The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[Meiwaku]

The ground has been freshly fertilized with about 200 dead alpaca so I think the land will make a comeback

 

[Hyperbolic Steroids]

The ground has been freshly fertilized with about 200 dead alpaca so I think the land will make a comeback

Do you think they did a single mass grave or multiple smaller mass graves? They'll either have one giant nutrient rich patch or a few patches of nutrient rich ground.

 

[Shig O'nella]

Worms will spread the nutrients out 3 or 4 meters from the burial site, so if they had the courtesy to do multiple smaller ones, it shouldn't be too difficult to get nearly 4 acres of coverage.

 

[curecanti88]

View attachment 5662283View attachment 5662282

Destroy everything you touch...

Grim.

 

[Constellationzero]

We should postpone suing internet providers lying about us having CP and instead buy the Tranch and make it into a chud bed & breakfast.

You could call it Abdul Alhazared's Nameless Troonch.

Deus Ex Caedum.

 

[FinnSven]

Do you think they did a single mass grave or multiple smaller mass graves? They'll either have one giant nutrient rich patch or a few patches of nutrient rich ground.

I really hope that the new owners don’t find a dead human (or close approximation) body on the grounds.

I really wouldn’t be surprised if Penny had killed a drifter or hobo thinking it was an Earl, realized his mistake then buried it without telling the other tranchers.

Slightly less likely but possible would be if he killed a tranch freeloader hopeful troon who wasn’t in his polycule. Or an FTM.

He really seems to hate real women. If he hadn’t trooned out he so would have become a serial murderer of prostitutes.

 

[Oxyjen]

Slightly less likely but possible would be if he killed a tranch freeloader hopeful troon who wasn’t in his polycule.

This skeleton is clearly male

 

[NoReturn]

Tranch or not, ~$300k for ~40 acres in this market? That is a no brainer. You're buying the land, not the property; easy to tear that crap down and start again.

Its not just cold as balls in the winter, its also hot as fuck in the summer. Its not called the North American Badlands to make some sort of epic statement. Its literally Bad Land.


40 Acres in West Colorado is not the same thing as 40 acres on the east coast. Shit, I own 1 acre of East Coast, and if I had the time/inclination, I could turn that 1 acre into a very productive orchard/pig farm. Pen the pigs on the quarter acre, use another quarter acre for the house and half an acre for apple trees, squash, etc. You can literally put seeds from the grocery store into the ground here and the plants will grow.

Try doing that shit in Western Colorado. The land is so marginal if you tried to raise more then a few cows on 40 acres and it will turn into the surface of the moon. Which the tranchers discovered with their hundreds of Alpacas. As for plants, good luck getting anything remotely useful to grow on it. The only thing that 40 acres is good for is making sure your neighbors are VERY far away.

*Slaps phone out of potential buyers hand*
Realtor: "Hey, it's a nice piece of land, no need to google it"

They could've actually gardened in the old Tranch local, and perhaps not grown enough for all their needs, but easily could've supplemented their food supply with fresh veggies. To start with, they were sitting (shitting?) on a gold mine. Llama/Alpaca manure is some of the best for gardening. Next, choose a decent sized plot and set up a wind-break fence around it. This will keep the wind from sucking out (Ara Ara) all the moisture, and will block a number of windblown seeds. Set up some garden beds with a mixture of clay, manure, and some sand for loosening. Now, there are a number of no-till methods that keep weeds down, and a good straw/hay mulch will keep moisture in the soil. Weeding won't be a huge issue. Set up a dripline for easier watering.

Now choose crops. For Colorado, it's gonna be corn (there are shorter, hardier mountain varieties available), beans, squash (set up a Three Sisters field, or four sisters as the Pueblos added the Rocky Mountain Bee Plant, which attracts pollinators). What else will grow well? Snap peas, cabbages, onions, carrots, and that South American miracle tuber: potatoes! Beets could work, maybe leeks, and broccoli or cauliflower. It can be done, I've successfully grown all of these in a fairly similar part of CO.

The issue is that these Bougie Bolshies didn't want to do ANY real work, or listen to the advice of those who actually know. It's a problem inherant to all forms of Socialism, be it National, International, Anarcho, or Monarcho (yes, that last one exists; it's pretty much what Imperial Russia was doing, and it's what any hyper-feudal system becomes).

It is possible to make some badlands-land usable, but it's a shit-ton of time and effort to do. We're talking Dune-levels of geoengineering.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJZIdEsg5AU

Even this example is 4 hours away from Westcliffe and in a completely different ecosystem.

Jokes aside I would actually be worried about groundwater contamination there, not just from alpaca grave pits but also from the illegal dumping they did on the property. Lord knows what kind of household/agricultural chemicals, cleaning agents, and engine fluids they dumped in lieu of disposing of them properly.

Bold of you to assume the well won't just run dry on a regular basis.

 

[SIGSEGV]

So which one of you retards is going to buy the house?

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

So which one of you retards is going to buy the house?

I'll do it.

On an unrelated note, I hope you have a good credit score and expensive tastes.

 

[gayberouse]

I feel bad for the future poor sap who's gonna purchase this place. The amount of work alone to get this estrogen den looking (and smelling) somewhat decent would probably cost a few thousand alone. And that "As is" on the listing is one gigantic red flag, there's probably an absolute shit ton wrong with the plumbing and electric knowing that there was a gang of the mentally retarded living on it who most likely have never touched a pair of pliers in their life.

I have a real good feeling that whoever is going to end up buying this place is just going to tear it down

 

[CEO of Gay]

Credit where credit is due: getting that squalid, cat-piss-soaked troon den back into semi-livable condition is probably the most actual work Bonnie has ever done in his entire life

Agreed. The difference is remarkable. I'd almost not believe it.

But looking through these pictures, I still see stuff that bothers me.

Let's start with the walls. I'm not sure if he hasn't bothered trying to scrub them down, or the stains I'm seeing are what's left after scrubbing efforts. But one thing is for certain, he has not patched or painted.

Spoiler: Wall pics

Let's take these pics as our first example. In the first, look particularly under the bench and around the wall outlet. In the second, note the discoloration under the left edge of the rightmost window. I'm not sure from these pictures if we're seeing mold, scuff marks from furniture, or that gross grayish-brown that forms in high-touch areas that aren't cleaned. And then in this next pic...

Spoiler: Dome Wall

...you can see the scuff marks against the lower section of the wall.

There's a reason why you commonly see apartments for rent or houses being sold with fresh paint jobs. Even half-assed paint jobs hide a multitude of sins. In most cases, when the previous occupants cared and at least tried to take care of the place, there's still minor discoloration, scuffs, and scratches in various areas because of normal wear and tear. Even in places where the previous occupants trashed the place (like here), a halfway-decent paint job will hide all the scuffs and ground-in dirt, and leave the place looking fresh and new.

This seems like laziness on Paul's part. Off-white paints in low to moderate sheen levels are commonplace and relatively cheap. Home improvement stores rent out time-saving tools, like sprayers, poles, rollers and tarps. Even if he did all the work himself, he could probably do all the prep, paint, and cleanup in a week if he really worked at it, or a couple weeks at most.

On the bathroom, as much as people here are rightly commenting that it's gross, I don't think the carpeted bathroom is Paul's fault. @Ghostse has an informative post upthread that explains the carpet better the retarded speculation I had originally typed up. This stain however...

Spoiler: Bathroom carpet stain

...unquestionably is the fault of the troons, and is a failure on Paul's part for not cleaning it up.

The sort of mottled brown-gray pattern to the carpet is very common in rental properties, because it hides stains very well. So if a stain like that is clearly visible, then I know that Paul has not attempted to shampoo the carpets. It can be kind of expensive, but good carpet shampoo and a rented carpet shampoo machine can work wonders, leaving only the faintest hints that you have to know to look for.

But thing that bugs me the most is the other bathroom pic.

Spoiler: Bathroom

Really, Paul? Fucking, really? You couldn't be bothered to spend $25 on a basic plastic or wood toilet seat from the nearest hardware store? I suppose the stained ceiling tiles left in place should also be unsurprising, then. I want to be charitable, and believe that Paul is trying -- he cleaned up so much other stuff, after all -- but lazy shit like this makes it really hard

But never mind the lack of a toilet seat. Of greater concern is the tub. Note the mastectomy scars black duct tape just above the faucet. That is almost certainly covering up holes in the tile surround where an older two-knob set of valves connected to the plumbing -- likely replaced by that single knob valve further up. Replacing the valves isn't a problem in itself, but failing to properly re-seal the tub surround is. A tub is one of the wettest areas in a house. Any breach of the tile or other protective layer on the walls surrounding a tub means water will find its way inside the walls, and mold will start to grow. Moldy walls and sub-floors around a tub or shower is one of the most common problems found in home repair/renovation. In fact, if you look at the caulk and trim around the exterior base of the tub, you can see the black splotches that indicate mold growth.

Now, if Paul were smart (lol), he would have replaced the tiles on the surround where the holes were. It's not hard, 4" white tile is very common. He also would have scraped up the caulking around the tub and laid down fresh caulk. Someone might not notice the warning signs of mold in the walls and floor had he done that. But, to anyone halfway paying attention, that duct tape is going to be a massive warning sign, and make the prospective buyer tell their inspector to take an extra close look at the bathroom.

 

[Rain Team Pepe]

NoReturn
It is possible to make some badlands-land usable, but it's a shit-ton of time and effort to do. We're talking Dune-levels of geoengineering.

When the ground is fertilized and rehydrated by the blood of 6 million alpacas cut down in their prime anything will grow.

 

[Kingfisher9000]

If someone told me this is a crime scene from Twin Peaks, I would totally believe it. There's this strange, surreal quality to it that's hard to properly describe.

It’s the angles. The dome walls look odd from the inside and the placement of the toilet is just bizarre (in the corner and turned slightly toward the wall) It’s got the geometry of a Lovecraftian temple to the Old Ones.

 

[Thumb Butler]

But what would they feed Jen?

Kevin Kaviar?

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Kevin Kaviar?

You mean those orange lumps that Kevin's amhole produces? Those aren't nearly enough to survive on, gourmet as they are.

 

[Crex Crex]

Worms will spread the nutrients out 3 or 4 meters from the burial site, so if they had the courtesy to do multiple smaller ones, it shouldn't be too difficult to get nearly 4 acres of coverage.

Pretty sure the worms have mutated into graboids due to troon contamination and excessive food.

 

[Crunchy Peanut]

I might be gay and late, but anyone else notice the stains on the bedroom wall?

 

[Fornicario]

View attachment 5666783View attachment 5666784
I might be gay and late, but anyone else notice the stains on the bedroom wall?

He should have rolled out the Kilz instead of the remaindered off-white sale brand. Troons, completely incapable of common sense.

 

[Gruel Ghoul]

Is there a thread on gash coyote? I've looked but I can't find one. I want to make fun of that stupid tranny.