Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[moocow]

God, could you imagine Patrick forming a biker gang? What would he call it?

Shock Crushers
The Michelin Men
Asphalt Asses
Wide Loaders

 

[Simon]

Shock Crushers
The Michelin Men
Asphalt Asses
Wide Loaders

The Stalker Childs

 

[Meat Target]

God, could you imagine Patrick forming a biker gang? What would he call it?

The Torque Wheelers
The Trained Fighters
The Real Life Tough Guys
The Hooligans
The Bitchtits
The Deadbeats
The Sausagiers
The Adipose Admirals

 

[OK_Cogitator]

Just jump straight to the Black Lable episodes, they're a bit less of the host, who places multiple full-stops in sentences without them while reading his show script, and more source/audio recording of actual crime/911 calls. He's fairly neutral in his editorials and his/his researchers are skilled at getting material, but fucks sake he cannot read aloud for shit.

Glad to find something new like that podcast, thanks fattits, and thanks grapeshark77 for letting me know it's worth a listen.

 

[Dean Pentel]

Actual tough guy
View attachment 3965829

You know, with the amount of fiction contained in this tweet, I'm actually surprised he's not a much more successful author!

He seems to be really proud of the fact that it's a Bullitt edition but the only Mustang that would catch peoples eye would be an actual classic one from the 60's.

Or stuff that Saleen used to do. Actual car guys aren't going to be impressed by his old and very pedestrian Mustangs. Even a Shelby GT500 barely gets a second glance.

The Torque Wheelers
The Trained Fighters
The Real Life Tough Guys
The Hooligans
The Bitchtits
The Deadbeats
The Sausagiers
The Adipose Admirals

Some of you are damn funny.

 

[Die Dunkle Maus]

On the subject of Thanksgiving, Fat said that he had two family dinners lined up. But didn't Fat play DnD one night, and then publicly announce some non-Thanksgiving activity (or spend the whole night obsessively childing Twitter) and never had any family dinners at all?

I hate to tell you this, as I feel that you're a good person with a heart of gold... but, you should know.
The "family dinners" Patty has lined up are rows of sausages hanging from the ceiling, all made out of the same family.
He thinks it's funny for some reason.

I am sorry. Please remember that not everyone is like this, and don't let it ruin your holiday.

Band name idea: The Pedantic Pederasts. Fans call them "pee-pees"

(Edited to add: They call themselves "pee-pees" in honor of Pat's open robe)

 

[FinnSven]

He seems to be really proud of the fact that it's a Bullitt edition but the only Mustang that would catch peoples eye would be an actual classic one from the 60's.

He probably actually means he climbs inside a bottle of bullett bourbon, and calls it a mustang out of shameful denial of his alcoholism.

The motorcycle thing really gets me. Does anyone really think someone on a motorcycle is bad ass? My impression is always that it's a boomer IRL larping they are an extra from "Sons of Anarchy".

God, could you imagine Patrick forming a biker gang? What would he call it?

The Diabetic Diablos MC

Deadbeat Lowriders

Oh and he would need a badass biker name like "four chins" or "sausage king".

Not sure if the patheticness of a biker gang started by Patrick, or the resulting crying and pissing his pants when confronted by an actual 1% club will be more funny.

But of course, he is an actual tough guy so all of the outlaw bikers will treat him with respect.

 

[The Taco Santo!]

The Hoolie Hooligans
The Fatso Jokers
Heck's Angels
The Sci-Fi Writers Pedo Brigade
The Bar Flabbers
The Galloping Gooseshits
The Deadbeat Dads
The 41% Bodyfats
The Sons of Performatively Mild Violence
The Twatters
The Blue Checkmarks
The Rump Riders
The "Into Things" Bunch
The Tiny Dicks
The Fatty Livers

 

[Mr Moonface]

 

[NotFatChild]

View attachment 3970776

given his recent elon sperging they should have gone with this edit that drove him insane

 

[Die Dunkle Maus]

Imagine sending the same weenies from a dead radio show messages "thousands of times".

Try to put yourself in his shoes, and not think of suicide.

Or is that just me?

I'm going to write Jackie the Jokeman now, I've written him thousands of times.

 

[DSP's Tax Lawyer]

given his recent elon sperging they should have gone with this edit that drove him insane
View attachment 3970794

That edit is pure art

 

[Sinbad the Sailor]

I can't think of anything that signals "middle-aged and fat" harder than thinking you are a badass for driving a motorcycle.

 

[Simon]

I can't think of anything that signals "middle-aged and fat" harder than thinking you are a badass for driving a motorcycle.

Thinking you are badass for owning a Mustang.

 

[I Can Smell My Balls]

For those familiar with Peep Show, how many of you agree that Fatrick’s life, if described, could be mistaken for a character from that show?

It’s just impossible levels of fail after fail, yet he still doesn’t kill himself.

Jez and Mark at least had each other, even if they were often the reason for each other’s misfortunes and humiliation.

Perhaps Nikki also has a tragically comic life of fail, but because she has marginally more dignity than to tweet constantly about it, we know much less.

Perhaps Nikki is Mark to Patrick’s Jez.

“Four commas patrick? Four? That’s insane.”

 

[MavisBeaconTeachesSnipin]

Actual tough guy
View attachment 3965829

only cutting he's doing is in the line to the buffet

 

[Blewberry Nausea]

He also cuts little black children into pepperoni

Oooh the Spicy Pepperonis.

 

[AnOminous]

He probably actually means he climbs inside a bottle of bullett bourbon, and calls it a mustang out of shameful denial of his alcoholism.

I doubt he drinks anything that comes in a glass bottle.

 

[Mr Moonface]

Cops called to piggy's house:



All the swattings were listed as shootings. This time it's a battery? Or is piggy beating his wife?

 

[NotFatChild]

Cops called to piggy's house:

View attachment 3971070

All the swattings were listed as shootings. This time it's a battery? Or is piggy beating his wife?

No nikki, I will NOT stop tweeting. Why cant you LISTEN child?!

I want to believe.