Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Super Hans v2]

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No fucking way

You can make one of yourself for $30 on their website. I wonder if he chose the gimp arm option.

 

[I am Jack's dead arm]

Even by Funko standards, that's shitty. I'm assuming they have some service where you can get custom ones now?

And hoooly shit the stroke eye is working (or, rather, not) overtime.

 

[AnOminous]

It's a fucking chili. The whole point is that you just throw shit together and it becomes a thing. Holy fuck.

Nobody needs a video on how to open a bunch of cans, and nobody needs to show anyone else they have the ability to do that. If you're going to bother to do a video, make a real chili not a moron chili. And he even does a moron chili wrong. If you're just doing a precooked everything chili, just do it on the stovetop like you aren't completely retarded.

 

[._.]

And he’s putting in FIVE of the chocolate bars??? That much chili just needs one at most. I keep making this mistake where I post a comment halfway through the video but then it gets even worse as it goes on. This is one of the worst things he’s made in a while. It’s literally beer and chocolate soup with beans. Now imagine eating that covered in sour cream and onions. *puke*

This one is so funny to me. Its his usual over the top 'one is good so ten must be MEGA SUPER DUPER GOOD' and hes just doubling down on doubling down and on top of that hes doing it wrong anyway. I thought when they say to put chocolate in they usually say cocoa powder? It and the beer are supposed to be accents, you dont want to taste them, its a counterbalancing flavor to give it complexity. I havent even seen the video but it just sounds hilariously bad. He did achieve his dream of being on a cooking show, its just that everyone else makes it and its 'Good Idea/Bad Idea' and its more of a comedy show.

And no sugar right guys? But I just gotta get it all in on the day before NYE and my new carnivore diet dont worry its fine. Hes like a kid that snuck into the Halloween candy bag, or a dog that grabbed some food off the counter, you hear him scrambling scootypuffing away to a secret corner and hes just tearing into it franticly as fast as he can, shoveling it down.

something i noticed in the recent fat on the go

the tiramisu that tammy jr is eating at the end appears to be one of those free birthday desserts that you can get at most restaurant, as there's a "happy birthday" written on the plane. i'm not sure when her birthday is, but i'm very certain it wasn't that day or else someone would've mentioned it on video at least once. leave it up to the scalfatties to lie and scam their way into free food like the good christians they are

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lol if I can bring up white trash....
This is something some people do. My grandma was super devout, and didnt even go to a megachurch, she went to a 40s era Church of Christ deal in an old neighborhood that had a congregation of probably 100 and no screens, old wooden pews, was about 2800sqft total, barebones, were here to worship, and she admitted (while condemning it as tacky) some of her church friends would go out after church and lie to the waiters about it being their birthday. Im sure that type of shit is why that shit was going away, as well as it being kind of dumb in the first place.

I wouldnt put it past them.

 

[p1138]

So for his livestream...

4:00 Yorkshire pudding is his biggest embarrassment on the show
8:50 OMFG, HAHAHAHA. So this fat retard is going to scoot over to strangers at a restaurant and gurgle and cough at them and demand they review the food for his video? Oh my god, I'm fucking done. I just can't after that.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Yet another chili. He uses 100% precooked ingredients but still uses a pressure cooker for some reason. He uses some expensive chocolate w/ pepper instead of cheap chocolate and cheap dried pepper. He wonders why his pressured cooked chili is watery (gee I wonder).

That looks foul but then most if not all of the food he cooks looks that way. I mean "Shock Top"? A fucking witbier? A dubbel I could understand but not a witbier. This guy literally has no more taste buds in his mouth.

Sure use Mexican chocolate if you want. I just use cocoa and a pinch of cinnamon when I make mine. But this way there's no extra sugar in it. Add to that the sugar from the ketchup and this chili is going to be almost as sweet as DSP's Totally Authentic Italian Sugar Sauce with extra diabetes.

And the only reasons Fatty uses the pressure cooker is because it's fire and forget and because the Wendigo wants to feast as soon as possible.

States may collapse, but economic activity rarely does, and currencies and stores of value are a means to facilitate economic activity, not states and civilizations. Be careful not to conflate the two.

Yeah but I'm just going for the extreme version that preppers like Jagoff think is always just around the corner. Why the hell else did he get that freeze dryer, push for tower gardens and wanted a place with a creek running through it with two houses he could build. One for him and Hammy and one for Jr & Jr? He's expecting the country to fall and possibly the Tribulation meaning he'd be one of those that believes the rapture happens halfway through it or at the end.

Can I point out for a second that he says he’s going to use two of the canned chipotle peppers and then “throw out the rest”. This is such an insane idea, not just because it’s incredibly wasteful but because these peppers are really good and can give a lot of flavor to pretty much any Tex/Mex dish. There are about 8-10 of them in the can and they keep well pretty much forever in the fridge.

Whenever I make my chili, the entire can goes in. Sure the peppers get chopped up but they bring a nice smoky heat to it.

"My wife's happiness is all that matters" he says, as he dumps a pound of the jalapeno popcorn seasoning all over the the movie popcorn Tammy paid for.

But she pours that batch of popcorn into the drink caddy they get before she runs back to get a free refill with extra butter flavored grease on top.

And yes, he's said this is what they do when they see a movie so they each get their own popcorn.

Although... how's he going to watch a movie now that he's starting his "carnivore diet"? This guy can't go to the movies without stuffing his face with popcorn and last time I checked, popcorn isn't included on that diet.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

Yeah but I'm just going for the extreme version that preppers like Jagoff think is always just around the corner. Why the hell else did he get that freeze dryer, push for tower gardens and wanted a place with a creek running through it with two houses he could build. One for him and Hammy and one for Jr & Jr? He's expecting the country to fall and possibly the Tribulation meaning he'd be one of those that believes the rapture happens halfway through it or at the end.

I've never really gotten the feeling that Jack's any level of prepper - If I just missed a straight up admission in one of his vlogs then I'll take the L, but the rest of his behavior is pretty easily explained. He got the Freeze Dryer because he thought it was cool, and thats why it got used seemingly once and then put up as a display piece in his damned office of all things. Maybe he thinks it makes him cool to be the chef that can do the unusual things, maybe he saw some freeze dried dessert videos and the wendigo got ahead of what little common sense he has left.

Tower gardens are the same deal, they're cool and they're supposed to be a "all the produce, little of the effort" way to have fresh food. The Wendigo probably had to deal with wilted lettuce the same day he heard about these things, and concluded they're obviously the perfect solution. Even the most money rich and sense poor prepper wouldn't bother with a tower garden for any survival use as they aren't suitable for most root vegetables or grains, so the staples you actually need to grow aren't available.

As for the property, Jacks pure boomer energy through and through, so the idea of being a big old landowner with a creek to fish with the boys in probably tickles something primal in what's left of his thinking meats. Stuff like a guest house and running water probably make him think "wealthy and successful" and of course he's got to have them because he's a successful celebrity chef. He's done absolutely nothing that we've heard of to do any development of the property, I haven't even heard of him trying to plant a garden or garden beds. Only thing growing out there is the rust on the new smoker graveyard.

Meanwhile I haven't even seen any sign that Jack stores water or food at any level beyond a relatively normal pantry and freezer. He's no gun nut and shows no signs of anticipating any need to use violence on people. His entire life and hobbies rely on the internet and travelling to restaurants, and his literal mobility and basic existence depends on a reliable source of electricity - and he doesn't even have a generator or gas on property. While a smart prepper might have them and just not talk about them, Jack has no filter and loves showing off new toys, we'd know if he had an emergency generator he just bought. Jack hasn't done any cooking with any sort of field/low tech techniques (Even just a dutch oven in coals, you can do that in your yard) unless you count his smokers.

If Jack does lay claim to the prepper title, he's a prepper in the same way that a facebook fact checker is an authority on truth. Which is actually disappointing to me, It'd be so much fun to watch Jack completely fuck up being a Prepper. I can only imagine how bad his deep pantry would be, what his 'survival rifle' might be, or how he thinks he'll defend his property from roving liberals while shooting from his scooter.

Although... how's he going to watch a movie now that he's starting his "carnivore diet"? This guy can't go to the movies without stuffing his face with popcorn and last time I checked, popcorn isn't included on that diet.

$5 that he says 'I only ate a few pieces then gave it away'. But if he actually commits to it, he'll probably bring in like five pounds of various jerky's and steak nuggets. We'll know which way he went if there's reports of a gas attack in his region, those protein farts are going to be weapons grade.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

If Jack does lay claim to the prepper title, he's a prepper in the same way that a facebook fact checker is an authority on truth. Which is actually disappointing to me, It'd be so much fun to watch Jack completely fuck up being a Prepper. I can only imagine how bad his deep pantry would be, what his 'survival rifle' might be, or how he thinks he'll defend his property from roving liberals while shooting from his scooter.

Of course he's that kind of prepper. He half asses everything. But the writing has been on the wall for the longest time. They wanted to move out of Hendersonville because too many darkies were moving in or they felt it was getting to be too liberal. And the thing about the creek was from years back when he was talking seriously about moving and his needs were something like:

• Land large enough for two homes. One for him and Hammy, one for Jr & Jr.
• A water supply like a creek.
• Far enough out in the country so it wasn't in a big city or town.
• Access to the city for when they needed it.

People were talking about maybe him trying to start up a compound. Or a safe area where they could hide when the fall of civilization came. Then came the freeze dryer which sure, is a toy, but he's treating it seriously as if it's the means to keep his precious pulpork for when they need to defend their compound from roving gangs of atheists trying to kill them for believing in God.

The tower gardens are a way to grow produce on a smaller footprint which again would be a good thing to have when things go south.

But in the end we all know this is a pipe dream. He wants to make it look like he's taking this seriously but we all know he can't and he'd die within the first week due to his health issues and the fact he used up all their fuel to make more pulporks.

 

[TheCakeIsALie]

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What's so humbling about a screening test for colon cancer? I guess it would be humbling to realize that your wife has to handle and collect your shit to send to the lab because you can't.

Nothing, I mean nothing beats a colonoscopy. Especially if you have lynch syndrome, a family history of colon cancer, etc.

Cologuard can detect 92% of cancers but only 42% of large precancerous polyps. It has its use but honestly, people need to get over the idea of being embarrassed and just get the damn colonoscopy. It’s a camera up your butt, which is way better than having colon cancer.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Nobody needs a video on how to open a bunch of cans, and nobody needs to show anyone else they have the ability to do that. If you're going to bother to do a video, make a real chili not a moron chili. And he even does a moron chili wrong. If you're just doing a precooked everything chili, just do it on the stovetop like you aren't completely retarded.

The fact that that thing had ketchup in it sounds so foul to me. Especially something like Heinz which has so much sugar and vinegar. I've seen ketchup in recipes like poor man's sweet and sour sauce, but I can see how it'd work in that due to similar flavor profiles. The only thing ketchup has in common with canned tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, etc is tomato. They're all different applications of tomato with different uses. Chili sounds like a bad use of ketchup, especially in the quantities Jack does it.

That looks foul but then most if not all of the food he cooks looks that way. I mean "Shock Top"? A fucking witbier? A dubbel I could understand but not a witbier. This guy literally has no more taste buds in his mouth.

Sure use Mexican chocolate if you want. I just use cocoa and a pinch of cinnamon when I make mine. But this way there's no extra sugar in it. Add to that the sugar from the ketchup and this chili is going to be almost as sweet as DSP's Totally Authentic Italian Sugar Sauce with extra diabetes.

Chili never looks beautiful, but even that looked nasty on Jack's spoon.

A little cinnamon is great, too. I've heard of people also grating some carrot for added sweetness with less sugar. Jack can cry about how evil sugar is all he wants, but it's pretty obvious that much like everything else he is a hypocrite or doesn't realize that ketchup has sugar because he thinks sugar is only in desserts (or he can't even taste it anymore). Mexican chocolate has *chilis* so it's okay, I guess.

Come to think of it, Jack made something a lot more akin to Filipino spaghetti sauce than he did chili. Ketchup and fish sauce (which some people interchange with Worcestershire sauce) are two of the main ingredients in that. (Although banana ketchup is different from tomato ketchup. Not like Jack would give a shit about that- ketchup is ketchup to him.) Switch the brisket for hot dogs and the Mexican chocolate for more actual sugar and thicken it up, and boom, sickly sweet meat sauce for the wendigo.

 

[Seymour Duncan]

Shock top beer, why? Use a stout or just don’t put in beer at all.

I've had decent results with a basic ass lager, but a Belgian White doesn't feel right at all.

 

[LaughJoke2.0]

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No fucking way

A Fatko Pop does it come with a motorized scooter accessory?

 

[Skwisgaar Skwigelf]

During the livestream today, Darnel Sneed kept asking Jack if Tammy is pregnant.

"Now why would someone think my wife is pregnant?" Jack wonders aloud.

This lead into a bizarre segment where Jack explains how Tammy could not possibly be pregnant since she's had her tubes tied.

Tammy enters the room and explains that actually she had an ablation which is totally different blah, blah, blah. Jack gets angy because he was corrected about something and the whole exchange seems heated and uncomfortable for what's supposed to be a friendly chat about food.

So yea, Tammy uterus lore was not what I was expecting to learn when I woke up this morning, but hey! At least we got more confirmation that Jacks marriage is a parody of human romance so it balances out.

 

[Super Hans v2]

During the livestream today, Darnel Sneed kept asking Jack if Tammy is pregnant.

"Now why would someone think my wife is pregnant?" Jack wonders aloud.

This lead into a bizarre segment where Jack explains how Tammy could not possibly be pregnant since she's had her tubes tied.

Tammy enters the room and explains that actually she had an ablation which is totally different blah, blah, blah. Jack gets angy because he was corrected about something and the whole exchange seems heated and uncomfortable for what's supposed to be a friendly chat about food.

So yea, Tammy uterus lore was not what I was expecting to learn when I woke up this morning, but hey! At least we got more confirmation that Jacks marriage is a parody of human romance so it balances out.

I have so many questions.

Why did TamHam pay for sterilization if they haven't fucked since W's first term? Why would they choose to have her go through with it, when Jack could have for much cheaper, safer, and faster recovery? Do they not really read the thread and not realize the question was about Medium Tammy and why her faggot pedophile husband hasn't given her a kid yet?

 

[Tiresome]

Why would they choose to have her go through with it, when Jack could have for much cheaper, safer, and faster recovery?

Jack is far, far too much of both a proud macho Italian and faggoty little bitch to go through such an incredibly minor procedure.

 

[AnOminous]

So yea, Tammy uterus lore was not what I was expecting to learn when I woke up this morning, but hey! At least we got more confirmation that Jacks marriage is a parody of human romance so it balances out.

And Jack clearly has no understanding of female anatomy other than that his wife has a hole in her he at least used to be able to stick his dick into.

Why did TamHam pay for sterilization if they haven't fucked since W's first term?

Ablation isn't for sterilization, although it usually has that effect. It's to stop super heavy periods. So now you can think about Tammy having those, too. The output must have resembled one of Jack's "chilis."

 

[Aunt Carol]

Why would they choose to have her go through with it, when Jack could have for much cheaper, safer, and faster recovery?

They say that when a man like Jack has a vasectomy, it just changes the color of the baby.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I have so many questions.

Why did TamHam pay for sterilization if they haven't fucked since W's first term? Why would they choose to have her go through with it, when Jack could have for much cheaper, safer, and faster recovery? Do they not really read the thread and not realize the question was about Medium Tammy and why her faggot pedophile husband hasn't given her a kid yet?

I've never heard of a woman getting an ablation unless her periods were just too heavy or painful or whatever so yeah, it's kinda weird if they went that route for birth control. Which leads me to believe that Jagoff wasn't really involved with the whole thing.

Or maybe the choice was between that and a hysterectomy and this was considered to be less invasive? All I do know is doing this as a from of birth control is retarded.

 

[Marisa]

I've never heard of a woman getting an ablation unless her periods were just too heavy or painful or whatever so yeah, it's kinda weird if they went that route for birth control. Which leads me to believe that Jagoff wasn't really involved with the whole thing.

Or maybe the choice was between that and a hysterectomy and this was considered to be less invasive? All I do know is doing this as a from of birth control is retarded.

it's likely jack doesn't actually know why she had it done. he couldn't even talk about his own wife's body without acting like a child.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

he couldn't even talk about his own wife's body without acting like a child.

He's the type that hears the word "boobs" and has to titter like a five year old would.