Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Cheesegirl78]

He's got a lot of gray in his hair now, it's taking over the dishwater blond.

 

[WonderWino]

dude. he looks fucking 55 in these pics. holy hell he's not looking good.
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Just for comparison's sake, this was him roughly a year and a half ago (i think):
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His eyes look like they've been photoshopped. They don't match up at all with what they looked like a couple days ago behind the sunglasses. Plus he's really going grey, at least in whats left of his hair. Looks like he's getting a data in the tng finale style skunk stripe. Should start calling him grauenwern, a play on both his greying hair and the terror of encountering him experienced by zoomer baes

That said, that isn't even sushi, thats americanized shit covered in mayo and sweet shit. Of course the first thing he does when he gets his tugboat is buy shitty absurdly expensive food and brag about it. Completely ignoring the fact he'll be flat broke and mooing for doordash and hitting up food banks in a week cause he's too stupid to feed himself. Remind me again why he even has a payee if he's not going to make sure he uses his food money the way he's supposed to. Keeping him from doing shit like this is why he was forced to have one in the first place

Also even lucas should know better than to take that pic of sucking his thumb, that could come back to bite him in the ass real easy

 

[A Silly Possum]

Remind me again why he even has a payee if he's not going to make sure he uses his food money the way he's supposed to. Keeping him from doing shit like this is why he was forced to have one in the first place

Yeah, how the fuck is he allowed to use his GibMeDat card at a sushi place? Here in CA you can only use those things in very specific places to get very specific foods (mostly fresh foods, not a lot of boxed or bagged stuff)

 

[Da Dude123]

Yeah, how the fuck is he allowed to use his GibMeDat card at a sushi place? Here in CA you can only use those things in very specific places to get very specific foods (mostly fresh foods, not a lot of boxed or bagged stuff)

I think he gets a small amount of general cash outside of his food stamps. Basically, what is left over after Mallon Place intercepts their cut of the tugboat. I think that is what he spent on Sushi. Yeah, I wonder if Lucas somehow did filter his eyes somehow?

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

@WonderWino https://kiwifarms.net/threads/lucas-werner.17234/post-16283397

If Lucas does pull another "waddle around in the heat, drinking no water only Monsters" then he's as good as dead.
Normal, healthy people doing that will have trouble filtering toxins out, but someone with slowly failing kidneys is going to be a BIG problem.

This is of course assuming he bothers to leave his new fartbox and do anything but cook more toxic toasterbortions (+veggies, because adding veggies to shit makes shit healthy)

Yeah, how the fuck is he allowed to use his GibMeDat card at a sushi place? Here in CA you can only use those things in very specific places to get very specific foods (mostly fresh foods, not a lot of boxed or bagged stuff)

It depends where he gets it.
In some grocery stores, you can get pre-packaged sushi and its covered by EBT, but you can't go to an actual restaurant and whip out the EBT card.
That being said, as mentioned above, he does get a very small <$100 amount of spending cash per Gibsmedat period.

 

[A Silly Possum]

I think he gets a small amount of general cash outside of his food stamps. Basically, what is left over after Mallon Place intercepts their cut of the tugboat.

That being said, as mentioned above, he does get a very small <$100 amount of spending cash per Gibsmedat period.

Ahh gotcha, I'm actually shocked that the money he gets from the gov is enough to pay Mallon plus have some money left over.

 

[WonderWino]

If Lucas does pull another "waddle around in the heat, drinking no water only Monsters" then he's as good as dead.
Normal, healthy people doing that will have trouble filtering toxins out, but someone with slowly failing kidneys is going to be a BIG problem.

This is of course assuming he bothers to leave his new fartbox and do anything but cook more toxic toasterbortions (+veggies, because adding veggies to shit makes shit healthy)


It depends where he gets it.
In some grocery stores, you can get pre-packaged sushi and its covered by EBT, but you can't go to an actual restaurant and whip out the EBT card.
That being said, as mentioned above, he does get a very small <$100 amount of spending cash per Gibsmedat period.

Isn't his leftover cash when mallon gets his cut like $17 or somewhere around that? I seem to remember that coming up awhile back. Figures this is how he'd use it

 

[SpiceyHuman]

dude. he looks fucking 55 in these pics. holy hell he's not looking good.
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Just for comparison's sake, this was him roughly a year and a half ago (i think):
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Jesus Lordt almighty, that ear hair, tho.

 

[Al from Dadeville]

He has the same earlobe creases as Patrick Tomlinson

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

Yeah, how the fuck is he allowed to use his GibMeDat card at a sushi place? Here in CA you can only use those things in very specific places to get very specific foods (mostly fresh foods, not a lot of boxed or bagged stuff)

He definitely couldn't. Lucas just burned all of SSI ASAP, as he used to do regularly.

 

[Fatal Walter]

He looks like Gheb from fire emblem sacred stones

 

[Duke Nukem]

Some more random pics I've grabbed over the last week:

Sunglasses again to cover up how fucked his eyes are
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This is some hilariously oblivious irony right here LMAO
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More Christian sperging. I love when he gets stuck on his one-track mind of "wehre proof?? WHERE PROOF THO?" when someone's just trying to explain their opinion. It's so fucking retarded lol
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What in the fuck is he even talking about? Next level pseudo-intellectual shit right here.
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He definitely thinks he's a chef at a michelin star restaurant LOL look at this dumbass shit.
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The rest is pretty self-explanatory.
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For all his sperging against Christianity, this guy's culinary skills could be used to torture sinners in Hell. This shit might actually be worse than Trump Steaks.

That sounded a bit like a smoker's cough. Lucas should take up smoking if he hasn't already, it's super cool and rebellious.

Like this delusional tub of lard needs yet another expensive habit for the taxpayers to cover.

Lucas had streams a couple years ago where he was panting while laying down. His health's been terrible for some time.

Fat fucks usually live for longer than people expect, though.

He's gonna outlive us all despite everything isn't he?

The cow is moooing about needing a girlfriend. It's not in the cards for you, Lucas! Girlfriend? Please, you're a fat cow who is going into renal failure. It's really not in the cards for you.

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It seems like lolcows in general seem to moo about not having a girlfriend or whatever, even if they're not technically part of the incel community. Chris did it, Lucas does it, Russell Greer seems to do it (although my knowledge of him is limited), it just seems that unfulfilled desire for a girlfriend is a common trait amongst lolcows. I wonder why that is.

You could probably add wern hungry wern want eat to that to complete his mindset. I would compare him to a caveman but thats not fair because our cave dwelling ancestors worked their asses off, knew how to hunt, how to make fire and had didn't live off of government welfare programs. They may have lived 20,000 years ago but they're smarter than lucas by a few orders of magnitude

Knowing how stupid the average person is, and knowing that Lucas is substantially dumber than that, really hurts my brain.

 

[WonderWino]

For all his sperging against Christianity, this guy's culinary skills could be used to torture sinners in Hell. This shit might actually be worse than Trump Steaks.

Like this delusional tub of lard needs yet another expensive habit for the taxpayers to cover.

He's gonna outlive us all despite everything isn't he?

He was a smoker and went cold turkey years ago cause he was a penniless hobo, though when its brought up he acts like it was some moral thing and how he's great cause he beat smoking

Lucas ending up as some kind of demon torturing people in hell with his toasterbortion food to drive them mad seems like the kind of fate i'd expect for him. Being driven to do so in a fit of rage by demonic naked zoomer baes dancing around him tormenting him about how their puss puss isn't in the cards while he cooks and shoves the food into peoples face

Lucas screeching maniacally and utterly losing his mind while shoving his horrifying meals into peoples mouths, surrounded by the zoomer demons for eternity would be quite the sight to see and a fitting fate. Though ending up in a worse version of his current life, eternity stuck on the frozen streets of spokane, constantly starving and freezing to death but never being allowed to die, surrounded by supermodel zoomer baes and their greedy flatbill boyfriends, with his only companion being 1998 era cyril, taunting him about raking in the money over at circuit city would be pretty fitting as well, denied entry to the elk kingdom in life and the celestial elk kingdom in death

Jesus Lordt almighty, that ear hair, tho.

Squinty old man eyes and hairy old man ears.....he's turning into mr magoo barely into his 40s. Perhaps 40 really is the new 80 after all

 

[Duke Nukem]

He was a smoker and went cold turkey years ago cause he was a penniless hobo, though when its brought up he acts like it was some moral thing and how he's great cause he beat smoking

Lucas ending up as some kind of demon torturing people in hell with his toasterbortion food to drive them mad seems like the kind of fate i'd expect for him. Being driven to do so in a fit of rage by demonic naked zoomer baes dancing around him tormenting him about how their puss puss isn't in the cards while he cooks and shoves the food into peoples face

Lucas screeching maniacally and utterly losing his mind while shoving his horrifying meals into peoples mouths, surrounded by the zoomer demons for eternity would be quite the sight to see and a fitting fate. Though ending up in a worse version of his current life, eternity stuck on the frozen streets of spokane, constantly starving and freezing to death but never being allowed to die, surrounded by supermodel zoomer baes and their greedy flatbill boyfriends, with his only companion being 1998 era cyril, taunting him about raking in the money over at circuit city would be pretty fitting as well, denied entry to the elk kingdom in life and the celestial elk kingdom in death


Squinty old man eyes and hairy old man ears.....he's turning into mr magoo barely into his 40s. Perhaps 40 really is the new 80 after all

The only way he'll quit food and drugs is if he can't afford them? Sounds about right. Plus I don't think it's necessary to torment him in Hell, just being Lucas sounds like torture enough. He cooks like shit, can't support himself via a job, has no friends so to speak of(?), and most of all will never get a girlfriend. Ever.

He definitely couldn't. Lucas just burned all of SSI ASAP, as he used to do regularly.

Doesn't that stuff barely cover rent for the most part? Assuming he actually pays and doesn't end up a hobo again.

 

[WonderWino]

Doesn't that stuff barely cover rent for the most part? Assuming he actually pays and doesn't end up a hobo again.

His payee ensures mallon place gets their rent money deducted automatically, lucas has no access to it and hasn't for years at this point. Its about the only competent thing the government has done in his case. If lucas had any say in it he'd get his hands on all the money, blow it on clinkerdaggers without a second thought and then get kicked out, waddle back to the homeless shelter and gorge himself on their food and reee about how angry he is at getting kicked out

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Isn't his leftover cash when mallon gets his cut like $17 or somewhere around that? I seem to remember that coming up awhile back. Figures this is how he'd use it

I thought it was closer to $70 for some reason.
Which is probably good for like 1 Lucas-proportioned Clinkerdaggers meal or 1 board game he'll never play, whichever he chooses that month.

 

[not in the cards]

dude. he looks fucking 55 in these pics. holy hell he's not looking good.
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Just for comparison's sake, this was him roughly a year and a half ago (i think):
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How the fuck does someone age THAT badly? I know he's not exactly the healthiest person on the planet but still. But then again, I'm surprised this idiot is still alive.

I love how even when he is in dire straits he resorts back to moooing about a girlfriend. Like in his shelter hobo days, the number one issue that was afflicting him was not that he was homeless, oh, no. Him not having a girlfriend was the most pressing.

Even when the dumbass got catfished to LA with only the dirty clothes on his back and was stuck on Skid Row penniless. He starts moooing and reeeing saying "I wish I had a girlfriend". Not "how will I get back to Spokane? where will I go? Will cholos stab me to death?". Nope, "moooo I need a baby zoom, right now, right now". I definitely suspect his mother reluctantly broke down and bailed his fat ass out of that situation.

Now that his health is circling the drain and his kidneys are about to quit, still moooing about how important he is cause he is an atheist and where is that Gen Z girlfriend?

I just hope that he cries and screams in a fit of rage and confusion again over being lonely right before he carks it. It was so satisfying hearing him cry over his ongoing failure with his romantic pursuits.

This is Lucas's greatest asset as a lolcow: his focus. Whatever is going on in his life, he always sees his immediate problem as his ongoing involuntary celibacy.

Spring is here, and Lucas must be sniffing the air for the scent of zoomers. Sadly, this season the old bachelor can't muster much energy or enthusiasm for his mating dance. He'll prepare food, make a few social media posts about being lonely. But the mating dancer's best steps require a degree of vigor and ambition that he lacks these days. Things like lurking in bars, writing poems, having public meltdowns about being single. No, he just can't put much work into attracting a fertile mate this year, even by his standards. He's just too fat and sick. It's almost sad.

It would be sad if it wasn't so funny and so well-deserved.

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

Lucas ending up as some kind of demon torturing people in hell with his toasterbortion food to drive them mad seems like the kind of fate i'd expect for him. Being driven to do so in a fit of rage by demonic naked zoomer baes dancing around him tormenting him about how their puss puss isn't in the cards while he cooks and shoves the food into peoples face

Lucas screeching maniacally and utterly losing his mind while shoving his horrifying meals into peoples mouths, surrounded by the zoomer demons for eternity would be quite the sight to see and a fitting fate. Though ending up in a worse version of his current life, eternity stuck on the frozen streets of spokane, constantly starving and freezing to death but never being allowed to die, surrounded by supermodel zoomer baes and their greedy flatbill boyfriends, with his only companion being 1998 era cyril, taunting him about raking in the money over at circuit city would be pretty fitting as well, denied entry to the elk kingdom in life and the celestial elk kingdom in death

I need to start going to church again.

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

How the fuck does someone age THAT badly? I know he's not exactly the healthiest person on the planet but still. But then again, I'm surprised this idiot is still alive.

Lucas used to brush up his pics as much as an Instagram e-thot, to be fair.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas used to brush up his pics as much as an Instagram e-thot, to be fair.

I wonder how long it'll be before lucas fucks with the filters so much he ends up looking like this:

I mean he already has the kidnapping zoomer baes to hoard them in his fartbox of solitude thing down

Also its interesting he hasn't said a word about his roommate in quite awhile now. I wonder why

EDIT: wernology just dropped another wern video:

Jesus fucking christ they both sound like they're going to drop a lung