6 months hrt, more desperate every day - in dire need of coping mechanisms
TRIGGER WARNING
Well, i simply just don't know what to do anymore.
Rock bottom, agonizing body & face dysphoria every single day, anxiety, probably depression - i don't know how to keep on going.
What could, what should i do to cope? Is there something i overlooked, didn't try? How is one supposed to just going on, if there's no more strength left?
The final straw came last night, practicing with makeup again, just a little bit mascara, eyeliner.
And well, it didn't even looked
that bad, kinda a tiny bit better than it used to -
but skill issues aside, my face certainly didn't looked feminine, not even the slightest hint of. If anything, it amplified the dysphoria even more, "yup, that's a dude alright"...
...it broke something, i felt it physically almost.
Approaching seven month, hrt gave me noticeable boobs, mild pelvic tilt, clean and pale skin, eyes are more open, lips slightly more protruding, my nose ever so slightly slimmer, thighs are starting to grow, and my biochemical dysphoria did noticeable decrease.
And i still want to ripp my face of my skull, as always, story of my life.
I'm in my late forties, e levels are okayish, t levels still in male range; i'm in therapy, i'm broke, i'm german.
My friends are supportive but don't understand. My therapist is eager, but doesn't understand either. And every single one of those, in their own words, telling me again and again that I won't ever look feminine.
So, again, what could i do? I'm terribly tired, maybe i'm going crazy, i don't know. I don't know how to keep on going. What should i do?
(Sorry for crossposting.)