Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Adamska]

Story time.

I've already shared my story about inquiring to buy The Best Sauces when Jack was trying to sell the company. Here's another time Jack ruined a possible sale.

At one of my previous jobs, my manager and I decided we were going to order some sauces from Jack. My manager reached out to him via email and started the process. He sent us pricing. He even slightly negotiated pricing with us. What killed the deal was we had to order 12 of every flavor sauce plus a full case of his "gourmet" seasoning.

We explained no sauce dealer, even big ones like Meat Church and Dizzy Pig required that. He snapped back at the manager this is how he did it and they all could do it because they were big companies. We wanted 3 of each and he refused to do it.

It's quite impressive how often he intentionally sabotages himself by being a pissy sobbing baby. He had a deal of sorts available, not to the degree he wanted, but better than nothing and fucking nuked it. He does it repeatedly too, ranging from his actual sobbing fit on national television on West Texas Investors, to this ancient cry baby blog he used to run where he nuked relations with an owner of a patio store just because she said "yeah, this tastes like most sauces" during negotiations.

Legitimately a deluded fool. It's not surprising with an attitude like this he nuked his Walmart chances. I bet the stupid bastard demanded they stock a lot too and screeched when the poor sales forced his mommy-wife to pay out of pocket and he had to hoard all that shit.

Also fun fact for those not familiar with his Blogs: not a single thing Jack ever did was on his own. The sauce business? His mommy funded it and was a partner, likely doing footwork for her retarded son. The DJ entertainment thing he sometimes bragged about? Charles helped him with that, since he was on the scene for shit like that at the time. Charles also suggested using Youtube to sell his sauces.

A new channel on youtube called Honest Tries is recreating dishes from Jack and others’ terrible cooking videos: https://www.youtube.com/@HonestTries

So far his verdict is that Jack’s food tastes extremely bland. I don’t know is this format works since Jack’s worst offenses are unsanitary and I doubt he’d be willing to rereate raw chicken and burgers for himself to eat. His own kitchen looks very worn down too.

He wouldn't say the food tastes bland if he did some of the newer cooking items, since those things have nothing but salt. Still, it's always nice to see someone who tried to make the party cheese salad. Still needs to try and make that garbage stew tho.

 

[VenomPlug]

Even on deathbed Jack still hates his mother. Don't worry fat fuck, you will be joining her soon. God is gud.

 

[Tiresome]

It's quite impressive how often he intentionally sabotages himself by being a pissy sobbing baby. He had a deal of sorts available, not to the degree he wanted, but better than nothing and fucking nuked it. He does it repeatedly too, ranging from his actual sobbing fit on national television on West Texas Investors, to this ancient cry baby blog he used to run where he nuked relations with an owner of a patio store just because she said "yeah, this tastes like most sauces" during negotiations.

Thank you for this, this is a gem. The man has been a fat idiotic 11 year old his entire adult life.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

What is it with fat fuck fast food reviewers that have the appearance of lust towards food

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

What is it with fat fuck fast food reviewers that have the appearance of lust towards food

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"OMG" in reaction to a fucking Arby's sandwich? He really is a boomer

 

[GunnlaugurSassoon]

Presented without comment

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God this is infuriating lmao. So many healthcare workers smoke because of the stress of the job. Doctors currently have an unprecedented level of exhaustion and burnout due to the time requirements of the pandemic, and that's just the doctors who at least are getting paid well, nevermind the poor nurses who work the same amount of time, get paid shit, and have to wipe Jack's ass on top of their other duties. God forbid they smoke to calm themselves and get a 5 minute break in between Jack smashing the call button to make more demands.

 

[Tiresome]

God this is infuriating lmao. So many healthcare workers smoke because of the stress of the job. Doctors currently have an unprecedented level of exhaustion and burnout due to the time requirements of the pandemic, and that's just the doctors who at least are getting paid well, nevermind the poor nurses who work the same amount of time, get paid shit, and have to wipe Jack's ass on top of their other duties. God forbid they smoke to calm themselves and get a 5 minute break in between Jack smashing the call button to make more demands.

Same guy who, in his blog, raged that he'd take a gun and shoot every dog in the neighborhood if his mail was delayed due to unleashed animals. Nicest guy on YouTube.

 

[semitooth]

Thank you for this, this is a gem. The man has been a fat idiotic 11 year old his entire adult life.

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[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

Same guy who, in his blog, raged that he'd take a gun and shoot every dog in the neighborhood if his mail was delayed due to unleashed animals. Nicest guy on YouTube.

Same guy who said if his dog got sick and the medical care was more expensive than when he bought the dog, he would just let it die.

Same guy who, on being told the Invisible Fence would shock a dog if it came too close, immediately tried to lure the dog closer.

Nicest guy on YouTube.

 

[Gloria The Glorious]

A new channel on youtube called Honest Tries is recreating dishes from Jack and others’ terrible cooking videos: https://www.youtube.com/@HonestTries

So far his verdict is that Jack’s food tastes extremely bland. I don’t know if this format works since Jack’s worst offenses are unsanitary and I doubt he’d be willing to recreate raw chicken and burgers for himself to eat. His own kitchen looks very worn down too.

I enjoy August the Duck well enough (Everyone goes over him not having heard of beer in chili, but the part right afterwards where he says "I'm not try to be sarcastic when I ask about these thing, I genuinely want to learn about these thing" seems to fly over everyone's head like an instruction manual in the Scalfani Household), but it's refreshing to see someone recreate lolcow cooking without requiring me to cancel an office meeting to watch a 2-hour video of a dude filming the floor between a deep frying and table. Personally, I still wish Babish would make lolcow cooking. It's smart business-wise that he doesn't, but seeing someone try to make a good version of Party Cheese Salad would be welcome.

 

[100BitchHere]

The past few pages and the various discussions among active users in this thread highlight Jack's status as an elite cow.

He really is an elite cow. The issue with DSP is that people will try to troll him by giving him money and making him say shit like "SnowKarl tipped $1.50 and says I look dumb when I rock back and forth". DSP will call him stupid and stop rocking back and forth on camera... sooner or later all his tics will disappear and he's just boring.

Jack on the other hand, will see pretty innocent comments like "Jack why is this steak video so short?" and just record his face for an extra 2 minutes out of spite. He's so delusional that he'll eat a bowl of cream cheese, shredded cheese and sour cream and think it's healthy. DSP will get criticism about his eating habits and just never talk about them again.

 

[Whaler]

I enjoy August the Duck well enough (Everyone goes over him not having heard of beer in chili, but the part right afterwards where he says "I'm not try to be sarcastic when I ask about these thing, I genuinely want to learn about these thing" seems to fly over everyone's head like an instruction manual in the Scalfani Household), but it's refreshing to see someone recreate lolcow cooking without requiring me to cancel an office meeting to watch a 2-hour video of a dude filming the floor between a deep frying and table. Personally, I still wish Babish would make lolcow cooking. It's smart business-wise that he doesn't, but seeing someone try to make a good version of Party Cheese Salad would be welcome.

I don't think it's possible to make a good version of the Party Cheese Salad since it's a bunch of random shit thrown together then tossed in a fridge to solidify and cut into bars. If you go for a more salad approach, you'll be cutting out the jello and cream cheese, if go heavy in the solid bar direction, it's no longer a salad. It's basically going to be a mess or something entirely different.

 

[Gloria The Glorious]

I don't think it's possible to make a good version of the Party Cheese Salad since it's a bunch of random shit thrown together then tossed in a fridge to solidify and cut into bars. If you go for a more salad approach, you'll be cutting out the jello and cream cheese, if go heavy in the solid bar direction, it's no longer a salad. It's basically going to be a mess or something entirely different.

Not sure if you watched Binging with Babish before (highly recommend you do if you haven't, his editing is clean and the vids are well paced. Very, well, bingable), but what he would do is take the general premise and try to make a good thing out of the idea. In this case, either make a savory jello (redeem the recipe) or make a literal party cheese salad (as in a salad with a decent amount of cheese meant to be shared at a party).

Probably for the best as far as Babish's career is concerned to not do so, though.

 

[That Damned Tiger]

I've been away from the Farms for nearly the last week, and have come back to Jack's latest episode. Allow me to preface this with sticking to my 'live forever out of spite' vote, but with the addendum 'how much life could he possibly have left in him?'

In a way, it's kind inspiring. Not in the whole, 'He turned things around for himself, maybe I should follow his lead and do better too', but in the whole, 'Holy shit, this is the kind of thing I don't want to suffer. I need to start taking better care of myself and lose weight while I still can.'

 

[atoi]

I enjoy August the Duck well enough (Everyone goes over him not having heard of beer in chili, but the part right afterwards where he says "I'm not try to be sarcastic when I ask about these thing, I genuinely want to learn about these thing" seems to fly over everyone's head like an instruction manual in the Scalfani Household)

Random tangent about the duck:

I can't remember if it was a livestream or a video but he was watching one of those cheesy Dhar Mann videos and iirc a kid gets punished in gym class and the teacher makes him run a mile. August's comment: "I'm pretty sure that's illegal and child abuse"

Didn't everyone have to run a mile every year in PE class? Wasn't that like a national standard thing? When I was growing up, we got literal paddlings at our school for getting out of line. Running a mile is far from child abuse. August is just another narcissistic gen Z faggot that is out of touch with reality before the age of 20.

"Hey guys I'm posting a video today that I won't be posting a video cause listen to how bad my beautiful voice sounds and I scratched the corvette i bought with my youtube money"

 

[Midnight Energy Drink]

It's quite impressive how often he intentionally sabotages himself by being a pissy sobbing baby. He had a deal of sorts available, not to the degree he wanted, but better than nothing and fucking nuked it. He does it repeatedly too, ranging from his actual sobbing fit on national television on West Texas Investors, to this ancient cry baby blog he used to run where he nuked relations with an owner of a patio store just because she said "yeah, this tastes like most sauces" during negotiations.

Legitimately a deluded fool. It's not surprising with an attitude like this he nuked his Walmart chances. I bet the stupid bastard demanded they stock a lot too and screeched when the poor sales forced his mommy-wife to pay out of pocket and he had to hoard all that shit.

Also fun fact for those not familiar with his Blogs: not a single thing Jack ever did was on his own. The sauce business? His mommy funded it and was a partner, likely doing footwork for her retarded son. The DJ entertainment thing he sometimes bragged about? Charles helped him with that, since he was on the scene for shit like that at the time. Charles also suggested using Youtube to sell his sauces.

He wouldn't say the food tastes bland if he did some of the newer cooking items, since those things have nothing but salt. Still, it's always nice to see someone who tried to make the party cheese salad. Still needs to try and make that garbage stew tho.

Wow, this sentence encapsulates being a lolcow in ways I can't explain.

The very first other blog post I click on and Jack has to be a total asshole again:

(link)
Hospital? Wanting blood? What next, doctors asking you to go on diet?

 

[ZipDisk]

I think the people wanting this to become a legacy show are needlessly cruel.

Junior wouldn't have been half the faggot he is if he had been removed by child services.

You can literally watch Jack fuck his son up on video over time.

Recently Jr has talked about "getting paid" to be in the videos. While that is shitty and parasitical, it's not like Jack hasn't mined him for content. He was Hope before there was Hope.

Fuck August the duck. Walking away didn't work, so he waddled the fuck back to Jack content. And he doesn't even have anything funny or insightful to add.

Shit, the play by plays revolver used to do were more content than August.

And I deeply wish people would shut the fuck up about the party salad. It's not even notable among Jack videos, but that's the one the big channels riffed on, so all the sixth string fucks have to do that video too.

Amateurs were riffing on the party salad in real time. Let it die.

Jack is too angry to live, and too stupid to die.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

Wow, this sentence encapsulates being a lolcow in ways I can't explain.
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The very first other blog post I click on and Jack has to be a total asshole again:

View attachment 4598526
(link)
Hospital? Wanting blood? What next, doctors asking you to go on diet?

One of the things that pisses me off the most about Jack is this entitled bitching he does whenever someone "wastes" his time. As though he does anything other than eat fast food, bitch on facebook, and watch blues clues. Literal prisoners can contribute more to society than Jack has in his entire fucking life, but he somehow has the audacity to be incensed by a blood donation ad. Worthless fat shit-stain.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Even on deathbed Jack still hates his mother. Don't worry fat fuck, you will be joining her soon. God is gud.

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Well now we know where Tammy got her love of hopeless causes from. Family relationships are complicated and without PL, I won't shit on him for this. You can adopt people as your family easily as an adult and I think it is a real success that PIL adopt their CIL as their own and visa versa. It doesn't have to be a combative relationship at all necessarily. If it works for them mutually, meh, I am not going to judge on this point. If he is actually being sincere, which who knows, this is a very nice thing. I mean, I hope my kid marries into a family that I would be at peace leaving my adult child and grandchildren to should both I and her father keel over long before our child and grandchildren do.

 

[Gloria The Glorious]

And I deeply wish people would shut the fuck up about the party salad. It's not even notable among Jack videos, but that's the one the big channels riffed on, so all the sixth string fucks have to do that video too.

Out of spite, I'm going to talk about it more.

Spoiler: C H E E S E

Party cheese salad is both unlike anything Jack has ever done, yet almost perfectly encapsulates every bad trait with his cooking:

• Putting an entire block of cream cheese into a dish that didn't need a single cube
• Taking a legitimate idea (Jello Salads) and making it practically inedible (in this case, through the mixture of texture and poor flavor matches)
• Being surprised vegetables are something he's willing to eat (it's easy to miss, but the idea that something can be sweet with vegetables in it sounds like he's shocked by it in the taste test)
• Throwing a bunch of shit into a pot and praying it works (I think this is one of the only times he's ever mixed stuff together, though)
• Refusing to admit any part of it isn't great (you can see him cringe as he chews on that... thing)
• has a dish that looks vomit inducing in the end (literally looks like a baby got sick for 10 minutes straight and it was placed in the freezer)
• This part only really matters to us fruit farmers, but a secret lore detail on Cooking With Jack is that he loves to talk about food he's eating on Facebook and is a narcissist who loves to brag about his accomplishments... but has never posted "made this dish again, and everyone loved it" which is especially bizarre for a "family" "recipe" like this. I'd bet good money that Jack hasn't made this dish once since that video.

Party Cheese Salad is to Cooking With Jack as Final Fantasy 7 is to Final Fantasy: once you've experience the whole catalog, it probably won't be your vote for top tier. But if you're getting into it, you'd be doing yourself a disservice to skip out on it.

The only other thing I will say in relation to Ducky The Fucky is what I'd say on everyone who has made glorified reactions/commentaries to Jack: save the videos. If Jack is really crippled, even if he makes videos, many of those videos can disappear overnight as it suddenly becomes poor taste. Having lighthearted fun* reacting to a narcissist who can't cook but is fully convinced he's the only chef who can teach you how to do it right becomes less fun when the reality of the situation weighs in.**

*Unlike Jack, who is not light nor fun.
**The reality of the situation weighs a lot because Jack is really fat.