Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

[Phalanges Mycologist]

With the way he cooks and how he uses frying oil, it's not that unlikely he either gets badly splashed and ends up with a French fried face or sets a fire that kills him and everyone in his building.

Yea he's one drunken slip away from Scared for life and in a lot of pain, or causing a fire.

Cobes is immune to accidents so the only way he can die is by slow self destruction.

Drunk Physics is a thing, like legitimately studied and it's closely linked to how Rag Doll phsyics works.

i am very very shocked he has never had a seizure from complications of alcohol withdrawal.

He's been having visible TIA's in a few videos of late, he blue screens and tremors a little bit.

 

[Slim Boglim]

All it takes is one person to just be like “hey Cobes ever hear of a Flaming Dr. Pepper cocktail? Anyway, it can be dangerous so don’t try to replicate it with a drink combo, okay?” And he’ll think in his mind “fuck you dood I’ll do it if I want to!” Next thing you know he’s going live like “Got a drink combo today, this here is… SHUT UP SIRI! this here is… Cobra’s Green Flaming- SHIT! GODDAMNIT! I JUST SPILLED THE WHOLE ENTIRE DRINK COMBINATION I HAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH! AHHHH I NEED SALT!”

 

[AnOminous]

Drunk Physics is a thing, like legitimately studied and it's closely linked to how Rag Doll phsyics works.

It's why drunks are often "lucky" in things like car accidents. Normally aware people react to an imminent catastrophe by tensing up and preparing to do something and this actually gets them hurt more. Drunks are so oblivious to what's going on they don't even react and take the impact limp.

This is why you see so many stories where some drunk fucker ploughs into someone else's car and kills everyone in it while walking away from it relatively unharmed himself.

He's been having visible TIA's in a few videos of late, he blue screens and tremors a little bit.

Probably brain damage from the duster.

 

[Buckaroo]

Probably brain damage from the duster.

He blue screened before the duster, but they do seem to be more frequent now.

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

This is why you see so many stories where some drunk fucker ploughs into someone else's car and kills everyone in it while walking away from it relatively unharmed himself.

Every time I read one of those stories I am glad I can honestly say I've never drove drunk - I feel horrible seeing those stories because it's sad knowing there is Family, Friends, Pets all wishing there loved ones would come home.

Probably brain damage from the duster.

It's a combination of what he's always had going on, and the duster and other drink an drugs, honestly I think 2024 is going to be a real downward spiral in terms of functioning, likely another arrest and likely a serious medical incedent.

 

[Sicko Hunter]

i am very very shocked he has never had a seizure from complications of alcohol withdrawal.

He doesn't drink enough for that to be a real possibility. You basically have to be a 24/7 hardcore drunk to get to the level you are seizing up like that. Cobes is a drunk but he's not a "I've drank a fifth of vodka every day for the past 3 months so now I seize up when I don't have booze" level.

 

[semitooth]

He doesn't drink enough for that to be a real possibility. You basically have to be a 24/7 hardcore drunk to get to the level you are seizing up like that. Cobes is a drunk but he's not a "I've drank a fifth of vodka every day for the past 3 months so now I seize up when I don't have booze" level.

you're right and i'm sure his bullshit "mead" has actually led to him "cutting down" on his alcohol accidentally

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

He blue screened before the duster, but they do seem to be more frequent now.

Brought to you by spice and years of marinating in paint fumes.

 

[Baby Cakes]

I love how Cobes always moves the goalpost of deterioration. We’re in a perpetual state of “I miss Cobes from a few years ago, he’s gotten so much worse now” People were saying it in 2016 about Cobes from 2013. People were saying it in 2019 about Cobes from 2016, now we’re in 2023 saying it about Cobes from 2019. We’re gonna be looking back in 2026 at Cobes from 2023 thinking “god I miss this Cobes. He was much better before the 2024 Valentine’s Day “Flaming Cobra” incident. If only Clint made him follow the doctors instructions the skin grafts could have healed right.”

Yeah, it'll mean a different time period for every person if they ever get nostalgic about Cobes. His entire time in the old apartment is what I miss.

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

We’re gonna be looking back in 2026 at Cobes from 2023 thinking “god I miss this Cobes. He was much better before the 2024 Valentine’s Day

Lol he’s not going to make it to 2026 if he keeps drinking like he does

 

[Bogliacci]

I hope my fellow cool cobras have cast their vote for Cobes as best main forum cow of 2023!

 

[AnOminous]

Lol he’s not going to make it to 2026 if he keeps drinking like he does

He could probably limp along for years or decades from just the booze, but the duster has a nonzero chance of just bluescreening his autonomic nervous system and stopping his heart any time he does it. Or if he does it straight from the can he could literally freeze his lungs.

 

[Bixby Snyder]

I’m amazed that he abuses the fuck outta his pre-mie lungs. Duster, burnt vape coils, tobacco by the bag, and who knows what else.

People like Cobes live to 100 while some fuck who works out, eats right, and looks after himself dies of a heart attack at 45.

 

[ASeabear8952]

So that NakedAndLaughing chick that was flirting with Cobes apparently deleted her channel. Someone on the subreddit claimed it was because a Doordasher told her on stream that he uses Chaturbate. Anyone have a clip of this? Or is it typical Reddit bullshit?

 

[Potion_Time]

I hope my fellow cool cobras have cast their vote for Cobes as best main forum cow of 2023!

I did, but it won't matter. Cobes is simply too niche a lolcow who doesn't have nearly the visibility of fat troons like Jim Sterling. I'm reminded of the band Butthole surfers old saying "They're your favorite bands favorite band".

Our dark lord is your favorite lolcows favorite lolcow. He'll never see mainstream success, but he will be a legendary lolcow to those who know.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

So that NakedAndLaughing chick that was flirting with Cobes apparently deleted her channel. Someone on the subreddit claimed it was because a Doordasher told her on stream that he uses Chaturbate. Anyone have a clip of this? Or is it typical Reddit bullshit?

"I just lost the last meth whore I HAAAAADDDDDD! GAWD DAMMIT!"

Just assume it's typical reddit fake news until proven otherwise. Her channel is deleted and that's all we currently know.

 

[snort beg snort]

I feel like some of y'all are not aware of how resilient the human body really is. He could keep going like this for decades. All the "he's not gonna make it to 202X" posts are kinda unfounded bullshit. People have said the same about onlyusemeblade for years and yet he's still going.

The human body is tough and in the grand scheme of things cobra doesn't really drink that much, as in, he's not actually destroying himself at the rate some of you seem to believe. He's fuckin braindead, his teeth are rotting out of his head, he's got trench foot, and I'm sure other medical issues but he's gonna keep on keeping on until something major happens. Otherwise it's a slow burn.

 

[Bixby Snyder]

Did Cobes start blowing ropes again to another meth whore?

Cobes is too boring for mainstream. We go literally months with nothing substantial. Maybe a funny quote, disgusting food hack, or some sad behaviour. He’s a slow burn and I bet a lot of new people giving him money don’t understand that. They toss him money and wait for him to get blackout drunk … except he just gets blackout drunk off stream.

I can’t even watch him live. Clip channels are only thing I can watch and even then it’s a struggle sometimes

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Did Cobes start blowing ropes again to another meth whore?

Cobes is too boring for mainstream. We go literally months with nothing substantial. Maybe a funny quote, disgusting food hack, or some sad behaviour. He’s a slow burn and I bet a lot of new people giving him money don’t understand that. They toss him money and wait for him to get blackout drunk … except he just gets blackout drunk off stream.

I can’t even watch him live. Clip channels are only thing I can watch and even then it’s a struggle sometimes

Most of his streams are unwatchable nontent but once in a blue moon you'll end up catching something like his 31st birthday stream or the cop meltdown live.

 

[ilovejews]

I feel like some of y'all are not aware of how resilient the human body really is. He could keep going like this for decades. All the "he's not gonna make it to 202X" posts are kinda unfounded bullshit. People have said the same about onlyusemeblade for years and yet he's still going.

The human body is tough and in the grand scheme of things cobra doesn't really drink that much, as in, he's not actually destroying himself at the rate some of you seem to believe. He's fuckin braindead, his teeth are rotting out of his head, he's got trench foot, and I'm sure other medical issues but he's gonna keep on keeping on until something major happens. Otherwise it's a slow burn.

Duster, buddy, duster. He literally can drop dead after any given huff, as it's been stated several times. And he can obviously get his hands on some.