Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

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WhiskerBiscuit said:
Ehh, Lucas has a history of using devices with no cellular access. That was his first Spokane apartment where he’d film stuff and then go to the library to upload it. He’s too cheap for the $10 data plan a month.

I don’t doubt that his cell phone has no internet access over cellular and is Wi-Fi only. I’m not sure what you’re going with to say modems are entirely unrelated and even incompatible with cell phone internet. use. Cable modem is required at my house to get on these inter webs. Were I cheap as Lucas, I would not have cellular phone data for internet and just use Wi-Fi.

If he moved either by his Case Manager making him go to higher or lower level of care or him having to find a new situation bc roommate stuff, the cable company does have to set up the transfer of services and install—especially if you are Lucas and especially if you are Lucas you’d suck at arranging that and then be screwed when you don’t have the Wi-Fi needed to use Wi-Fi calling to set up your Wi-Fi install. That allllll checks out.

But then Lucas also loses his phone? Really?

If he were in a hospital, he’d have had Wi-Fi and ability to use his phone and keep in touch. I don’t buy medical absence. Though he does phrase it as having been out of commission…

Mental health hospitalization would be phone-free, but he’d get it back at the end. And I don’t see evidence of enough crazy behavior leading up to disappearing.

Jail would be a place to lose your phone. Freaking out in public and being carted off to jail/ inpatient could lose you a phone. Eviction and homelessness suddenly would also be likely to involve losing your phone (stolen). .

I do agree that Lucas with a phone and no modem would go to a place to use Wi-Fi and keep on begging. Even with his recent increase health issues and decreased mobility. He’d hobble to McDonalds. Find a (literal) creeper to roll on like a fat Eddie Murphy in trading places. It would be glorious. Jabba on a skateboard… creeper on a creeper.,..

My money is on homeless or jail but I lean toward homeless. I think his explanation was true, but incomplete. His version left out the critical and embarrassing parts and made himself feel less pathetic. Like when he had his stimulus money stolen, it wasn’t because he was waving cash around telling folks to bring him pussy that he got jacked, it’s bc he invited that druggy guy who was a druggy and never paid him back. Poor Lucas.

Edit (to fix my ADHD thought fragment and avoid double post.)
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I agree that Lucas’s account is likely true, but incomplete. He claims that he was without internet access. I believe him. If he had internet access, we would've been treated to birthday begging.

Lucas further claims his lack of internet access was due to a change in his living arrangements. I believe that, too. Lucas's housing is often unstable. But all of the interesting details, such as why he moved again, are presently unavailable.

He was somewhere in November, hut not jail. There is no record of Lucas catching a fresh case in Spokane. That's easy enough to determine.

A psych hospitalization is harder to confirm, but fits the evidence better. I agree that in the lead up to his disappearance, he wasn't displaying much of his delightful crazy. But when Lucas goes missing from social media for weeks, its a safe bet he's at Eastern State.

Now that he's back, his disappearance is only interesting inasmuch as it hints at something embarassing happening behind the scenes. Wernologists are so starved for quality content that they're forced to subsist on a diet of speculation and nostalgia.

Lucas is back, but not in peak form. And he hasn't been compelling in a while. What happened to the schizo pseudoscience delivered with a sneer? The indecipherable rules for board games that will never be played? Where are the creepy food "memes"? The spoken word poetry about Gen Z eggs? The rants about flatbills and blocked cocks? The incoherent walls of text plastered over pics of gross food? The shirtless diatribes and incoherent jeremiads about a generation of women?

Edited to add that Lucas Colby Werner is THE fat faggot. I've missed typing those words.
 
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Well we have been starved of Wern content, perhaps Santa will reward the nice kiwis with a great content gift. Bumcel is an unreliable narrator( he) and a stupid one, he will trip up within 1000 words of his inglorious return.
 
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“We’re living in a kinder, gentler time, woman.”
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Telo Miriam said:
“We’re living in a kinder, gentler time, woman.”
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That moment lucas goes full dark helmet

Money and power indeed

and fucking lol at him spazzing out over 'he's an entrepreneur' despite lucas trying to be one himself with his board games and merchandise. That makes him an oligarch according to his own logic - and the best part is it still hasn't got him a zoomer bae
 
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WonderWino said:
That moment lucas goes full dark helmet

Money and power indeed

and fucking lol at him spazzing out over 'he's an entrepreneur' despite lucas trying to be one himself with his board games and merchandise. That makes him an oligarch according to his own logic - and the best part is it still hasn't got him a zoomer bae
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If he wasn't a gigantic hypocrite, he wouldn't be anything.
 
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Telo Miriam said:
Generic oinking from Lucas tonight. I don’t think he’s had a major psychiatric episode for the last few weeks, he seems to be on the same wavelength as a month ago. Maybe he drove the last guy to a meltdown and that caused the internet disruption.
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Erm… feudalism?

Actually nevermind. Lucas would love that if he was at the top, sitting on his throne and ordering serfs to ‘bring me a woman’ as he takes his pics of the fecund debutants of the Elk Kingdom.
 
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I like how he says "cope, conservatives" like he's somehow at all relevant to this incredibly autistic meme. If Lucas is meant to be the star of this then I don't think they'll have to do any coping in this lifetime. If fatty can't even get a first date for a thousand dollars then he clearly couldn't even get laid in a brothel. It's just not in the cards. Cope, Lucas.
 
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neutral grandpa said:
kiwifarms people are actually paying just to read his pathetic facebook posts? Modern Lucas isnt even worth 5 bucks
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Some people were grandfathered in. I have a hard time believing even the most retarded kiwi farmer would drop a dime on this smelly schizo, especially now that he's not producing much content.
 
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Well, there goes my hope of lucas getting gifted one of these titles by sofalaw and watching him brag and try to bait zoomer baes as Lord Lucas, heir to King Roy. The only claim to an elk kingdom he would ever have would be a one square foot of some random field in scotland. On second thought, having king roy himself get it for lucas would be even more hilarious. King Roy bestows his one square foot of the elk kingdom inheritance on Lord Lucas for christmas would be quite the chimpout and a hell of a fuck you from his family as payback for all the greedy public bragging about getting the elk kingdom one day. I'd be calling him Lucas Lackland until the day he died after that

I mean it certainly sounds like a very lucas thing to do - brag about being the lord of a one square foot of land in a country he's never even been to in order to bait zoomers by making them think he's important
 
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WonderWino said:

Well, there goes my hope of lucas getting gifted one of these titles by sofalaw and watching him brag and try to bait zoomer baes as Lord Lucas, heir to King Roy. The only claim to an elk kingdom he would ever have would be a one square foot of some random field in scotland. On second thought, having king roy himself get it for lucas would be even more hilarious. King Roy bestows his one square foot of the elk kingdom inheritance on Lord Lucas for christmas would be quite the chimpout and a hell of a fuck you from his family as payback for all the greedy public bragging about getting the elk kingdom one day. I'd be calling him Lucas Lackland until the day he died after that

I mean it certainly sounds like a very lucas thing to do - brag about being the lord of a one square foot of land in a country he's never even been to in order to bait zoomers by making them think he's important
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That would provide enough milk for the rest of my life. He would reee himself into a heart attack.
 
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Sometimes art imitates life to an eerie degree. I set the leader to 'prophet of bernie sanders lucas werner', the holy relic as the 'tablet of wound' and the divine being the cult worships as 'bernie sanders' and some of the stuff that happened in game was eerily accurate to lucas's history. Missions mentioning going to places and yelling at people about bernie sanders (which got some cultists arrested a few times....), lots of 'do it for bernie' chanting by cultists, 'bernie sanders is watching' and 'bernie sanders upon you' came up several times, and in the end with the path I chose the end result was lucas werner leading armies of robots to conquer the world in the name of bernie sanders (the alternate futurist path was visit bernie sanders home planet)

Even the path specific items were eerily lucas-like - freezing people as slabs you can put in rooms to decorate them - which made me think it is something lucas would do....you know freezing zoomer baes to store them so they couldn't leave him, and another room involved mincing a follower up into some drinkable stuff cultists could eat, that seemed alot like mincing people up to extract their telomerase in liquid form to me. Plus the ability to experiment on wernologists. and the basic bedroom stuff being filthy mats on the floor and a box for storing personal items in....very much the kind of thing lucas would do. Plus everybody kept getting sick from not washing their hands before eating. Another wern move

and of course lucas wandered around naked and let everyone else do the work, and the official cult uniform was a tacky hobo like shirt and a grey granny toque like the one lucas was wearing for awhile

Like I said, sometimes art imitates life to an interesting degree
 
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