2023 Prediction Thread - Locks Jan 1st - 2022 was the Year of the Chud, the Lolcow and surprisingly (depending upon who you ask) the Gator. List your predictions for the year 2023 and play long!

[Muppetstudios]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Jim dies
2. Keffals gets arrested for grooming
3. Nick Rekieta divorces his wife

 

[Reotardo da Vinci]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Ethan Ralph goes to jail.
2. Metokur dies.
3. Keffals pulls a 41%


Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. Boogie dies.
2. Jack Scalfani suffers a fifth stroke, resulting in loss of speech and only being able to eat mashed potato. Channel dies.
3. PPP has a cardiac incident.

Less-Likely:

1. Dick Masterson drops his gunt guard.
2. DSP support dries up to a hilarious standstill.
3. Chris Chan sent to federal buttfuck drop-a-microwave-on-your-head prison.

Wtf, lol?

1. Ethan Ralph takes his child-horse-bride on their honeymoon/first ever actual holiday together. Through this experience, it turns out they fucking hate each other and they get divorced by next No-Ralph November.
2. Nick Fuentes gets his shit pushed in by ethnics.
3. More degeneracy from Nick Rekieta is revealed, the world copes.

 

[IKOL]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Eunuch Brick-Jaw and co. would likely try another round 665 and will fail miserably.
2. We'll get the Civil War. Either in some less-than-significant EU country, Third World Bumfuck-Nowhere, Give-a-Fucktopia, or...
3. I'll live another year with no prospect for good future.


Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. YE will get Canada's medicare'd (to put it bluntly, euthanised) and media will cover that as either mental breakdown or he have killed himself due to his skitzohitlering
2. Nick Fuentes gets caughts being the shota-master (diddling underage boys)
3. DropKiwiFarms movement will be put on hold to never return, John Dimidriadis will make a proposal to lucas and get BTFO.
4. Tommy Tooter will soil himself 187 times. At just first half of the year alone.
5. Atomic Heart (that's new slavjunk from Russia. Russian Bioshock, lol) turns out to be as bad as Cyberpunk2077.
6. We will not witness S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 at all.
7. Pedo Joe will get a heart attack which will lead in him resign from the POTUS position, either kamala harriss, jen psaki or AOC (please no...) will replace him.
etc.

Less-Likely:

1. War in Ukraine will end close to late summer\early fall, Ukraine will lose no matter who'll get to be a real winner there.
2.Chris SOMEHOW will get off from jail, re-assign back to be male, gets his shit together, become a (relatively) normal person under new name. Mucracha Dundaloo to the rescue, bitches.
3. Serious improvements, achievements in cybertechnology and prosthetic manufacturing, first people with artificial limbs connected to brain activity via natural-to-artificial nerves bond, prosthetics will feel like the proper continuation of the human body, as if they never have lost a limb.
4. Start of Moon\Mars colonisation mission.
5. Elon Musk will make Twitter Greater Than Ever, platform will finally start to make profits.
6. Nvidia will stop doing shit, RTX conveyor will stop for at least 5 years for prepare new perspective platform.
7. Byuu will reveal he's alive, but unlike keffals, have been really hiding... from the troons.
8. People will finally woke up and start fighting against troonery, queer shite, pedos, zoos, etc.
9. ryu289 will come back to forum for get roasted for his pedo tendencies. again.
10. I'll leave Russia.
etc.

Wtf, lol?

1. Null will troon out, become president of Albania
2. Whole planet will turn into cheese
2.3. CHEESE, I SAY!!!!
2.4. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT 2.1 AND 2.2., FUCK YOU
3.. CatParty will come back.
4. Lowtax revived. Eternal ZombieTax, everyone?
5. Mario Movie will introduce Bowsette as well.
6. Horny aliens thirsty for fucking with other species will visit our planet, everyone will get his own specimen to fuck.
7. Alex Jones immigrate to Belorussia... or Mongolia.
8. Hitler had a son, and he's about to make Deutchland Uber Alles once again.
9. Leftists will learn what condom is.

 

[A Sentient Cloud]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Deborah Reyes dies of anorexia related illness.
2. Bam Margera dies of alcoholism related illness.
3. Kanye commits suicide.

Additional Predictions:

Likely:
1. CWC pleads out and walks free with limitations. The saga continues.
2. Britney Spears (not a lolcow officially, but should be) continues to spiral, her husband eventually filing for divorce.
3. At least one of the Rod children flees the reservation.

Less-Likely:
1. Princess Aiko of Japan follows her sister in ditching the royal family. She accepts the $1.3 million in severance, though.
2. [insert extremely famous troon here] becomes a detransitioner. My money is on Lia Thomas but I think there are more to come.
3. Sam Brinton goes alt-right.

 

[Hummingbird]

My Three Submissions for Card:

1) Dylan Mulveny (sp) will regret getting bottom surgery (especially all the work that goes into it) and will detrans or worse.
2) Chris-Chan will be found guilty.
3) Boogie dies.

 

[Vulcanusii]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Covid-19 2: Electric Boogaloo
2. Chris Chan is institutionalized
3. Keffals tries to be relevant again

Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. New Minecraft pedo is revealed
2. Assassination attempt on an AI art developer by a disgruntled artist (bonus points if it's a they/them)
3. The Rock is arrested for something money related

Less-Likely:

1. Kanye shoots someone or himself or both
2. Keffals or one of his orbiters fakes suicide to pin it on the farms
3. The Merge happens

 

[grody_gunt65]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Kanye West has a drug fueled mental breakdown in public
2. Jim dies
3. Ethan Ralph breaks up with Mantsu


Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. Ralph gets beaten up again
2. Chris is released onto the street
3. PutridPestilentPig and Andy Pedobortsky break up spectacularly


Less-Likely:

1. Nick goes to prison for tax fraud
2. Trandy Retardski tranny sex tape leaked
3. PhatPorcinePustule dies of a heart attack


Wtf, lol?

1. Kanye on Killstream
2. Ralph murdered by cartel
3. Nick Fuentes gay sex tape with Jaden leaked

 

[damian]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Ralph will get yet another baby mamma (hispanic)
2. Milo releases the black book on Nick Fuentes and AF
3. At least 3 more AF members picked up by the feds

Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. Ralph has liver/kidney failure
2. Pantsu gets caught with CP
3. Ralph gets into another white trash brawl


Less-Likely:

1. Ralph quits drinking and put effort into becoming a good father to his children
2. Nick settles down with a twink he groomed and sells Cozy.tv
3. Baked Alaska becomes muslim while in prison

Wtf, lol?

1. Nick reveals he was the fed all along and Baked was just his scapegoat
2. PPP and Andy adopt a baby, name it something that rhymes with Kino or Casino
3. Chris Chan starts his own cult in prison

 

[Computer Guardian]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Ralph trying to become a part of YE24 like Nick Fuentes
2. Liz Fong-Jones or Keffals attempting to reboot DropKiwiFarms in some way.
3. byuu proven to have faked his suicide again.


Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. Chris-Chan's trial gets extended again.
2. Metokur dies, kickstarting the Battle at Jim's Funeral if the Funeral location is made public.
3. Record number of newfags tracked in the Easy to Track Username Hall of Shame within a year.
4. Boogie2988 pulling an unsucessful scam.
5. Another virus that's declared "Worse than Covid and Niggerpox".
6. Some gay shit involving a Nintendo DMCA or a Smash Tournement.

Less-Likely:

1. Nobody takes up Elon Musk's offer for CEO.
2. Disney pushing out more Box Office flops like Lightyear and Avatar 2
3. Null releases SneedForo 2024

Wtf, lol?

1. Dick Masterson and Vito get jailed for child porn
2. Keffals becomes a True and Honnest Kiwi Farms User
3. nigger/LGBT/retard fatigue finally sets in in America.
etc.

 

[25155f8d3c8d]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Byuu is confirmed alive
2. Ethan Ralph falls off his chair and his head will exactly hit his desk causing him to have a brain hemorrhage and die. Maybe too complex but I think he'll drop dead.
3. Kanye is sent to prison/jail

 

[GeorgeHWBush]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Chris Chan is finally placed in an institution.
2. Ralpha-baby #2 is announced and May remains unmarried for the remainder of the year.
3. Joe Biden will have a major health scare (mentally or physically).


Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. Jim dies late in the year leaving Null as Supreme e-Daddy of the lower-case “i” internet.
2. Kanye West will renounce his current views on the Jews, will go dethcon 3 on the Irish instead.
3. Ralph diabeetus saga begins.

Less-Likely:

1. Null learns to lift.
2. Nick Rekieta takes a long break from the Internet to spend more time with his wife and children.
3. Boogie makes all of his money back through onlyfans, but it costs him his soul.

Wtf, lol?

1. Xi Jinping consent-accident.
2. Chantal suicide bombs a KFC (Inshallah).
3. Alex Jones drops his crazy persona overnight and pretends nothing has ever been different, baffling everyone including the Infowars staff.

 

[karz]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Daddy Jim kicks the bucket
2. Ralph (somehow) impregnates another woman with his bastard child
3. Nick Fuentes is confirmed to have had sex with CatboyKami


Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. Ralph gets his ass beat while abroad, again.
2. Idubbbz gets his ass flattened the next time he boxes, again. Also goes below 700k subs.
3. h3h3 / Ethan Klein continues to get fatter and develops health conditions of some kind from his very sedentary lifestyle of nothing but running his greasy mouth.
4. Dylan Mulvaney will continue the grift routine of being a girl, but still won't be kissed in a dress.

Less-Likely:

1. Liz Dong-Gone commits another "consent accident."
2. Byuu comes back to the internet after faking his death.
3. We finally get an FTM lolcow that's really interesting to watch. (Really hoping at least one of my personal FTM lolcows breaks this glass ceiling, but none of them have done anything significant or noteworthy yet other than cosplaying characters)
4. Kanye goes broke and loses the rest of his fame, becoming a regular on America First and InfoWars to shill for the catboy ranch and testosterone pills laced with lead.
etc.

Wtf, lol?

1. Andy finds a cute girl and marries her in a few years; PPP follows suit.
2. FTX goes to a criminal trial, and Bankman-Fried is given less than 5 years in prison for cooperation with prosecutors.
3. I become the new CEO of Twitter

 

[A Logging Company]

FOR THE CARD

1. Pillstream
2. Ralph goes viral outside the confines of the sektur (example: his roadrage incident showing up on that dashcam channel that got millions of views)
3. Allies with previously sworn enemy

OTHER PREDICTIONS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, RELEVANCY, OR LIKELYHOOD

• Drexil 100% confirmed to be having sex with Nick's wife with his knowing and consent
• Kino Casino is retired, but no hard beef between Warski and Ashton
  • PPP focuses on grifting on this "Kino Cathedral" channel
  • Warski starts a new grift with moderate success
• Ralph dies
• The ongoing attacks/deplatforming of this site will go semi or full mainstream
  • potential Musk mention
  • potential Tucker segment
• Chris is sentenced to live in a mental facility or home
• Jim finally dies, everyone is very sad, many streamers and e-celebs of all levels of notoriety do memorial streams and say how "the older internet really is gone ;_; RIP in peace Mr. Metalcore o7 "
• The Ye campaign will continue, having spurts of activity and hilarity here and there, and somehow be a viable candidate for the 2024 Election (and by "viable" I mean being on the ballot in most US states)
  • Optional: He achieves this by cannibalizing the Constitution Party much like Sargon and gang did with UKIP
• One of the big name cringe talk show hosts in the US is going to go through a major scandal that will kill their show.
• The Ukraine-Russia war will somehow resolve with...
  • Russia taking some clay, in addition to Ukraine recognizing its claims to Crimea
  • Russia paying restitution in the form of purchasing claimed clay (including Crimea)
  • Somesort of agreement on how to handle resource extraction in the Black Sea
  • Ukraine being allowed to join whatever military or economic bloc it wants
  • Both sides will claim victory, but it will be a Russian defeat due to causing a more robust NATO and forever losing Ukraine to The West.
• China's economy breaks due to Xi's retarded Mao nostalgia and background Taiwanese glowie shenanigans
• Being able to wear BDSM/kink stuff to work will become a culture issue in the US.

 

[Flour]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Kevin Gibes gets his amhole upgrade and promptly fails to dilate until it seals shut again.
2. Rhys McKinnon gives up on his cycling career and joins the fat acceptance movement.
3. Kanye produces an album for Nick Fuentes (feat. Kim Petras) to mixed critical acclaim.


Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. All of the alpacas freeze death on the Tranch except one who gets adopted by the elusive Earl.
2. Ethan Ralph gets punched trice by three weens dressed up as corncobs.
3. Elon Musk sells twitter to Donald Trump.

Less-Likely:

1. Null gains some weight and marries a lolcow from the Beauty Parlor. She cooks great meals for him and MATI is now about mukbangs.
2. Contrapoints detroons quietly.
3. Keffals goes on holiday in Spain with his grift money and manages to find a human who is really into hunchbacks.
etc.


Wtf, lol?

1. Chris Chan has sex with a willing participant.
2. Jack Scalfani manages to get a job as a professional chef at Le Bernadin.
3. Byuu comes back from the dead and joins the Kiwi cause against the censorious troons.

 

[Molag Bal]

So the weirdest thing happened today. I was making this long-winded post with extremely specific predictions for 2023, hit the post button and it simply reloaded the page with nothing happening. And me subsequently not being able to access the site. Turns out after checking telegram that the last tier 1 ISP started blackholing KF in the exact moment that I tried posting. It gave me a serious schizo moment, like I somehow caused a mandela timeline shift.

I luckily still have a copy of the post.



2023 will be the Year of the Sped, where everything gets even more ridiculous than 2022.


For the card

1. Ralph's fight with May's sister becomes a big, recorded showdown between him and all of the Morrises, ending in some spectacular way, possibly culminating with him and Matt Vickers suffering from simultaneous heart attacks in the middle of a physical altercation.
2. Nick Fuentes makes a complete break from the persona we know. One of two scenarios will follow here.
   • He will attend a gay orgy and become an open faggot with rainbow clothing and neon hair who carries a dildo everywhere he goes.
   • He will get a girlfriend for a brief time, finally overcome his fear of being vulnerable around women and discover that he was straight all along. Then all his femsimps come out of the woodwork and make him the straightest man alive.
3. Nick Rekieta will drift away from the foids on that locals website and miraculously gravitate away from all the degenerate shit. His growing opposition to sodomite perversion will drive a wedge between him and his wife. In the end, she is so invested in whatever fetishistic excesses defined their lives previously that she will agree to move out so she can be with whoever else is more okay with the hedonis2 shit, leaving Nick with the kids and the house.

And for other predictions,

• In the aftermath of Ralph's death, it will turn out that there is a religious cult that worshiped Ethan Ralph and whose prayers are what kept him alive and out of jail for as long as it lasted. He will have a funeral and that is when the cult makes its first appearance. The Ralph subforum will continue to exist, with new threads documenting the members of the cult and their antics. One member of it will be a former IP2 member.
• One of KingCobraJFS' trolls will tell him the sad story of Jim's impending death. KC will swing his wand and cast a magic spell to cure Jim. To the confusion of all of Jim's doctors, Jim makes a sudden recovery after KingCobra has blessed him.
• Lucas Roberts will be eaten alive by his fellow troons who are all still salty over how much money he got to make off of other people's work. In the end, he will make a KiwiFarms account and become one of the most prolific users in the stinkditch subforum, contacting the families and nearby law enforcement of every tranny that has an active thread.
• Chantal's Syrian husband will get a payraise of some kind and Chantal will drift into obscurity because she no longer needs the youtube/onlyfans money and live an uneventful life as an islamic convert.
• Kim will escalate shit with Kanye (something extreme like murdering one of his kids), causing another manic episode in Kanye which leads to him doubling down on the anti-jew crusade. He will run as an independent in the US general election and he will assemble a cadre of /pol/acks who feed him increasingly over-the-top lines about jews and other minorities. It will reach its peak when all candidates are invited to a live debate on CNN and Kanye shows up in a nazi uniform with a fake hitler mustache.
• Godwinson will act as the common enemy that reunites Andy and PPP. They revive the Kino Casino and replace their advisors and other staff/production team and mods with people Godwinson has previously railed against or made fun of, including but not limited to Dick Masterson, flamenco, the council of retards and a brief 4-week period where Ethan Ralph cohosts on every show.

 

[whothefuck]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Chris is sentenced, gets reduced time for being held for a year + autism.
2. The Tranch dissolves into a twitter shitflinging competition and is abandoned.
3. Dylan Mulvaney gets more surgery, including fake tits.

Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. Kanye claims he survived an assassination on some podcast.
2. The Farms is attacked again and goes down for a while.
3. Keffals get embroiled in drama/sex scandal. Loses defenders but has people go ballistic defending him.
4. Joe Biden dies, Kamala Harris serves as president for a few months before stepping down.

Less-Likely:

1. Goddess Logs are released to the public.
2. In run up to Pride 2023 conservative states and countries start restricting events, alphabet crew tries to go George Floyd.
3. Sam Hyde and Hasan Piker fight in the ring. Ian seethes over his event being overshadowed.
4. Election in the UK- Starmer wins and tries to rejoin the EU.

Wtf, lol?

1. Glowies arrest Null in Serbia, Farms taken down permenantly.
2. WW3 finally happens.
3. The dimensional merge finally happens.
4. I have sex.

 

[Laburnum]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Ralph goes to jail
2. Kino casino splits in the most autistic way possible
3. Baked gets beat up in prison


Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. More groypers are sold out to the feds
2. Kanye's 2024 campaign collapses in on itself
3. Ralph's reckless driving sees him get involved in a hit-and-run


Less-Likely:

1. Rags or Jay split from the efap podcast
2. Moviebob dies
3. Keffals commits suicide


Wtf, lol?

1. Sargon runs for office again
2. Tranch gets raided
3. Yandere Simulator is released

 

[The Ideal AutoModerator]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. KingCobraJFS is hospitalized
2. KingCobraJFS moves out of his apartment
3. Ethan Klein is caught cheating on his wife.

 

[かうぼーい]

Up to Three Submissions for Card
1 ethan ralph dies
2 poast is dropped from host
3 a shooter uses kiwifarms to publish his manifesto resulting in josh self hosting the site

Additional Predictions:

likely

1 dick masterson breaks up with ralph
2 ralphamania gets swatted
3 patrick tomlinson gets swatted again
4 boogie1488 dies


less likely

1 i stream.me like streaming service comes along sector streams there
2 keffals turns on the trans community and joins the tranch
3 gator citing collage exits the sector
4 mister metokur dies jade eats the family dog

Wtf, lol?
1 josh moon has sex with elaine miller
2 onionfarms over takes kiwifarms
3 chris excapes jail

 

[Waifu Days]

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. The Gunt and the Mare with not wed in 2023.
2. Chantal's "marriage" to Salah will no longer be a thing and they with go separate ways.
3. Boogie will pass away. RIP.


Additional Predictions:

Likely:

1. PPP will be arrested by local police for a minor infraction.
2. Ralph will impregnant another woman, not the horse.
3. Dick Masterson will call bestiality "based".

Less-Likely:

1. Amberlynn Reid will lose weight.
2. MovieBob using his Mastodon account.
3. Yaniv does anything interesting.

Wtf, lol?

1. Candid video of Rekieta's wife in a furry suit will be discovered.
2. Troons on mass will start to detransition in mass, learn nothing, and latch on to some other autistic cause.
3. EZ PZ and Null reboot Mad at the Internet, cohosting. Jersh will become a Zionist during this endeavor.