LostMy1stAccount
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2018
DSP Plays Balding Gate 3
- Thread starter JimiHendrix
- Start date
-
🐕 I am attempting to get the site runnning as fast as possible. If you are experiencing slow page load times, please report it.
myone
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2020
His reaction is typical for a scrub like him: "How was i supposed to know that" -> he literally expects the game to let him win and if he doesn't the game is doing something wrong.
He's ready to rage quit after the 1st stream.
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2023
Leveling up two characters was already too much for him. First real combat and he's already confused. He kept getting people up without knowing that getting someone up means they don't have an action next turn.
Looking good. Also first full character death (you can still rez them with scrolls)
After a character going down/death you enter turn based mode because each turn is valuable. What does DSP do?
Run into a fire and down another character
With his last remaining character he walks to help out the other and takes another 2 damage, 5 HP left. After that he loses the remaining 5HP and the party wipes.
BRAVO!
Looking good. Also first full character death (you can still rez them with scrolls)
You find a Wizard by the name of Gale early on in the game. Dave is getting annoyed over the character talking for a long time and using big words to say very little, which is very ironic.
Run into a fire and down another character
With his last remaining character he walks to help out the other and takes another 2 damage, 5 HP left. After that he loses the remaining 5HP and the party wipes.
BRAVO!
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2019
Let's check in.
Well fuck.
Well fuck.
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2019
the gameplay is finally starting. i will write down anything that stands out to me. i am working on the side, so I may not catch everything.
that is the end. this was a bit of a fucking disaster, I am not going to lie to you. It was slow as a mother fucker, he took about 3 hours to do what I did in 45 minutes, but the second he get to a real fight, he immediately shit himself.
turning dicks off so people can't false flag him.
someone told phil to try dark urge and he immediately called them out as being wrong because several other people told him not to do it. personally I did dark urge my first try and it was fine.
picked balanced difficulty.
phil doesn't immediately recognize a mindflayer, something I've known since I was 13 and I wasn't even big into D&D
we've entered character creator at 1:58pm
phil thinks githyanki are orcs.
phil has apparently never heard of a Drow in his fucking life.
he has randomly selected Dragonborn as his race.
phil is going with wizard class.
"a twenty sided dice has gotta look like a sphere, right? doesn't even look like a die anymore"
?
valedictorian phil doesn't know what the word heterochromia means.
phil fat fingered the controller and wiped his character after he finished customizing them.
in his infinite wealth of imagination phil was going to name himself DSP, but in a stroke of inspiration, changed his name to DarkscalePhil.
phil is now on the Guardian, he hit random and it gave him a black woman, phil let out a noticeable sound of startled surprise.
phil randomized his guardian and got someone with that disease Michael Jackson had, not the child fucking one, the one that made him white.
nevermind, his fans made him remove the vertilligo or whatever it's called.
phil describes this as "two colors of skin combined together" I don't think he knows it's a real medical affliction.
he hit randomize one more time and got a giant orc muscle mommy.
it is 2:38pm, we have exited character creator.
"wow, oh crap. was that flammable liquid?"
top tier commentary.
it is 2:44pm, phil has gotten to actual gameplay.
phil has failed the first dice roll of the game, get bent.
nice, he blew himself up. wish that had killed him, but still, pretty funny.
it is 2:55pm, phil has exited the first room in the game.
apologies, phil has done some battles, but some work stuff dropped and I need to do it. he hasn't died or anything and he' struggling with menus, it's not interesting, you're not missing anything.
phil is very excited you can save in the middle of the fight. he's going to try and defeat Commander Zhalk.
he does not understand that he can't simply spam abilities and that they take resources. "you can only use it once a fight? once an entire fight? that really sucks"
just wait until he learns you can only use some skills once per rest.
3:53pm, phil has gotten out of the tutorial.
phils brilliant deduction is that the mindflayer tadpole in his brain "will probably come back later in the plot, it seems like it would."
"how did they hit the ground and not die?"
phil was apparently not paying attention or instantly forgot how he was levitated before hitting the floor.
phil is BAMBOOZLED about the idea of the camp section, he was utterly confused on where he had been teleported too.
the game explained attacks of opportunity to phil, he goes "yeah, yeah, yeah, okay" and skips it. he is then VERY surprised when he gets attack of opportunity'd by an intellect devourer.
phil has beaten the 3 intellect devourer's all it took was 1 healing spell and shadowheart getting molested, but he did it.
"the combat is gonna piss me off because it's very slow turn based and I'm going to make mistakes and you can't undo your mistakes because it sucks"
at the start of this stream you were yelling about how you LOVE turn-based games and you grew up playing them.
he is struggling to shoot a firebolt in 3d space. took him like 45 seconds to line up the shot.
now he is struggling to jump into a hole and requires his chat to tell him how to do it. this is terrible.
phil fucked up using magic missile. you are able to send each individual missile to individual targets, phil just mashed the button on one target and thought the missile would hit people along the way.
"I have no clue, I really don't know what to do. i don't understand"
man is in his first real fight of the game and getting molested by a group of bandits.
his fans are having to hand hold him about reviving knocked down team mates.
"they are perfectly staying outside of the grease, you notice that?"
he tried to use his pig grease to create a choke hold for the enemies to come inside the room, he didn't expect the enemies would stay outside the room and use the grease to bottleneck him. literally outsmarted by NPCs.
"what's the point of me being in the game if I can't do anything?"
mad that he can't be revived and do actions on the same turn.
"IT MISSED AND DIDN'T LIGHT THE GREASE ON FIRE? IT DIDN'T DO ANYTHING"
why would it light the grease on fire? You shot the firebolt at her, not the grease on the ground.
"trying to use logic in a game like this is a bad idea I guess"
I mean, trying to use logic when you're a 73iq retard is a bad idea in general, yeah.
NPC just NUKED his party "OH HE HAD AN AREA OF EFFECT FIRE BOMB THAT CAN HIT MY ENTIRE PARTY, THAT'S FAIR"
Gale has died which has unleashed a necrotic aura in the tight ass room he's in.
"this is dumb because it's the first fight of the game that I'm supposed to know all the mechanics in the fight. you're supposed to know if you target the (explosive) barrel that it'll explode. this is not an easy playthrough because I don't understand the mechanics"
like I said, 73iq moron.
"why don't I have advantage? no idea, I should have advantage, but according to the game I don't"
why should you have it if the game says you don't? do you know better? also why would you have advantage when you're standing in front of the NPC point blank?
anyway, phil won the battle encounter. 2 party members died, FULLY died, and he won with about 1-2hp on his other party members. This was the first real fight he'd been in and he almost got washed. it was against 4 bandits.
Gale's necrotic aura just killed Shadowheart.
Gale's necrotic aura just killed Astarion, he game overed.
he just game covered and has to redo the entire bandit fight
"I don't even know what happened, people were saying you were on fire. there's no fire in the room at all. see what I mean? like, this game has all these mechanics they just expect you to know. these are the reasons these kinds of games are not accessible to me. i was supposed to know this room was still on fire? how? it's not on fire on my screen. if you don't show fire, I don't know there's fire."
1. you were taking necrotic damage
2. there's a giant evil necromancer aura coming out of gale's body
"OH, WHEN GALE DIES POISON COMES OUT? IT KILLED ME? BT I'M SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT IN MY FIRST TIME PLAYING THE GAME?"
yeah, I mean, I noticed it pretty quick.
he reloaded a save because he game overed, he has to do the bandit fight that almost raped him over again. "if it starts me before the fight I'll do it again, I sucked in the fight anyway, I'm okay doing it again"
he tried to reload and the game is just black screened. great job playing the PC-centric game on console, fat boy. you get what you paid for.
game just outright hard crashed. PC Master race.
"when we resume this playthrough in a couple of days I will redo the fight over, I'm okay doing it over. an interesting first stream. let';s resume in a couple of days, another major stream. I'm barely learning, slow learning process"
"oh if you want to target the ground you need to target it individually"
yeah, dipshit? if I want to target the goblin I need to target the fucking goblin, like what the fuck?
someone told phil to try dark urge and he immediately called them out as being wrong because several other people told him not to do it. personally I did dark urge my first try and it was fine.
picked balanced difficulty.
phil doesn't immediately recognize a mindflayer, something I've known since I was 13 and I wasn't even big into D&D
we've entered character creator at 1:58pm
phil thinks githyanki are orcs.
phil has apparently never heard of a Drow in his fucking life.
he has randomly selected Dragonborn as his race.
phil is going with wizard class.
"a twenty sided dice has gotta look like a sphere, right? doesn't even look like a die anymore"
?
valedictorian phil doesn't know what the word heterochromia means.
phil fat fingered the controller and wiped his character after he finished customizing them.
in his infinite wealth of imagination phil was going to name himself DSP, but in a stroke of inspiration, changed his name to DarkscalePhil.
phil is now on the Guardian, he hit random and it gave him a black woman, phil let out a noticeable sound of startled surprise.
phil randomized his guardian and got someone with that disease Michael Jackson had, not the child fucking one, the one that made him white.
nevermind, his fans made him remove the vertilligo or whatever it's called.
phil describes this as "two colors of skin combined together" I don't think he knows it's a real medical affliction.
he hit randomize one more time and got a giant orc muscle mommy.
it is 2:38pm, we have exited character creator.
"wow, oh crap. was that flammable liquid?"
top tier commentary.
it is 2:44pm, phil has gotten to actual gameplay.
phil has failed the first dice roll of the game, get bent.
nice, he blew himself up. wish that had killed him, but still, pretty funny.
it is 2:55pm, phil has exited the first room in the game.
apologies, phil has done some battles, but some work stuff dropped and I need to do it. he hasn't died or anything and he' struggling with menus, it's not interesting, you're not missing anything.
phil is very excited you can save in the middle of the fight. he's going to try and defeat Commander Zhalk.
he does not understand that he can't simply spam abilities and that they take resources. "you can only use it once a fight? once an entire fight? that really sucks"
just wait until he learns you can only use some skills once per rest.
3:53pm, phil has gotten out of the tutorial.
phils brilliant deduction is that the mindflayer tadpole in his brain "will probably come back later in the plot, it seems like it would."
"how did they hit the ground and not die?"
phil was apparently not paying attention or instantly forgot how he was levitated before hitting the floor.
phil is BAMBOOZLED about the idea of the camp section, he was utterly confused on where he had been teleported too.
the game explained attacks of opportunity to phil, he goes "yeah, yeah, yeah, okay" and skips it. he is then VERY surprised when he gets attack of opportunity'd by an intellect devourer.
phil has beaten the 3 intellect devourer's all it took was 1 healing spell and shadowheart getting molested, but he did it.
"the combat is gonna piss me off because it's very slow turn based and I'm going to make mistakes and you can't undo your mistakes because it sucks"
at the start of this stream you were yelling about how you LOVE turn-based games and you grew up playing them.
he is struggling to shoot a firebolt in 3d space. took him like 45 seconds to line up the shot.
now he is struggling to jump into a hole and requires his chat to tell him how to do it. this is terrible.
phil fucked up using magic missile. you are able to send each individual missile to individual targets, phil just mashed the button on one target and thought the missile would hit people along the way.
"I have no clue, I really don't know what to do. i don't understand"
man is in his first real fight of the game and getting molested by a group of bandits.
his fans are having to hand hold him about reviving knocked down team mates.
"they are perfectly staying outside of the grease, you notice that?"
he tried to use his pig grease to create a choke hold for the enemies to come inside the room, he didn't expect the enemies would stay outside the room and use the grease to bottleneck him. literally outsmarted by NPCs.
"what's the point of me being in the game if I can't do anything?"
mad that he can't be revived and do actions on the same turn.
"IT MISSED AND DIDN'T LIGHT THE GREASE ON FIRE? IT DIDN'T DO ANYTHING"
why would it light the grease on fire? You shot the firebolt at her, not the grease on the ground.
"trying to use logic in a game like this is a bad idea I guess"
I mean, trying to use logic when you're a 73iq retard is a bad idea in general, yeah.
NPC just NUKED his party "OH HE HAD AN AREA OF EFFECT FIRE BOMB THAT CAN HIT MY ENTIRE PARTY, THAT'S FAIR"
Gale has died which has unleashed a necrotic aura in the tight ass room he's in.
"this is dumb because it's the first fight of the game that I'm supposed to know all the mechanics in the fight. you're supposed to know if you target the (explosive) barrel that it'll explode. this is not an easy playthrough because I don't understand the mechanics"
like I said, 73iq moron.
"why don't I have advantage? no idea, I should have advantage, but according to the game I don't"
why should you have it if the game says you don't? do you know better? also why would you have advantage when you're standing in front of the NPC point blank?
anyway, phil won the battle encounter. 2 party members died, FULLY died, and he won with about 1-2hp on his other party members. This was the first real fight he'd been in and he almost got washed. it was against 4 bandits.
Gale's necrotic aura just killed Shadowheart.
Gale's necrotic aura just killed Astarion, he game overed.
he just game covered and has to redo the entire bandit fight
"I don't even know what happened, people were saying you were on fire. there's no fire in the room at all. see what I mean? like, this game has all these mechanics they just expect you to know. these are the reasons these kinds of games are not accessible to me. i was supposed to know this room was still on fire? how? it's not on fire on my screen. if you don't show fire, I don't know there's fire."
1. you were taking necrotic damage
2. there's a giant evil necromancer aura coming out of gale's body
"OH, WHEN GALE DIES POISON COMES OUT? IT KILLED ME? BT I'M SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT IN MY FIRST TIME PLAYING THE GAME?"
yeah, I mean, I noticed it pretty quick.
he reloaded a save because he game overed, he has to do the bandit fight that almost raped him over again. "if it starts me before the fight I'll do it again, I sucked in the fight anyway, I'm okay doing it again"
he tried to reload and the game is just black screened. great job playing the PC-centric game on console, fat boy. you get what you paid for.
game just outright hard crashed. PC Master race.
"when we resume this playthrough in a couple of days I will redo the fight over, I'm okay doing it over. an interesting first stream. let';s resume in a couple of days, another major stream. I'm barely learning, slow learning process"
"oh if you want to target the ground you need to target it individually"
yeah, dipshit? if I want to target the goblin I need to target the fucking goblin, like what the fuck?
that is the end. this was a bit of a fucking disaster, I am not going to lie to you. It was slow as a mother fucker, he took about 3 hours to do what I did in 45 minutes, but the second he get to a real fight, he immediately shit himself.
- Joined
- Dec 25, 2022
Piggy was happy with his money buff. But watching him smash his hooves together at that bandit fight was great. Totally ignored the giant red barrel you can use to just murder them all at the start, and the bit with Gale dying was just a chef's kiss to top it off.
I think we'll see him put it on easy mode before he rage quits.
I think we'll see him put it on easy mode before he rage quits.
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2021
Well that was a disaster on every level.
This game is fucking dead unless the second stream nets him $150 minimum.
Dave was having the worst time since the Side Scrollers interview. The party wipe at the end must have given him PTSD flashbacks to when he was raped by DoS2.
He was mentally checked out way before the last fight. The game is throwing mechanics at him way to fast and with not enough trainingwheels.
This game is fucking dead unless the second stream nets him $150 minimum.
Dave was having the worst time since the Side Scrollers interview. The party wipe at the end must have given him PTSD flashbacks to when he was raped by DoS2.
He was mentally checked out way before the last fight. The game is throwing mechanics at him way to fast and with not enough trainingwheels.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2023
Main party for like 75% of the game: Canon Dark Urge (White Dragonborn Storm Sorcerer), Tempest Cleric Shadowheart, Abjuration Wizard Gale, Battlemaster Dexterity Fighter Astarion.
Auxiliary party members: Pact of Tome Warlock Wyll, Vengeance Paladin Karlach, Open Hand Monk Lae'zel.
Losers I used once or twice for quests: Moon Druid Jaheira, Land Druid Halsin, Bear Totem Barbarian Minsc.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
Having a basic understanding of dungeons and dragons or playing one of the original BG would have helped immensely.
I have played DND from 2nd on (skipping the piece of shit that was 4th). He is going to have a very difficult time with the mechanics. He doesn't understand bonuses, how spell slots work, etc
I have played DND from 2nd on (skipping the piece of shit that was 4th). He is going to have a very difficult time with the mechanics. He doesn't understand bonuses, how spell slots work, etc
CaptainDeTractor
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2022
Also predicting that he’ll fuck up some quest and decide that it’s a good idea to long rest when you just found out that an inn was on fire and there’s a person in there burning to death.
“HUUUUUH? WHUUUUUT? How was I supposed to know that he would burn to death? The piece of shit game didn’t tell me that!”
“HUUUUUH? WHUUUUUT? How was I supposed to know that he would burn to death? The piece of shit game didn’t tell me that!”
Jasper2K
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2021
That final segment was a real treat. I don't know how he is going to get through act 1.
The look of defeat
The look of defeat
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2022
It's not defeat, he just hates playing this game. He doesn't care and doesn't want to learn. The first "slow" stream, it's getting disposed.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
Absolutely. He will probably get whaled out for four streams if not longer. Eventually he will yell at chat, not get cash and drop it.
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2021
I tapped out to read like 40 chapters of a military manga because I found it a better way to waste my time but from what I am reading this is going to be a wagequit earlier than I anticipated. I doubt he will be getting whaled on as much as he did today given past trends with how much he gets whaled for the first stream and the amount he's gotten in tips and members is definitely going to factor into him justifying calling this a wage quit in the future once support dries up.
Edit: Catching up on @JimiHendrix post, holy shit I made a mistake leaving during the borefest that was the mindflayer ship. I'm going to have to watch the highlights when they come out.
Edit: Catching up on @JimiHendrix post, holy shit I made a mistake leaving during the borefest that was the mindflayer ship. I'm going to have to watch the highlights when they come out.
Absolutely. No way he doesn't bitch about or try to savescum the skill checks that aren't low level later in the game.
Last edited:
TrainWreckWatcher
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2023
Indeed he has not made it off the starting beach area.
AHAHAHAHHAHA. He is fucked.
He is never seeing the inside of that druid enclave.
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2018
I think he will but once he reaches a certain instadeath puzzle that could spell "I don't know what to do I'm not having fun anymore".
myone
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2020
DSP's inability to adapt and navigate any age-appropriate (semi hostile; not baby mode) gaming environment is truly remarkable. He only has two modes of existence: Bash head against wall or run away and whine like a bitch, begging for help. If neither of those work, he has no clue what to do. Also applies to his life.
DerpyPunch
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2022
i... didnt know Gale dying releases a necrotic aura... i never had a party member die wtf???
Phil showing me mechanics in the game i never knew were there.
Phil showing me mechanics in the game i never knew were there.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2023
Phil isn't going to make it through Act 1. Phil can always fail in games like Dark Souls and get way overleveled to power his way through things. In BG3, there is a limited amount of EXP in the game. There is no farming. Phil CAN NOT brute force this game. There is no way to make endless gold outside of cheating, and every resource is limited.
With all that being said, here is a small list of encounters he absolutely won't be able to brute force with his absolute retardery. Remember, he NEEDS TO DO THIS STUFF to get EXP, or he simply will not be strong enough to move on to Act 2.
Phil is fucked. BG3 is getting a wage quit. He can't be fucked to learn even the most basic mechanics of the game and he picked a Sorcerer. He might be able to unga-bunga with a Fighter, but instead he picked a class where you actually need to understand and use game mechanics to win.
It was over before it started.
With all that being said, here is a small list of encounters he absolutely won't be able to brute force with his absolute retardery. Remember, he NEEDS TO DO THIS STUFF to get EXP, or he simply will not be strong enough to move on to Act 2.
- Paladin Anders.
- The Phase Spider Matriarch.
- The Harpies.
- The Gnolls.
- The Hag.
- The Redcaps.
- The Mephits.
- The Goblin Camp.
Phil is fucked. BG3 is getting a wage quit. He can't be fucked to learn even the most basic mechanics of the game and he picked a Sorcerer. He might be able to unga-bunga with a Fighter, but instead he picked a class where you actually need to understand and use game mechanics to win.
It was over before it started.
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2021
Dents need to write a retard-proof guide to get a coffeelock going.