Memory Lane: August 16 2022 - Nick had a really great and "totally legal" vacation
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Here is yet another account from Nick regarding his drug use. Nick references events out of order, so they have been reorganized for your convenience.
Nick is trying to tell this story about drug use under the pretense of responsible use and begins by demonstrating familiarity with drugs and asserting that he doesn't like drugs that make him foggy or lose control. It sounds like the high Nick is looking for in a drug is centered around loss of inhibitions, which is telling, although Nick isn't being entirely honest here.
Inhibition is a passive form of self-control, much like the instinct for self-preservation. Removing can place one at the mercy of their impulses. Alcohol, which Nick categorizes as the drug he uses most often, has impaired his memory to the point of blackouts (2022 birthday stream) even while streaming or his public events with fans (2023 Vegas meetup). Nick also blames alcohol when his inhibitions get out of hand (by the way, do you know Mandy?). In any case, there is a strong possibility that there is more than just alcohol at play.
Chocolate Mushrooms at Hedonism II: INHIBITION COOM-SPLOSION!
Moving on, Nick describes the vacation as an "
inhibition coom-splosion" and talks about taking chocolate mushroom bars during his Hedonism II vacation. Nick makes it clear that the "beach pharmacist" and staff at the resort could get you whatever you want. Nick buys the mushroom chocolate bars and the instructions say that 1 square brings clarity and focus, 2 squares provides fractals and mild hallucinations, and 3 squares means you should find a safe place and get ready for happy town. They wake up at 6AM with nothing to do and since they were advised to take the mushroom chocolate on an empty stomach (they weren't having breakfast for awhile) they took the mushrooms.
They promptly decide to head out to the area with all the pools while they wait for it to kick in, and when it does, Nick starts to feel sick so he makes a genius plan for them to head back to the room. Nick pats himself on the back, taking credit for finally following the instructions that came with the drugs (as if it were his intuition that saved the day). Ultimately, Nick isn't sure they actually went to the pool.
At the beginning of the mushrooms hitting, Kayla handed him the phone to respond to an email because she knew that she couldn't do it. Nick described how the text was frustrating him and the story just kind of ends.
Nick describes experiencing time dilation and hallucinations and calling his wife a dumb lying bitch for not thinking she is that affected by the drugs because...
he is acting high and annoying (kind of a "You're high because I'm high" logic). He hated the way it made his legs feel far away, how he couldn't feel his posterior, and was paranoid that he defecated in the bed whenever he passed gas. Nick was elated whenever this wasn't the case so he could go back under the covers (where he had been farting). Nick then went to the bathroom where he sat naked on the toilet, twiddling joker cards (to anchor him to reality) while muttering to himself and getting spooked by the mirrors.
While this is happening, Kayla is on the bed "torched" and ignoring him. She is still not engaging with how dumb Nick claims he is being. 50 minutes later Kayla, who was playing games on her phone, checks in on Nick. Nick eventually comes out and gaslights himself into thinking he's always been in the room with Kayla. They play poker which "wasn't good". Kayla had ADHD and some level of OCD (undiagnosed) so when she opened the deck of cards and marveled at how beautiful they looked, Nick called her "fucking retarded". Kayla then shuffles the cards and starts crying because she ruined them.
Nick took the maximum dose of mushrooms and based his experience off of that. He also still maintains that he hates being disoriented. Nick claims not to be into it and that the experience lasted about 5 hours. During that time Kayla only finished 3 puzzles (sudoku) on her phone.
Nick says that the best part is that it makes you stupid and you don't care how stupid the other person is... except for all the times Nick called his wife retarded and tried to force his own trip.
Nick laments that he can't show pictures of his costume that he won a contest with because it would be "way too fucking hilarious". The costume was sandals, navy blue briefs, an island-y shirt, and "get this dick" painted on his chest by Kayla under the shirt. Nick walked up and modelled the costume and then ripped the shirt off to the music and everybody clapped. Kayla made use of the stripper pole, though she doesn't like to dance at all.
Nick gets Legal Mindset laid and takes MDMA at Anime Matsuri:
Nick describes his first MDMA experience. He got it from a trusted friend, who warned him that it may not work. Nick took it at Matsuri before the rave and nothing happens, so he goes to the bar with Starwars Girl (Anna), Cecil, Flash and everybody. They have drinks, Nick gets Legal Mindset to clean the taco canyon of a chubby teacher named Jocelyn (gross). Nick "acts like a jackass" to her and introduces her to Legal Mindset and "it was over, IT. WAS.
OVER!" before he could hook her up with Cecil. Nick then baselessly speculates that the person he was with, who said he was her brother, was cucked via Nick because that is why God put him on this earth.
Afterwards Nick, Kayla, and Anna are walking down the street, lamenting that the MDMA didn't work. Nick and Kayla lay down in bed and then Nick starts to feel sick. Nick only had maybe five drinks total and a weed pen (delta eight) that evening on top of the MDMA pills, so he couldn't understand why he felt sick. Nick goes to the bathroom, looks in the mirror and sees that the room has changed color, his pupils were enlarged, and everything gets weird. Nick starts "dry humping"/rubbing the wall for 20 minutes because he loves the texture so much.. Ryan (the editor?) would know because he stayed at the same hotel. Nick goes out to see Kayla and notices that her tattoos started fluttering and felt glorious. Nick ends the story with implication that they had drug-fueled sex.
If Nick describes the experience as pure joy and lays out the timeline: he took the MDMA at 12:10pm and it didn't kick in untill 2:45am and then lasted for a very long time. The MDMA was handmade by his friend...
What did Nick learn?
Nick came away from the experience understanding why people take drugs once and then go crazy (foreshadowing?).
Nick doesn't know that there is going to be many next times because, even though it was the best time ever (and he can't recommended it enough to people who like consensual touching) he couldn't do it in normal life or at home. As a once, ever, thing it was great. Doing a live show high would be very very bad and a waste of a high "unless it was on Onlyfans".
Nick didn't like the mushrooms, but the butterflies on Kayla flapping appears to be the highlight. From the sounds of it Kayla could be replaced with butterfly wallpaper/bedding and MDMA.
Ultimately, Nick didn't grow as a person and only learned that he likes drugs.
August 2022: Nick goes on the wall (Ryan mention)
December 2022: Coming down off MDMA
March 2023: Nick likes touching himself because of... alcohol?
What can we learn?
Nick's fixation on the effects of drugs that reduce inhibition and describing his vacation as an "inhibition coom-splosion" in conjunction with his preoccupation with attending nude beaches with the intent to also lower inhibitions makes it clear that Nick is trying to erase any barrier to hedonism in his life. Nick either doesn't know (or doesn't care) that more than inhibitions are affected by this behavior as he seeks to chemically euthanize whatever remains of his conscience.
Nick's behavior toward his wife is verbally abusive and one can only imagine what else he said or did. He sounds angry at her for whatever reason, and he seems to think that is okay (or possibly even sexy/manly?). Nick may want to have sex with Kayla, but he really doesn't seem to like her.
More to be said, but this is pretty long as is. I leave the rest to you all.
