Saints Row thread

[Starved Artist]

same, thanks alot, nigger.
also looking at the ending, they didn't even have the balls to show a dog's junk when peeing, my dogs certainly don't pee like that.
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<insert white chick fucks dog joke somewhere>

internally and by looking at the game files, this is saints row 5.

>lead writer is a childless 30yo woman
'nuff said.

you forgot saying that they are a fucking joke "homage" to the old crews, that monkeyfaced chick is meant to be a mix of 2 and 3 shaundi, the nigger is clearly pierce minus the foot fetish with the crew not making fun of him for being a whiny strategic nigger when the best option is just to shoot shit and the wafflefag is literally jhonny gat, even the fucking VA tries to make his voice deep enough to remember jhonny.

At this point I was expecting a straight homage to this scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQadgxZtslQ

As for the characters.

Eli... Wow. Black...Oh. I'm sorry. Eli is not black . NIGERIAN Nerd.
That's how you know you're dealing with something that's about a 3 on the 10 point woke scale. When they don't use brown Americans, they use AFRICANS or NIGERIANS because then you can justify the brown character not being American streetwise. Eli has no reason to be walking the path of crime, but this is the Saints Row world where EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG casually commits felonies. His shitty larp , which is a plothole universe wise (It happens every year, spans the entire city and people still haven't heard of it), this would make sense if it was a small event, but you have an event that spans the entire state of Fake Nevada. Other than that, the shitty shakesperian acting got tiring fast. Eli is barely noticeable in the long run. They should have included a mission where crushes someone by simply talking or signing papers. If you're gonna have a brainiac , respect the brainiac. They didn't do Olaf or Pierce this bad.

Neenha was so fucking stupid.
BOSS HELP THEY STOLE MY MOTHER'S CANCER CAR THAT SHE DROVE ACROSS THE WORLD TO START A NEW LIFE FOR ME IT'S THE ONLY PIECE OF MEMORABILIA I HAVE OF HER AND IT'S MY MOST CHERISHED POSSESSION AND I'D DIE IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO IT.

Anyway, I'm gonna use this car to commit crimes against my own Latin gang that views cars as an extension of their bodies. What's the worst that could happen? OH NO NOT MY MOMMY'S CANCER CAR ; - ;

Frankly, she should have been wounded or branded with a tire iron across the face and then covers it up with a saints logo.

Kev is a straight mess.
LET ME TELL THE WORLD EVERYTHING I DO ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
HEY EVERYONE I'M PART OF THIS ANTI-SOCIETY CULT THAT'S ACTUALLY DANGEROUS, BUT' I'M A COOL ALL LOVING BISEXUAL MANWHORE WHO WANTS TO COOK FOR MY UWU FRIENDS AND HOST KAWAII PARTIES
Did I also mention that I was a tragic orphan who didn't have any nice things when I was a kid, so I actively embraced a lifestyle that creates more orphans, rather than walking the path of Justice and preventing orphans or even defending them.

Here's the thing. The saints were always hypocrites. The Old Saints reveled in it. They knew they were hypocrites and you could never call them out on it. The most painful thing is the truth and if you already know it? Nobody can hurt you.
The Nu Saints are beyond reproach, they're unaware , they're stupid.

Gat was a psychopath but his sob story? He was a psychopath that wanted to end violence by using violence and if that didn't work, apply more violence. He knew his world view was fucked, but said fuck it. Then he paid the price for his world view when he lost Aisha. I'm not getting in to the Saints Row 3 gat cloning nonsense, I just pretend that part didn't happen.
In Gat out of Hell, Gat wished to be the side of justice when the world was remade. And that world was Agents of Mayhem where he's a superfucking Cop and the rest of the saints are all the Good Guys so he wouldn't have to kill his friends in the new world.
That's why Gat is deeper than Kev.

Lord why the fuck do I care, I'm mailing this shit back to gamefly tomorrow morning.

 

[Shidoen]

Found my fav review vid. My black youtube account works wonders.

 

[Maude Snew]

Coming from this to Destroy All Humans 2 will give you whiplash holy shit. I'm not meaning to shill but that game seems like the best game ever after enduring this shit, you got cartoonish but solid enough characters, you got a competent sandbox, you got jokes that land, you got a good amount of whacky space weapons and abilities, and the best part is it's already helping me forget dumbass desert city whatever it was called and whatshisface and shirtless dude and uh.

 

[Prophetic Spirit]

Coming from this to Destroy All Humans 2 will give you whiplash holy shit. I'm not meaning to shill but that game seems like the best game ever after enduring this shit, you got cartoonish but solid enough characters, you got a competent sandbox, you got jokes that land, you got a good amount of whacky space weapons and abilities, and the best part is it's already helping me forget dumbass desert city whatever it was called and whatshisface and shirtless dude and uh.

Of course, is following the formula of the first game, remaking a game with the same humor.
I'm gonna buy it in a few weeks.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Coming from this to Destroy All Humans 2 will give you whiplash holy shit. I'm not meaning to shill but that game seems like the best game ever after enduring this shit, you got cartoonish but solid enough characters, you got a competent sandbox, you got jokes that land, you got a good amount of whacky space weapons and abilities, and the best part is it's already helping me forget dumbass desert city whatever it was called and whatshisface and shirtless dude and uh.

Of course, is following the formula of the first game, remaking a game with the same humor.
I'm gonna buy it in a few weeks.

They cut out the transgender mission and character, just fyi.

 

[Prophetic Spirit]

They cut out the transgender mission and character, just fyi.

Damn, like Yakuza 3 remastered.
I think they cut out the mission more to evade seething trannies than the "great cause".

 

[Friendly Mudcrab]

I thought I found something, but no, it's a tweet about Wolfenstein, of all things. She's replying to someone, right after her own game launched, who was mocking Twitter replies from obvious bait from the Wolfenstein account.... from 2017

Sarah Arellano (@TheSugarVenom)

aight you convinced me, wokeness has gone too far

nitter.net

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the image in question was:
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I guess someone told her to keep her trap shut about her shitty game. I guess you can't just say "muh nazis bluh bluh bluh" when it's so damn glitchy and horribly written that even the wokest motherfuckers can't defend it.

Wolfenstein TNO was really fun, I played The New Colossus on gamepass and that game was simply disgusting. The very beginning of the game, you're a kid and your father forces you to shoot your dog, there's no alternative, you pull the trigger or you can't continue. It was so heavy handed and ridiculous, your father in the game is already shown as the most evil huwhite person in the world, but the swedish faggot cucks couldn't just stop there, and had to force you to kill a pet because LOOK HOW MUCH OF A HITLER HE IS. The rest of the game is just full of "he he punch nazis amirite fellow antifa troons".

 

[Maude Snew]

They cut out the transgender mission and character, just fyi.

Pretty based to reduce representation and pretty smart to avoid a situation that could turn into a Keffals, making virtual bathtub HRT and cutting people's dicks off all over the place.

 

[TVB]

Coming from this to Destroy All Humans 2 will give you whiplash holy shit. I'm not meaning to shill but that game seems like the best game ever after enduring this shit, you got cartoonish but solid enough characters, you got a competent sandbox, you got jokes that land, you got a good amount of whacky space weapons and abilities, and the best part is it's already helping me forget dumbass desert city whatever it was called and whatshisface and shirtless dude and uh.

To find out that Volition made Destroy All Humans 2 only to ruin Saints Row is mind-blowing. Destroy All Humans 2 was a great sequel to its predecessor. What the fuck even happened?!?
DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

 

[Vault Boy]

To find out that Volition made Destroy All Humans 2 only to ruin Saints Row is mind-blowing. Destroy All Humans 2 was a great sequel to its predecessor. What the fuck even happened?!?

Pandemic made the original and Black Forest made the remake, Volition never had anything to do with any Destroy All Humans! games.

 

[Prophetic Spirit]

Pandemic made the original and Black Forest made the remake, Volition never had anything to do with any Destroy All Humans! games.

I think he confuses the publisher, which is the same as the first two games of either franchise: THQ.

 

[Maude Snew]

I think he confuses the publisher, which is the same as the first two games of either franchise: THQ.

 

[Starved Artist]

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RIP THQ.
May your corpse not be vandalized like Bullfrogs.

 

[Mega Black]

Wolfenstein TNO was really fun, I played The New Colossus on gamepass and that game was simply disgusting. The very beginning of the game, you're a kid and your father forces you to shoot your dog, there's no alternative, you pull the trigger or you can't continue. It was so heavy handed and ridiculous, your father in the game is already shown as the most evil huwhite person in the world, but the swedish faggot cucks couldn't just stop there, and had to force you to kill a pet because LOOK HOW MUCH OF A HITLER HE IS. The rest of the game is just full of "he he punch nazis amirite fellow antifa troons".

It's also really ridiculous to foist some kind of shitty backstory onto BJ, who was initially characterized as being the most traditional American boomer, yearning for backyard barbecues and true freedom. Somewhere between the game The American Dream got replaced with Commie Pinko bullshit.

 

[Jack Awful]

Wolfenstein TNO was really fun, I played The New Colossus on gamepass and that game was simply disgusting. The very beginning of the game, you're a kid and your father forces you to shoot your dog, there's no alternative, you pull the trigger or you can't continue. It was so heavy handed and ridiculous, your father in the game is already shown as the most evil huwhite person in the world, but the swedish faggot cucks couldn't just stop there, and had to force you to kill a pet because LOOK HOW MUCH OF A HITLER HE IS. The rest of the game is just full of "he he punch nazis amirite fellow antifa troons".

You can intentionally move the mouse to miss but your dad just kills him anyways.

The game just isn't fun. Felt like you due too easily. That courtroom dream sequence sucks.

 

[Articles and Nudes]

A reminder that the Wolfenstein reboot made the Nazis correct in their belief that Jews were hoarding wealth and world changing technology.

It's fucking hysterical how that went ahead.

 

[Leaf Wage Slave]

The funniest thing about the Saints Row reboot?

Over on Zucc’s hellsite, theres some no name gaming pages getting recommended that’re promoting the game - even the normies there are calling out the game being shit. It’s such a blatant attempt to astroturf this game, I’m morbidly curious how much good money Embracer will let Volition keep throwing at this shitshow

SR 2022 Devs - just take your fucking L and move on. The Copium got old fast

 

[A Grey Cat]

After beating this shit, I have to say.

It's just Saints Row 3 with a new skin, just like how Saints Row 4 and 5 were just reskins of the same game.

Interestingly enough, if you look closely at the map, some parts of it resemble Steelport and Stilwater, just like a few blocks of Steelport resembled Stilwater.

Gameplay wise.
Let me use the UI function accurately describe my opinion on the gameplay.

I fucking hate RPG mechanics and progress gating in action games.
I am tired of being given options and then when the actual missions start, my options are taken away.
My powers are taken away.
My skills are taken away.
My weapons are taken away and I'm given a piece of shit that does a fraction of the damage I was doing to the same enemies a moment ago.

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF A SANDBOX IF IT'S RESTRICTING MY ABILITY TO SANDBOX.

So, the Boss and Crew.

I feel that Nu Boss is too bipolar for me. This is to the point that the only way to enjoy Saints Row is to play Boss as a female character. Why?

Because when you play as the male boss he goes from cruel to excessively touchy, spazmatic, touchy feely, bro-mo-sexual, cocksucking sycophant in a single breath. This is why the game doesn't have the REPLAY MISSION option because at first glance, you can ignore it. But when you switch the gender on the player character it becomes extremely apparent.


When you play as the Female Boss, it's just an average current year, too much caffinee not enough anti-depressants, Woman Moment.

Esspecially with the Cuckmaster Nuhaluli however the fuck you spell his name. When you play as a male boss, it's the boss being really fucking gay. When you play as a female boss, it's more like she's moistened her panties from his presence.

Why do I fucking hate the new crew?

Because you, the player don't develop a relationship with them.
Have you ever gone out with a group of friends and bump into another group of friends and while getting a drink or something, you're telling stories. And then the one friend in either group, tells an injoke that only friends of the group would get? That's the relationship the player has with Nu-Boss, Neenha, Kev and Eli.

You don't get the joke. You won't get the joke. But they get the joke. That's all that matters! It's actually a social faux-pas but given this generation of people who literally have ZERO friends beyond their closed social circles, it's understandable that the writer doesn't understand why it's bad.

Anyway. If this was a true Reboot, we would have seen PLAYA form relationships with Neenha, Kev and Eli.
I personally wanted to know why Neenha and Kev were so fucking willing to rob their own gangs and live together. Because you know, the Idols are a fucking cult and Kev was deep and he casually betrayed them on a regular basis, the same with Nina. These two didn't just shit where they slept. They shit on the walls. They shit on the floors. They shit everywhere but the toliet and I'm upset more bad shit didn't happen to them.

Like... Where's the tragedy that shaped PLAYA into the BOSS? There's no Carlos, there's no Lin, there's no Troy, there's nothing just some random dude who goes single white female on you after you save him from a jail you put him in.

God, who the fuck wrote this fucking game.

It's a perfect Meh out of 10. It's not shit. It's not new. It's not even worth getting upset over.
Is it woke? It's as woke as your average community college ie, just woke enough to not offend anyone , but woke enough to avoid being targeted because it's not woke enough.

It's stil better than the cuckfest that is Agents of Mayhem and Grand Theft Auto 5.

Like with the gta definitive edition, I'll wait for a sale or price drop. That's assuming I still care about it enough to bother.

 

[Adamska]

I was watching this video and it reminded me of the shittery Volition did before they released the first trailer. Remember when they kept streaming with the original cover of the first two games as their greenscreen and lied about how the game was going back to their roots?

It really hammers home how actively delusional and dishonest they are when you remember that particular bit. Openly states they hate the first two games, but then uses banners and logos from the first two to fake hype the reboot and trick idiots into pre ordering.

I really hope their publisher leans down on these idiots and fires the lot of them.

 

[The Door]

The most unrealistic gang is the idols. Because we know that self-styled anarchists shit their pants when faced with anything resembling force.

Though the fact that the anti-capitalist faction is the one that runs lavish dance parties makes me wonder if someone in volition was taking the piss.

I would pay, though, to have a mission chasing away some antifa knockoffs. Police shows up after you shoot a single person.