FB 5/28 CWC responds to a bully named Johan

[Mark Corrigan]

I love the totally unexplained Miku picture in the top left

This is probably what he believes he looks like.

 

[DeadMansHand]

I dont think there's any point in trying to find any sense in this. You can try but you're not going to. Whats important here is that this a video of a 34 year old fat, balding, manchild in drag playing with his toys while painfully cramped into a child's school desk that's way to small for him, all the while being drowned out by mildly catchy dubstep.

Ahhh, it makes perfect sense.

Chris' "associate" found him a lesbian couple who want to be inseminated. Chris tries to chat with them online, and he's interrupted by a troll named Johan who talks like the Cookie Monster and brings up all kinds of shit Chris did in the past, like farting on a cake and sticking his medallion up his ass.

Johan then challenges Chris to prove who is a better sex partner, so they're both producing audition tapes, which will be on their respective channels connected to a vote page, so everyone will be able to vote on who's a better partner. Also, Chris is self-taught in that area.

I suspect that shortly Johan will be having sex and inseminating a hot lesbian couple while Chris rants impotently on YouTube....

 

[HumanBeanbag]

So I think he said conversation was taking place in a chat room? Makes sense, I can't really imagine this all happening in real life.

Interesting to see that he still visualises arguments in terms of 'combat' and... fireballs?

Hey, shut up, Chris! This my jam!

So Chris edited this video using the PS4 ShareFactory software. You can tell by the logo at the very end (if you make it that far). The music playing is called tmpstDgweedUNMSTRD1 and is one of the crappy default backing tracks you can choose. Maybe he thought his epic tale of combat needed some more oomph?

I love the totally unexplained Miku picture in the top left

That's his PSN profile picture! Totally has a reason to be there. Though I miss the 'video within the video' style from an earlier video.

 

[Silver Octopus]

I can't figure out what the fuck he's saying either. But I hope the video showing his 'sexual prowess' leaks.

So where's this supposed sexual prowess acrobatics video he keeps referring to?

Whoever's behind this, please leak the video demonstrating his "acrobatic sexual prowess" (that goes yet to be appreciated).

I think he already uploaded it - I think it was this one:

But today's video was a doozy - If you can't stand the shitty europop music layered over the already shitty playstation music allow me to explain what I understood:
So Chris' associate told Chris there was a TRUE and HONEST lesbian couple that wanted his sperm so that they could have a baby as amazingly fucked up as Chris, originally they were gonna go with artificial insemination but Chris showed them said video of sexual prowess and that totally convinced the lesbians to have sex with him!
But just as they were about to get it on some jerk showed up and started talking. Chris wasn't paying attention to what he said so he just sounded like a gruff turkey - he probably said some things about how his sperm would have high chance of autism but don't worry - Chris likes to think he is an expert on autism and he assured us that because he is high-functioning then he's basically a normal human being.
Chris is also exempt from criticism because he admits to farting on cakes and sticking crayola medallions up his ass - so he's man enough to accept his mistakes.
Then I dunno, this jerk is a smurf or some shit, he challenges chris so a sexy off which the internet will judge... Uh, then Johan died of aids and Chris had hot sex with lesbians who gave birth to Crystal.
The End
:autism::autism::autism:

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

Preliminary Transcript:

Hello ladies and gentlemen on the internet and my sonichu and rosechu fanbase this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from the room once again and I'm about to tell you a story that is correct and true from what happened recently and will be demonstrated through (pause) the Minifigures.

So yesterday So my associate introduced me to a lesbian couple whose looking to have their own little daughters. They're little daughters, OK? And they would like to be made- to be designated as their parents. But unfortunately in a few weeks - over the last few weeks there were miscommunications it was kind of spotty catching up with one another one wanted to be artificial the other wanted to be natural. So tonight or earlier tonight they mutually on both being natural so we were planning on setting up because, ah, earlier tonight they were thinking about a second candidate though which that made me kinda sad [?]. But he didn't show up and they liked the video I sent them demonstrating my sexual prowess

the acrobat [demonstrates on the minifig] which in that made me feel delighted

so yeah we were online chatting up, setting up, talking about our meeting

Mock male voice

Yeah I'm Christine Chandler Charmed I'm sure

More Mock male voice (mostly incoherent rambling. Something about insults and bad guy?)
I'm sorry I tried.

Minor fixes above, and continuing where possible. Weird Chris voice will be in italics since it's fairly prominent.
Beginning where the last left off:
He even took it my way of saying the obvious among which yeah real bad guy he bullied me So he attacked me and trying to prove himself mighty and courageous like Captain Copernicus Quark or something dumb like that. Doo hoo hoo, doo hoo (incohearant).
And it was just a whole bunch like that, but they were getting tired of it and I was getting tired of hearing about the end of it and (appears to be beginning roleplay)
Oh wait, you're de Christian Chandler?
Yeah Sonichu and Rosechu, yeah that's me.
Oh, well, I got dirt on you. I got (incoherent) something this passing day.
Oh, what? You gonna make fun of the time I sat bareass on the cake? Bareass on the cake? Whatdya think about that?
Hrurh? That threw me off, I was not expecting that coming from (incoherent).
Or how bout the time I... how bout the time I took pieces of my medallion and shoved 'em up my behind.
I am human enough to admit and take the blame for the mistakes I've made....

Ended at 4:05. May do more later if I can, sorry, this shit is giving me a migraine.
Edit: God, it's like a drillbit in my fucking brain. That synth music combined with trying to decipher someone who doesn't speak very clearly to begin with...
Godspeed, brave kiwis. We may have to transcribe in doses.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

yo this niggas mixtape is fire

 

[ch_noun]

Not gonna attempt to transcribe it like the other brave souls, but I'm pretty sure that the troll ends up challenging Chris to a sex-off. They would have the "Internet community" declare who is most fit to bear the lesbians' child, as determined by Chris' (or the troll's) sexual ability.

Also I think the troll has AIDS...?

 

[zap2theextreme]

So its basically like the Singstar Challenge but for sex? So the Sexstar Challenge?

 

[Mincemeat Magic]

For those who couldn't hear over the sick beats, here's the FULL transcript:

Some real quality Chris content in here, especially as it relates to sex with smurfs and transmitting AIDS.

My fucking head...

Spoiler

"Hello ladies and gentlemen on the internet and my Sonichu and Rosechu fanbase, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from the room once again, and I'm about to tell ya a story that is direct and true... 'bout what happened recently. And it'll be demonstrated through... the minifigures.

So, that's to tell you the truth. So, my associate has introduced me to a lesbian couple whose looking to have their own little daughters... their little daughters, mkay? And they... mnam(?) was delighted to be made to be designated as a parent. But unfortunatly throughout the few weeks, the initial few weeks there were miscommunications and we ca- an- and it was kinda spotty catchin' up with one another and one of them wanted to be artificially but the other one wanted natural. But, tonight, uh, earlier tonight, they mutually settled on both being natural, so we were plannin' on settin' up... because, uh, earlier in that day, was there- I think mighta second candidate though, so that left me feeling sad. But he didn't show up, and they liked the video that I sent them demonstrating my sexual prowess. I be(?) quite... the acrobat.

But she- that made me feel delighted.

So yeah, we were on the online chatroom, we were settin' up. We were talkin' about our meetin', and then comes along, dur- bit- dur- new guy(?). He were be- were quite intrusive it was very rude.

*Gorilla having a stroke*

Yeah I'm Christine Chandler... Charmed I'm sure... charmed.

*More gorilla noises* yer tha big gu- yer da bee guy, er da tryna ee *gorilla noises* it sallts blah blah blah blah blah blah bla bla bluh *ape audio*

Yeah an I can tell from my way aside from... the obvious that what he's said among which, yeah... you're a bad guy, you bullied me.

Anyway so anyway we were... so he was attacking me and trying to prove himself mighty and courageous like Captain Copernicus Quark (a Ratchet and Clank character) or somebody dumb like that. huurhrh herr lookat me I'm too bury- *insane sounds*

Aaanyway it was just a whole bunch like that but, they were gettin' tired of it and I was gettin tired a hearin' abou- hearin' it. and then he realized, oh wait, you're... da Christian Chandler?

The original creator of Sonichu and Rosechu, that's me.

Er, well I got dirt on you *a bunch of stuttering* you haven't leaned about this bad thing ya did.

Oh, what? *pauses to pose minifig* you mean that time I sat bare-ass on a cake?... sat bare ass on a cake? What do ya think about that?

err? That threw me off I was not expecting that *masculine mumbling*

Oh, and how about the time I... took pieces of my- pieces of my medallion and shoved up my behind. I am human enough to admit and take the blame for the mistakes I made.

*Filthy male muttering*

and he was bringing up the image, the picture... of the n- notorious M.E.G. and me and my (finger ends?) up there... and I was like oh yeah that vi- that vintage old thing. Vintage, so old. I've drawn more since then. And my e- other exes, I mentioned two of them by name. And he was like:

What? *inane sounds*

And on just a note, we are talking jibberish with this guy 'cause we don't remember exactly everything that was said... but anyway, aside from that to try to prove himself to be the... more better male he attacked me verbally, with an onslaughts of insults and whatnot, like fireballs. And I defended my- and... I held my ground. *pauses to fiddle with his fucking toys* I hold my ground, I, took two(?) attacks. *pew pew* one attack at a time. *pew pew* I defended myself with the shield. *pew pew pew... pew... pew pew* And not stooping down to his level how he was phrasing his attacks... I offered my own, style and elegant... repertoire of, offence. *pew pew pew* Hit him a bit hard too. Agai- some of them did not hit as hard. What? not every attack is perfect. so, anyway then he was like

Well then I issue a challenge... you say yo- you say, from your video, you're like an acrobat, but I can do so much better sexually so, we each upload a video... And the person- and, the person that gets more votes from the community on the internet wins

And I was like, what? you're not gonna let the girl- you're not gonna... let our ladyfriends have the say in the matter

Yeah, well, you know what? *complete vocal diarrhea*

nd a- anyway in the meanwhile they were tired of listening to all this and I was tired of listening to all this

*sounds of what we can only assume is Chris's inner monologue*

*coughs and clears his throat* So anyway, point is, uhmm even though tis challenge seemed quite pointless and unnecessary and time consuming I... teh... I, well let's do it, I accept your challenge.

Finally, I'm gonna upload my video and I'm gonna (something) you. *language of a subhuman male*

And fortunately I had already do- uh- made a video for la- for the lesbian couple, which pr- which demonstrated quite well my, acrobatic, sexual prowess, thats goes yet to be unappreciated especially since I was self-taught.... but anyway then so... tokamai(?), so anyway, so we all left the chatroom and, yadda yadda yadda. I talked to my associate and a little birdie told em, a little birdie came in and, told me about ooohO dark past about Mr. Johan. That's his name, Johanson, but as like to call 'em Johan. Hey everybody! look. it's Johan from the Smurfs. Hey! where's Peewee Johan? Go ahead and make all the Smurf jokes you want! He laid so many s- he said he was a Smurftastic lay, or, satisfy Thirty Women! He laid so many Smurfs, I wonder how many of them little smurfs he laid actually like this guy... and now everybody else! along with me or in your own words! make up your own Smurftastic jokes about Johan! Even the more obvious one that ya'll be making up in a moment when I tell you when ya hear that this little birdie told me *cheep cheep cheep* little birdie tell me the dirt! okay, Here's the dirt.

This guy, was, an ex, GAY PORNSTAR! Yep! laid with another male *blubbery sex noises* (some stupid line I can't understand)

And, guess what? *confused ogre noise* aaanother big thing that's gonna take this g- is gonna take this... big- is gonna take this guy down a notch, guess what? he got FIRED from one of his... things. he got fired from one of his movies and you know why he got fired? Why? He failed the STD test!... and apparently n order to be fired from any porn act that STD had to be something lethal.

Possibly leathal as say something like AAAAIIIIDDDSSS!?!

And yet, among the disquestion(?) that was talked about earlier. He said that he had no STDs, but the way he acted and behaved and all that... apparently he told fifey lies! filthy lies! he lied!

So, with that, we'll leave it at that. Everybody in the audience, yes, high functioning autistic. But you know what? Even a normal person, normal father, normal mother, whichever, can give birth to an autisti- an autistic child. And it's just about as much risk as me because I'm high functioning autistic, high functioning. so therefore, hi- there's a higher- probability of a child being normal, so there.

So if your votes on... rather or not who has the better sexual style and activity, ability. Johan, by the way, did you do one of my- PEEWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... heh, merptiow(?), merptiowek(?), mh, anyway, this guy, or, me! And they have praised me as acrobatic! Truthfully so, thank you very much it was the ho- it made my night. Hear that. There will be a voting page coming up soon! And my video on this channel and his video on his channel. There will be links in the voting page.

So, that'll pretty much do it for now. Details coming soon. Thank you. Goodnight. *bullshit cartoon noises*

I cannot believe I just powered through all this horseshit. I'm gonna go finish my whiskey.

 

[QE 757]

Who the fuck is the super ween pulling the strings?

Also, superhuman effort transcribing that autistic mess

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

Minor fixes above, and continuing where possible. Weird Chris voice will be in italics since it's fairly prominent.
Beginning where the last left off:
He even took it my way of saying the obvious among which yeah real bad guy he bullied me So he attacked me and trying to prove himself mighty and courageous like Captain Copernicus Quark or something dumb like that. Doo hoo hoo, doo hoo (incohearant).
And it was just a whole bunch like that, but they were getting tired of it and I was getting tired of hearing about the end of it and (appears to be beginning roleplay)
Oh wait, you're de Christian Chandler?
Yeah Sonichu and Rosechu, yeah that's me.
Oh, well, I got dirt on you. I got (incoherent) something this passing day.
Oh, what? You gonna make fun of the time I sat bareass on the cake? Bareass on the cake? Whatdya think about that?
Hrurh? That threw me off, I was not expecting that coming from (incoherent).
Or how bout the time I... how bout the time I took pieces of my medallion and shoved 'em up my behind.
I am human enough to admit and take the blame for the mistakes I've made....

Ended at 4:05. May do more later if I can, sorry, this shit is giving me a migraine.
Edit: God, it's like a drillbit in my fucking brain. That synth music combined with trying to decipher someone who doesn't speak very clearly to begin with...
Godspeed, brave kiwis. We may have to transcribe in doses.

Ok, let's try continuing this now that I've had a few Advil:
"(Incoherent)
He was bringing up the image... eh.. the.... picture of the notorious M-E-G and (something something 'comes up there'?)
And I was like... oh yeah.. that vint-that vintage old thing? Vintage. So old... I've drawn more since then. Of (incoherent). I mentioned two of them by name.
And he was like What? mruh hru hru hru (continues into gibberish).
And just a note, we are talking gibberish for this guy because we don't exactly remember everything that was said. (from here, speech becomes oddly staggered) But anyway aside from that he tried to prove himself to be to be the more better male and attacked me verbally with onslaughts of insults and whatnot like fireballs. And I defended my uh-I held my ground.
Uh.. I held my ground I (?) attacked.
(Speech is garbled from here. He appears to be describing some kind of verbal battle, complete with 'pew pew' laser noises.)
-And not stooping down to his level of how he was phrasing his attacks. I offered my own style and elegant repertoire of attacks(?)
Pew pew. Pew pew.
Hit him a bit hard too. Some of them did not hit as hard. Not every attack is perfect.
So anyway, so then he was like well I've issued a challenge. You say you're- you say you're like an acrobat. But I could do so much better sexually so we each upload a video and the person- the person who gets more votes from the community of the internet wins.
And I was l- And I was like what? You're not gonna let the girls- let our ladyfriends have a say in the matter?
Yeah well, you know what? I'm (deliberate gibberish)
(stress sigh) And anyway meanwhile, they were tired of listening to all this and I was tired of listening to all this.
(about 20 goddamn seconds of uninterrupted, deliberate gibberish sounds)
So anyway point is, uh, even though this challenge seems like pointless and unnecessary and time consuming, I said alright let's do it, I accept the challenge.
Thank you. (gibberish)
Fortunately I had already done-had already made a video for the lesbian couple which demonstrated quite well my acrobatic sexual prowess that goes yet to be unappreciated, especially since I was self-taught. But anyway then so... so anyway so... so we all left the chatroom and yadda yadda yadda. So then I talked to my associated and a little birdy told..a little birdy came in and told me about oh, dark past about Mr. Johan. That's his name."

We're at 8:24 now.

 

[Ntwadumela]

mighty and courageous like Captain Copernicus Quark

I'm willing to bet that's sarcasm, because if you know anything about Captain Qwark, you would know he is a giant pussy and fraud who takes credit from other people and is the complete antithesis of what you said.

 

[YI 457]

Interesting music. But I think this fits Chris even better:

I cannot believe I just powered through all this horseshit. I'm gonna go finish my whiskey.

Here, have another one. You deserve it.

 

[pickleniggo]

I'm sorry, did he reference cake farts and the bluespike medallion incident before alleging that he used a laser gun to defeat his latest troll? It's only ten am in New York, but this video has driven me to drink because I refuse to make sense of this one.

 

[Mincemeat Magic]

Ok, let's try continuing this.

Beat you to it mate.

I'm gonna get mad ratings.

 

[ZehnBoat]

I could hear chris just fine.
But that music kept hooking me so much that i found it hard to care what chris was yammering about

 

[Lysistrata]

So things are finally getting interesting again at Branchland Court? Good, the half-assed e-begging vids got boring ages ago.

 

[Pickle Inspector]

Chris' male voice sounds like this YouTuber:

Spoiler

 

[Mashed Potato Grenade]

I assume the couple he's talking about in this video is the one who he froze his semen for and made the video of him showing it off too. I can't work out if Johan is linked to the lesbian couple or not though.

I thought it was about a lesbian couple that use a male donor to conceive a child, but then the donor tries to break them apart by claiming paternal rights.
Or becoming a werewolf. It's really hard to tell.

 

[Quijibo69]

So is Chris a gay porn star now?