The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Oh wait, it's still in Westcliffe.

And there's still a couple of 100 alpacas and other animals buried there.

 

[James Howlett]

And there's still a couple of 100 alpacas and other animals buried there.

Don't even give a shit, 2 weeks as a an AirBnB alone would cover excavating the whole lot.

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

Look what’s back on the market… price has been re-evaluated a lot lower, but it’s still appreciated a good bit.

Paul has done a hell of a job clearing up, it has to be said. “Owner is motivated to sell”.

Nostalgia time!


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I'll pay good money to have the area rented for a horror film shoot. A family moves in and is being harrased by the ghosts of angry Alpacas and disembodied penises

 

[Pill Cosby]

The Tranny stench will never go away

If those walls could talk; imagine the horrors that they would speak of? Imagine how many times Kevin was getting his axe wound stuffed and all the dilating happened.

 

[Nanashi no kiwi]

I wonder if kidnapping and potential manslaughter (or whatever he got charged with) was part of his master plan?

That would imply that retarded kang had enough brain power to formulate a master plan in the first place.

All in favor of the Church of Christian Unity, say Deus Vult!

Just no speaking in tongues or being slain in the spirit, please.

Every time I see their main space, the treadmill kills me. The idea that anyone doing actual ranch work needs extra cardio is comical.

It makes more sense when you remember the treadmill and elliptical were for Kevin, whose contribution to actual ranch work was sweet fuck all. He had a "gonna get in shape for 2022" phase that lasted for about two weeks, as I recall.

 

[DrNow]

I’m gonna buy it and turn it into a big museum of Christory. Tranchland Court.

 

[Dr. Hannibal Buress]

I'll pay good money to have the area rented for a horror film shoot. A family moves in and is being harrased by the ghosts of angry Alpacas and disembodied penises

But the Twist is it's actually the troons trying to pull a Scooby-Doo level operation to scare the new owner into seling it back at a loss. Of course the grizzled war vet who bought it doesn't even care, because he has demons of his own to contend with.

The troons grow frustrated at their inability to scare him, so they decide to kill him and bury him in tha alpaca mass grave, As they storm the house they realize it's empty, and suddenly an arrow bursts out of one's chest from behind, and another falls in a pungi pit dug next to the bed

It is then the troons realize they shouldn't have drawn first blood.

 

[AssignedEva]

Don't even give a shit, 2 weeks as a an AirBnB alone would cover excavating the whole lot.

I wonder if someone could buy the lot, excavate the mass Alpaca graves and then sue Bonnie for not disclosing this at the point of sale? You could probably make a good chunk of your money back from purchase that way, although I guess you'd probably be on the hook for disposing of the mass of camelid corpses the proper way.

 

[K!w!Fartz]

Look what’s back on the market… price has been re-evaluated a lot lower, but it’s still appreciated a good bit.

Paul has done a hell of a job clearing up, it has to be said. “Owner is motivated to sell”.

Someone here should buy it and raise farm animals. Show them how to do it properly.

 

[Vibe_Guy]

Hypothetically speaking, if a human cadaver dog would to, let's say, do a tour of the now abandoned ranch. What are the odds it finds something?

 

[Glowie]

is that a carpeted bathroom? That's fucking disgusting.

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This looks like a scene from Come and See

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What the fuck that doesn't look like good organization or cable management, did they set it up so that way no matter what, you'd always be just a couple of drinks away from an "accidental electrical fire"

I feel sorry for whoever ends up with this mass grave and series of brutally lived in shanty houses and sheds

You're quite optimistic to assume that anyone would buy that shitheap and insure it. Any given inspector worth their salt would reject and report every fire and health hazard.

I can't give you enough rainbows for that, just one has to do.

 

[Bill Evans 45]

All in favor of the Church of Christian Unity, say Deus Vult!

Christian Unity Northern Territory?

 

[Apati]

Kind of place I’d love to live in, minus the shear degeneracy that has forever stained the property. Looks good though. Whoever gets it will be happy, hopefully oblivious to its history

 

[Manimal House]

Who puts carpet in a bathroom?

The type of people that put vaginas in penises.

 

[LeChampion1992]

The only good thing about this is the land will probably become someone's beautiful family home and hopefully it becomes the nicest ranch in Colorado.

 

[Cougar Pump]

The only good thing about this is the land will probably become someone's beautiful family home and hopefully it becomes the nicest ranch in Colorado.

The buildings themselves are far from unsalvageable, as much as I despise geodesic domes and Buckminster Fuller's retarded legacy. There's surface-level issues like amhole piss carpets and undisclosed camelid offal pits but these are not actually big issues on a rural property like this when you're in the market for such. The biggest issue is the property is overpriced for the condition/productivity/development of the land and amenity placed upon it. Insane cultists (gender weirdos, delusional darkies, antifa and confederate weirds) are the only remaining target markets willing to pay stupid amount for these properties and you must sell them on a dream quite apart from the cold reality of the property itself. Everyone else (so-called 'normal people') plays a different game where the expected return of holding the land plus dwelling in some building sited upon it must add up to a workable investment. The funny thing about this is that prices are set by margin activity. That means if you can sell something at a higher price to some group of fools, that's the new 'value' for everyone, including normal people. Economics is fun (and gay).
This listing doesn't stack up to an observer in the latter camp, at least to me as a relatively disinterested party. But that probably doesn't matter if they can simply source a greater fool.

 

[WonderWino]

The ghosts of 100 alpacas and 6 penises haunt the property. On a cold moonless night some say you can hear the alpacas scream and the sound of a faint wet packing sound that can only be described as "dilation noise".

Those 6 penises were hacked off by a tranch troon known as machete phil, who now stalks the mountains of colorado, crying out wheres my penis....wheres my penis.....wheres my penis.... forever searching for his penis and the six other penises he was manipulated by the other deranged troons into chopping off and always looking for replacement penises to add to his collection:

Whoever buys that house had better remember to lock their doors and close the blinds at night, lest machete phil see the light from the windows of the tranch late one cold winter night and come searching for another penis to add to his ever growing collection

Who knows, maybe when machete phil went mad and ran off into the mountains the troons at the tranch weren't incompetent at all and were offering up the penises of the alpacas to appease their deranged comrade, who died afterwards and were quietly buried.....until the supply of alpacas ran out and they fled the tranch in fear for their own HRT shrunken penises being next

No, the land is truly and forever cursed. Its an evil place much like chris chans festering hovel or king roys elk kingdom, that birthed the wern. No sane person would ever set foot there and nothing good comes from doing so

That said, given the weird shape of the house watch some group buy it and turn it into a shit tier mosque

 

[Steinercard]

Look what’s back on the market… price has been re-evaluated a lot lower, but it’s still appreciated a good bit.

Paul has done a hell of a job clearing up, it has to be said. “Owner is motivated to sell”.

Nostalgia time!


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Honestly that's a bargin price. I know it will require a lot of work. But someone could easily buy this to flip it in a couple of years. It looks like most of the hard work was done.

 

[Cougar Pump]

Honestly that's a bargin price. I know it will require a lot of work. But someone could easily buy this to flip it in a couple of years. It looks like most of the hard work was done.

In fairness if you want ~30 acres with a house in Westcliffe Colorado and you're not going premium prices then the weird niche properties are about all there is. In that sense it's not terribly priced. But you could look at, say, 990 Rocky Ridge Rd for a comparable property far better presented, for 100k less. Sure, 25 acres not 35 but when it's snow covered desert you can't run any kind of pasture on who gives a fuck.

 

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