Yes she wrote a lesbian cruise story. The boat was bigger than the Titanic, had a different er for every problem, and in case you don't remember she tells you about 100 different times that everyone has a vagina.
I didn't include this in my reeecap, because I originally assumed that she was exaggering her movements for engagement. There was a short clip where the camera was filming her from a distance and she walked out from a room and took a few steps. Her gait was noticably worse than the scene of her walking down the hall with the LEGO globe. She was rocking back and forth almost as if one leg was a little shorter than the other. Her stomping on that twisted ankle rather than bothering with proper aftercare and physio may have caused long term (permanent for her) damage. I don't know if she actually COULD recreate her iconic 2 minute and 12 second walk to the tree anymore. She'll never admit that, of course, but will rather blame her non-existent 'asthma'. I mean, skinny people don't become immobile from falling off of a sidewalk into a 1" deep divot.
When I used LOLCOW Translate to convert that section from Amber-ese to English, the translation said she can sense he wasn't buying her bullshit like the female counselor did, and she needs an excuse to stop seeing him.
The craziest part is that lipedema isn't even a rare disease. Uncommon perhaps, but not rare. It's estimated that 11% of women have it. Statistically speaking, there are likely individuals in this thread who have the trait (as well as many, many of her subscribers), but don't have her physical deformity or weeping skin because they put in the effort to keep themselves at a relatively reasonable weight. You know, rather than averaging 4000 calories per day to balloon themselves to 500lbs. Amber is in her current situation-type-deal-molment because she's spent her entire life eating as much as she felt she could get away with. Point-blank-period-hole.
That SO deserves a lunacy rating (but I recently learned it's a neg rate towards the poster rather than a funny positive rating of the comment), so I'll stamp it here for your comment instead.
I'm not even going to try to talk about that last sentence. Amberlynn was twenty-six when she wrote (or at least publicized) this. Just look at how she describes her characters: "the complete opposite of one another," but the only factors that are mentioned are hair color, eye color, and clothing choice. Values aren't mentioned. Upbringings aren't mentioned. Interests aren't mentioned (and I don't mean "shopping," I mean interests that really matter). I know I'm spending way too much time dissecting an intellectually-stunted behemoth's sexual fantasy proclamation, but it's an interesting look into her mind. To her, physical appearance and insignificant personality traits are important enough to rule two people complete opposites.
It reads like some middle-schooler's fantasy: Lesbian... Vagina... Sex cringe... Females... Lesbian... Sex cringe... FOOD!... Smelt... Spilt... FOOD!... Alcohol... Sex cringe... Ellen DEGENEROUS! All the vaginas excite me... I went on this cruise with my mom. WTF?
This. This is why I keep coming back to Amber, even though she is boring now and her personality always will be. Amber is the ultimate cautionary tale. Not just weight, but as you said, the shallowness in which she defines herself and others. She is a big (BIG?) waddling warning to girls everywhere: think about where you put your values and worth, and invest in tangible futures. Every year that goes by the less passable daily pigtails lego sets become.
She’s reetahded that’s all. She has butchered so many words and expressions and sayings over the years I just tell myself she’s reetahded so my right eye won’t twitch and the waves of anger don’t come rolling out.
Hello, Darling
a Novel
by Amberlynn Reid
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Chapter One: Juniper | June 1, 2017; 6:24am
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"How do you always talk me into doing crazy things?" I asked my best friend, Memphis, a total blonde bombshell walking 5'11 on petite feet.
"How is this crazy? We are literally going on an "Only Girls" cruise for a month. There will be naked pool parties, alcohol, random hookups, and a ton of lesbians." Memphis giggled and added, "Okay, you are right, Juniper. This is a bit crazy but this is going to be a blast."
"You had me at 'Only Girls.'" I laughed. We are both lesbians but the complete opposite of one another. Memphis is a long haired blonde with brown eyes, while I'm standing with short dark hair and blue eyes. Memphis loved shopping and fake pink nails, while I liked leather jackets and skinny jeans. "This is any lesbians paradise." I added.
We both happily arrive at Hello, Darling. Hello, Darling is the cruise that was just set out for only females. It was like no other kind of cruise ship before because nothing was off limits, with very little rules, and the ship would never stop for a full month besides when gas was needed and even then, no one was allowed off the ship. It was a seclusion I was going to love.
The ship was huge, almost resembling the size of The Titanic but Hello, Darling was white and in pretty pink cursive writing was the ships name on the side of it. Everywhere I looked there were girls.
Dark girls, light girls, short, tall, fat, skinny, butch, and femme but they all looked excited and we were all here for the same reason; fun, relaxation, and hopefully hookups. 2,000 passengers and each one had a vagina and the thought excited me.
...end of Page One, and end of Chapter One.The awkward writing found in this "novel" gives considerable insight into why -- when faced with the task of intelligently, interactively critiquing literature with her book club members -- Big Al was at a loss, panicked, and chose to immediately shut down the club.She blamed the members for "ruining the club" by wanting something from her she couldn't understand. Simple: They wanted discussion.Meanwhile, Al expected reviewing books would be just like she reviews food, all done-and-dusted with a quick "Itz schoo goood!"These few, short chapters of "Hello, Darling" must have been painfully difficult for her to write..and it shows because it's exceedingly painful to read.If you're interested, the rest of Hamber's novel (she only finished about a dozen pages) is HERE.
Bonvoyagevaginas, only lesbians!
Wow! She is doing so well on her weight loss journey! She has already gained 10 lbs in 20 days while trying to lose 40 lbs. I'm impressed!
Imagine the smell when they come off.
