Cringe Side-Quest #2: Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card - Enemy gate is Down's syndrome

...Who the fuck thinks of Andrew, Peter, and Valentine as "saints' names."
A good space-name just describes what you do. Hyrum hires 'em, Mazer amazes 'em, and Ender ends 'em.

So Battle School is 10 years of constant wargames plus schooling, but only the parts a nerdy boy would like. Got it.
I kind of feel that this was all reverse-engineered to keep Ender underage for the big twist ending that even I know is coming.
Anyhow, I assume everything up to this point has just been window-dressing to set up Battle School. I'm curious if they're going to lean into the "entire school full of eugenic sociopaths" angle or just have it that everyone else is generically smart but only Ender has the X-factor of calculated cruelty.

EDIT: by the way, is this story set in any particular timeframe besides "the future"?
 
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  • Think about it: Ender Wiggin is just Paul Atreides without the nuance. Both of them are genocidal mass murderers, but Frank Herbert at least had the balls to involve human casualties and look at the implications head-on.
  • The hackiest part of OSC's hacky sci-fi hackiness is his attempt to rip off "Dune" and think that no one would ever notice the parallels. Orson, you arrogant prick.
Ender's game compared to Dune is like the Sherlock writing meme:
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Paul is a good smart character since you follow his logic and abilities in both politicking and fighting. Dude can predict what moves you'll do and convince you to kill yourself.
Ender is basically an IQ wizard strategist by super genetics.

Also Dune is fantastic world building (sadly only centered around a single planet without too much focus on the background factions and planets), while I don't remember any thing in Ender's Game besides becoming world president through image boards.
 
I know the only reason Graff is here is because Ender's the Chosen One and shit, but now I'm imagining little Jimmy Smidt getting court-martialed for blowing spitballs at the back of Suzie Perkins' head.
Always figured it'd be Calvin taking the heat for that one.

This exchange would actually be perfectly appropriate (well, appropriately innappropriate) if the siblings were a few years older.
Age them up six years it reads just fine.

It occurs to me this is like a distorted mirror of sending a misbehaving kid to military school.
You can't get in until you've committed at least one felony or inflicted serious bodily harm to someone else!

This whole line of questioning assumes childhood brawls are usually waged with strict gentlemanly conduct. Given not even adulthood brawls are like that, I'm not sure where Card got the idea Ender's behaviour is particularly odd.
I think the idea is that Ender went especially aggro even for a playground brawl, but that doesn't come through in the text.

Mother was incredulous. "Putting the Stilson boy in the hospital? What would you have done if Andrew had killed him, given him a medal?”.
"Don't be absurd! We'd promote him first."

UN General-Secretary Kang: Abortions for all, laser-tag for others!
It would make a hell of a lot more sense if additional children were a merit based thing, but the child laws don't make all that much sense anyways.

Heh, now I'm imagining Stilson as a glowie with dwarfism, shaving at his desk like Kearny Zzyzwicz.
Well now I'M imagining him as Steve Buscemi.

"So naturally, they spend all their time playing laser-tag."
See son, we discovered that the bugger's weakness, their nads if you will, were light sensitive spots on their chest. Hit those with a tight beam of light and they have to go back to base to 'respawn.'

"So anyway, Harry, yer mother was actually close friends with Professor Snape, but their relationship became strained when he started falling in with a bad crowd. Dursley, would you hand me that whiteboard marker? This is where things get a bit complicated."

"Please leave."

"No."
No lie, I'd read that version of HP just to see how fucked up it all would be if Hagrid just spilled the beans and told Harry everything.

Wait, were the Wiggins offered an exemption, or did the government force them to have Ender? Christ, I was joking about the Kang speech:

"Abortions for some, Handmaid's Tale style forced conception for others!"

"Yaaaay!
Yeah, they were forced, which again, you'd think a third would be a social badge of pride. "The government said we were good enough to have EXTRA kids."

Wait, I've guessed the twist, the buggers were created by a rogue Mormon who achieved the Celestial Kingdom and got his own planet. Now they're back for revenge!
Be more entertaining than the actual B (C?) plot of the book.

I might if we'd actually seen any of that. To be charitable, I wouldn't be suprised if this arkward family exposition dump comes from the book's origin as short fiction, which naturally has far less room to breathe. I don't think is a very good excuse, though, given Card was given the chance to expand it into a novel, and this is literally a revised edition we're reading. Maybe we could've trimmed the subplot where two preteens take over the world by being the world's most popular blueticks and added some actual interactions with Ender's parents?
I'd just read it as him massaging the truth if not outright lying. I know the book says otherwise but it's so ham handed.

From a dramatic perspective, I also find it odd how frictionless Card makes Ender's exit from the family. "Your parents only sort of love you, but it's okay, you'll get over it." Like, I get why House of Night makes it clear Zoey has no real attachment to her family, but not this book. And no, Graff isn't being misleading or lying to Ender, he's supposed to be be brutally honest here.
It still reads as BS.

So, the buggers clearly attacked Earth, killing many, many people... but having a third kid viewed as disgusting. It's like we want to go extinct.
If anything the government should be encouraging mass reproduction and giving credits to families to have extra kids, but also, the fact that it took only a generation for having more than two kids to be made outright illegal if apparently poorly enforced because Poland doesn't give a shit also makes no fucking sense.

Apparently there's a lot of people who think these two have incestrous subtext. I look forward to finding out whether that's Card or the internet being freaks.
I don't know if it's incestuous, but it's definitely fucking unhealthy relationship dynamics in the later books.
 
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One is that children are quite simply different from adults, which makes their perspective inherently novel. It's also why I quite enjoy stories about people who are middle-aged or elderly. People these days crow a lot about the importance of diversity in fiction, but they usually only skin colour or who you like to bang, not truly different life-experiences. Also, kids are just fun. They're like adults, but stupider in a way you can't hold against them, which can make for great protagonist material.
^ this.

> Of course, I wondered what kind of guidance counselor would hold her son's tastes up to public ridicule,
Without knowing what exactly that woman wrote, she could be simply discussing the difference in tastes between her son and her. It's you, Card, who thinks "this guy likes Ender's Game" is objectively an insult.

(I found an epub of my favorite children's book from when I'd been single digit age and was shocked by how laughably primitive the writing was. But I hadn't noticed that back when I'd been a kid, and I still hadn't noticed as I'd gone from that to "adult" fiction like Word and Deed and Accursed Kings.)

Put it this way, one of the sci-fi and fantasy publisher Baen's most popular series is by a liberal woman
Baen publishes Honor Harrington, and I've never seen someone who'd be vocal about liking Honor Harrington and wasn't a clone of Jake Alley.

The fuck does that even mean? Aside from maybe that Orson Scott Card hasn't changed as a person since he was ten years old.
Charitably, this just means he was a nerd growing up and wasn't interested in children's pop culture of the day.

I'm kind of shocked Card is such a pariah among lefty nerds, because this sounds exactly like those people who think bedtime is fascism.
Honestly it is. Out of all microholocausts pedophiles whine about, bedtime IS fascism. Children are energetic and shouldn't be forced to live on the schedule of their old, perpetually tired parents.

Also, why is he spelling "Armour" the British way? It was an American book.
Card proceeds to spell it the same way. I'd blame either him or his editor, not the letter-writer (provided it's a real letter and not made up by Card).

Disembodied Plane of Dialogue
Ah this is why I instadropped this. I hate this about as much as I hate "in media res" intros where the author doesn't have the balls for it and has to retreat to a Past Perfect explanation in a couple of paragraphs. The difference is the Disembodied Plane of Dialogue writer thinks he's hot shit, while the Past Perfect writer thinks he sucks and must therefore defer to Expert Writing Advice.

This is the kind of observation that seems really deep and world-weary when you're eight and getting a flu shot.
Honestly, that observation alone, without both the context of Card's sincerity and the open derisive clucking of child-hating writers, would be good writing.

I'm not sure why you thought your insane older brother would be less likely to fuck with you once you didn't have a live camera-feed to the military government of Earth in your head. Very "abolish the police" logic.
Presumably because Andrew's older brother, after failing the government test, had envied Andrew, who'd yet to fail his and lasted longer.

Also, not letting third-born children attend school seems like a good way to create a permanent underclass.
Well yes, the intention appears to not allow parents, who presumably want another worthy heir, to raise the illegal third child into a worthy heir with a reasonably happy life. Children are innocent so the government (I assume) won't kill them once they're born, but if parents know they're dooming their subsequent children to a dreary life of menial labor (added: asteroid mining?), they won't have them.

I'm kind of curious how long the two-child rule has been a thing, if it's become such an engrained taboo that not even explicit government sanction for the good of the world can eclipse the stigma. Although, COVID did show how fast new mortal sins can be enshrined.
I find this plausible without COVID: consider the attitude to welfare queens, unwed mothers, and young mothers. If the world is up against the resource cap, entitled irresponsible overbreeders who can't keep their legs shut are eating into other people's resources and, should the children have the same opportunity to breed, other people's genetic legacies. Law-abiding citizens who wanted another child but dutifully abstained would be understandably pissed off at their neighbors flaunting their promiscuity and fecundity.

This doesn't read like a kid about to lash out against against bullies. It's more like a moody western protagonist realising that the idiots at the salloon aren't going to leave him alone.
What did the military do to him? Andrew's had the monitor for a year longer than his brother, so for a year at the minimum, and a year is enough to both train him to fight well and to restore his self-confidence.
added: oh so they didn't do anything, I have no excuses for this. And why today? If Andrew was determined to behave to be chosen for the military (he doesn't sound too enthusiastic to get picked, or disappointed that he wasn't), and feels free to go all out now that he thinks he's failed the test, he would've scared them away earlier. Because getting bullied is not a good look either.

Ender knew the unspoken rules of manly warfare, even though he was only six. It was forbidden to strike the opponent who lay helpless on the ground; only an animal would do that.
WHAT? WHAT? WHAAAAAAAAT?
Ah yes, the well-known, inviolate laws of engagement observed by schoolyard bullies.
Yes, first, schoolyard bullies love attacking in packs and beating victims on the ground. Second, since the world apparently has one government and is locked in an existential struggle against the buggers, there are no rules of manly warfare anymore, spoken or unspoken. Third, Andrew is SIX (muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) and has had the monitor for at least a year, during which bullies weren't a problem, which leaves him no time to have been seriously bullied.

Then Ender looked at the others coldly.
If bullies are so hung up on schoolyard battle honor, they should've rushed and wrecked him this very instant. (Now, I know feral hominids are weak and cowardly once one is made into an example, but it's not what Andrew was thinking -- he was thinking "they're honorable, but I won't be". He should've expected to have been rekt and the bullies to all swear he fell down some stairs.)

Ender looked at Peter only to detect anger or boredom, the dangerous moods that almost always led to pain. Now as Peter's eyes discovered the bandaid on his neck, the telltale flicker of anger appeared.
What sort of shitty parents would let their older son brutalize a [pre-monitor] toddler?

But Peter would not be soothed. "Like us? He keeps the little sucker till he's six years old. When did you lose yours? You were three. I lost mine before I was five. He almost made it, little bastard, little bugger.
Wait, this sounds like they've had monitors from birth or at least from before they were toilet-trained! So how come Andrew was bullied "before"?

You'd think being so eugenically valuleable the government lets you pump out an extra kid would be a mark of pride in this society.
Yes, it's a mark of pride for them, but their neighbors don't have to like it. And now they can't even say that they're raising sacrificial lambs and that is why they're allowed to have spares.

If I recall correctly, the buggers have made at least one devestating attack on Earth itself... so naturally, population control.
The buggers could've devastated the ecosystem (see Space Battleship Yamato for an extreme example).

It's a dumb man's "Dune."
It's another dumb man's "Dune".

"Persuade him that he wants to come with us more than he wants to stay with her.”
Andrew is so much of an author's pet that malevolent disembodied voices want to persuade him.

"You're in deep poo," said Peter. "They found out what you did to Stilson, and now they're gonna make you do time out in the Belt.”
How did Peter know, though?

This exchange would actually be perfectly appropriate (well, appropriately innappropriate) if the siblings were a few years older.
It's also appropriately inappropriate if the kids were molested.

...Got on the bus and told your parents a kid tried to beat you up?
As bullying goes, this part is believable. Andrew doesn't want to tell his parents because he already thinks going to school is a privilege not normally afforded an over-the-limit kid. If they unenroll him, he'll have fucked his own future.

"The final step in your testing was to see what would happen if the monitor comes off. We don't always do it that way, but in your case--”
FORESHADOWING.
It's not a civil war! Everyone hates buggers and everyone wants to exterminate them! You need people who are brave enough to fight, prudent enough to not seek death, and humble enough to not sabotage your fellow humans. From cultural osmosis, it seems like the battle school would produce commanders who'd gleefully sic bugs on each other for a promotion.
What were they testing for? Andrew was a pussy when he thought he was observed and judged for his manly virtues and turned into a lawbreaker the moment he thought he wasn't. This is exactly someone the military does NOT want. And if he's doing bad anime tropes, a child who's all sad and alooooone will grow into a supervillain who'll side with the bugs against humanity.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Wiggin. But that's the name he calls himself.”
This tranny shit again. I went through my post and replaced his tranny name with "Andrew".

Clearly Card had never heard of Janissaries, or as we academics know them, non-tranny jannies.
The book was written at a time where children were regularly beaten as punishment and even SENT TO BED EARLY. Also, sometimes young children who are just starting school don't want to go to school, but are still made to. And boarding schools exist. No one asks six-year-olds for their personal development plans.

You'd think a politician who advocated for the unpersoning of any family with more than two kids would be at a disadvantage at the polls.
There are people right now who want to go extinct and want you to go extinct, and elected politicians and the police coddle them. And there are people right now who demand the breakup of polygamous families and want quiverfuls to be investigated for aboose.

...Who the fuck thinks of Andrew, Peter, and Valentine as "saints' names."
Saint Valentine is a man! Religious parents would name a daughter after a female saint.

Don't get me wrong, I think close-quarters combat in freefall could be a perfectly valuleable part of the curieculum
But they're fighting bugs, who don't have human anatomy! It's not a civil war! And everyone who finishes first year becomes a captain!

And if Ender was an actual six year old, that probably would've ended the book right there.
Nah, an actual six year old would be too stupid to realize leaving the toys behind really means leaving the toys behind and would definitely get into the car with the strange man.

edited to add:
what was Andrew learning at his original school? It doesn't appear to be a school for gifted children. Either he went to kindergarten or primary school with other six year olds who were learning letters and numbers and wasted time there, or he went to developmentally appropriate grades and was savagely bullied by children double his age and size! oh god this book is terrible, I haven't been this pissed off by terrible worldbuilding since Redwall couldn't decide on whether the environment was mouse- or human-scaled.
 
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I had two major problems with "Ender's Game":
  1. It's an apologetic for genocide.
    • "What if the genocide is committed by a CHILD? What if the child is a GENIUS? What if the child REALLY, REALLY DOESN'T MEAN to genocide? THAT WOULD MAKE THE GENOCIDE OK WOULDN'T IT"
      • Fuck off, Orson, you fucking hack.
    • If you pay attention, Ender is a violent, psychopathic little shit. Given the opportunity, the little fuck would've committed a genocide whether or not he thought was in a simulation. He just needed an excuse.
  2. It's a dumb man's "Dune."
    • Think about it: Ender Wiggin is just Paul Atreides without the nuance. Both of them are genocidal mass murderers, but Frank Herbert at least had the balls to involve human casualties and look at the implications head-on.
    • The hackiest part of OSC's hacky sci-fi hackiness is his attempt to rip off "Dune" and think that no one would ever notice the parallels. Orson, you arrogant prick. You suck and your book sucks.
carry on, this is fun
Not familiar with Ender's Game other than the ending spoiler and what was covered so far. Bad works "inspired" by good works usually give a lot to riff on, so this should be interesting.

Also, the interesting part of Dune for me was that Paul saw his destiny would be genocidal and horrible and spent the whole book trying to avoid it, only to ultimately succumb to it at the end. Doesn't Ender only realize he's le bad guy all along at the end and gets trolls remorse over it?
Apparently there's a lot of people who think these two have incestrous subtext
I think people generally tend to read too much into that stuff, but who knows with the author.
 
From cultural osmosis, it seems like the battle school would produce commanders who'd gleefully sic bugs on each other for a promotion.
Yeah, it seems to me that they'd just be raising an entire school of people who see  every problem as fair game for Kobayashi Maru-ing.
Sure is a shame the classroom burned down right before we were set to have another boring-ass lecture on Thucydides!

I think the idea is that Ender went especially aggro even for a playground brawl
Yeah, returning to that fight - the glowies said Ender was pulling a Mazer Rackham move by brutalizing his downed enemy. But why is that special now that we know everyone glorifies Mazer and watches movies about him and his strategies in yearly state-sponsored propaganda screenings? Shouldn't the go-to explanation for "Mazer moves" be "Watches too many holovids" rather than "Ultra-genius"?
 
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I feel like making a surface you eat off a smartscreen seems like a really shitty idea, but it's also the kind of shitty idea that's probably been marketed in real life, so eh.
That's already a thing that exists. There's a bar down in London where arcade machines are built into the tables. Made for a real awkward game of Mortal Kombat.
Again, we've known this kid for like, two minutes, and all he's done is recognise the universial weakspot of all male creatures. What happens if the buggers don't have nuts, Graff? What then?!
Everything has nuts, Kettle. It's just a matter of finding 'em.
Apparently there's a lot of people who think these two have incestrous subtext. I look forward to finding out whether that's Card or the internet being freaks.
I mean, the whole line about how he loves her, but will see her as a 'woman' the next time they meet did seem a bit... Odd.

"It was all your genes that made us, Mom." said Peter. "We sure didn't get any from Dad.”

"We know you've been passed around more than the flu, Mom. Dad's the only one who never got a turn."

"The Stilson boy is in the hospital," Father said. "You really did a number on him. With your shoe, Ender, that wasn't exactly fair.”

"It's just impolite to not take your shoes off before kicking the shit out of your foes."

"Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones, too, right then, so they'd leave me alone."

A decade later, this would be the start of the arc where Ender has to realize the power of friendship is what truly wins the fight.

But the officer stood up and stepped across the room to Ender. He held out his hand. "My name is Graff. Ender. Colonel Hyrum Graff. I'm director of primary training at Battle School in the Belt. I've come to invite you to enter the school.”

The Belt is where the school they want to go to is? Why was Peter referring to it like a prison that Ender is too young to go to?

Mother was incredulous. "Putting the Stilson boy in the hospital? What would you have done if Andrew had killed him, given him a medal?”

Of course not, the combat challenge was based around not getting hit and doing it fast, not fatal blows. Andrew only got the silver medal.
 
edited to add:
what was Andrew learning at his original school? It doesn't appear to be a school for gifted children. Either he went to kindergarten or primary school with other six year olds who were learning letters and numbers and wasted time there, or he went to developmentally appropriate grades and was savagely bullied by children double his age and size! oh god this book is terrible, I haven't been this pissed off by terrible worldbuilding since Redwall couldn't decide on whether the environment was mouse- or human-scaled.
I think the only book that was consistent might have been the first one, but even that had oddities. Later books it was definitely whatever he felt like at the moment at any point in the book.

Not familiar with Ender's Game other than the ending spoiler and what was covered so far. Bad works "inspired" by good works usually give a lot to riff on, so this should be interesting.

Also, the interesting part of Dune for me was that Paul saw his destiny would be genocidal and horrible and spent the whole book trying to avoid it, only to ultimately succumb to it at the end. Doesn't Ender only realize he's le bad guy all along at the end and gets trolls remorse over it?
Not exactly. He does realize he was lied to (after at least one of his friends does, according to the sequels, so much for being the smartest one) and does feel remorse over it, but there's a whole lot of bizarre faff about it that I don't want to get into just yet because we haven't even gotten to lazer tag is lyfe yet.
 
He whispered, "Ender, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know how it feels. I'm sorry, I'm your brother. I love you.”
...Okay, that's legit a bit unsettling.
Theory: Peter got brain-damaged by the implant.

The Belt is where the school they want to go to is? Why was Peter referring to it like a prison that Ender is too young to go to?
I assume (I haven't read the book) it's the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter. There must be labor camps (no sense dragging criminals all the way into space just to lock them up) there, but also a shitton of military bases and schools. Realism of an interstellar war aside, since it's a fact of the setting that bugs did a number on the Earth, and it's a fact of the setting that laser tag is useful, war must involve large armies of bugs and require large armies of human soldiers.
 
I assume (I haven't read the book) it's the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter. There must be labor camps (no sense dragging criminals all the way into space just to lock them up) there, but also a shitton of military bases and schools. Realism of an interstellar war aside, since it's a fact of the setting that bugs did a number on the Earth, and it's a fact of the setting that laser tag is useful, war must involve large armies of bugs and require large armies of human soldiers.
I can understand that, it just feels odd to have it referred to as 'The Belt' in two situations that are referring to different contexts. "You've fucked up, they're gonna send you to the Belt." "You've actually done well, so they're gonna send you to the Belt."

Like, I feel like they could have phrased it like 'You're in for it now. The closest you're gonna get to Battle School will be the Belt's labour camps/whatever'.
 
Reading the book's title did not ring any bell but after going through the first few posts... "Oh, it's this shit!"
 
I mean, on one hand, they were effective, on the other hand, they were also a really good example of why you want volunteer officers, motivated from patriotism and love of country and brother rather than just enslaving the most effective people, because it turns out that an officer corps that has no loyalty or attachment to you as Sultan can turn out badly for you.

Fair point, but the kids here are being trained for a very specific purpose: namely, killing the fucking buggers, which I think they're unlikely to shirk given they'll all die too if they do.

So Battle School is 10 years of constant wargames plus schooling, but only the parts a nerdy boy would like. Got it.

Man, imagine if Ender arrived and found out the school also did gridiron.

EDIT: by the way, is this story set in any particular timeframe besides "the future"?

Not really, though apparently some fans (and the people who made the movie) have pegged it to the late 22nd century?

Yeah, they were forced, which again, you'd think a third would be a social badge of pride. "The government said we were good enough to have EXTRA kids."

If anything, it'd probably make more sense for the parents to resent Ender because they were forced to have him. Maybe they were fine with two kids.
 
I mean, on one hand, they were effective, on the other hand, they were also a really good example of why you want volunteer officers, motivated from patriotism and love of country and brother rather than just enslaving the most effective people, because it turns out that an officer corps that has no loyalty or attachment to you as Sultan can turn out badly for you.
I don't think the method of recruitment matters much. The guard is always best placed to depose a ruler: consider the [Roman] Praetorians or [Russia's] Peter the Great's two personal troll Guard regiments who never sat out a coup. (Pavel I even renamed the Semyonovsky regiment after himself as a sign of high trust, and it hadn't been a year before Alexander I :story: renamed them back.)
 
So, what does the Disembodied Plane of Dialogue have for us today?

"With Ender, we have to strike a delicate balance. Isolate him enough that he remains creative-- otherwise he'll adopt the system here and we'll lose him. At the same time, we need to make sure he keeps a strong ability to lead.”

Then why send him to Battle School? Honestly, it'd be pretty good military satire if the school was actually a failure, but was so popular with politicians and the press that the brass can't afford to shutter it.

"If he earns rank, he'll lead.”

"lt isn't that simple. Mazer Rackham could handle his little fleet and win. By the time this war happens, there'll be too much, even for a genius. Too many little coats. He has to work smoothly with his subordinates.”

"Oh. good. He has to be a genius and nice. too.”

"Not nice. Nice will let the buggers have us all,”

I mean, plenty of succesful military commanders have been nice dudes in their personal lives. Also, as has been pointed out, it's not like Ender is fighting against other humans, or carpet bombing a planet of pacifist kittens. This is a war against alien bug-monsters who literally attacked first. They're the exactly the kind of enemy a dev would put in a video game that you could mow down without feeling bad about it.

"So you're going to isolate him.”

"I'll have him completely separated from the rest of the boys by the time we get to the School.”

So, you want him to be able to effectively command, so you're going to make him an isolated, hated figure amongst the boys who'll grow up to be work under him. This is what happens when your military is more concerned with orchestrating bildungsromans than winning wars.

"I have no doubt of it. I'll be waiting for you to get here. I watched the vids of what he did to the Stilson boy. This is not a sweet little kid you're bringing up here.”

"That's where you're mistaken. He's even sweeter. But don't worry. We'll purge that in a hurry.”

Have we actually seen any evidence of Ender being a sweet kid? So far all we've seen him actually do is calculatingly dispense violence.

Sometimes I think you enjoy breaking these little geniuses.”

"There is an art to it, and I'm very, very good at it. But enjoy? Well, maybe. When they put back the pieces afterward, and it makes them better.”

"You're a monster.”

"Thanks. Does this mean I get a raise?”

"Just a medal. The budget isn't inexhaustible.”

This is barely a step above Power Rangers baddies gleefully proclaiming their own evil.

There were nineteen other boys in his launch. They filed out of the bus and into the elevator. They talked and joked and bragged and laughed. Ender kept his silence. He noticed how Graff and the other officers were watching them. Analyzing. Everything we do means something, Ender realized. Them laughing. Me not laughing.

He toyed with the idea of trying to be like the other boys. But he couldn't think of any jokes, and none of theirs seemed funny. Wherever their laughter came from, Ender couldn't find such a place in himself.

So, Ender is now among boys selected from across the entire planet for being in both the top percentiles of intelligence and suitability for space warfare, exactly like Ender was... and Card immediately makes it clear he's still going to be the school outcast, despite basically being among his own kind. You'd think an author might be interested in exploring what an entire institution of kids at the very edge of the bell-curve would be like, or how Ender copes with no longer being such a big fish in a small pond, but nope. Most of the other boys are treated as normal schoolkids compared to Ender, unable to approach the heights of his intellect and the depths of his inner world. I know a lot of gifted kids found solace in this book, but what Ender's Game should've inspired was a nerdy battle royale to determine who was the true special kid.


He was afraid, and fear made him serious.

Has Ender been anything but serious so far?

They had dressed him in a uniform, all in a single piece; it felt funny not to have a belt cinched around his waist. He felt baggy and naked, dressed like that.

Maybe children's fashion was different where and when Orson grew up, but I have never seen a six year old wear a belt. Was the secret of pants elastic lost when the buggers invaded? And before you say it's the future and fashions would've changed, like fuck Orson put that much thought into it.

He imagined himself being on TV, in an interview. The announcer asking him, How do you feel, Mr. Wiggin? Actually quite well, except hungry. Hungry? Oh, yes, they don't let you eat for twenty hours before the launch. How interesting, I never knew that. All of us are quite hungry, actually. And all the while, during the interview, Ender and the TV guy would slink along smoothly in front of the cameraman, taking long, lithe strides. For the first time, Ender felt like laughing. He smiled. The other boys near him were laughing at the moment, too, for another reason. They think I'm smiling at their joke, thought Ender. But I'm smiling at something much funnier.

Yes, Ender, we get it, you had a copy of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in your schoolbag.

"Go up the ladder one at a time," said an officer. "When you come to an aisle with empty seats, take one. There aren't any window seats.”

It was a joke. The other boys laughed.

Fuck them for laughing!

Ender was near the last, but not the very last. The TV cameras did not give up, though. Will Valentine see me disappear into the shuttle? He thought of waving at her, of running to the cameraman and saying, "Can I tell Valentine good-bye?" He didn't know that it would be censored out of the tape if he did, for the boys soaring out to Battle School were all supposed to be heroes. They weren't supposed to miss anybody. Ender didn't know about the censorship, but he did know that running to the cameras would be wrong.

That's an oddly omniscient narrator moment for how tightly focused the perspective has been on Ender. Also, pretty sure war propaganda has made use of soldiers' relatives for centuries.

He walked the short bridge to the door in the shuttle. He noticed that the wall to his right was carpeted like a floor. That was where the disorientation began. The moment he thought of the wall as a floor, he began to feel like he was walking on a wall. He got to the ladder, and noticed that the vertical surface behind it was also carpeted. I am climbing up the floor. Hand over hand, step by step.

And then, for fun, he pretended that he was climbing down the wall. He did it almost instantly in his mind, convinced himself against the best evidence of gravity. He found himself gripping the seat tightly, even though gravity pulled him firmly against it.

This is a nice bit.

The other boys were bouncing on their seats a little, poking and pushing, shouting. Ender carefully found the straps, figured out how they fit together to hold him at crotch, waist, and shoulders. He imagined the ship dangling upside down on the undersurface of the Earth, the giant fingers of gravity holding them firmly in place. But we will slip away, he thought. We are going to fall off this planet.

He did not know its significance at the time. Later, though, he would remember that it was even before he left Earth that he first thought of it as a planet, like any other, not particularly his own.

To be fair, it is very thinly sketched.

"Oh, already figured it out," said Graff. He was standing on the ladder.

"Coming with us?" Ender asked.

"I don't usually come down for recruiting," Graff said. "I'm kind of in charge there. Administrator of the School. Like a principal. They told me I had to come back or I'd lose my job." He smiled.

Ender smiled back. He felt comfortable with Graff. Graff was good. And he was principal of the Battle School. Ender relaxed a little. He would have a friend there.

Maybe Graff's manipulations and general shittyness would feel like more of a betrayal if he didn't open chapter explaining in great detail what a dick he was.

The other boys were belted in place, those who hadn't done as Ender did.

Are we sure the other boys are meant to be geniuses, or did Graff just steal a bunch of randoms to be extras in Ender's story? Anyway, blast off!

But because he had already reoriented himself, he was not surprised when Graff came up the ladder backward, as if he were climbing down to the front of the shuttle. Nor did it bother him when Graff hooked his feet under a rung and pushed off with his hands, so that suddenly he swung upright, as if this were an ordinary airplane.

The reorientations were too much for some. One boy gagged; Ender understood then why they had been forbidden to eat anything for twenty hours before the launch. Vomit in null gravity wouldn't be fun.

But for Ender, Graff's gravity game was fun

I'm kind of curious how developed space colonisation is in Ender's time. From what I know of the sequels, the asteroid belt is home to whole mining clans, so you'd think there'd be a bunch of kids way more experienced with freefall and maneuvering in three-dimensions.

And he carried it further, imagining that Graff was actually hanging upside down from the center aisle, and then picturing him sticking straight out from a side wall. Gravity could go any which way. However I want it to go. I can make Graff stand on his head and he doesn't even know it.

"What do you think is so funny, Wiggin?”

Graff's voice was sharp and angry. What did I do wrong, thought Ender.

"Did I just catching you acting like a bright child and not a short android, Wiggin?"

"I asked you a question, soldier!" barked Graff.

Oh yes. This is the beginning of the training routine. Ender had seen some military shows on TV, and they always shouted a lot at the beginning of training before the soldier and the officer became good friends.

Also a decent piece of child logic.

"I thought of you hanging upside down by your feet. I thought it was funny.”

It sounded stupid, now, with Graff looking at him coldly. "To you I suppose it is funny. Is it funny to anybody else here?”

Murmurs of no.

"Well why isn't it?" Graff looked at them all with contempt. "Scumbrains, that's what we've got in this launch. Pinheaded little morons. Only one of you had the brains to realize that in null gravity directions are whatever you conceive them to be. Do you understand that, Shafts?”

He's just talkin' 'bout the Shafts. Also, good to know none of these boys had swimming pools back home.

The boy nodded.

"No you didn't. Of course you didn't. Not only stupid, but a liar too. There's only one boy on this launch with any brains at all, and that's Ender Wiggin. Take a good look at him, little boys. He's going to he a commander when you're still in diapers up there. Because he knows how to think in null gravity, and you just want to throw up.”

This wasn't the way the show was supposed to go. Graff was supposed to pick on him, not set him up as the best. They were supposed to be against each other at first, so they could become friends later.

Look, Ender, it's more important that your story resemble the inner-narrative of the mildly bright boy reading this than it make sense.

"Most of you are going to ice out. Get used to that, little boys. Most of you are going to end up in Combat School, because you don't have the brains to handle deep-space piloting. Most of you aren't worth the price of bringing you up here to Battle School because you don't have what it takes. Some of you might make it. Some of you might be worth something to humanity. But don't bet on it. I'm betting on only one.”

So, no, most of the boys who are enrolled in Battle School don't grow up to be Kirk or Picard, they end up being one of the anonymous soldiers in Starship Troopers. The movie, not the book. I'm guessing a book about a Combat School student would be a lot more grimdark than this, and probably a fair whack more compelling. Like an elementary school version of Forever War.

"Looks like you've got it made here," whispered the boy next to him.

Ender shook his head.

"Oh, won't even talk to me?" the boy said.

"I didn't ask him to say that stuff," Ender whispered.

He felt a sharp pain on the top of his head. Then again. Some giggles from behind him. The boy in the next seat back must have unfastened his straps. Again a blow to the head. Go away, Ender thought. I didn't do anything to you.

Again a blow to the head. Laughter from the boys. Didn't Graff see this? Wasn't he going to stop it? Another blow. Harder. It really hurt. Where was Graff?

That's right, kids, it's barely been two chapters, we haven't even made it Battle School, and it's time for another bullying scene! It's frankly starting to feel a bit pornographic. Start as you mean to continue.

Just as the next blow was coming, Ender reached up with both hands, snatched the boy by the wrist, and then pulled down on the arm, hard.

In gravity, the boy would have been jammed against Ender's seat back, hurting his chest. In null gravity, however, he flipped over the seat completely, up toward the ceiling. Ender wasn't expecting it. He hadn't realized how null gravity magnified even a child's strength.

Aww, now I'm sad that Superman comics haven't made it to the nebulous future. Or John Carter if you prefer.

It took only seconds. Graff was already there, snatching the boy out of the air. Deftly he propelled him down the aisle toward the other man. "Left arm. Broken. I think," he said. In moments the boy had been given a drug and lay quietly in the air as the officer ballooned a splint around his arm.

Ender felt sick. He had only meant to catch the boy's arm. No. No, he had meant to hurt him, and had pulled with all his strength. He hadn't meant it to be so public, but the boy was feeling exactly the pain Ender had meant him to feel. Null gravity had betrayed him, that was all. I am Peter. I'm just like him. And Ender hated himself.

I fucking hate this humble-bragging shit. "Ooh, I'm too good at violence and it makes me so sad! I'm just like my brother the fucking antichrist! Marvel at how tender-hearted I am, even though the only decisions I ever seem to make are to beat the shit out of people."

Graff stayed at the front of the cabin. "What are you, slow learners? In your feeble little minds, haven’t you picked up one little fact? You were brought here to be soldiers. In your old schools, in your old families, maybe you were the big shot, maybe you were tough, maybe you were smart. But we chose the best of the best, and that's the only kind of kid you're going to meet now. And when I tell you Ender Wiggin is the best in this launch, take the hint, pinheads. Don't mess with him. Little boys have died in Battle School before. ”

How? I've seen what goes on at Battle School, you aren't exactly doing live-fire exercises. Was the station built by the lowest bidder? Did a kid have a peanut allergy? Or has Graff just fostered such a dysfunctional atmosphere that eight year olds are regularly shiving each other.

I am not a killer, Ender said to himself over and over. I am not Peter. No matter what he says, I wouldn't. I'm not. I was defending myself. I bore it a long time. I was patient. I'm not what he said.

What, a secret alien insect? Now that would be a twist.

"Was it a good flight, Ender?" Graff asked cheerfully.

"I thought you were my friend." Despite himself, Ender's voice trembled.

Graff looked puzzled. "Whatever gave you that idea, Ender?”

"Because you--" Because you spoke nicely to me, and honestly. "You didn't lie.”

"I won't lie now, either," said Graff. "My job isn't to be friends. My job is to produce the best soldiers in the world. In the whole history of the world. We need a Napoleon. An Alexander. Except that Napoleon lost in the end, and Alexander flamed out and died young. We need a Julius Caesar, except that he made himself dictator, and died for it. My job is to produce such a creature, and all the men and women he'll need to help him. Nowhere in that does it say I have to make friends with children.”

Remember what I said about Card unintentionally "mythologising" common childhood experiences? This is a great example of that. Plenty of smart kids have gotten picked on because the teacher singles them out for praise. Here, it's not only the result of natural envy (which is already pretty flattering) but a deliberate conspiracy by the grownups to turn the groundlings against you, the genius boy, because it'll help them exploit or gliterring genius.

"You made them hate me.”

"So? What will you do about it? Crawl into a corner? Start kissing their little backsides so they'll love you again? There's only one thing that will make them stop hating you. And that's being so good at what you do that they can't ignore you. I told them you were the best. Now you damn well better be.”

And what if they just refuse to work with him because you made it clear he's the teacher's pet and they're kids?

"What if I can't?”

"Then too bad. Look, Ender. I'm sorry if you're lonely and afraid. But the buggers are out there. Ten billion, a hundred billion, a million billion of them, for all we know. With as many ships, for all we know. With weapons we can't understand. And a willingness to use those weapons to wipe us out. It isn't the world at stake, Ender. Just us. Just humankind. As far as the rest of the earth is concerned, we could be wiped out and it would adjust, it would get on with the next step in evolution. But humanity doesn't want to die. As a species, we have evolved to survive. And the way we do it is by straining and straining and, at last, every few generations, giving birth to genius. The one who invents the wheel. And light. And flight. The one who builds a city, a nation, an empire. Do you understand any of this?”

Cooperation, what's that? Also, four chapters in, and we've already been told Ender is equilveant to the guy who invented the wheel. This is making Nyx's speech to Zoey Redbird look restrained.

Ender thought he did, but wasn't sure, and so said nothing.

"No. Of course not. So I'll put it bluntly. Human beings are free except when humanity needs them. Maybe humanity needs you.

Don't you live in a society that strictly controls reproduction?

We might both do despicable things, Ender, but if humankind survives, then we were good tools.”

"Is that all? Just tools?”

"Individual human beings are all tools, that the others use to help us all survive.”

"That's a lie.”

"No. It's just a half truth. You can worry about the other half after we win this war.”

Graff, just tell him the twist ending if you're going to give him the rest of the Cliff-Notes.

"It'll be over before I grow up," Ender said.

"I hope you're wrong," said Grail. "By the way, you aren't helping yourself at all, talking to me. The other boys are no doubt telling each other that old Ender Wiggin is back there licking up to Graff. If word once gets around that you're a teachers' boy, you're iced for sure.”

Bit late for that, Graff!

Graff watched him go.

One of the teachers near him said, "Is that the one?”

"God knows," said Graff. "If it isn't Ender, then he'd better show up soon.”

"Maybe it's nobody," said the teacher.

"Maybe. But if that's the case, Anderson, then in my opinion God is a bugger. You can quote me on that.”

Because all wars are won by one dude.

"The kid's wrong. I am his friend.”

"I know.”

"He's clean. Right to the heart, he's good.”
I'll take your word for it. Wait, no I won't.

"I've read the reports.”

"Anderson, think what we're going to do to him.”

Anderson was defiant. "We're going to make him the best military commander in history.”

"And then put the fate of the world on his shoulders. For his sake, I hope it isn't him. I do.”

"Cheer up. The buggers may kill us all before he graduates.”

Graff smiled. "You're right. I feel better already.”

God I hope so.
 
"lt isn't that simple. Mazer Rackham could handle his little fleet and win. By the time this war happens, there'll be too much, even for a genius. Too many little coats. He has to work smoothly with his subordinates.”
This is barely a step above Power Rangers baddies gleefully proclaiming their own evil.
At least Power Rangers baddies are written by people who likes battle fiction. This reads like it was written by a conscientous objector in a country with no draft.

The other boys were belted in place, those who hadn't done as Ender did.
Are we sure the other boys are meant to be geniuses, or did Graff just steal a bunch of randoms to be extras in Ender's story? Anyway, blast off!
Over a decade ago, on my birthday, I had to visit an industrial exhibition as a representative of the Border Guard, and decided to ride a ferris wheel in an open seat (no capsule). I took a seat, the safety bar was in the way so I pushed it down onto my knees. The carny who was locking people in saw me apparently already strapped in since last spin and went to secure the next group of seats. It turned out I didn't properly lock the bar into place so I slipped out 300 ft in the air, fell down and died.

What I'm saying is, is Andrew absolutely sure he knows how to operate seatbelts on a spaceship?
Then again, maybe he'd rather die than let Graff anywhere near his crotch. Understandable.

"Left arm. Broken. I think," he said.
BUT WHY? Zero gravity doesn't magnify your strength, you don't get extra kinetic energy out of thin air. Yes the boy might fly into the ceiling, but he won't break his limbs as if he'd flown into the ceiling on Earth. Like you'd jump higher on the Moon but you'd land just as hard as on Earth.

(edited to add: I realized I'd written this confusingly: what I mean is that even though you jump 1 ft on Earth and 6 ft on the Moon, landing on your feet afther the jump on the Moon would hurt exactly as much as it does on Earth, as in not at all, because the energy your legs and the surface must absorb is the energy you expended when jumping, determined by your muscle power.)

In fact BECAUSE the energy of Andrew's attack transformed into the kinetic energy of the boy's whole body, very little of it went into straining and crushing his arm. It's safer to have a fight in zero g.

(edited to add: suppose you punch a loose balloon -- it won't be damaged at all, it'll just fly away and be gradually stopped by air resistance. Now suppose you hold the balloon against a wall and punch it -- it will explode.)
Null gravity had betrayed him, that was all.
WROOOOOOOOONG
bad, bad physics
 
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So, no, most of the boys who are enrolled in Battle School don't grow up to be Kirk or Picard, they end up being one of the anonymous soldiers in Starship Troopers.
I think this bit is actually a little more interesting than that. When you have a character that lies, openly and blatantly, then you've learned not that one of those two things are the truth, but that neither of them are definitely the truth. You, as an author, are essentially undoing all the basic worldbuilding you've had the character do, by making the reader have to go back and examine "What did they say, and why did they say it?"

I think it's pretty clear that Graff is lying about the prospects of the non-Ender students, from the benefit of having read this book. We will note that he did hedge the hell out of Battle School's pass rate with the "All that want to.", and again, we can clearly see how people can want to excel and fuck up because Graff decided to make them into a teachable moment.

And so, I think that we can assume that at best, we can only infer what emotion Graff is trying to instill in the person he's speaking to when he speaks, and that we should, as alert readers, just assume that Graff is lying. (Which, of course, is actually a moderately neat set-up for later.)

I also think it's significant that Graff is being so obvious about it. I think I'll save that for much later in the book when we get there, though.

And yeah, I've got no idea how zero-g would make it easier to break a bone, either; that just reads like bad physics to me.

---

So, do we he have any history buffs who might want to bring up other precocious military commanders? I know that Alexander the Great was fighting and winning at a young age (but not fucking 6, Jesus Christ), but it would be interesting to do a little historical survey and see what attributes successful young commanders share. I feel like it would be a bit of intelligence, a lot of personal charisma, and massive amounts of selection bias, but IANAH.
 
We will note that he did hedge the hell out of Battle School's pass rate with the "All that want to.", and again, we can clearly see how people can want to excel and fuck up because Graff decided to make them into a teachable moment.
I didn't read it as a lie, I read it as blatantly evil MLM prosperity gospel. Like, you'll definitely make billions selling leggings and essential oils door to door. If you really want to. If you don't, it means you must not have wanted it all that much. (Incidentally, Mormons are easy prey for MLM scams.)
 
With Ender, we have to strike a delicate balance. Isolate him enough that he remains creative-- otherwise he'll adopt the system here and we'll lose him.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? If the system is so worthless, why are they keeping it?
Besides which, even a genius needs to learn the fundamentals. Picasso was a good "regular" painter before he did the rule-breaking sort of paintings everyone knows him for. If Ender's really everything he's cracked up to be, he'll naturally want to push beyond the limits of whatever system he's trained in, without all the weird mental glow-ops.
 
I mean, plenty of succesful military commanders have been nice dudes in their personal lives.
An important aspect of a lot of successful military commanders was having their men like them. IIRC Julius Caesar was a good example of someone who's success was aided by the opinion of his men.
Also, as has been pointed out, it's not like Ender is fighting against other humans, or carpet bombing a planet of pacifist kittens. This is a war against alien bug-monsters who literally attacked first. They're the exactly the kind of enemy a dev would put in a video game that you could mow down without feeling bad about it.
It's hard for me to be sympathetic towards aliens in media (pro-human bias I guess). It's harder for me to be sympathetic towards bug-aliens. It's even harder for me to be sympathetic towards bug-aliens who tried to wipe humanity out first. At the very least, the whole "feel sympathy for the bugs plz" thing just doesn't work for me.
 
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