image.php?image=CHANDLERKIWI.JPG
Click to expand...

Just a bit of info about this, the image was scanned on the 15th of February 2016 at 20:27 and was scanned in on a Cannon CanoScan LiDE 25 using the CanoScan Toolbox version 4.9.3 this software is way out of date inline with his technical skill's as the current version of the software is 11.011a last updated in 2009, the scanner it's self was released in 2007.
Full metadata here.

Also it looks like he has had some help with the site at some point as when you look at the URL @cat linked to and take a look at the source you see this:

Author: Jonathan Tomlin
Copyright ｩ 2007

Code: 
<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01//EN"
"http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/strict.dtd">
<html>
<!--
Author: Jonathan Tomlin
Copyright ｩ 2007

Description:
Accepts parameter 'image' from URL and uses contents to find .jpg image from folder /images
Params: image
-->
<head>
<meta http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
<title>Rick Wagner</title>
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="styles/style.css" media="all" />
</head>
<body class="Normal" link="#FFFFFF" vlink="#FFFFFF" alink="#FFFFFF">
<div class="wrapper">
<table width="100%" border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="5" align="center">
  <tr>
    <td align="left">
      <div align="center" >
        <img style="border:2px outset #333;" src="images/CHANDLERKIWI.JPG" />
      </div>
     </td>
    </tr>
</table>
</div>
</body>
</html>

That name does not appear on the main page.
 
Last edited:
  • Informative
Reactions: Doseferatu, Wally Balljacker, DykesDykesChina and 7 others
NobleGreyHorse said:
I love how one of his consistent misspellings is "Corthians" for "Corinthians." You can't even blame that on Texas dialect, which tends to put syllables in.
Click to expand...

Indeed. I swear I heard a Texas preacher somehow put seven syllables into "scriptures."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back