Careercow Anthony "Ally" Burch - Cuck. Bummed out ev'ryday his parents are alive.

[*Asterisk*]

Where the fuck do I even begin with this guy?

• Millenial Destructoid Journo and host of a shitty podcast no one fucking watched because it was boring and terrible who lived with his parents after getting a useless degree from Arizona State.
• With his sister, started Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin', an unwatchable vidya-themed sketch show about him being a detestible twat everyone wants to murder within seconds of interaction.
• Somehow got popular enough thru this Goddamn thing to parlay a gig in Plano as a GearBox writer.
• Such a butthurt, whiny faggot, he changed the names of enemies previously known as "midgets" to "little people." Among other gay shit everyone wanted to murder him for.
• Responded to GamerGate drama back during the halcion days of 2014 via deliberate exposure of his prior collusive actions.
• Possesses a cavernous, oxygen-deprived black lump in the part of the brain which, in normal humans, grants impulse control. Spent months pumping out every detail of his failed adventures in marriage, polyamory, and bisexuality.
• Even the complete disintegration of his personal life has changed nothing. He will answer even the most embarassing questions to this day on ask.fm, Twitter, Tumblr, and anywhere else he can stay for more than ten seconds at a time before someone punches him in the stomach for being so fucking stupid.
• Triggered by fucking everything. Became a ULC reverend at 13 during his pre-SJW/atheist phase. But he's such a fucking pusscake he dropped his old handle. He's worried about the title offending religious people even though he's still an atheist.

There's really no end to how I could go on.

But even with the brutality I've already inflicted on the Reverend Cuxter -- and will continue launching without restraint -- I have to say there's something beautiful about Anthony Burch. The failure of his every action is so complete, he cancels out all feelings of anger and disgust that I'd otherwise experience should the retardation've sprouted thru a Todd Munson or Dan Olson.

Every one of his individual failures cancels out the wretched qualities of their neighbors. He's too stupid to be insincire, too unrestrained to be a liar, and too bitch'd to hate others with more meaningful lives than his own (i.e., the rest of humanity). I know not one living creature that depends on him not being a complete tool to lead a meaningful existence or even survive, and he's too inept with relationships to worry of a future where he inflict his endless neuroses on those bound to him by blood or marriage.

I hope you one day read this Anthony: I bear you no malice, and in fact, wish for you health. Every day the world has you in it, even those who've felt their lives reached the bleakest mires possible for a naked ape, that poor soul can take comfort thru any indignity by one simple maxim: a daily reminder, they're "Not-Anthony Burch."

God's Blessings to you, mine Cuck of Cucks. May you and your anus survive the desperate adventures in homosexuality your liberal guilt mandates of her.

Edit - November 11th, 2016
Burch remains too cowardly to be another man's hole, is still too much of a manlet to top even twinks without standards, and was so triggerd by Hillbot's loss, he immediately wished death upon his own family.

The Cubs may've just won the Series, but Cuckboy'll never regain his Wii U.

 

[Hodor]

His wife took his Wii U in the divorce.

 

[*Asterisk*]

His wife took his Wii U in the divorce.

Good. T'will have far greater love being played by three black guys at once.

 

[ObeseScreamingBlackMan]

We need a Fantastic Debate boxing match between him and Jake Rapp to figure out who is the most pathetic.

 

[Tranhuviya]

Such a butthurt, whiny faggot, he changed the names of enemies previously known as "midgets" to "little people." Among other gay shit everyone wanted to murder him for.

wow who is offended by fucking midgets. They're like tiny little torture buddies.

 

[*Asterisk*]

In case any of yous're worried bout Burch smart'ning up for once and hiding his powerlevel, I've already downloaded and saved his entire ask.fm page to my computer in HTML formatting.

I've even come up with a game for it: name any SJW-buzzword -- or whatever else you find funny -- and not only do I guarantee said word'll be found and used sincerely, I'll even cap-'n-post the funniest sentence containing it.

wow who is offended by fucking midgets. They're like tiny little torture buddies.

Not sure, but I imagine they look like this:

Spoiler

 

[Jaimas]

Oh god, this shithead. Before I get into my own bit of using him as my own personal scratching post, let me share my favorite Burch-ism:

Now then.

Burch is one of the worst writers to grace AAA game development. To accomplish this means putting yourself against the likes of David Cage, so ponder for a moment what that implies. The atrociously bad writing of BL2 is widely considered to be his work, which is fitting because the game can't maintain a tone for more than two minutes and features the death of a beloved character from the first game in a way that's both insulting and makes no sense from a lore perspective, which is a heck of an accomplishment in and of itself.

Anthony Burch preaches tacitly untrue bullshit at GDC.

But it's the identity politics insertions that Burch is best known for, even more than his beloved memes. People didn't mind BL2's dumber moments at first, but as time went on and Burch wrote more for Gearbox, it was becoming increasingly apparent that the dude had an agenda to push, that agenda was virtue-signaling with the force of a tactical nuclear device. Diversity Uber Alles.

Borderlands had always been a universe powered by stupid with terrible fucking people in it with bizarre perversions and likes; suddenly every single character in it read like a Tumblr oppression checklist. Suddenly the guy is willing to shred the characterization for one of the few good characters he wrote, just because Tumblr found them offensive. Suddenly more and more chars are in poly relationships, or just having their personalities torn to shreds to accomodate for the always-buys-games Tumblr demographic. Torgue from BL2's a great example of this, going from a veiled Macho Man Randy Savage reference with a few hilarious quirks to basically an SJW because that's what his friends wanted.

And don't just take my word for it:

There's a character called Mr. Torgue that I wrote that started as basically, just a really horribly stereotypical Macho Man Randy Savage-type character. So he would say actually offensive things, because I was... I think all of us are still learning, trying to be less shitty people as we go on, and when I started writing games three years ago, I was markedly more shitty than I am now.

So he would say things like "If you don't like explosions, you're probably wearing women's underwear!", ha ha, stupid sexist bullshit like that. And then as I tried to get less f***in' stupid in my life, he became more and more of a fun social justice warrior kind of guy. So when you meet him in the last DLC, he's having an argument about how Ellie is really, really pretty, and if you can't see that, then your body politics need work.

If we ever make another Borderlands game and Maya the Siren from Borderlands 2 is a non-playable character, I wrote her with the intention that she's asexual. There's a thing going on with her with Krieg (the Psycho class) in the short video we did where he has a big crush on her. But if everything goes according to plan, she will not reciprocate because she's asexual in my mind.

So this sort of shit started spewing out of every orifice in Borderlands and fucking nobody is taking these fucking seriously, because.... Well fucking look at that. And the sales reflect that, because Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel sold less than half as well as Borderlands 2. So he's more than just a cuck, he's also a fucking awful writer with no integrity who will cheerfully force his own creations into a wood chipper if his identity politics ideologue buddies ask him to.

There's spineless, and then there's encouraging debate over whether you or Jake Rapp is the most pathetic human alive.

 

[Gaol]

So this sort of shit started spewing out of every orifice in Borderlands and fucking nobody is taking these fucking seriously, because.... Well fucking look at that. And the sales reflect that, because Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel sold less than half as well as Borderlands 2. So he's more than just a cuck, he's also a fucking awful writer with no integrity who will cheerfully force his own creations into a wood chipper if his identity politics ideologue buddies ask him to.

Pre-Sequel sold less because of it's lackluster story and boring characters, unlike Borderlands 1 or 2 the characters just felt forced on you and you didn't really gain much love for them, not to say the list of weapons was less than 2 and it was an easier game with broken builds. As for the asexual thing, I think it's stupid for him to say this in a game that's quite open about lgbt relationships and has a character that is pretty much a whore.

 

[Portajohn]

Anthony had an interesting conversation with Bro Team a couple months after GamerGate started in 2014. In it, he admitted to Bro Team that he believed almost all the accusations against Zoe Quinn were true even though he was publicly defending her at the time. Bro Team decided to release the conversation publicly a few months ago after getting sick of Anthony's SJW bullshit.

The excerpts really illustrate the white knight mentality that people like Anthony have.

Spoiler: Excerpts from the Twitter DM conversation

Source tweets: 1 2

Spoiler: Bro Team's other tweets on the matter

Read both chains from bottom to top.

 

[Dork Of Ages]

Anthony had an interesting conversation with Bro Team a couple months after GamerGate started in 2014. In it, he admitted to Bro Team that he believed almost all the accusations against Zoe Quinn were true even though he was publicly defending her at the time. Bro Team decided to release the conversation publicly a few months ago after getting sick of Anthony's SJW bullshit.

The excerpts really illustrate the white knight mentality that people like Anthony have.

Spoiler: Excerpts from the Twitter DM conversation

Source tweets: 1 2

Spoiler: Bro Team's other tweets on the matter

Read both chains from bottom to top.

The "dude" Bro Team is talking about in the third tweet from the bottom of this chain is Ian Miles Cheong. Anthony was attacking him over GamerGate-related bullshit at the time.

Did Zoe/her buttbuddy clique blacklist Anthony for these uncomfortable opinions?

 

[Portajohn]

Did Zoe/her buttbuddy clique blacklist Anthony for these uncomfortable opinions?

It probably made things awkward with his sister Ashly, if nothing else. Ashly's friends with Zoe and even cast in Zoe's supposedly upcoming game "Camp's Not Dead."

 

[Pepsi-Cola]

https://kiwifarms.net/media/cuck-certified-content-white-background.1530/full?d=1461201717

>tfw you're not Anthony Burch

 

[MiloWuCollusion]

I used to like this guy when he was in Destructoid, thought many of his opinions now ring hollow given whose friends he is with or how meme centric his writing was in Boderlands 2.

I still like some of his old stuff, but the guy is beyond help right now.

 

[Cthulu]

I've even come up with a game for it: name any SJW-buzzword -- or whatever else you find funny -- and not only do I guarantee said word'll be found and used sincerely, I'll even cap-'n-post the funniest sentence containing it.

cisplaining

 

[Luigi]

We need a Fantastic Debate boxing match between him and Jake Rapp to figure out who is the most pathetic.

They are different classes.

Burch was active in creating his own demise, Jake was passive in his. While I would place Jake in a more pathetic level based on this, Burch's lack of insight is also astonishing.

Again, I don't think they are on the same field to compared their "pathetic levels".

 

[meee]

wow who is offended by fucking midgets. They're like tiny little torture buddies.

@copypaste

 

[Jaimas]

Pre-Sequel sold less because of it's lackluster story and boring characters, unlike Borderlands 1 or 2 the characters just felt forced on you and you didn't really gain much love for them, not to say the list of weapons was less than 2 and it was an easier game with broken builds. As for the asexual thing, I think it's stupid for him to say this in a game that's quite open about lgbt relationships and has a character that is pretty much a whore.

Said character got her whorishness toned down in Pre-Sequel, too, because why the fuck consistency.

We need a Fantastic Debate boxing match between him and Jake Rapp to figure out who is the most pathetic.

Jake Rapp's a lot harder to be mad at since he's, ultimately, a legitimate victim. His own docile nature led him to his current state, but Alison's the one who emotionally abused his ass to keep him that way. This is an individual who has had their personality forcibly crushed to keep them obedient, and has essentially had his ability to assert himself undermined. It's disturbing as hell.

 

[Foltest]

Need to be posted

 

[chimpburgers]

So the original King of Cuck?

 

[autisticdragonkin]

• Triggered by fucking everything. Became a ULC reverend at 13 during his pre-SJW/atheist phase. But he's such a fucking pusscake he dropped his old handle. He's worried about the title offending religious people even though he's still an atheist.

Does anyone use a ULC reverendship for something other than marrying people