He has some weird aversion to short stories too. He views them as beneath him and not worth his time, rather than an exercise (won’t do it cause FAT!) to help his writing.
On the topic of short stories, I think Patrick did read one:
On the Duty of Civil Disobedience. After all, everything he did after the first debt's domestication was carefully designed to have him enjoy prison:
1) He skipped the first debtor's examination.
2) He filed for an amortization plan, and didn't pay a penny on it -- which was an obvious stall tactic.
3) He repeatedly stated on Twitter that he would not #PayQuasi.
4) The money he was supposed to #PayQuasi with was being overtly spent on vacations.
5) All of the above were used by Quasi's attorney in his contempt motion.
6) Patrick tried fishing for sympathy from
@Boston Brand and others at a writer's convention about his upcoming contempt hearing -- where he predicted he would enjoy prison.
7) Finally, Patrick submitted a hilarious
pro se motion that would have guaranteed him #MMPE (Maximum Milwaukee Prison Enjoyment) had his family not intervened.
The vibe he gave off as the sheriff’s deputy escorted him away from the courtroom wasn’t rage or even annoyance, but one of utter defeat. He wasn’t seething or doing any of his usual shticks. There was no snarky attitude on display as in the BDA TRO hearing. Pat gave off an air of absolute disbelief and shock that it had come to this. I have a feeling he hadn’t been as stunned as that since Adrienne told him she was dumping his raft ass.
When it was clear that Patrick wasn't going to enjoy prison, I think he asked for the deputy to walk him out because he wanted to pretend -- as he always does. He walked down the hallway with his hands folded in front of him -- almost like he was wearing a pair of imaginary handcuffs. He could soak in the adulation of the non-existent news crews fighting to get that one last statement from Patrick before he was loaded into a squad car.
However, it wouldn't end there. Patrick had been honing his tough-guy persona for years, and now it was time to put it into practice. As soon as he entered the cell block, he would most likely be confronted by a stereotypical Black drug dealer named Tyreese, who would attempt to intimidate him. He would soon learn to respect Patrick, and Patrick in turn would teach him how to read. (He would make sure to include this detail in the upcoming article he would have published in the New Yorker.)
But the crescendo of the story was yet to come: The SFWA and the DNC would use Patrick's status as a "prisoner of conscience" to lead the biggest protest this side of BLM. As he sat on his bunk one evening, he would hear a faint chant that would slowly get louder and louder. Looking through the jail bars, he would see thousands of people marching by candlelight -- starting from City Hall and making their way to the Milwaukee City Jail.
He would see that the protest was led by all his old buddies from the Milwaukee comedy scene, as well as a bunch of Internet pundits and politicians that he simps for, such as AOC and Kamala Harris. He would also see Paul Weimar and Dominick Franchetti all holding candles, with a bunch of children in tow. They would all be chanting one phrase: "FREE PATRICK TOMLINSON!"
Ultimately, the warden would send Patrick out under guard with a megaphone in order to disperse the crowd. However, just as Patrick is about to speak, a black helicopter would land and President Biden would step out. Biden, who is clearly in control of the country and is not old by any medical standard, informs Patrick that the lawsuit is set aside and he can return home. Patrick then would take the microphone and say to the crowd:
"You can tell Quasi to go to hell."
After the crowd inevitably cheers, Patrick thinks for a moment and follows it up with:
"And you can tell Donald Trump to enjoy prison!"
You can imagine why Pat's so upset. He could never lament about the lack of changes on the common as Thoreau did, because his "family interfered, and paid the tax." His carefully laid plan was scuttled by his in-laws, who paid because of their risk of embarrassment trumped Patrick's desire to be the hero the world so desperately needs right now.
I miss Nancy's astroliger
View attachment 5717875
Everyone knows that if you really want to read science fiction, you don't read Patrick's novels. The real science fiction comes from Patposting! The only thing Patrick did was make a hilarious typo and we get this great AI picture right from the pages of Astounding Science Fiction.
