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2023 Prediction Thread - Locks Jan 1st - 2022 was the Year of the Chud, the Lolcow and surprisingly (depending upon who you ask) the Gator. List your predictions for the year 2023 and play long!
1. Moviebob suffers from a major health problem, keeps tweeting in the hospital bed.
2. Arin Hanson comes out as a theythem.
3. Shadman dies of drug related complications.
Additional Predictions:
Likely:
1. Jim Sterling dips below 800k subscribers and gets his balls removed (but keeps the dick).
2. Disney announces their first trans protagonist.
3. Peetz starts an onlyfans to be able to afford rent.
4. Another ugly addition is made to the LGBT flag.
5. Keffals has a mental breakdown on stream.
6. Nikokado has a heart attack.
7. Andrew Dobson returns to the Internet as a stunning and brave woman.
Rippa will get in trouble with the IRS for playing libertarian shell games with the ISOM money
As nerd franchises continue to crash and burn at the box office and public anger turns to apathy, the toxic fandom griftosphere will expand into weirder grifts. Scientology 2.0 looms on the horizon
Eugenia Cooney gets so into streaming Just Dance that she gets heavy into physical fitness, starting a new chapter of Exercise Anorexia
Up to Three Submissions for Card:
1. The Mario Movie is terrible and Moviebob has a breakdown on twitter about it.
2. Chris is released from jail, scoots by with minor charges
3. Kayne West joins the Farms
Additional Predictions:
Likely:
1. Patrick Tomlinson is humiliated after the Obscura episode on SFWA is released. Locks twitter account.
2. The Ukraine war grinds to a halt, Russia gets away with a pyrrhic victory.
3. Keffels tries another jihad, it fails miserably.
Less-Likely:
1. LowTierGod actually kills someone
2. Biden dies, Harris becomes the most hated president in American history
3. Ukraine pulls a victory and drives Russia out. Putin is forced out of office, and is replaced by someone even more ultranationalist.
Wtf, lol?
1. The Farms gets positive mainstream attention
2. The Merge is real
3. Russia gets BTFO’d, nearly collapses. The House of Romanov is restored.
1. Nick Rakieta get's CPS called on him
2. Tonka Saw tries to come back
3. Hasan Piker tries to get Sam Hyde arrested
Additional Predictions:
Likely:
1. Ralph alcoholism leads to enough liver damage for him to need a transplant
2. Metokur will survive the year but won't be able to stream anymore
3. PPP gets as fat as Ralph
Less-Likely:
1. Patrick Tomlinson get's perma banned of twitter
2. Some Troon related to #DropKiwiFarms off themselves and blames the farms
3. Count Dankula becomes a lolcow
Wtf, lol?
1. Nick Fuentes get's arrested by the feds, he wasn't an agent just a retard this entire time.
2. Tariq Nasheed goes full Kanye and goes on about white lives matter and Hitler
3. Scott Adams becomes Trans
1. We're going to lose the earthly presence of a record amount of deathfats in 2023.
2. Guntal and Salad divorce arc soon.
3. More Tub Trumpets & "No help has come." for Poorlissa, Joh and Go ez. (#SaveGomez)
Additional Predictions:
Most Likely:
1. Jack Scalfani has stroke #4 but somehow keeps making vids because everyone knows lolcows are as unkillable as roaches
2. We lose a MunchieCow to a self-inflicted ailment
3. Taylor Lorenz cries moar (muh Twitter)
Less Likely:
1. Null makes more merch, like hoodies and shit ()
2. Dylan Mulvaney does something "controversial" and gets "cancelled"
3. Ralph has a serious legal troubles arc
What is wrong with you?
1. Vampire Munchie Kelly Ronahan will pick one of her arms off
2. Onision troons out solely for clout and attention
3. Kiwifarms user Android Raptor will be given the badge of "honest-to-God BPD womanchild misanthrope" as a recognition for her thousands of hours debating everyone in the Thunderdome
1. Kiwifarms suffers another hacking attempt.
2. Someone gets seriously injured at Ralphamania, putting Ralph in legal hot water.
3. Ralph and Pantsu are involved in a domestic dispute.
Additional Predictions:
Likely:
1. Ralph concludes his suspended sentence without incident, will gloat about it and set himself up for another Portugal-tier L.
2. Asston and Andy have a falling out. The Casino officially goes bust.
3. The Ye campaign concludes without fanfare and Nick goes back to grifting. He will shamelessly namedrop Kanye for the rest of his life.
Less Likely:
1. Ethan and Hila Klien begin a very messy, very public divorce arc.
2. Beardson goes to a very dark place. Starts grifting pity donos from his audience by dropping not-so-subtle hints that he’s considering suicide.
3. Ralph is unceremoniously booted from Cozy, both sides will claim it was their decision.
WTF, lol?
1. Kiwifarms user Haru Okumura is revealed to have been Gator the entire time.
2. Anisa gets pregnant, the child is Sam Hyde’s.
3. Nick Fuentes and AF drop the TradCath larp and convert to Islam.
Ethan Ralph gets killed in the most brutal way by notorious KF user, Christorian X. Escaping the crime scene, the Guntboard anti-hero has turned to bloodshed for his dopamine consumption.
Russia looses the war in Ukraine so hard that it Balkanizes. As Zelensky prepares to address the nation, the Azov battalion conducts a nationwide sweep of dissenters, 'Russophiles', and Jews. Zelensky opens his address by praising Hitler and revealing that he actually is a die-hard Neo-Nazi. The world can only watch in horror as the Ukrainian Aryan State marches into former Russian territory, conquering as many warlords as it can and enacting the Holholcaust. A&N will do a 180 and make Zelensky its husbando. As the thousand-year shadow of the Fourth Reich falls over Europe, a lone man sits in a bunker underneath the Urals. "I tried to warn them" says Putin. "I was just trying to stop the Nazis!"
Also already happened, in October, although I doubt there will be many repeat occurrences in 2023
Sekturr Submissions
1. Ralph begins an active feud with ROTC after Mersh makes an off-handed comment during a Nightwave show
2. Gator gets his Twitter account back and drops some DM receipts, although nothing particularly juicy, continuing to languish in obscurity and irrelevance
3. TonkaSaw mounts a comeback and becomes involved with Ralph after Ralphamania is a modest success. Jim Sterling also has peripheral involvement
Additionally
likely
1. Ralph visits Xander a single time during 2023, timing it so it lines up with a The Dick Show live event
2. Ralph is forced to make a temporary return to Odysee after cozy.gov is shuttered
less likely
1. Kino Casino ends amicably and Warski and PPP go their separate ways on good terms after finding more profitable grifting opportunities in greener pastures
2. Evan Ralph dies under mysterious circumstances and Ethan becomes moderately financially affluent for a short while before squandering it all
3. Zidan breaks his radio silence and makes a passing reference to Ralph/the killstream and Ralph loses his mind in response, although he stops just short of actually doxing Zidan
improbable
1. Ralph and Nicky Rackets join forces against the farms and do a series of streams with other various lolcows seething about broke dick pedophile Josh Moon and the stalker children
2. The Vickers clan and Ralph reconcile with all parties agreeing to behave amicably out of interest for Xander's wellbeing
3. Meigh and Ralph find a third wheel for their throuple which ends in disaster after Meigh abandons Ralph and Rozy for said wheel
1. In the leadup to 2024, many right leanining content creators get banned en masse from Youtube, including Tim Pool, who launches a subscription only video platform
2. An IP2 streamer dies of an overdose on stream, drawing mainstream attention
3. Definitive, glaring proof of Byuu faking his own suicide surfaces, outlets spin this somehow as being a "heroic" and justified ploy
Three predictions for the card:
1) Vickers will catch charges for something. It may and or may not be related to Ralph
2) Warski gets some powdered boxed wine cut with too much fent and kicks the bucket
3) Ralph leaves meigh for keffals since they both enjoy bodily functions and children.
1. Nick and Ye campaign will be remembered as a failure and causes both to be a laughingstock to everyone.
2. Ralph convinced Meigh to let cartel members use her baby as a whore, Meigh's dad will reboot America's most wanted as a result.
3. Baked will become a expert in deradicalization and claim that he's a victim. Cue another macing scandal.
Additional Predictions:
Likely:
1. China collapses and MSM will claim to knew it would happen while shilling Charities linked to the CCP.
2. OnlyusemeBlade becomes a nugget and prays that his dick won't go next.
3. Shadman kills himself after a manic episode.
4. Yandere Simulator will still be in development.
Less-Likely:
1. Keffals gets assulted by a PoC and somehow will trigger hate crime shit.
2. Wings gets divorced, streams become infrequent and sadder.
3. America balkanizes
4. Tranch mass suicide after the property is declined, Kevin survives and will continue doing the same shit
5. Amy Ramadan or Chantel will get a TLC show, Youtubers forced to be extra careful.
Wtf, lol?
1. Onison will join the Anticar groups and will become a prominent voice in the community.
2. The Rock will have sexual assault come up however he'll deflect it by coming out as bisexual.
3. China becomes cyberpunk with a coalition of Tencent and Chinese companies ousting the CCP, Naomi Wu will be spokeswoman of Cyberpunk China.
4. Tommy Tooter and Chris Chan Marriage.
5. Metokur will be found out as George Soro's bastard son.
6. First Ai produced episode of the Simpsons will be successful.
1: Ralph gets beat up, yet again
2: Chris is moved to a shared living facility
3: Goodbye Volcano High is not released
Additional Predictions:
Less-Likely:
1: Sustained human-to-human transmission of CRIMEAN-CONGO HEMORRHAGIC FEVER virus or derived/related virus occurs.
2: Belarus resists with force the Russian attempts to get them to fight Ukraine
3: Current site of the Tranch is purchased by someone who makes videos/a documentary about the state of the site
1. Null wins his lolsuits against Melinda Scott and Russel Greer. Coping and seething ensues.
2. Some time in the summer of 2023 some minor happening leads to another crusade against the Farms. After a lot of doomposting and outages the forum prevails. Coping, seething and memoryholing ensues.
3. One of Kiwi Farms users is doxed as a high-profile individual.
Additional Predictions:
Likely:
1. Ethan Ralph gets severely beaten or suffers a stroke or a heart attack. Declining health puts the future of his streaming career into question.
2. Russian-Ukrainian war ends. Resolution doesn't satisfy anybody. Situation remains tense.
3. Keffals continues his descent into obscurity. Attempts to reignite interest in his content are unsuccessful. By the end of this year only the most dedicated followers on KF pay attention to him and he bitterly embraces this audience.
Less-Likely:
1. Vordrak's actions catch up to him. Loses his house after a lost defamation lawsuits or is accused of sexual assault.
2. First rumors about a new pandemic start circulating some time in the late 2023.
3. Yandere Simulator is released to middling critical and commercial success.
Wtf, lol?
1. After being banned from KiwiFarms Pamela Swain starts taking her meds and begins therapy which is surprisingly successful. Urged by her therapist she's working on a book: a thriller partially based on her delusions. Her book becomes a hit and by the end of 2023 lands on The New York Times Best Seller list.
2. @MerriedxReldnahc's animated short "Mr Woggle-Bug Learns to Say No to Drugs" is featured during a film festival and becomes a surprise hit, igniting interest in Wogglebug. Thousands of ironic and unironic fans rush to get their DVD's and plushies from @WogglebugLover's online store. Wogglebug becomes a household name. By the end of 2023 she's a multimillionaire. She's still not allowed to leave her house without supervision.
3. Dana Cain's theological lectures attract more and more people. Soon a cult of Dana-worshipers is formed. First small but it grows fast and soon you can hear a Cainite preaching the message of Dana Cain on every street corner. Dana remains an insufferable bitch and in the end her cultists offer her as a bloody sacrifice to herself.
1. KiwiFarms is blamed for a mass shooting
2. Joshua Moon is targeted for assasination by a troon (attempt fails hilariously)
3. EU Unveils biggest internet censorship campaign yet
Additional Predictions:
Likely:
1. A Disney higher up is caught with CP
2. Brazilian goes into massive dive by the end of the year with 50%+ inflation
3. Joe Biden dies in office from being mega old, natural causes
Less-Likely:
1. Nick Fuentes sued by someone who really isn't any better than him on the other side of the political aisle a là Alex Jones vs. Sandy Hook Parents
2. Large revolt in PRC results in Tianamen 2 Electrict Boogaloo
3. Great Depression 2 The Return
Wtf, lol?
1. Jared Kushner is made Twitter CEO by Musk
2. Putin does a little trolling (Tactical Nuke)
3. Coup in Brazil
