AMAZON HAUL!
Needs to haul NOW because she'll be wearing them to her appointment: new black flats! I guess she wants to make a good first impression and having your shoes smell like death ain't it. She should have also washed her hair, but baby steps.
Also, another new Maxi dress (not from the Bitch-is-huge brand), ridiculous fidget toy, LEGO-themed index cards, coasters, more ice sphere trays.
WLS appointment today. SOOOPER NERVOUS!!!
[7 HOURS LATER]
In the bathroom folding towels and about to shower (AFTER the appointment instead of before). She doesn't brush her hair when it's wet, because it causes more hair to get pulled out.
She finally met her surgeon. Such a good appointment and so much more hopeful than she's been... she's PUMPED.
[WLS UPDATE]
Amber's going to give 'bullet points' (so I will too).
There's something happening that she doesn't want to talk about because when she tells us, she doesn't want her audience saying that she lied. Amber calls this transparency.
[TOPIC 1: Gallbladder Removal Surgery]
- Doctor doesn't have a 'full answer' on whether he'll do it or not during WLS, and Amber needs to have an ultrasound.
- Amber says doctor thinks it might be better to be done as a separate surgery.
[TOPIC 2: SURGERY TIMELINE]
- Dr says 12 months no binging prior to surgery was 'crazy', and wanted to meet Amber and get 'another second opinion'. It was a suggestion based on the mystery information that Amber's keeping from us.
- Amber wants her audience to TRUST HER (not a chance, Ambo).
- She will be reassessed after her 12 therapy sessions. And could get the surgery in 3-4 months after being approved.
[TOPIC 3: WHAT SURGERY I'M GETTING]
- Amber chose what she thought was best for her (gastric bypass), and her Dr said 'LOL NO'. He's chosen SADI (I'm hoping @I call shenanigans will cover this). Amber has quite a few friends from TV shows that have gotten that!
- Ambo, the people you watch on TV aren't your friends - they don't even know you exist. Get professional help.
- The doctor told her that if she followed the plan, her BMI could drop below 30 - and then Amber laughed at him. Be in awe of the dedication, gorls.
[TOPIC 4: WEIGH IN]
- Amber has done absolutely EVERYTHING they have asked her to do.
- First WLS appointment weigh in 533lbs (when she was telling us that she was 520lbs)
- WLS appointment from 'today' weigh in 529.5lbs (when she was telling us that she went down to 503 and back up to 523lbs).
- Amber thought she was going to weigh 535lbs.
- So, yes, she HAS been lying about her weight.
- Amber thinks that this proves her weigh in aren't fake (obviously that 520lbs weigh in was fake)
[TOPIC 5: YOU AREN'T DOING WHAT THEY'RE TELLING YOU TO DO]
- People telling her this makes her sad. People tell her that she shouldn't eat the things in her grocery hauls, but they're allowed. (Just because it's allowed doesn't mean you SHOULD do it, Ambo. You're ALLOWED to go to the store and buy cigarettes - remember that rant ymade the other day?)
- The doctors are teaching her about food in such a healthy way of thinking (which is why she's lost a whopping 3.3lbs in 4 MONTHS).
[TOPIC 6: ONLY GOING TO THERAPY SO SHE CAN GET WLS]
- True - because she's trying to save her life.
- Amber acts like a bit of a cunt in this section.
[TOPIC 7: THE BAD VIBE AROUND MY SURGERY]
- People are putting such a bad vibe around WLS, which is scary because she wants to have positive energy. (Grow up, Amber).
- Amber is PASSIONATE about this! People are downplaying her accomplishments (such as nuking her BED diagnosis from orbit, and losing those 3.5 EL-BEEZ!)
- According to her surgeon, the scale comes second, the head and heart comes first.
[TOPIC 8: WEIGHT LOSS GOAL]
- Amber asked for a goal, because she's very goal-oriented.
- Goal: 1lb/wk for the next month.
[TOPIC 8(again): PASSIONATE ABOUT SAVING MY LIFE]
- Amber's being long winded because she's passionate about saving her life (and not because she needs to cram as many ads as possible into this video).
- Amber knows you've been shitting on her cherry purse (which looks like she's strung a coin purse across her back. I thought you didn't read the comments, gorl?)
- This subject is too passionate for her to not constantly engage with the haydurs. To those ambabies: she sees you, but IT'S NOT ENOUGH! She needs to spend her time being a raging bitch to the haydurs to get more of them on board with supporting her.
PO BOX TIME!!
She got a KERMIT from 'Frank' (FBI Frank I'm sure!), book 'Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics', cat earrings, cat keychain, stickers.
[PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY ON AMBER]
BEING INTERVIEWED BY YOU!!
Q:Why did you say Sizzlin' my Nizzlin'? Amber's confused. Oh wait, it's because she's weird.
Q:Have you watched any good movies or shows lately? Amber's watching the first Avatar again. It's taken her over a week to watch it, because she has the attention span of a goldfish, except for when she's talking about herself.
Q:Have you ever had skyline chili? NO.
Q:What is your opinion of eloping and not telling family. Amber thinks that's tea and to go do it. Amber would! YOLO!
[PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: DON'T TAKE LIFE ADVICE FROM AMBER]
Amber has a busy 5 days. People coming over, things that she can't talk about, so she can't vlog (though I'm sure we'll be treated to more of the same severely out of date non-tent, so don't worry)!
