How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Been there, lad. If you need to talk, we can talk.
i appreciate that SO very much, that said, i am a birth giver, not a sperm haver AUGH YEAH (obviously tongue in cheek, but yeah im a girl :lol:) and if you ever need someone to talk to as well, i am here for you or any of my fellow shitposters!! :)
 
Well lads, I haven't gotten into trade school after all. I am now considering alternative outlets such as online IT support programs and eventually getting the A+ certification. God I am such an indecisive retard.


On top of this I got a boyfriend now, hopefully it'll work out and I won't lose him like the last one left two years ago.
Good luck. I am working on the same pathway, except I want to get to straight to Security+, Network+, at least till Pentest+. Still, you can do it. :pinetar:
 
Finished my course and earned my first qualification. It's fairly low level and I'm going to do another course to rise in the ranks, but I'm happy about it.

BMI recently tipped into the 30 (aka obese) range. Fat and would not have sex with myself. Decided to lose the weight and I'm around four pounds down and back in the overweight range. Fixing up my exercise equipment to so I can turn some of the flab into muscle while I lose weight, rather than becoming stick-thin with no muscles like I was last time I was slim. Sucks that weight loss takes longer when you're a midget, but that's life I suppose.

I've spent most of my life either too fat or too skinny. I really hope this time I can reach and maintain a healthy bodyweight.
 
I've had this weird pain in my left foot the past couple of days. I don't think it's a stress fracture or anything really serious, but it's not as bad as it was a few days ago where I was almost limping. Still hurts every time I take a step. Some relatives have suggested putting it up on something elevated, but time and sleep seem to be the best healers. In other news, I've been reading a lot of Russian history books lately; I'm currently reading Victor Sebestyen's Lenin biography and will get started on Kathleen Murrell's architectural history on Moscow after I finish the Lenin book soon.
 
I have two things, optional but already committed to, I have to go to in less than a month. One pays a lot of money and I can use as a vacation. The other one requires me to fly internationally (I haven't flown but once, twelve years ago), will cost time and money, and only really pay off in a long term way, possibly. I wasn't scared when I flew last time and I know that it's safe and that even in an accident usually it means the plane glides to a landing, but I'm not any more pleased about it and have been watching videos of Boeing jets (in real life and in Microsoft Flight Simulator) cruising.
 
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Missed so many life stages and key milestones that, coupled with the touch of the 'tism bestowed on me, I come across as childish and insanely awkward.
Life's a cycle of meeting strangers and not knowing how to build those acquaintances into friends. Working on fixing it though.

The only thing stopping me from kermitting sudoku is that it didn't work the last few times, and I don't want to end up a cripple and back in the situation I was stuck in before.
Am of the opinion that the government should set a hitman on you if you fail the first four times. A pity-snipe of sorts.

I cooked some amazing spaghetti bolognese last night.
 
Missed so many life stages and key milestones that, coupled with the touch of the 'tism bestowed on me, I come across as childish and insanely awkward.
Life's a cycle of meeting strangers and not knowing how to build those acquaintances into friends. Working on fixing it though.

The only thing stopping me from kermitting sudoku is that it didn't work the last few times, and I don't want to end up a cripple and back in the situation I was stuck in before.
Am of the opinion that the government should set a hitman on you if you fail the first four times. A pity-snipe of sorts.

I cooked some amazing spaghetti bolognese last night.
A long time ago someone gave me this advice: look at your triumphs and accomplishments instead of your failures. Everybody has a different life and their experiences are always relative, don't use those of others as a yardstick. You're where you're at because you bullied through.

Just keep trying. I thought I was socially awkward for years, but social interaction is a learned skill. You'll break that ceiling eventually, and it will feel amazing when you look back on your progress.


I'm nearing the end of my manic phase and I can feel the depressive phase breathing down my neck. I've made a lot of really poor decisions lately, normally I'd go out and do something active for my days off of work? but we've got rain for the next week.

I have a gut feeling that I'm going to sequester myself away for a few days and be all the worst for it. Worse because my closest friend heard that I have feelings for them and wants nothing to do with me at the moment (ETA: we have prior history of being romantically entangled), I'll try to reach out to them. We haven't had the chance to discuss the situation and I can tell it's a sword hanging over our heads.
 
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Things feel like they're finally going right for me. I'd been going through a lot of shit in the past couple of years, so now it's refreshing to have good things happen for a change.

Also, I love working a low-key, behind-the-scenes job. I don't care about prestige or power. I just want to pay my bills and live as comfortably as possible.
 
I'm pretty much back smoking, sadly. I flirted with a few cigs the other week after 6 weeks cold turkey due to some bullshit stress primarily caused by the girl I'm dating.

I'm enjoying it on a visceral level, but disappointed that the monkey is once again on my back. I plan to finish my current pack then brutally suffer through the withdrawal once more.
 
My dreams are becoming more vivid and my body and mind slowly restore themselves with the weather. I'm late again on my full rent and my mom is pissed about it but I feel confident that I will smooth it out. I might just lie about having a girlfriend to convince her I had a good reason to blow my limited money like that instead of me just eating it. Either way, I'll be fine. I'm getting sick of lying and being a loser at this point though. I've been letting my misfortune act as an excuse for too long. I'll see if I can pay into next month early while I'm at it. I remember wanting better for myself even as a degenerate.
Also, my brother is getting screwed. His lawyer is trying to push through some shitty plea deal. I wont go too far into it but the lawyer is utterly negligent and my brother is one of the dumbest people you'll ever meet. It's a miracle he hasn't signed anything yet and that's less on him having any insight and more that he wasn't given the chance yet. I think I'll finish the weekend by blacking out drunk.
As for good news, I cooked some chicken earlier. It wasn't necessarily good but I haven't been as filled up by a meal in ages. It'll feel good to cook for myself again.
 
Right now, I'm insanely stressed out. Every minor and catastrophic problem that's haunted me my whole life is flooding in. I want to sleep so badly. Podcasts and music aren't able to quiet my brain anymore.

I feel like I ought to be medicated but I'm afraid I'll abuse whatever I take. I've never been addicted to any substances, but I know I'm weak to feel-good, mellowing narcotics. I'd surely use them as a crutch.

Edit: After getting some sleep, I feel fine.
 
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A long time ago someone gave me this advice: look at your triumphs and accomplishments instead of your failures. Everybody has a different life and their experiences are always relative, don't use those of others as a yardstick. You're where you're at because you bullied through.

Just keep trying. I thought I was socially awkward for years, but social interaction is a learned skill. You'll break that ceiling eventually, and it will feel amazing when you look back on your progress.


I'm nearing the end of my manic phase and I can feel the depressive phase breathing down my neck. I've made a lot of really poor decisions lately, normally I'd go out and do something active for my days off of work? but we've got rain for the next week.

I have a gut feeling that I'm going to sequester myself away for a few days and be all the worst for it. Worse because my closest friend heard that I have feelings for them and wants nothing to do with me at the moment (ETA: we have prior history of being romantically entangled), I'll try to reach out to them. We haven't had the chance to discuss the situation and I can tell it's a sword hanging over our heads.
Thank you for the reminder. And best of luck.
 
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For some reason, I just want to eat fruit today. I went in the kitchen for a sandwich and decided a banana looked more appetising. My breakfast was a bowl of fruit. Hopefully dinner isn't more fruit. Guess it's a fruity day.
You might want look into fruit sandwiches, they look heavenly.
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And to how I'm doing.
Had a weird experience at the gym today. Old geezer I didn't like from before, did sperg about me reserving a locker in the changing room. While there were many that were empty and unlocked. Retard tried to push me to admit to reserving it, while refusing to move a little bit to the side. As he was changing right in front of my locker. Mind you, there were only me, him and another one there.
Nothing in the rules about this, and I'm reserving the locker because retards keep getting them dirty.

If it comes to the point of him talking to somebody that works there, I have the perfect weapon. He makes me uncomfortable and he have tried to start shit with me since I joined the gym.
Best option forward is just to shut up and make him look like the bad guy. Like, refusing to say anything at all.
 
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