Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[ZipDisk]

"Fuck grief, here's something good to remember me by"

Moving on from decent human beings to shitty ones;

Jack doesn't share.

I'm fairly sure his theme park food crawls he ate Junior's portions and told staff he wasn't hungee, Jr only really ballooned up as an adult. He was just a sad dumb child in most videos.
Now he's got hamhock arms AND an ay-rab nasty beard.

That being said, anyone who eats with Jack tubs up because when you only eat out, you're packing on the pounds.

No restaurant food is really healthy, no matter how many salad bowls full of dressing they choke down. Bourdain was happy to explain this on his show at length. You're going to get as much butter as the chef felt was needed as a cheat code. You're going to get a Gommorah dose of salt, because that's what gets oversized asses in seats.

Eating out should be a treat, not a "business expense".

Then again, if not for assholes like jack, most restaurants would go out of business. I mean they do anyway because the restaurant business is a losing business, but Lardwhales keep the tills brrring.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

imo the only cobbler recipe you need is the one this irish woman had put on her tombstone
View attachment 5525739
"until done" = 30-35 minutes

And those are the best recipes as anybody knows who's cooked sometimes you need to leave things in longer or take them out sooner to get good results.

Jr only really ballooned up as an adult. He was just a sad dumb child in most videos.

Jr was chubby when he was younger. He grew quite a bit so it eventually evened him out a bit. But he's still got those Scalfatty genes meaning he's going to be bald and fat when he hits 30.

Eating out should be a treat, not a "business expense".

Agreed. Eating out should be an occasional thing. It shouldn't be half your meals.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Jack better get a tombstone with a recipe ripped straight from his "cookbook," "step 1) e" and everything. His lazy man's blueberry ice cream muffins are almost literally to die for.

No lie I have a fascination with tombstone recipes and I wish this was more common. I’d make a whole channel finding and making obscure dead people recipes.

In all seriousness, I love seeing tombstones like that. In a way it's like seeing a look at someone you never knew or met, if their recipe is so beloved or legendary locally that their fudge recipe is on their tombstone. I know there are people that have followed tombstone recipes online, but no full fledged channels that I know of. I'd totally love to see it, even as a sub series on someone's channel.

And those are the best recipes as anybody knows who's cooked sometimes you need to leave things in longer or take them out sooner to get good results.

That, or it depends on your oven. Something you only know if you check the temperature calibrations or actually cook in it long enough to know that stuff tends to cook ten minutes earlier than usual, and even then you should go by smell even if the instructions say that it's twenty minutes too early to pull. Meanwhile Jack always cooks chicken for 30 minutes for that guaranteed pink chicken result.

 

[Point Emerging]

imo the only cobbler recipe you need is the one this irish woman had put on her tombstone
View attachment 5525739
"until done" = 30-35 minutes

Any input on the kind of peaches? Canned? Fresh? Weights? I'm invested, now.

 

[a terminal posture]

Any input on the kind of peaches? Canned? Fresh? Weights? I'm invested, now.

Fresh is best but peaches are only good for a brief time of year so canned is ok, but avoid sweetened ones. Or just use apples. The amount will depend on the baking dish. At a minimum you will need to cover the entire bottom of the dish with a layer of fruit. The maximum is the depends on the depth of the dish. Its up to you what you want for your fruit/crust ratio.

 

[Point Emerging]

Fresh is best but peaches are only good for a brief time of year so canned is ok, but avoid sweetened ones. Or just use apples. The amount will depend on the baking dish. At a minimum you will need to cover the entire bottom of the dish with a layer of fruit. The maximum is the depends on the depth of the dish. Its up to you what you want for your fruit/crust ratio.

That's a great way to put it. I have jotted this down for my recipe cards. Big thenk.

 

[rubytintedchix]

Jack better get a tombstone with a recipe ripped straight from his "cookbook," "step 1) e" and everything. His lazy man's blueberry ice cream muffins are almost literally to die for.

In all seriousness, I love seeing tombstones like that. In a way it's like seeing a look at someone you never knew or met, if their recipe is so beloved or legendary locally that their fudge recipe is on their tombstone. I know there are people that have followed tombstone recipes online, but no full fledged channels that I know of. I'd totally love to see it, even as a sub series on someone's channel.

Jack’s tombstone recipe would just be a link to one of his YouTube videos. Or “onion” by itself much further down on the marker.

 

[ZipDisk]

Come on, it wouldn't be onion, it would be Jarlic or shreddy cheese. Because Jarlic is better. You keep it in the freezer to last longer. (This is not true)

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Or just use apples.

That opens up the eternal argument over which apple is superior when making cobbler, pie or whatever else.

And the answer to that question is Northern Spy. Fight me.

The amount will depend on the baking dish. At a minimum you will need to cover the entire bottom of the dish with a layer of fruit. The maximum is the depends on the depth of the dish. Its up to you what you want for your fruit/crust ratio.

The other great thing about cobbler recipes is there's no one way to make them. Some are loaded with fruit, some are more cake like and if you really want to get simple make it a crumble instead.

But one thing we can all agree on. A big scoop of vanilla ice cream needs to be served with it. Helps to cool it down and ice cream always makes it taste better.

 

[lindsayfan]

The other great thing about cobbler recipes is there's no one way to make them. Some are loaded with fruit, some are more cake like and if you really want to get simple make it a crumble instead.

for sure-- that gravestone recipe is for a more southern biscuit-type crust, which is what i'm used to and prefer, but to each their own

 

[rubytintedchix]

Come on, it wouldn't be onion, it would be Jarlic or shreddy cheese. Because Jarlic is better. You keep it in the freezer to last longer. (This is not true)

I’m talking about page 5 of his cookbook. Pictured below.

 

[Cougar Pump]

No restaurant food is really healthy, no matter how many salad bowls full of dressing they choke down. Bourdain was happy to explain this on his show at length. You're going to get as much butter as the chef felt was needed as a cheat code. You're going to get a Gommorah dose of salt, because that's what gets oversized asses in seats.

Ironically the restaurants where you could consider the food healthy are those that publish their recipes and calories, and have repeatable doses. So, fast food restaurants.

Sure, you're still personally responsible for not overdosing on cheap calories, but you are provided with the info necessary to make an informed choice. Smaller restaurants that don't publish that information are a complete dice roll, and like you say their dishes are made up of whatever the fuck tastest best. Chances are that's mucho butter, oil, and salt. Good luck guessing.

I lost a bunch of weight years back and my go-to meal while out and about was a Big Mac, because I knew it was a flat 500 cals with the fries swapped for salad and a zero cal drink. IIFYM is an absolute truth IMO.

 

[ZipDisk]

Jack always slams to the heaviest/cheapest. Seach the archives, you know it's true.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Jack must have had no internet access in the woods yesterday. He’s online sperging again.

I wonder how he survived without eating for several hours. He must have been insufferable to be around.

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View attachment 5522744

Lol of course that fat ass quotes epochtimes as a source

 

[Instant_Pot_User]

Lol of course that fat ass quotes epochtimes as a source

I've been reading too much about Greeks and Greek history because for a moment I wondered who the fuck Epochtimes (Επόχτιμης) was.
Epoch Times is that Chinese cult newspaper that publishes basically only boomerbait, yeah? Seems to fit Jack rather well, actually.

 

[VenomPlug]

Jack cares about his health and weight, avoiding another stroke

 

[Lou's Sentient Backfat]

Jack cares about his health and weight, avoiding another stroke

View attachment 5528114

Just the way Jack likes it, leather on the outside, raw on the inside.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

Jack cares about his health and weight, avoiding another stroke

View attachment 5528114

Doesn't jack have a dining room/table? Why's he eating at his desk like a studio apartment bachelor. And if that is the dining table and not his 'office', why does he have a frigging extension cord up on the table just chilling there.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I’m talking about page 5 of his cookbook. Pictured below.

View attachment 5527100

It's a hidden .onion link that you need to decipher to get the real recipes.

Or you know, it's just Jagoff being a mushbrain like usual.

Jack cares about his health and weight, avoiding another stroke

View attachment 5528114

I'm guessing that's the vension Chuck bagged?

Just the way Jack likes it, leather on the outside, raw on the inside.

To be fair venison can't be cooked well done. Well... you can but it comes out really dry. But this looks dried out on the surface. It looks absolutely nasty and no veggies to be seen.

Doesn't jack have a dining room/table? Why's he eating at his desk like a studio apartment bachelor. And if that is the dining table and not his 'office', why does he have a frigging extension cord up on the table just chilling there.

Nobody gets between him and his meat. The Wendigo will not allow it.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

Jack cares about his health and weight, avoiding another stroke

View attachment 5528114

What’s with the gunk all over the blue thing at the top? Isn’t the white part the mouthpiece of some lung/COPD device? Has Jack’s saliva and breathing fluids always dried out to a thin brown consistency?