DSP Plays Balding Gate 3

[JimiHendrix]

phil will be playing baldur's gate 3 on Monday, he is already making excuses to drop it and how he doesn't believe it's a good game and will hate it. i am making this thread in preparation for it, since I said I would.

i am not going to recap his screaming about the game rn, but he's going apeshit over the game and how he doesn't want to spend 100 hours and blah blah blah.

"fuck you. stop making excuses for why the game won't work on my stream"

mate, you literally just spend 45 minutes doing literally just that. alright fuck this, I'm posting this thread.

 

[Luxxx]

I'm so excited for the hissyfits. LFG.

 

[Martys_not_smarty]

Get ready for several flavors of nail biting and faggoty facial expressions the first time the vampire gets into bed with the protagonist for a little necking.

 

[Optimus Prime]

> game wins GOTY 2023
> he could easily milk hundreds of hours out of playing this one game by doing multiple paths

Guarantee he's going to look up guides beforehand to try and overpower the hell out of himself, I.E. getting the big burning sword from the guy at the beginning of the game.

And he's still going to get skullfucked by brute forcing the game instead of thinking critically and doing things like "deal fall damage to the giant spider by setting the web on fire while it's in the air".

 

[kiwirevolving]

His first stream will be a snoozefest because of the character creation
>pop-up with the option of disabling nudity
>Phil goes on a rant about how sex and romance in video games is disgusting
>remind his chat that he's a 41 year old married man and doesn't have time for this shit
>read out loud the description of every race, subrace, class, subclass, spell etc.
>snort into the mic
>overthink and overanalyze his party setup when choosing a class
>go over every character option to make his Tav look like his gout ridden self
>act surprised or annoyed that he'll now "have" to customize his guardian

The character creation in this game can be pretty extensive if you do it the way Phil does with every game that has one, he'll stretch the character creation segment easily for an hour, maybe even more

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

> game wins GOTY 2023
> he could easily milk hundreds of hours out of playing this one game by doing multiple paths

Guarantee he's going to look up guides beforehand to try and overpower the hell out of himself, I.E. getting the big burning sword from the guy at the beginning of the game.

And he's still going to get skullfucked by brute forcing the game instead of thinking critically and doing things like "deal fall damage to the giant spider by setting the web on fire while it's in the air".

Can't wait for him to nuke his own party members just like he did when he played DS2

 

[JimiHendrix]

honestly thought the character creator was lacking.

 

[Incel Death Note]

He won't even get off the illithid ship until the second stream.

 

[Negative Toxic Loser]

*Character creations ends*

"Ok guys, what do I do? No one's talking to me. Hello? Guys? I'm just going to put the controller down until someone tells me what to do."

The 2 sessions he has of this game is going to be boring. I hope Comcast faggot comes back to make it interesting.

 

[Derich 2nd of coomland]

Well we should be in for a treat of hissyfits, Karening and blaming his audince for him being too retarded to understand what is going on.

When he accidently enters a gay thing with Gale he will lose his shit, and I'm so there for it all

EDIT. My guess is that he'll drop the game during the goblin camp (if he even gets that far).

 

[myone]

"Ok guys, what do I do? No one's talking to me. Hello? Guys? I'm just going to put the controller down until someone tells me what to do."

Man, imagine watching legacy DSP play this game prior to streaming. The playthrough would be 5000 parts and take 2 years, even with diligent guide reading between 10 minute clips, he'd be constantly lost.

Now it's just going to be the usual hand-holding slop with lots of complaining.

 

[Negative Toxic Loser]

When he accidently enters a gay thing with Gale he will lose his shit, and I'm so there for it all

"Huh? What? How do I stop trying to fuck the vampire twink, dude? Oh my God. This is stupid. It's a fucking puzzle boss!"

Edit: Wait, is Gale the twink vampire or the sorcerer guy? I only played like 3 hours of the game.

Now it's just going to be the usual hand-holding slop with lots of complaining.

Which I am sure it'll be fun to laugh at Phil's complete lack of understanding of basic things, I don't think it'll bring as many laughs at Divinity.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Now it's just going to be the usual hand-holding slop with lots of complaining.

And he can still get BTFO'd by the whims of fate, even if he has karmic dice enabled.

A major part of the game is failing dice rolls and there's no way Phil is going to be able to comprehend this when it comes to making conversation roll checks. He'll have no idea what's going on and get mad because you genuinely can't brute-force the game without EXTREME save scumming (or getting characters to obscenely high levels so you can do whatever you want but let's be real, he's not getting there).

 

[Derich 2nd of coomland]

Edit: Wait, is Gale the twink vampire or the sorcerer guy? I only played like 3 hours of the game.

He's the sorcerer, but I'm sure that Astarions personality and mannerisms will piss off Phil from the get go

 

[Soylent Dora]

I look forward to hate watching this. I usually can't 100% get on board with the SF6 hate watching since I don't play those games and don't know the ins and outs. But I've played the fuck out of BG3 and I know he's gonna bullshit his way to rage quitting it.

 

[Balr0g]

Ok what's the bet he goes for the bear sex just because it's the most hilarious?

 

[Derich 2nd of coomland]

Ok what's the bet he goes for the bear sex just because it's the most hilarious?

That would require Phil going for a gay romance, remember Phil will ALWAY make his avatar a Phil lookalike. So I'd say 0%

 

[JimiHendrix]

That would require Phil going for a gay romance, remember Phil will ALWAY make his avatar a Phil lookalike. So I'd say 0%

that would require phil to find and rescue halsin which is already a big ask

 

[myone]

Credit where credit is due though: SmugsydePhil laid the perfect trap for his dented fanbase with BG3. There's only two possible outcomes now:

1. Attendance and support are great. HumblesydePhil admits that he was proven wrong and dries his crocodile tears with stacks of bills => Phil wins
2. Attendance is mediocre or poor: GloatsydePhil gets to let out his massive told-you-so rant, telling everyone that BG3 isn't all that it's cracked up to be, he gets to go another giant rant about PC gaming, how it's too difficult and not approachable and not real blockbuster entertainment. PC is just for indie shit and even big budget titles can't compete with the big boys Sony and Microsoft. Consoomer ShillsydePhil is very upset and angry, he wants them to shovel the slop right into his throat, meaningful nonsense instead of this garbage (remember, the 2 trailers of the game awards Dvae enjoyed the most were the trashiest: OD nothingburger and a Jurassic Park original movie play-by-play prerendered cutscene) => Phil wins

 

[Van Darkholme]

Predicting seal laugh followed by OH MAH GAWD when he gets to the bugbear fucking the troll in the barn.