Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

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Telo Miriam said:
Someone jumped off a bridge in Spokane on Nov 26. I don’t think it was our boy Lucas - apparently a lot of people jump off that bridge and Lucas wouldn’t have been silent online for two weeks before snapping.
It did get me wondering, if he dies how easy will it be for the authorities to contact Myrna now that she’s in Mexico?
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Honestly, I doubt it was Lucas, he's way too lazy to do anything besides gorge himself and sweat. People jump off that bridge a lot , especially during the holidays.
 
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mothman96 said:
Well, I don't think the Creeper is dead but since he hasn't been on his account to read the message(s), @QueenBurritoSupreme could be right -- he currently doesn't have a phone. That or maybe he did end up back at the nut house.

ETA:
If he is not locked up in the nut house and hasn't posted for lack of phone, he does qualify to get a free gov't phone.
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Lucas knows about the free phone. He had one a few years back and threw it into the woods by his own admission because he couldn't figure out how to get it to work and got angry and frustrated to the point of spazzing out like a confused chimp

Twrx said:
I wouldn't put it past him to get on the bridge to hold himself hostage, that if he didn't get a zoomer bae right now, right now, right now, he would jump. Never planning on actually jumping, because narcissist, but his fat ass slipped and fell to his death. Just a fun thought experiment.
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I could see something like that happening. Lucas loves to suicide bait and under the right circumstances would probably make a suicidal gesture like that, and he is definitely stupid enough to fuck it up and fall to his death like that. It would be a pretty hilarious way for him to go considering his use of suicide baiting to try to manipulate people and having it bite him in the ass in the end. Still, that happened over a week after his disappearance so its not likely to be him

I still think its telling he hasn't gone to the library to log in and ree for gifts and such at this point. Even without his phone he did that several times in the past. I'd definitely leaning toward something setting him off suddenly and getting thrown back in the nuthouse for awhile - and clearly not simply for observation and to let him cool down as its been far longer than a few days at this point. If thats where he is he legit cracked up and is being kept there for awhile. Given his recent health issues and his birthday reminding him he's getting older with no zoomer in sight I can see that getting to him and making him go off if somebody annoyed him at a bad time. Probably his roommate. On that note, if this is what happened then he'll be out on his ass again when released and it'll be the start of another homeless arc, probably his last. Its fitting for lucas that when he needs it most he manages to fuck up his only chance at regular housing and put himself in a really bad position to be in with poor health
 
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Telo Miriam said:
My money is still on Lucas either losing a foot and not wanting to admit it, or being inpatient dialysis or ICU and being too sick to get online.
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Nobody stays in ICU for a month. Almost always you leave within 48 hours, either to a lower-dependency ward or in a box. It's also very rare to be inpatient dialysis full-time unless you have something else as well. Unless he's in a coma or something I don't think he's in hospital.
 
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Gas Station Boner Pills said:
What would be the absolute best ending for Lucas? I kinda feel like anal cancer would be a fitting ending for him. Literally dying from butthurt.
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Lucas Werner's entire existence is basically a long, sad case of anal cancer. Actually he IS anal cancer in human form.

He's like what you get if you try to create the worst TTRPG character in history and bring it into the real world. He has literally no skills or advantages.
 
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Telo Miriam said:
My money is still on Lucas either losing a foot and not wanting to admit it, or being inpatient dialysis or ICU and being too sick to get online.
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Losing a foot wouldn't surprise me considering the history of his feet and his beetus but like was pointed out nobody is going to spend more than a few days in the ICU

There is another possibility, given his obesity, diet, general health, medications and history of working himself up to psycho outbursts, he could have gotten pissed off and given himself a sudden heart attack or stroke. It would explain alot. If it isn't the nuthouse its very likely that. Wouldn't necessary kill him but it could easily utterly fuck what little health he has left and make him a total invalid in the hospital

I can just imagine lucas having a stroke and ending up with locked in syndrome. Sitting in his chair, tended to by an incompetent mexican male nurse that leaves him to sit in his own shit in a diaper for days at a time, staring blankly at the wall and having delusions of zoomer nurses fucking all the decrepit senior patients in all the rooms around him, everyone except him, those fucking bigot whores. Lucas would be trapped in his body silently raging in all his psychotic might in his head, the only indication of his raging crazy being the occasional violent twitch of his eye

edit: this is essentially one way I can see lucas ending up, during a rant at some mallon place manager or his roommate:
 
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It is strange to me that the message has remained unread. I could see him not feeling well enough to respond, or not wanting to post because of his health catching up to him, but he has nothing else for entertainment except his phone and I don't really believe he would stay away competely. I think this points to either he doesn't have access to his phone (lost, locked up) or he's dead.

I feel a little sentimental because I think of Lucas as the last of the OG schizo cows. First Terry went, then Herk went, then Bulla went, and only Lucas remained. Now he's probably on the way out, if not already gone. Cherish the milk your cows give you, young Kiwis, for you never know how long it will last.
 
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Disgruntled Pupper said:
It is strange to me that the message has remained unread. I could see him not feeling well enough to respond, or not wanting to post because of his health catching up to him, but he has nothing else for entertainment except his phone and I don't really believe he would stay away competely. I think this points to either he doesn't have access to his phone (lost, locked up) or he's dead.

I feel a little sentimental because I think of Lucas as the last of the OG schizo cows. First Terry went, then Herk went, then Bulla went, and only Lucas remained. Now he's probably on the way out, if not already gone. Cherish the milk your cows give you, young Kiwis, for you never know how long it will last.
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Yeah lucas is definitely one of the more unique cows and that whole interesting group of cows has slowly died off or disappeared in recent years. Hell even chris chan is likely going to be gone for a long time. Even if it turns out it was somehow just his phone, lucas's getting to the point where he's on borrowed time and his days are very clearly numbered

The only issue I can see with the psych ward theory is he was supposedly on his meds, and the fact he was shaking like he was tends to confirm it. Though then again there was that time a few years back he tried to wean himself off his meds in secret, did it too quickly and ended up going nuts and ending up in the psych ward for awhile as a result. The shaking could be an indication he was trying something like that again. It would explain how he'd end up there without his usual buildup. The phone, again, doesn't explain him not going to the library to check out his shit like he always does in such situations, unless its combined with a sudden drop in his health preventing it, which if he's really gotten to that point means he's already as good as dead. No mention of him from any of his family implies he's still alive, as by now somebody would have likely said something about it as he's been gone for the better part of a month

The thought has occurred to me that lucas did something illegal, got called out for it and told somebody was going to the cops and ended up tossing his cell and waddling into the woods or on a bus to get to some other town and try to go into hiding, but lucas has almost no money, wouldn't be able to use or access anything anymore and is too stupid to do that without getting caught within a few days, so thats an unlikely scenario

Unless of course he's been sneaking through the streets, moving in silence like lasagna to evade the cops
wernlas.jpg
Seriously what in the fuck is he even trying to say there? He truly is food obsessed to an insane degree
 
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WonderWino said:
Yeah lucas is definitely one of the more unique cows and that whole interesting group of cows has slowly died off or disappeared in recent years. Hell even chris chan is likely going to be gone for a long time. Even if it turns out it was somehow just his phone, lucas's getting to the point where he's on borrowed time and his days are very clearly numbered

The only issue I can see with the psych ward theory is he was supposedly on his meds, and the fact he was shaking like he was tends to confirm it. Though then again there was that time a few years back he tried to wean himself off his meds in secret, did it too quickly and ended up going nuts and ending up in the psych ward for awhile as a result. The shaking could be an indication he was trying something like that again. It would explain how he'd end up there without his usual buildup. The phone, again, doesn't explain him not going to the library to check out his shit like he always does in such situations, unless its combined with a sudden drop in his health preventing it, which if he's really gotten to that point means he's already as good as dead. No mention of him from any of his family implies he's still alive, as by now somebody would have likely said something about it as he's been gone for the better part of a month

The thought has occurred to me that lucas did something illegal, got called out for it and told somebody was going to the cops and ended up tossing his cell and waddling into the woods or on a bus to get to some other town and try to go into hiding, but lucas has almost no money, wouldn't be able to use or access anything anymore and is too stupid to do that without getting caught within a few days, so thats an unlikely scenario

Unless of course he's been sneaking through the streets, moving in silence like lasagna to evade the cops
View attachment 4018365
Seriously what in the fuck is he even trying to say there? He truly is food obsessed to an insane degree
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It's a Lil Wayne lyric
 
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WonderWino said:
Yeah lucas is definitely one of the more unique cows and that whole interesting group of cows has slowly died off or disappeared in recent years. Hell even chris chan is likely going to be gone for a long time. Even if it turns out it was somehow just his phone, lucas's getting to the point where he's on borrowed time and his days are very clearly numbered

The only issue I can see with the psych ward theory is he was supposedly on his meds, and the fact he was shaking like he was tends to confirm it. Though then again there was that time a few years back he tried to wean himself off his meds in secret, did it too quickly and ended up going nuts and ending up in the psych ward for awhile as a result. The shaking could be an indication he was trying something like that again. It would explain how he'd end up there without his usual buildup. The phone, again, doesn't explain him not going to the library to check out his shit like he always does in such situations, unless its combined with a sudden drop in his health preventing it, which if he's really gotten to that point means he's already as good as dead. No mention of him from any of his family implies he's still alive, as by now somebody would have likely said something about it as he's been gone for the better part of a month

The thought has occurred to me that lucas did something illegal, got called out for it and told somebody was going to the cops and ended up tossing his cell and waddling into the woods or on a bus to get to some other town and try to go into hiding, but lucas has almost no money, wouldn't be able to use or access anything anymore and is too stupid to do that without getting caught within a few days, so thats an unlikely scenario

Unless of course he's been sneaking through the streets, moving in silence like lasagna to evade the cops
View attachment 4018365
Seriously what in the fuck is he even trying to say there? He truly is food obsessed to an insane degree
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I think you're right, if he just lost his phone he would have waddled to a computer by now, unless he was so sick he's basically on the way out, as you said. The signs of him becoming manic where there in the leadup to the silence, but who can say whether it was from the meds not working anymore or him trying to wean himself off. No matter what we just have to hope he's not actually moving like lasagna- slowly cooling on a hard metal tray as his internal goo slowly leaks out.
 
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Telo Miriam said:
Someone jumped off a bridge in Spokane on Nov 26. I don’t think it was our boy Lucas - apparently a lot of people jump off that bridge and Lucas wouldn’t have been silent online for two weeks before snapping.
It did get me wondering, if he dies how easy will it be for the authorities to contact Myrna now that she’s in Mexico?
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Screenshot_20221207-091532_Maps.jpg
I really appreciate the thought Lucas may have put in enough effort to go and finally rid spokane of his Lucasness but I doubt that Lucas could actually physically lift himself up to get over the railing of the Morris Street bridge.
 
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