Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Falcon Sebben]

The cookbook is a thing of beauty Here's my favorite parts:

He desperately tried to increase the page count, so there are some pages with 1 or 2 words on them

I'd chalk that up to just poor formatting more than anything else.

The whole thing looks like what somebody would have slapped together in no time at all. Not something that had serious work put into it.

Imagine creating a 100+ page PDF file and not even have the table of contents contain clickable chapter titles.

He couldn't figure out how to do that with only one working arm and half his brain replaced by bacon fat.

Okay I understand why now. Is this chicken even cooked?

Knowing him? No. But that is just an unappetizing plate. It's so... beige including the plate. The chicken needs more color. You need some brightness on the plate to offset the lack of color everywhere else. And of course that chicken is fucking raw.

MANDOLIN ORANGES.

Oranges sliced on a mandolin(e) obviously. I mean DUH! What else could be mean?

And of course he fucks up the spelling. It's all speech to text anyway.

Lazy Man's Cockmeat Sandwich

Thrust face down on enormous black dick
Swallow

There's no way that Jagoff doesn't know what cum tastes like. He gets it in his food all the time and he's sucked enough dick in his life to be familiar with it.

 

[cans.wav]

So lazy that he can't even type two sentences the same way with his stroked out hands

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I wonder if I still have a copy of the Fit Vegan Ginger's cookbook PDF somewhere. It'd be fun to do a side by side comparison to see which is lazier and less competently edited.

I just found my copy, it's amazing how much better it is than Jack's. I remember when it first dropped I thought it was the worst cookbook I'd ever seen and now I want to personally apologize to Anna because she at least used all her own photos, her own recipes, and formatted everything consistently. There's even an intro that's written at at least a 6th grade level.

*edit- file didn't attach, give me a sec...

*Edit 2 I fixed it, pardon my autism!

 

[Extra Dainty Gorl]

I just found my copy, it's amazing how much better it is than Jack's. I remember when it first dropped I thought it was the worst cookbook I'd ever seen and now I want to personally apologize to Anna because she at least used all her own photos, her own recipes, and formatted everything consistently. There's even an intro that's written at at least a 6th grade level.

*edit- file didn't attach, give me a sec...

The site is still a lil wonky. I uploaded it earlier to someones profile and it took like 30 min, here's a link.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

You have to make legitimate effort to slap something like this together. I am genuinely impressed at how awful the Jackbook is.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

I've seen glitched out Kindle books and PDFs that were more consistent and readable than Jack's "cookbook." It is truly impressive just how fucked up it is. Not to mention fascinating, because I'm sure that Jack did 99% of the work, five time stroke brain and all. It takes all the effort and yet none to get to something this unworkable. I have never seen something this poorly done, even with someone working with a fucked up mush brain. It's amazing to witness.

 

[p1138]

I just found my copy, it's amazing how much better it is than Jack's. I remember when it first dropped I thought it was the worst cookbook I'd ever seen and now I want to personally apologize to Anna because she at least used all her own photos, her own recipes, and formatted everything consistently. There's even an intro that's written at at least a 6th grade level.

*edit- file didn't attach, give me a sec...

*Edit 2 I fixed it, pardon my autism!

Yeah, that book is certainly bad. Like an elementary school project. However, while it isn't formatted great and looks like shit, you can at least follow the recipes because it's coherent.

Fatty's book on the other hand would get an F, and appropriately looks like it was written by a retard having a stroke.

 

[AltisticRight]

Yeah, that book is certainly bad. Like an elementary school project. However, while it isn't formatted great and looks like shit, you can at least follow the recipes because it's coherent.

Fatty's book on the other hand would get an F, and appropriately looks like it was written by a retard having a stroke.

You must be suffering from something to use 32 cups of flour and bake a 375.

>Blueberrys
Jack didn't even graduate kindergarten.


>Self rising
I guess it tried as hard as Jack doing half a push-up.

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

I know somebody already mentioned "e", but it's too funny for me to ignore.

Step 1:

 

[Simon]

You must be suffering from something to use 32 cups of flour and bake a 375.
View attachment 5188239
>Blueberrys
Jack didn't even graduate kindergarten.

View attachment 5188241
>Self rising
I guess it tried as hard as Jack doing half a push-up.

That must be why he stroked out eating one. 32 cups of flour will do that to ya.

 

[Raging Capybara]

And then you read the first Sonichu's books. All beautifully formatted in Photoshop with iconic Comic Sans font, every page painstakingly digitalized for maximum quality, every page correctly numbered, the text magnificently written to uphold the gravitas of the story.

Chris Chan has finally been vindicated. Jack is the true lolcow king.

 

[Water 2.0]

If you told me some anon on /ck/ made this just for a laugh I'd believe it without a second thought.

 

[beautiful person]

It would be one thing if he were putting this thing out for free, but this jackass is actually asking for money for it.

 

[Girl Named Sandoz]

If you told me some anon on /ck/ made this just for a laugh I'd believe it without a second thought.

even /ck/'s shitposts are far too high quality to be compared to this

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

You must be suffering from something to use 32 cups of flour and bake a 375.
View attachment 5188239
>Blueberrys
Jack didn't even graduate kindergarten.

View attachment 5188241
>Self rising
I guess it tried as hard as Jack doing half a push-up.

32 cups of flour??? LMAO!!!!!!!! I want some YT shitposter to make this.

 

[Homer Simpson]

I don't care if it takes every tax dollar, we need to keep Jack alive so he can make more stuff like this. I would pay for a physical copy of his cook book and put it with the real ones just to flex.

 

[AltisticRight]

32 cups of flour??? LMAO!!!!!!!! I want some YT shitposter to make this.

To be fair, his result looked like concrete cupcakes so maybe he used even more than 32 cups.

 

[Harambe]

TOR is too shit for me to archive, send help frens.

Got to love how Jack is impressed by everything that is normally considered bad in a restaurant.
Gigantic menu = GUD
Food coming out within 2 minutes of ordering = GUD
Piping hot food that's clearly been microwaved = GUD

We also got a new bit of sage restaurant wisdom. Mexican restaurants quality comes from salsa, Chinese restaurant quality comes from orange chicken. You can tell how good they are by the quality of their entrée, imagine that.

The menu's size is not the biggest problem.
The speed of the kitchen is only kind of a problem. 4 dishes at once? Problem. Chinese food coming out quick, hot, with no regard for how you ordered it? That's a good sign.

Jesus fucking christ. Orange chicken is a sign of a good korean fried chicken joint in China.
The spare ribs would have been a better indicator of quality, it is the only meat Chinese people actually cook regularly that is a part of their heritage cuisine. And they fucking soaked them in red food dye. You know how I can tell? Because red braised pork is red from the addition of anise and dark soy sauce and lightly caramelized sugar and cinnamon. A complex blend of spices, sugar, and cooking sauce that, over the course of about an hour, turns a light reddish brown. Not fucking candy apple red.

For a shit tier mutt-Chinese joint it doesn't even look too bad, although the fucking manager could hire a dishwasher and just use regular ass plates. Jesus fucking Christ

 

[Kulee Baba]

even /ck/'s shitposts are far too high quality to be compared to this
View attachment 5188858

LMAO'd especially at Nuwave Oven Pro Plus Pulled Pork Sandwhich. It made me imagine that gigantic tool "Salt Bae" coming table side with those absurd wolverine claws.

 

[AnOminous]

You know how I can tell? Because red braised pork is red from the addition of anise and dark soy sauce and lightly caramelized sugar and cinnamon. A complex blend of spices, sugar, and cooking sauce that, over the course of about an hour, turns a light reddish brown. Not fucking candy apple red.

It's pretty standard for generic American Chinese restaurants doing char siu. I guess they figure they have to make it bright red because otherwise stupid Americans would be mad it wasn't red. I think the brownish appearance from star anise, a blend of dark and light soy, and sugar (or I use honey) is more natural. I generally do this for pork belly when I can get it.