Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

Despite responding to every tweet and text, he still hasn't replied to me and I'm his biggest fan. So I wrote a song for him, maybe you'll recognise it's inspiration
EMINEM_STAN.jpg

Dear Pat, I text you but you still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two texts back in autumn, you must not've got 'em
There probably was a problem at the cellphone office or somethin'
Sometimes I mistyped numbers too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways, fuck it, what's been up, man? How's your daughter? (Lol)
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Norma
I read about your wife Nikki too, I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who was into farting
I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the stand-up shit that you did at the Milwaukee slam
I got a room full of your books and your screenplays, man
I like the shit you did with Shane Moore too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest stalker child
This is Broadside

Dear Pat, you still ain't text or called, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your book signing
You didn't have to, but you could've signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother, man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you
For four hours and you just said, "No, child"
That's pretty shitty, man, you're like his fuckin' idol
He wants to be just like you, man, he stalks you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein' lied to
Remember when we met in Hoolies, you said if I'd text you you would text back
See, I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your books
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and have a look
'Cause I don't really got shit else, so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even child myself to see how much it hurts
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See, everything you tweet is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Pat, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up, you gotta call me, man
I'll be the biggest fan on the East Side
Sincerely yours, Broadside
P.S. we should be together too

Dear Mr. I'm Too Good To Call Or text My Fans
This will be the last message I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two texts, I did the numbers on 'em perfect
So this is my message I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm on KiwiFarms right now, I'm doing numbers on a thread
Hey Pat, I drank a fifth of vodka
You dare me to shitpost?
You know that recording where you say "Shut your fucking mouth"?
When Josiah made you think he was a reporter?
And took the piss out of how you can't see your daughter?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from seething
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand posts now, I'm howlin'
And all I wanted was a lousy text or a call
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
I love you Pat, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you tweet about it
I hope your CPAP breaks on you and you can't breathe without it
See Pat, shut up bitch, I'm tryna talk
Hey Pat, that's my girlfriend malding' in the room
But I didn't child her, I just told her to shut up, see I ain't like you
'Cause if she malds, she'll seethe more, and then she'll leave too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the word limit now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to edit this shit out?
 
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Broadside said:
Pat desperately trying to get Keffal's attention when that deranged cross dressing faggot was briefly making waves was some funny shit. He's got a weird fixation for trannies.
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He wants to suck on those tube moobs and a stink ditch is probably the only thing tight enough for his micropenis.
 
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Hey Fatrick FUCK YOU said:
FINALLY. I always held the position that the biggest scandal of all of this, taking away the Pat lolcow aspect of it, is the fact that a sci-fi CHARITY funded the entire thing without the consent or knowledge of their members
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SFWA isn't even a charity, it's supposed to be helping authors deal with publishers. Their Writer Beware site is a very useful resource for exposing all sorts of shady scam artists in the publishing world. It is mind boggling that the higher-ups in the organization wasted money on a guy who regularly gets into fights with his toilet in Twitter rather than pretty much anything else.
 
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Flaming Carrot said:
SFWA isn't even a charity, it's supposed to be helping authors deal with publishers. Their Writer Beware site is a very useful resource for exposing all sorts of shady scam artists in the publishing world. It is mind boggling that the higher-ups in the organization wasted money on a guy who regularly gets into fights with his toilet in Twitter rather than pretty much anything else.
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From an IRS standpoint they are a charity. Donations you make to them can be written off when you file your taxes.
 
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Null said:
If Quasi thinks this is funny
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Didn’t see the post or poster of the fed piece but genuinely wonder if OnAForum posters would have reasons for a GayOp plan against the Farms. We are the only other community besides them that consistently follows Patrick and they have held some Kiwi posters in contempt before so maybe some loon thought fedposting here would blame shift from OnA posters probs on Discord coordinating to us,
Big sad if true (no brother wars)
 
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Path Wanderer said:
Didn’t see the post or poster of the fed piece but genuinely wonder if OnAForum posters would have reasons for a GayOp plan against the Farms. We are the only other community besides them that consistently follows Patrick and they have held some Kiwi posters in contempt before so maybe some loon thought fedposting here would blame shift from OnA posters probs on Discord coordinating to us,
Big sad if true (no brother wars)
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I won't speak on behalf of all OnA posters, but I will give my perspective:
  • I do not believe the forum as a whole would ever "sanction" a GayOp plan against KF.
  • The forum however is not a monolith. There's always the chance a rogue agent(s) might do something like what happened this week.
  • In regards to the recent incident, the board consensus was the person was being selfish and should back off. He did (or at least got the hint).
  • @Caverlock is held in high regard for creating and cultivating this thread. This is another reason why the board likely wouldn't do anything to jeopardize his hard work.
Apropos of nothing, there's some fun stuff in the works hopefully dropping this week. Let's get Patrick to #1 lolcow in 2023.
 
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Path Wanderer said:
Didn’t see the post or poster of the fed piece but genuinely wonder if OnAForum posters would have reasons for a GayOp plan against the Farms. We are the only other community besides them that consistently follows Patrick and they have held some Kiwi posters in contempt before so maybe some loon thought fedposting here would blame shift from OnA posters probs on Discord coordinating to us,
Big sad if true (no brother wars)
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Not at all. Rules are slightly more lax on onaforums and sometimes a retard will take it too far. Caverlock is a well respected brother man and none of us want to see his hard work go to waste via nuking of the KF thread (read Dan's reply before posting an identical explanation, stupid).
 
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To the Pests, the world is a free-fire zone.

I bet he bought a woman's jacket by accident and in his obstinacity obstinacy, one might even say pig-headedness, denied that it was a woman's garment-- The Patster makes no mistakes, ever. and now wears it to own the atalkers. We've seen this with things like his apple pie. No baker slakter, I an not using the wrong apples.

'If you want a picture of 2023, imagine a boot stamping on that fat smug face - for 365 days straight.' That's 2023 sorted for Pitter Pat, his name among underprivileged urban children of color. Pennywise, Candyman, Pitter Pat.

He will get an extra special award because he is an extra special boy. In 2023, the debt collector cometh. The sheriff cometh. Patso absolutely gets a contempt citation. A bench warrant follows. Although the filth is not going to make a special effort to apprehend the felony debtor, when they pull him over for a traffic stop -- and they will since Piggy is a scofflaw behind the wheel-- they will arrest him. He will not get to call his slattern Nikki to come retrieve the rustang. The filth will tow it and make Piggy pay the impound fees to get it back. He cannot afford the fees.

That crack in his ha' hovel's foundation groweth and the ha' hovel is condemned. Piggy cannot sleep in the rustang. It's still in impound. Boxcar Nikki and the pets will go to her parent's house. Patso moves into Ma Raven's basement.

The winter of Piggy's discontent ends, and spring begins. Things worsen. That liver of his gives 2 weeks notice. Nikki files for divorce. Ma Raven kicks him out of the basement. Piggy cannot afford his phone bill and oopsie doodles, no more 24 hour twitter access. Patso has to rely on free wifi where he can get it, probably at the library, which is a de facto homeless day-shelter these days. The filth auction off the rustang to pay the impound fees. The city demolishes the ha' hovel.

Summer and Autumn will bring their own delights. No idea what, but all told enough to catapult Patso to the 2023 Lolcow of the year.

ETA: corrected word.
 
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John_Smith said:
To the Pests, the world is a free-fire zone.

I bet he bought a woman's jacket by accident and in his obstinacity, one might even say pig-headedness, denied that it was a woman's garment-- The Patster makes no mistakes, ever. and now wears it to own the atalkers. We've seen this with things like his apple pie. No baker slakter, I an not using the wrong apples.

'If you want a picture of 2023, imagine a boot stamping on that fat smug face - for 365 days straight.' That's 2023 sorted for Pitter Pat, his name among underprivileged urban children of color. Pennywise, Candyman, Pitter Pat.

He will get an extra special award because he is an extra special boy. In 2023, the debt collector cometh. The sheriff cometh. Patso absolutely gets a contempt citation. A bench warrant follows. Although the filth is not going to make a special effort to apprehend the felony debtor, when they pull him over for a traffic stop -- and they will since Piggy is a scofflaw behind the wheel-- they will arrest him. He will not get to call his slattern Nikki to come retrieve the rustang. The filth will tow it and make Piggy pay the impound fees to get it back. He cannot afford the fees.

That crack in his ha' hovel's foundation groweth and the ha' hovel is condemned. Piggy cannot sleep in the rustang. It's still in impound. Boxcar Nikki and the pets will go to her parent's house. Patso moves into Ma Raven's basement.

The winter of Piggy's discontent ends, and spring begins. Things worsen. That liver of his gives 2 weeks notice. Nikki files for divorce. Ma Raven kicks him out of the basement. Piggy cannot afford his phone bill and oopsie doodles, no more 24 hour twitter access. Patso has to rely on free wifi where he can get it, probably at the library, which is a de facto homeless day-shelter these days. The filth auction off the rustang to pay the impound fees. The city demolishes the ha' hovel.

Summer and Autumn will bring their own delights. No idea what, but all told enough to catapult Patso to the 2023 Lolcow of the year.
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Don’t forget our brothers will have the divorce proceedings and potentially his criminal records this coming week.
 
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Somerville Dan said:
Apropos of nothing, there's some fun stuff in the works hopefully dropping this week. Let's get Patrick to #1 lolcow in 2023.
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If Quasi collects, Patrick has the meltdown to end all meltdowns, and the entire thing is filmed for our collective enjoyment, he'll easily take number 1. Chris-Chan's incest arrest earned him lolcow of the year; barring something unusual, Patrick's meltdown over losing everything should push him over the top.
 
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