Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Kuritan Deplorable]

So since I've just been on a series of posts speculating about how the changes in his life will impact him and his creations and lies, I want to touch back on how someone noticed it seems like he's having a harder time breathing and keeping his lungs clear. Combine that with the fact that he insists on eating at an aggressive speed, and with an aggressive quantity per bite, as if he were afraid the food would run away any moment. What are the odds he has a serious choking/suffocation scare in the new future? A blockage he could previously clear with some coughing and choking might become a serious life threatening issue if he's struggling to breath and can't generate as much pressure on demand, or keep his airways properly open. There's probably a medical term for it.

 

[ten dollars off]

A blockage he could previously clear with some coughing and choking might become a serious life threatening issue if he's struggling to breath and can't generate as much pressure on demand, or keep his airways properly open. There's probably a medical term for it.

"Lard Lung". It's similar to the "black lung" that coal miners get, but comes from accidentally inhaling grease over a long period of time. Food just Slip 'N Slides into his airway from the oily lubrication.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

With exception to 1, 2

Did you see the Buccee's JOTG? I think that qualifies.

 

[Tiresome]

For a devout Christian, he’s violated a surprising number of commandments.
View attachment 5014599
With exception to 1, 2, and 6 (I don’t know about 3 and 4).

5. He bears clear hatred for one of his children Garret who he admitted to strangling on a video on the internet.

7. Has lust issues with some men on camera and clearly covets them when he’s out and about with them.

8. Stolen recipes on the internet that he claims are his own original recipes.

9. Lies non-stop about his diet and will constantly stretch the truth to the point where the truth is lost. His diabetes and his symptoms are a good example of this.

10. Jealousy issues with people more famous than him. Church chili video where he’s clearly angry that he lost the competition.

Did I get everything? Has he violated all ten?

His primary god is clearly his belly, he spends far more of his time honoring it by shoving grease down it than thinking about the Christian diety. As for 2, some sects might call his ugly Jesus pictures qualified idolatry. If he's ever uploaded or shot a video stuffing his face on Sunday he's fucked there. And a manchild like him I'm sure has let a "goddammit" or "Jesus!" out in vain.

 

[Exist0]

I wonder what percentage of his weight is pure Bacon Up... We need a pie chart or something.

My first thought was "he'd fucking eat it".

 

[Bassomatic]

Jack has proven religion right. Lord be him Christ, Harambe, Allah, Taylor Swift wants him around for us to laugh at. Man I saw this and knowing people who have had TBI crazy to see Jack still cooking.

Or lack of. But fuck me.

Yeah I highly suspect his insurance kicked him and he owes nothing but why hes at home.

 

[Lost_yanie]

So since I've just been on a series of posts speculating about how the changes in his life will impact him and his creations and lies, I want to touch back on how someone noticed it seems like he's having a harder time breathing and keeping his lungs clear. Combine that with the fact that he insists on eating at an aggressive speed, and with an aggressive quantity per bite, as if he were afraid the food would run away any moment. What are the odds he has a serious choking/suffocation scare in the new future? A blockage he could previously clear with some coughing and choking might become a serious life threatening issue if he's struggling to breath and can't generate as much pressure on demand, or keep his airways properly open. There's probably a medical term for it.

Aspiration pneumonia arc coming soon

 

[Kosher Salt]

I mostly just think it's fucking hilarious that we live in a world where "rehab" means they hook you up with a bunch of wires and tell you "just pretend to help it" in the hopes that your brain thinks it figured out how to remember to move your dead muscles, and Jack's still managed to eat himself into an extra large coffin.

No... he's not quite dead yet. Let's get a few more laughs out of him first.

Imagine though if he'd actually worked on his rehab for his first big stroke. They wouldn't be hooking wires up to his arm and asking him to make believe.

 

[Wilhelm Bittrich]

For a devout Christian, he’s violated a surprising number of commandments.
View attachment 5014599
With exception to 1, 2, and 6 (I don’t know about 3 and 4).

5. He bears clear hatred for one of his children Garret who he admitted to strangling on a video on the internet.

7. Has lust issues with some men on camera and clearly covets them when he’s out and about with them.

8. Stolen recipes on the internet that he claims are his own original recipes.

9. Lies non-stop about his diet and will constantly stretch the truth to the point where the truth is lost. His diabetes and his symptoms are a good example of this.

10. Jealousy issues with people more famous than him. Church chili video where he’s clearly angry that he lost the competition.

Did I get everything? Has he violated all ten?

Jack isn't a devout Christian, he is just another dimwit LARP'ing as such.

Philippians 3:18–19:
"For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ.
They are headed for destruction.
Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth.
Proverbs 23:20–21:
"Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat,
For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags."

 

[MS Paint Gigachad]

Jack isn't a devout Christian, he is just another dimwit LARP'ing as such.

Philippians 3:18–19:
"For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ.
They are headed for destruction.
Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth.
Proverbs 23:20–21:
"Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat,
For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags."

Let's not forget: Sloth and Gluttony are 2 of the 7 deadly sins

EDIT for not doubleposting:
Proverbs 26:15
A sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.

something something claw

 

[Wilhelm Bittrich]

Let's not forget: Sloth and Gluttony are 2 of the 7 deadly sins

To be brutally frank, If they would have known that some time in the future a creature like Jack would walk this planet they most likely would have added another 20 deadly sins to the list!

 

[TheCakeIsALie]

Aspiration pneumonia arc coming soon

I was going to say the same thing. Cheers.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

That Jack still lives to steal resources is proof god loves us and wants us to laugh at the spectacle.

 

[ZipDisk]

There's no way he'll be allowed to retain his license

I honestly think him driving to the "meet" with Rob was vanity, and that he was unlicensed at the time. It was likely dangerous as well.

Someone should recommend a restaurant famous for Sloppy Joes

Are there any? I love a good Sloppy Joe, but I can't think of anywhere outside of a cafeteria where you can get one. I remember finding some cowboy chain in CO that specialized in meatloaf, and it was surprisingly gud.
But Sloppy Joes? I don't think I've seen it.

 

[AnOminous]

Look at this Jack Vlog where a woman at the drive thru attempts to tell Jack that the Arby's Meat Mountain is too much for one person to eat.

I'm just amazed this was when he had two functional arms and his right eye actually moved in real time and not ten seconds after whatever his stroke-brain detected.

Did I get everything? Has he violated all ten?

Pretty much. Plus he has the Seven Deadlies all covered. To think, John Doe in Seven went to all that trouble when he could have just killed Jack.

But Sloppy Joes? I don't think I've seen it.

Come to think of it, I've never seen it in a restaurant either. I still want to see Jack try to eat one in his current state, though. Oh well, no trolling plans.

 

[NaggotFigger]

I'm just amazed this was when he had two functional arms and his right eye actually moved in real time and not ten seconds after whatever his stroke-brain detected.

I am also surprised and unfazed that Jagoff managed to survive shit ton of diseases that poses as a massive threat for his own life, yet he recovers back, but with his most important parts now being barely functionable; it is just an amazing sight to see fatty being used to be a very functional fatass who cooks shit that breaks the definition of cooking to now a fatass who can only whines for himself, and eat, eat and eat, rarely ever cooking.
Jagoff must have been having an immunity of a God, consider how many strokes and salmonella he went through.

Come to think of it, I've never seen it in a restaurant either. I still want to see Jack try to eat one in his current state, though. Oh well, no trolling plans.

No trolling plans for Jagoff, but if there was a video recording of fatty eating it in his very bad body condition. It is just unimaginable how fatty still eats unhealthily,

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Come to think of it, I've never seen it in a restaurant either. I still want to see Jack try to eat one in his current state, though. Oh well, no trolling plans.

Never seen it on a menu anywhere but that doesn't mean he can't try to make it at home.

 

[Whaler]

Never seen it on a menu anywhere but that doesn't mean he can't try to make it at home.

I saw some bars with them on the menu when I was in Florida a couple years back, and a quick google search shows that you can find Sloppy Joes in Jacks area at the same kind of bars, grills, and BBQ places. There's a chance we could actually watch this man eat one.

 

[ten dollars off]

I am also surprised and unfazed that Jagoff managed to survive shit ton of diseases that poses as a massive threat for his own life, yet he recovers back, but with his most important parts now being barely functionable; it is just an amazing sight to see fatty being used to be a very functional fatass who cooks shit that breaks the definition of cooking to now a fatass who can only whines for himself, and eat, eat and eat, rarely ever cooking.
Jagoff must have been having an immunity of a God, consider how many strokes and salmonella he went through.

No trolling plans for Jagoff, but if there was a video recording of fatty eating it in his very bad body condition. It is just unimaginable how fatty still eats unhealthily,

I'm just imagining him missing his mouth and cramming the sloppy joe into an eye socket while screaming that something is attacking him.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

I'm just imagining him missing his mouth and cramming the sloppy joe into an eye socket while screaming that something is attacking him.

Jack heard the phrase "eyes on" in one of his endless cycling background videos and thought it sounded like a good idea for a review technique.