- Joined
- Nov 13, 2019
I'm a little disappointed that I couldn't speculate about the car emergency in real time here but now that things are back I'll go ahead and get it out of my system. Incoming wall of text 
It was pretty obvious to me that the issue was just a problem with the battery. The battery is about the right age to go out, but consider that just before he tells this story about his car not starting he says how the tire pressure monitor light went off and he used his air pump to inflate the tires. That story alone is a good bit of Phil stupidity. Has he literally ever inflated his tires? Because while he states that he has an infiltrator he has zero clue what pressure to inflate to and doesn't know where to go to find that information. So he just looks at the tires' rated maximum and puts a random amount of air inside. Surely that's exactly the right approach, random guessing. I mean, the tires do know what type of car it is installed on and how heavy it is so the tire knows what pressure it needs to be. It isn't possible that the same tire can go on dozens or even hundreds of different cars. Sarcasm aside, the only "good" thing about his inflation is that he didn't go all the way to the maximum rating printed on the tire. I've seen idiots who think that's what you're supposed to do. "For those who don't know" that number is a rating for the tire itself. It is something a car designer would consider when selecting the type of tire that will be used with the car but means literally nothing to the end user of the tire. If you inflate to that maximum you are severely over inflating your tires.
That first story is an immediate red flag that what follows is probably his own damn fault. When he explained what was happening when the car wouldn't start, "bad battery" was my immediate first thought. His car is right at the age where a replacement would be necessary. With hindsight, knowing that this indeed was the case I suspect that it might not even have necessarily been a bad battery. Since he drives a grand total of like 6 miles any time he leaves the house I genuinely suspect that the battery is rarely ever actually charged fully. I bet when he inflated the tires he drained the battery too low to start, but not so low that it didn't still give it a go at trying to start.
So what does our wise guy do when presented with a dead battery? He calls for a tow truck right away when a normal car owning person whose car isn't starting at home would try out a battery charger, a jump pack, or ask their fucking neighbor for a jump. Since this idiot has none of those options available to him it's pretty clear he's an idiot waiting to be milked. The tow guy was called out to tow a car, he isn't going to risk an easy fee off a rube by telling him it's about the easiest fix in the world, no need for a tow. I'd love to see if the driver really did say that the battery looked good or if Phil pigged his way into imagining that after knowing the battery was bad and made that part up because it would make him look like an idiot if he towed his car over a bad battery alone and was too dumb to realize it.
He tows the snortmobile to Firestone, one of the higher priced chain shops, and I know it was obvious to them that they got themselves a mark. Heck the tow driver probably told them the dood was a complete morhan in a gated community and they could take him to the cleaners. I'm sure it was obvious to them that the battery was the problem but since they had the car there and he wouldn't be able to challenge their assessment they dug to find any little thing they could find to charge him for. It's not like the idiot who called a tow over a dead battery would know any better. So as for what they charged him for, the oil change is pricey but not outrageous. It is a full synthetic oil change and $70 is about right for a full synthetic at the dealership. Now does a Corolla need it? Probably not. Does Phil's Corolla need it? Absolutely not. He was probably talked into the premium oil change, I'm hoping that his comment that he will be good for "one or two years" is a selling point he repeated from the Firestone guy talking him up to the premium oil change instead of something he thinks is true independently. Full synthetic is good for one year. With how little he drives he could probably stretch out a blend that long.
The cost of the battery is a little high compared to what I've paid before. I think some have said that they sold him the highest end they have. He literally needs the cheapest battery that will fit in his car. The fact that they charged him a core fee for a battery when they took his old one is nuts. And I have zero clue WTF an electrical system test entails that would be charged for. Maybe it is something extra they do beyond normal battery replacements because they are claiming there is an issue with the spark plugs and therefore some kind of issue with the electrical system? Seems like that plus the corrosion package are just the extra fees they give to idiots who are too afraid to say, "no, just put in a new battery".
Of course the spark plug replacement is the most egregious. There was probably zero reason to do this, and $276 for the plugs themselves is highway robbery. And they charged him an extra $134 for meme fuel cleaning service. That's the big one they con suckers into paying for that isn't needed. Spark-plugs should be like 75 bucks and 20 minutes of time, and that's including some harbor freight tools needed because he doesn't own any tools. I did my own plugs and it was easy as shit despite the wire harness being a bitch to unplug on my car. The Corolla looks to be piss easy to unplug and access . The thing is, at the stealership they only wanted like $140 to do that job for me. Phil really got taken for a ride and he knows it. I think he thought he was being real smart turning down the extra $800 to replace the ignition coil packs (rewiring as he was misstating) but they still got about $800 too much out of his open wallet.
So the next time he claims that it'll cost $1000 to replace a broken cartridge in his shower to fix a broken faucet I'll believe him, because the plumber is probably picking up on the same sucker signal as the car guys and will start piling on all sorts of crap he doesn't need that he won't push back on.
It was pretty obvious to me that the issue was just a problem with the battery. The battery is about the right age to go out, but consider that just before he tells this story about his car not starting he says how the tire pressure monitor light went off and he used his air pump to inflate the tires. That story alone is a good bit of Phil stupidity. Has he literally ever inflated his tires? Because while he states that he has an infiltrator he has zero clue what pressure to inflate to and doesn't know where to go to find that information. So he just looks at the tires' rated maximum and puts a random amount of air inside. Surely that's exactly the right approach, random guessing. I mean, the tires do know what type of car it is installed on and how heavy it is so the tire knows what pressure it needs to be. It isn't possible that the same tire can go on dozens or even hundreds of different cars. Sarcasm aside, the only "good" thing about his inflation is that he didn't go all the way to the maximum rating printed on the tire. I've seen idiots who think that's what you're supposed to do. "For those who don't know" that number is a rating for the tire itself. It is something a car designer would consider when selecting the type of tire that will be used with the car but means literally nothing to the end user of the tire. If you inflate to that maximum you are severely over inflating your tires.
That first story is an immediate red flag that what follows is probably his own damn fault. When he explained what was happening when the car wouldn't start, "bad battery" was my immediate first thought. His car is right at the age where a replacement would be necessary. With hindsight, knowing that this indeed was the case I suspect that it might not even have necessarily been a bad battery. Since he drives a grand total of like 6 miles any time he leaves the house I genuinely suspect that the battery is rarely ever actually charged fully. I bet when he inflated the tires he drained the battery too low to start, but not so low that it didn't still give it a go at trying to start.
So what does our wise guy do when presented with a dead battery? He calls for a tow truck right away when a normal car owning person whose car isn't starting at home would try out a battery charger, a jump pack, or ask their fucking neighbor for a jump. Since this idiot has none of those options available to him it's pretty clear he's an idiot waiting to be milked. The tow guy was called out to tow a car, he isn't going to risk an easy fee off a rube by telling him it's about the easiest fix in the world, no need for a tow. I'd love to see if the driver really did say that the battery looked good or if Phil pigged his way into imagining that after knowing the battery was bad and made that part up because it would make him look like an idiot if he towed his car over a bad battery alone and was too dumb to realize it.
He tows the snortmobile to Firestone, one of the higher priced chain shops, and I know it was obvious to them that they got themselves a mark. Heck the tow driver probably told them the dood was a complete morhan in a gated community and they could take him to the cleaners. I'm sure it was obvious to them that the battery was the problem but since they had the car there and he wouldn't be able to challenge their assessment they dug to find any little thing they could find to charge him for. It's not like the idiot who called a tow over a dead battery would know any better. So as for what they charged him for, the oil change is pricey but not outrageous. It is a full synthetic oil change and $70 is about right for a full synthetic at the dealership. Now does a Corolla need it? Probably not. Does Phil's Corolla need it? Absolutely not. He was probably talked into the premium oil change, I'm hoping that his comment that he will be good for "one or two years" is a selling point he repeated from the Firestone guy talking him up to the premium oil change instead of something he thinks is true independently. Full synthetic is good for one year. With how little he drives he could probably stretch out a blend that long.
The cost of the battery is a little high compared to what I've paid before. I think some have said that they sold him the highest end they have. He literally needs the cheapest battery that will fit in his car. The fact that they charged him a core fee for a battery when they took his old one is nuts. And I have zero clue WTF an electrical system test entails that would be charged for. Maybe it is something extra they do beyond normal battery replacements because they are claiming there is an issue with the spark plugs and therefore some kind of issue with the electrical system? Seems like that plus the corrosion package are just the extra fees they give to idiots who are too afraid to say, "no, just put in a new battery".
Of course the spark plug replacement is the most egregious. There was probably zero reason to do this, and $276 for the plugs themselves is highway robbery. And they charged him an extra $134 for meme fuel cleaning service. That's the big one they con suckers into paying for that isn't needed. Spark-plugs should be like 75 bucks and 20 minutes of time, and that's including some harbor freight tools needed because he doesn't own any tools. I did my own plugs and it was easy as shit despite the wire harness being a bitch to unplug on my car. The Corolla looks to be piss easy to unplug and access . The thing is, at the stealership they only wanted like $140 to do that job for me. Phil really got taken for a ride and he knows it. I think he thought he was being real smart turning down the extra $800 to replace the ignition coil packs (rewiring as he was misstating) but they still got about $800 too much out of his open wallet.
So the next time he claims that it'll cost $1000 to replace a broken cartridge in his shower to fix a broken faucet I'll believe him, because the plumber is probably picking up on the same sucker signal as the car guys and will start piling on all sorts of crap he doesn't need that he won't push back on.
