Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[AnOminous]

I think you forgot to mention that he's very, very fat.

Sorry I sometimes do that. I mean you just get so used to how fat he is you forget to mention it.

He was long-listed for some Scientology-funded short story award but lost. The story is online somewhere. Spoiler alert: It sucks.

He sucks so much at writing he couldn't even win some weird cult award from a cult run by a tiny little midget.

 

[HodgePodgeRogerDodger]

Source? Would be funny, because his own website says he writes them:

He’s tweeted before that he doesn’t see the point and insulted people for saying that as an author he should be publishing shit to get out there. The only short stories Pat writes are on his Twitter feed.

 

[Dean Pentel]

Do it, Fatty. Ride the bike. Deliver those small-batch artisanal cured meats. Fuck Small Business Saturdays, you've got a bold new direction: FAT business Fridays. Friday is pizza day far and wide, and we all know what the tastiest ingredient is. As your calling card, leave sample slices on car windshields all over town. DO IT.

I can't even do Fatspeech for this one because nigga, you're more delusional than Piggy if you think he'd ever ride a bike, work another job, or approach people from the position that they're unfamiliar with the zenith of quality that is his work and would thus need a sampling.

 

[Law]

Lord of the Pigs

Fat-dough Saggins must take the Pepperoni-rind ring to Mt. Lard and cast it into the grease fire to prove that he is not fat and never has been, child.
One Rick to rule them all, one Rick to find them, One Rick to bring them all, and by his fatness bind them; In the Land of Milwaukee where the stalkers lie.

 

[Anasûrimbor Kellhus]

if you think he'd ever ride a bike, work another job, or approach people from the position that they're unfamiliar with the zenith of quality that is his work and would thus need a sampling.

very true. I don't think any places will accept his resume of "I worked 4 hours of a target shift once and quit because this work is beneath me"

 

[Spunt]

"Many that Patpost deserve prison. And some that deserve prison pay Quasi. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out lolsuits funded by pedos. For even the very fat cannot eat all the niggeroni."

 

[Piggle Rick]

He’s pretty much unemployable isn’t he? Jobs generally require intelligence, qualifications, charm, patience, physical fitness, or a combination of several of these things. Piggy is a dumb-as-a-rock community college dropout who is obnoxious to everyone he meets and looks like he couldn’t even stand for a full shift, let alone lift anything. Seriously, what the fuck would anyone hire him as? A sandbag?

 

[*sigh*]

Do have fun.

I will! Thank you, father!

 

[AnOminous]

I can't even do Fatspeech for this one because nigga, you're more delusional than Piggy if you think he'd ever ride a bike, work another job, or approach people from the position that they're unfamiliar with the zenith of quality that is his work and would thus need a sampling.

Imagine this fat son of a bitch on a bike. Is that even physically possible? This fatass on a bike?

I'm just not seeing that. He's too FAT! He's too FAT to ride on a bike!

 

[Associate Rick]

I'm just not seeing that. He's too FAT! He's too FAT to ride on a bike!

Bernell thought so too, child.

 

[LGHDR+]

Imagine this fat son of a bitch on a bike. Is that even physically possible? This fatass on a bike?

I'm just not seeing that. He's too FAT! He's too FAT to ride on a bike!

I ran a complex simulation to find out what would happen in this situation.

Spoiler alert: the bike does not survive.

Spoiler: AI Prompt

An obese man with short brown hair. He is wearing a gray sweater and jeans. He has a name tag that says "author". He is sitting on a bike that has been crushed. He is looking at the camera sadly.

(Reface 4.2.2 applied post-generation)

 

[This Machine Milks Cows]

Seriously, what the fuck would anyone hire him as? A sandbag?

It is certainly a good idea for the tubby little menace, but sadly I think that the man is not suitably qualified. It appears that human fat is buoyant in water, while bones and muscle are less buoyant. This means that skinny people are less likely to float than fat people. Now there has been a lot of discussion in this thread about how fat Patrick really is. It is a long and ongoing discussion, but most participants are on the side of Patrick being very, very fat indeed. Thus I fear that were Mr Tomlinson to be hired as a sandbag, he would likely just float away with the current.



I quite like the idea of someone being a fan of Pat's stalker and child content.

 

[LGHDR+]

I quite like the idea of someone being a fan of Pat's stalker and child content.
View attachment 5721925

I think deep down, we are all fans of Pat's stalker and child content (the words, not the exotic meats).

Having said that, you would think that such a world-renowned author would have a better retort to this particular comment. A link to one of his ass-kissing articles or videos... shit, even just "Soon, child", but no, they get the Pat mind-macro.

Aunt Lesley gets custom content, I think @TTDeathTTSuicide got fucked in this exchange. They posted an excellent query, only to have the same tired response.

Truly, this is as sad as Pat is fat - which is pretty fucking sad.

(Edit: One day I'll learn to type)

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

I can't wait for the summer when I get to hear Pat say he's gonna recycle something new, like making a cistern out of Gatorade bottles melted down and reshaped so that all the micro plastics and BPA contaminate it. Maybe a fire pit using an old tank from something that has toxic metals in it. Would go great with the chairs.

 

[Law]

Seriously, what the fuck would anyone hire him as? A sandbag?

He has the type of body, mind, and personality that would be perfect for a career as a streamer.
IP2 and boring reaction streams are a surer route to crumbs of e-fame that publishing novels in 2024.

 

[internet friend]

child content

So that's why the SFWA keeps him around

 

[Maude Snew]

I can't wait for the summer when I get to hear Pat say he's gonna recycle something new, like making a cistern out of Gatorade bottles melted down and reshaped so that all the micro plastics and BPA contaminate it. Maybe a fire pit using an old tank from something that has toxic metals in it. Would go great with the chairs.

You mean like the time he burned the pressure treated wood from his old, also backwards fence?

Enjoy cancer, stalker.

 

[Post Reply]

Breaking news, harnessing the power of Putonium injected directly into his veins, Vladimir Putin Puton is now able to swat satellites out of orbit with the power of his mind.

 

[Divine right to rule]

Breaking news, harnessing the power of Putonium injected directly into his veins, Vladimir Putin Puton is now able to swat satellites out of orbit with the power of his mind.
View attachment 5722309

Don't worry, he is not allowed to posess this capability.
He was already able to kill the whole planet in nuclear fire several times over, but knocking out wireless internet is the fucking final line for Patrick.
Without it, he couldn't tweet at the stalker children while drunk driving.

 

[Anasûrimbor Kellhus]

Breaking news, harnessing the power of Putonium injected directly into his veins, Vladimir Putin Puton is now able to swat satellites out of orbit with the power of his mind.
View attachment 5722309

lmfao and how exactly is pat gonna stop it? Will pat finally put his money where his mouth is and sign up for the ukrainian trenches?