Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Kupier]

The day has finally come, friends. A friend of my best/oldest friends has come out as trans, and he will be at our outing this week. I don't care about this guy, don't know anything about him except that he's married to a religious girl. We have all known eachother for a very, very long time, but he and I are the only ones not aquanited. I will need to be respectful and professional. I don't know how this is going to go.

Really trying not to out myself, but I know the chances of anyone from this group finding me here is next to 0. None of us in this group are Republican or conservative. I am probably the most right-leaning, but I am a very understanding person.

I was the only one in the group chat to not react to his little, brief "coming out" post, and was messaged by someone else asking if I had seen it. I stated that I will be respectful, but I have reserved feelings about this. No response yet.

I know this isn't any real contribution to the thread. I'm really worried that I'm going to slip up and get in trouble with some of my best friends, who I know are pro-trans, but don't know how I feel about it. We have never had a conflict in our years and years of friendship. I am not good at lying or putting on a poker face. This will be my first time dealing with a freshly cracked "egg".

Wish me luck, friends. If anything happens, I will be back here. While trans shit is everywhere, no one I know is actually keyed in to how complex / batshit it is.

Hi friends, update time. He was late to a get-together because he and his wife were filing divorce papers. I heard this secondhand and burst out laughing. Suprise!!! I feel so bad for his former wife. She's kind of a cunt though so I will stay out of this.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

My wife, taking off her coat: I'm home! How are you? Therapy went okay. Uh, I got diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder

Me:

Spoiler: long

I was having a shit enough day as it was. I literally cried for hours until I had to lay down with an aura migraine. Woke up with a headache the next morning. Still feel very low energy and stressed.

I should note that she's technically detrans. Never had medical intervention, but she briefly socialized as a trans man before realizing it made her miserable. She then identified as a she/they enby before accepting that she was a butch cis woman. I am fine with her being gender non conforming, but I'm going to have to reiterate that I think I will have to leave if she starts taking T. This is not an easy decision, considering we've been friends for a decade and a couple for almost as long. She did not express what was next (in fact, she's been very down herself from the looks of it, she did not announce the diagnosis with any lick of pride or joy and has been in bed all weekend too). I'm not stupid, though. I know what comes next in this current climate. We must talk very soon but I'm having trouble finding a window without being too confrontational and emotional.

I also have to note that she lost most interest in gender play items (including harnesses) and was becoming progressively more based about trans stuff both online and offline. I sense she got groomed in some way back into the cult. We currently live in a country that makes it difficult for people to get medical transition, so she probably got hints on how to "hack" the system.

I know she regularly talks to at least one troon that we had been acquainted with via a past fandom. I always felt off about him even before discovering that his personal pages are filled the typical trans woman propaganda when he isn't skinwalking fictional female characters. I don't know how to cut her off from him without seeming abusive from the outside, or how to go on without triggering any tranny mentality induced anger. She knows I'm not a fan of the surgeries and troons taking over women's spaces, so at least it wouldn't be a complete shock if I talked to her about that stuff again. Excising the cancer will be difficult all the same, assuming she doesn't destroy ten years of us going through great and rough times together over this.

I already feel like I've lost my best friend and soulmate to this shit. The anguish I'm going through is almost exactly like when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. If she has the diagnosis, it may already be too late. But I gotta try. Transgenderism isn't just a cult. It's an addiction where the drugs are validation and fantasy. Detransitioners returning to troonery is relapse. Change my mind.

 

[NoReturn]

without seeming abusive from the outside

This is less directed at you, than at others you might see this and relate, but you need to stop being controlled by this.
I know, shock and horror, even me saying that sounds like I'm saying "Abuse is ok".
What I'm saying is that we live in a time where no matter what you do, under the right circumstances and especially within this cult, even innocuous things can be reframed as "abuse" because that's what benefits them.

 

[Not A Bunny]

This is less directed at you, than at others you might see this and relate, but you need to stop being controlled by this.
I know, shock and horror, even me saying that sounds like I'm saying "Abuse is ok".
What I'm saying is that we live in a time where no matter what you do, under the right circumstances and especially within this cult, even innocuous things can be reframed as "abuse" because that's what benefits them.

It's why I refuse to get involved with anyone who identifies as "trans", and I'm dubious around people who are glowingly positive about it.

The weird cultural swirl of parasitism around it is not the kind you want to get sucked into. Everything with these people is walking on eggshells, which is what happens when you deal with people who thrive on appeasement.

I say this as an abuse survivor: if you are around someone who has demands for how you talk or how you behave around them, or you deserve the abuse you get heaped on you when you step even a hair out of line, you put a lot of gone between yourself and that person. And if you believe it would come off as "abusive" to bring up the subject, your relationship is already in trouble. Sounds like it was for a while.

It's sad, and I can't put into words how I feel for your situation. Knowing and loving someone for that long will leave a hole in you when it's over, but here's the thing, better the hole that you create than the hole they will create in you. Because the hole they create in you will never stop growing. The hole will demand more until there's nothing of you left.

Spoiler: Power Level

Imagine what The One Ring did to Gollum. That's what my father's abuse did to my mother. She truly believed that she and I could have a relationship after my father died because she no longer had to choose between him and me. That's what abuse does; it fucks with perception of what a relationship is. I bet she still doesn't understand why I won't talk to her anymore.

I will 100% eat it if I'm entirely out of line here, but she sounds like she's on a trajectory with very little friction to stop her, so best advice I have for you is set a limit for this. Create a condition that if she crosses the line into something that goes past that line, walk away. Don't threaten. Don't hedge. Don't move the line. You might love this person, but love yourself enough not to fall into the hole with her.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

 

[Iodine]

A friend of mine has suddenly decided that she's nonbinary and asexual, and she wants to chop off her breasts. She was a tomboy who played sports and she was only attracted to men. She had a boyfriend for several years before this, but got brainwashed when she entered a humanities major full of woketards who convinced her that being a tomboy and not shaving meant that she wasn't a woman, and encouraged her to feel uncomfortable with her breasts. Then she joined online communities filled with other female "nonbinary asexuals" who circlejerk each other and made her feel even more certain that she didn't want to be a straight woman. She broke up with her boyfriend and ditched the majority of her childhood friends, then rewrote her backstory to say that she always felt dysphoria and never truly loved her boyfriend. She also seems to have become more distant from her family. All of this was likely encouraged by the cult.

The good news is that our country has no informed consent for HRT or transitioning, and our trans clinics only treat patients who identify as strictly trans male or trans female, not nonbinary. If she lies about being a trans man, she'll have to go through several years of psychological investigation before being required to take testosterone, and she'll have to be on testosterone for another few years before getting approved for a mastectomy. She's not a very important person in my life, but when we talk, I still try to microdose her with redpills about how it is much better to live as a straight tomboy.

I knew another girl through an online community, also from my country, who decided over December 2023 that she was a trans man. She has autism and problems with bullying in school. She also hangs out on groomer Discords with people much older than her who clap at her for being brave and coming out. She's underage, so I don't speak with her, and she won't get anywhere for the time being because our country doesn't perform transition treatments on minors. But she also claims that she has liberal LGBT ally parents, so who knows what other sources of grooming she's going through in real life.

The posts above about how the cult isolates its victims by claiming that staying with people who are concerned about their welfare is "abuse" are correct. The groomed victims are also trained to shout "abuser" and "bigot" at detractors to silence any discussion about the subject. You will have to use cult and abusive relationship deprogramming techniques, and you must understand that there is a chance of failure. No matter how much you love someone, they can be lost for good and you have to move on.

 

[SIMIΔN]

I Also reminded her that I had told her to NOT have a second child until the first was at least 2 or 3 as she would find the jump from 1 to 2 very difficult. I told her we would give her regular respite from the girls to help her have time for herself as well as time for her relationship.

Honestly, she sounds like someone who has had two toddlers too close together, and feels like she has lost her life. In the past, people like her would stay out late drinking at bars, maybe have a quiet make out session with some random in the backseat of his car before slinking back to their partner/baby sitter, equal parts guilty and triumphant. The whole, "I'm a man irl," is an excuse for your daughter to cut loose from her kids and leg it

Two young kids? She’s definitely stressed out and might have a postpartum issue. Can you try to “see” her, as woo as that sounds? I mean, be emotionally present. Help her get some sleep.

You are all right, motherhood is a big change, the best thing to do is give her more freedom to be her old self, encourage her to meet up with old friends or even travel.

Troonery can be just as much of a flight from adulthood as a flight from your sex.

I assumed it was a male only phenomenon, be the girlfriend you couldn't date in highschool. No matter the age, a transgirl not transaunty

at least they aren’t letting her take any hormones until she’s 18. there is still time. but i won’t be able to convince her of anything. she hasn’t talked to me since she joined the cult. i was her favorite person when she was a kid. she had no inclinations of any gender issues. she was a girly girl. loved dresses and disney princesses. it was so easy to make her laugh. i miss those days.

Are there any scout-like youth groups she could go camping with? NB seems to be the modern tomboy, so show she can do "boy things" without irreversable surgery? Whatever the case, it'll get her away from online groomers and/or the social contagion at school.

 

[deermeat]

I guess it was inevitable since the whole underground rave/DJ crowd is extremely liberal,

Yeah I feel bad for all the people in their 20s who are into raves and such. Back then if you would've been in that crowd, you would've made it out mostly unaffected. But today? Nah. These people who get into that crowd are gonna come out dead or severely mentally damaged because of troonshine and overall consumerism mixed in with glamorizing addictions. The culture, similar to punk culture, has been psyoped. It's not even "underground" anymore, it is the most pro-establishment scene you could enter nowadays.

 

[Not A Bunny]

If I weren't against engaging with transes, I'd probably ask them: "But WHY does it make a difference?"

Why do you need drugs and surgery to be who you are? Why would you go through all of that? What discernible difference would it make? What do you envision your life would be like? Do you believe that people are oppressive towards trans people, and what if those people are oppressive towards you?

So, you've made yourself chemically dependent, your self-image depends on elective and therefore expensive surgery, and with only a scant chance of passing?

Don't you think it would be easier to accept yourself than go through all of that?

Do you think that you wanting to be the opposite sex will solve your problems? (I'm sure if you dig down, you'll find that there's a companion identity-based problem associated with being trans in a LOT of cases, even if that identity-based problem is: "that's what my friend group is, and if I'm a part of that group, I must be trans also".)

I feel like if you asked these sort of questions, you'd be a lot of fingers stuck in ears, because being trans represents instant gratification; even if transitioning takes time, the declaration "feels good", because it's associated with a lot of back-patting and "validation" from others. It's a shortcut to acceptance, and it takes no effort.

I swear, being trans is the participation trophy of acceptance.

 

[NoReturn]

Why do you need drugs and surgery to be who you are? Why would you go through all of that? What discernible difference would it make? What do you envision your life would be like? Do you believe that people are oppressive towards trans people, and what if those people are oppressive towards you?

This is something that's always stuck with me, too.
We live in a time of unparalleled freedom for women, and it genuinely seemed like we were heading towards a future where men could wear dresses and makeup and no one would give a fuck, then all this happened.
One explanation I saw was that the legalization of gay marriage put a lot of people out of a job, so they needed a new cause to keep those orgs running.

 

[Hassou Tobi]

If I weren't against engaging with transes, I'd probably ask them: "But WHY does it make a difference?"

It's honestly incomprehensible.

Whenever I see a "1 year on HRT! I was *this close* to killing myself in the before picture! So glad I was saved!"
and all that's changed is the man's wearing an ugly dress and has a bad wig on.

It's just incomprehensible. (I know the answer is fetish, mental illness, online social contagion etc. But ????)

 

[Not A Bunny]

This is something that's always stuck with me, too.
We live in a time of unparalleled freedom for women, and it genuinely seemed like we were heading towards a future where men could wear dresses and makeup and no one would give a fuck, then all this happened.
One explanation I saw was that the legalization of gay marriage put a lot of people out of a job, so they needed a new cause to keep those orgs running.

This is why I don't trust anyone who call themselves an "activist".

Because they're never done with being an activist. If they don't have a battle to fight, they'll just make it up.

It's why feminists will never fight FGM in a country that's actually dangerous to women, while at the same time complaining they can't have a second drink at a bar because men can't be trusted.

Activism in western nations is by and large bullshit.

 

[Tragon Dirtle]

KFers probably know it already, but as a newbie for any lurkers or newbies:

Inauthentic Selves: The modern LGBTQ+ Movement Is Run By Philanthropic Astroturf And Based On Junk Science

How the LGBT community got suckered by Big Business and Big Philanthropy.

suedonym.substack.com

Inauthentic Selves: The modern LGBTQ+ Movement Is Run By Philanthropic Astroturf And Based On Junk Science​

How the LGBT community got suckered by Big Business and Big Philanthropy.​

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Follow up to my current situation with my wife.

Spoiler: also long

It's been a weird week. I had actually posted my original post about three days into being told the news. We didn't talk all weekend save for the occasional one word sentences. Eventually I got so depressed and stressed that by the day I posted, I was having trouble getting out of bed, talking, eating very little, etc. My wife noticed and became very concerned that I will hurt myself, since I have a history of that.

Finally managed to convey my concerns, including point out how testosterone has made every other woman I or we have known that used it paranoid miserable people that then progressed to further ruin their bodies with surgeries, how disgusting I found pooners physically, how I was thinking of her like she as she is now was effectively dead if she was about to obtain that poison, how I'd leave if she put that shit in her body.

She responded that she wanted to tell me her own thoughts and feelings but hadn't found an opening herself. She still identifies as a woman. That hasn't changed. Even with the diagnosis, she no longer had a desire to go on T between the very things I said and from realizing how psychologically manipulative the gender clinic was. She was being pressured into admitting that she was psychotic and needed to be committed if she did not accept a gender dysphoria diagnosis. The "therapists" gaslighting her and her hiding the process from me was gnawing on her so badly that it was starting to plunge her into her own bad depressive state. She had also started to drink more, so that explains that. I wish she had told me sooner. I knew the clinics were horrible, but holy fucking shit.

We still have a lot to work on, including maybe couples counseling if it comes to that. That was a big secret to hide from me. I knew that she had failed to get hormones before and had given up, but was unaware that she had reattempted. But it does appear that at least right now, she recognized how dangerous the gender clinics are and how selfish transition is. Seeing how devastated I was crushed her. She cancelled her future appointments to the gender clinic and is honestly terrified of other therapy for depression that she had already scheduled. We agreed that if gender or other manipulations come up, then she drops that therapist too. Maybe I'm hope pilled but I think we still have a chance. The air feels clearer, so to speak. If I conclude it's irreparable or puts me in danger though, I will leave. For now, though, it's a start.

 

[ScurvyRat]

When I get home, I plan to write up my thoughts and feelings and give him a call.

I can't stand idly by while this happens to one of my favorite people.

Any advice on what to say would be appreciated.

Coming back to this thread to give an update from my post in October.

My cousin as I knew him is gone. He has been replaced by a communist faggot, obsessed with seeing himself as a girl. At this point he has gone full no contact.

I did my best to reconcile and continue the relationship, but after several weeks of being ignored entirely, I am done.

I will now wait for my family to inform me of his incoming health problems and subsequent suicide.

Fuck this gay Earth and fuck these charlatans pushing this gender bullshit. I genuinely wish them all the most painful and horrible deaths imaginable.

 

[Ed Special]

it does appear that at least right now, she recognized how dangerous the gender clinics are and how selfish transition is. Seeing how devastated I was crushed her. She cancelled her future appointments to the gender clinic and is honestly terrified of other therapy for depression that she had already scheduled

Massive W TBH. Hope it continues to look up for y'all.

 

[glass_houses]

She was being pressured into admitting that she was psychotic and needed to be committed if she did not accept a gender dysphoria diagnosis.

What the actual fuck. That's horrifying.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Coming back to this thread to give an update from my post in October.

My cousin as I knew him is gone. He has been replaced by a communist faggot, obsessed with seeing himself as a girl. At this point he has gone full no contact.

I did my best to reconcile and continue the relationship, but after several weeks of being ignored entirely, I am done.

I will now wait for my family to inform me of his incoming health problems and subsequent suicide.

Fuck this gay Earth and fuck these charlatans pushing this gender bullshit. I genuinely wish them all the most painful and horrible deaths imaginable.

I'm so sorry that you lost your cousin to this. Someone rejecting loved ones that actually care and "transitioning" really feels like the first death of that person. Only question is when the second, real death happens. I know you tried your best.

The shitty thing is that if it was anything else other than troonery, there would be support groups, rehabs, just laypeople knowing something like "drugs and cancer bad." You're not going to get cheesy 80s style PSAs about how destructive troonery is to everything it touches. It's marvelous that trans widows have their own groups here and there, but this thread (and KF in general) is one of the only real places on the internet as far as I know that is for everyone losing people (often mulitple) to this monster. It feels overwhelmingly lonely at times.

Massive W TBH. Hope it continues to look up for y'all.

It's a big step in the right direction, that's for sure. At least she's not so far gone that she will still consider my thoughts and feelings. That was my biggest worry.

What the actual fuck. That's horrifying.

They would often tell her that she was only hearing pencil noises in her head when they wrote with very dull pencils that squeaked against the paper, for instance, or that she was maybe bipolar or can't take care of herself or her family because she has chronic depression and (high functioning) autism. If she accepted a GID diagnosis and took T, then she'd be much more happier and functional. She had started questioning her own competence, despite her being hella so 95% of the time. They were trying to isolate her. This is just as insidious as the informed consent model that gives people hormones after a single meeting, IMO. Gender specialists are evil, the whole lot of them.

 

[Layton Mysteries]

Follow up to my current situation with my wife.

Best of luck with your wife. I really hope you and her come out of this together and happy. I know a lot of people benefit somewhat from therapy but honestly it is a minefield, nearly all therapists are going to end up being "affirming" with the slightest push. The couples therapy thing may be a good idea but really vet the therapist. A lot will try to push against you if they pick up that you have objections to your spouse identifying as transgender and pursuing a transition, and try make you out to be abusive or controlling in her eyes. You should encourage her to not go back to that therapist or any ones like them again. Also try your best not to push her away, be open to spending time together but be honest with her about how you feel. But you shouldn't give up and it certainly doesn't seem like a lost cause.

 

[Day of the Cope]

Just had to cut ties with a friend of about 10 years because they've started going down the path.

 

[Oriental Trading Company]

Lost a few over the recent years. Exclusively nerdy guys with nerdy interests. We're not talking about anime nerd stuff but rather obscure technical 100% male dominated ones. They never displayed any feminine behaviour before transitioning, and even if they were to do so, no one would care. The idea of them "being trans" would've never crossed my mind in the first place.

I had to cut ties because it became so embarrassing to hang out with them. Typical e-tranny fashion sense, horrible makeup, five o'clock shadow, zero voice training, picking tranny tier names etc. The fact that they both actively did the "oh that guy is definitely an egg" was the last straw. Fuck that. Heartbreaking to see these bright and intelligent nerds turn into walking time bombs. Honestly, I don't blame them - they have obviously been brainwashed by some higher power that I hope to be revealed sooner or later.

"Nerd communities devastated by HRT like black neighbourhoods and crack in the 80s."