Diseased Sanctioned Suicide - "Kill yourself" but unironically with sodium nitrite. Higher death count than the Farms. Targeted by parents, legislators, and journalists looking to alter Section 230.

[Pissmaster]

@BrunoMattei Are you still there amigo?

 

[BrunoMattei]

I think what really pisses me off about depression is that so many can't understand it. Normies REALLY can't understand it. You're met with this kind of response all the time "Why are you sad? Be hopeful for a blue sky! Watch the latest movie! Drive a car! Dance and sing!" They offer up meaningless and time-wasting activities because that's what they're comfortable with. A normie isn't just going to watch Eraserhead out of the blue and try to experience something outside their comfort zone.

I also despise that depression is used an easy excuse to garner sympathy and manipulate as we've seen endlessly by lolcows and social media influencer robots. You can't really be depressed if you have piles of money to act as a safety net. I refuse to believe otherwise. Those who claim depression should be punished by having their nuts cut off and cunts sewn to a close and that surgery should be performed by actual depressed people as a way to vent their frustration.

But then there's others, so-called professionals, who think it's a chemical imbalance that can be cured with a pill. Tell me Mr. Therapist, how the fuck does a pill suddenly make me feel better after decades of pain? You may as well apply band-aids to a shotgun blast. I think the only possible "cure" for depression in any kind of meaningful medical context is to hope technology evolves into some Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind shit where you can delete memories. But there's endless dystopian possibilities there: what if the medical establishment decides (much like relying on prescriptions) that the best cure is inject fake happy memories? The whole thing would make the practice of lobotomies seem like childish games during recess.

 

[GenociderSyo]

But then there's others, so-called professionals, who think it's a chemical imbalance that can be cured with pill. Tell me Mr. Therapist, how the fuck does a pill suddenly make me feel better after decades of pain? You may as well apply band-aids to a shotgun blast. I think the only possible "cure" for depression in any kind of meaningful medical context is to hope technology evolves into some Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind shit where you can delete memories. But there's endless dystopian possibilities there: what if the medical establishment decides (much like relying on prescriptions) that the best cure is inject fake happy memories? The whole thing would make the practice of lobotomies seem like childish games during recess.

If any therapist ever tells you a pill will 100% cure you dump their ass and find a new one. The reality of medication is they allow you to be able to work through your own problems with them not as extreme as they were. No medications are miracles that stop depression or stop anxiety, etc.

 

[BrunoMattei]

If any therapist ever tells you a pill will 100% cure you dump their ass and find a new one. The reality of medication is they allow you to be able to work through your own problems with them not as extreme as they were. No medications are miracles that stop depression or stop anxiety, etc.

I think the medical establishment thinks otherwise. We seem to be stuck in that part of history where science and the pharmaceutical industries are convinced you can cure this with a pill. And we're the god damn guinea pigs for this experiment.

 

[GenociderSyo]

I think the medical establishment thinks otherwise. We seem to be stuck in that part of history where science and the pharmaceutical industries are convinced you can cure this with a pill. And we're the god damn guinea pigs for this experiment.

That is true of some but some of us realize that's not reality especially those of us working in the trenches of serious mental illness. The agency I'm with knows that you only hurt clients by making them think that is true.

 

[BrunoMattei]

That is true of some but some of us realize that's not reality especially those of us working in the trenches of serious mental illness. The agency I'm with knows that you only hurt clients by making them think that is true.

I wouldn't know. The BSU I stayed at after my 4th attempt offered next to no assistance for any kind of meaningful therapy.

 

[Lokenstien]

"I have fantasized my own autopsy: and at the point where they reach my brain and peel back the scalp and crack open the sweet center and upon seeing my own mind, they are astonished to see it encased in layers and layers of what looks like wax cast from ghostly wick but is in actuality a physical manifestation of my depression."

There's only so much I can offer in terms of sympathy with just simple words on an anonymous internet forum but I feel for you and your troubles. Our lives are quite different, but your posts have always made me see you as a kind of kindred spirit even if we've only interacted briefly. At the very least your posts have always been informative and interesting which is more than a majority of people around here make. I don't think I'll ever find someone who knows so much about horror literature and movies no matter where I look in this life. I would be very sad to see someone like you go since you have so much knowledge to share and spread to people who care and love what you have to say. I know for myself you've helped rekindle my love of reading which has been instrumental in helping me along my own path of mental misery.

I also wanted to say that I really like this quote from your note. I know it was written in a deeply upsetting state but it has very creative imagery and language. It reminds me of some of the partial notes I wrote out in difficult times. I don't know how much writing you've done but it seems like something that would really suite you and I think you certainly have the inspirations to draw upon that would help you create quite the dark uniquely sprawling narrative.

 

[BrunoMattei]

I also wanted to say that I really like this quote from your note. I know it was written in a deeply upsetting state but it has very creative imagery and language. It reminds me of some of the partial notes I wrote out in difficult times. I don't know how much writing you've done but it seems like something that would really suite you and I think you certainly have the inspirations to draw upon that would help you create quite the dark uniquely sprawling narrative.

Thank you. I felt like a massive attention whore fag when I wrote all that but it served as a self-exorcism and if it's one thing I wanted to communicate is just what exactly depression feels like and how it can be created and how it constantly is recreated. It is a true motherfucker.

When I wrote that I worked myself into an absolutely TOWERING depression spiral. It was the worst I ever had. I was even writing my obituary and guessing what my friends would say about me after I was gone. Which is just beyond dark.

 

[Lokenstien]

Thank you. I felt like a massive attention whore fag when I wrote all that but it served as a self-exorcism and if it's one thing I wanted to communicate is just what exactly depression feels like and how it can be created and how it constantly is recreated. It is a true motherfucker.

Attention whoring would be announcing to the world what your doing and posting that note around online like you're some emo version Martian Luther posting his 95 thesis's. Writing notes secretly and planning to leave them behind seems far more true to the way depression and suicidal thoughts really materialize. Your point about the ever constant recreation of depression really hits home. I always imagine mine like being caught in sandstorm where the wind changes direction every time you try to turn your back on it and even when the wind dies down you'll still trip face first into a burning sand dune.

When I wrote that I worked myself into an absolutely TOWERING depression spiral. It was the worst I ever had. I was even writing my obituary and guessing what my friends would say about me after I was gone. Which is just beyond dark.

I'm really glad you're still here with us and you didn't fall off that tower. I know I have a whole document on my computer that I've been adding too every time I'm caught in a suicidal ideation spiral. It's got predictions of how I'll die, the usual delusional self loathing, specific notes to the people in my life and other random bullshit. I always thought that someday down the line I'll end up biting that bullet and that document filled with years of depressed ramblings and vignettes would make for a fitting note since it was never going to be just one thing that sends me over the edge. Living with depression seems to always be dark one way or another.

 

[AnOminous]

My ultimate review of the sodium nitirite method of suicide I would give a 0/10. And my recommendation is to learn the train schedule. Or simply buy a shotgun and aim for your temple.

I wish I had something useful to say but take muh feels anyway. Also some parts of this were actually funny, I don't know why. There's something to be said for someone who can manage to crack a joke in the middle of shit like this.

But since this is this thread, I'd generally agree with your assessment of the method without even having tried it. (Fun fact I have a bunch of sodium nitrite right now. No it's actually for curing meat.)

Since I assume you won't be trying this shitty method again, you probably made it because you massively OD'd on it. The method generally requires you sort of titrate up to a near lethal level before finishing it with the final dose, and this takes several smaller doses over a period of time. That way you're also already so close to lethality so that by the final dose, a stomach pump isn't going to do shit.

This would actually be the sole redeeming feature of the method: it's so unpleasant and takes so long that there are generally multiple opportunities to back out of it if you change your mind. Also if you actually go through with it after this you probably really do want it. So I'd give it maybe a 2/10 just on principles of practicality.

Anyway hope you got at least some catharsis out of this post even though I'd ordinarily consider something like this a powerlevel of infinite dimension. It's definitely relevant to the thread though and the important issue central to it.

And I'd really dislike it if you offed yourself.

 

[BrunoMattei]

I wish I had something useful to say but take muh feels anyway. Also some parts of this were actually funny, I don't know why. There's something to be said for someone who can manage to crack a joke in the middle of shit like this.

Ultimately, I side with the sentiment of the likes of H.P. Lovecraft, Ligotti, and director Werner Herzog in that the universe is ultimately indifferent to all life. We live. We die. It does not care. But I think the universe has a very dark sense of humor. The more knowledge and life experience you gain makes you notice it. Tapping into that undercurrent makes the Red Pill easier to swallow. It's one aspect that made the Marquis de Sade's writing so effective, that and you know that he believed in what he was writing.

Why the fuck, in current year, would the medical establishment lock up a depressed and suicidal but otherwise completely normal person in a nut house surrounded by crazies and retards and staffed by even bigger retards who legitimately didn't know what a blanket is because I guess that's a new fangled technology in Nigeria. That's a dark comedy to someone.

 

[GenociderSyo]

Why the fuck, in current year, would the medical establishment lock up a depressed and suicidal but otherwise completely normal person in a nut house surrounded by crazies and retards and staffed by even bigger retards who legitimately didn't know what a blanket is because I guess that's a new fangled technology in Nigeria. That's a dark comedy to someone.

Liability is what it all comes down to. If a therapist is wrong the person offs themselves the family can sue for wrongful death.

There are patients who suicide bait and we have to send them in still because even though we know its false if that ONE time they fuck up and cut too far or take too much for the attention it gives them we're the ones with our jobs and lives on the line.

 

[BrunoMattei]

Liability is what it all comes down to. If a therapist is wrong the person offs themselves the family can sue for wrongful death.

Yeah, it's just the doctor covering his own ass. That's all it is. Fuck the patient, right? The only doctors I respect now are military doctors in the field because those guys will actually put their ass on the line.

 

[dick brain]

Ultimately, I side with the sentiment of the likes of H.P. Lovecraft, Ligotti, and director Werner Herzog in that the universe is ultimately indifferent to all life. We live. We die. It does not care.

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.

 

[AnOminous]

There are patients who suicide bait and we have to send them in still because even though we know its false if that ONE time they fuck up and cut too far or take too much for the attention it gives them we're the ones with our jobs and lives on the line.

And this is exactly why actually suicidal people have nobody to consult without fear of being chucked instantly into an even worse situation than they're already in, when they're already at rock bottom.

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.

And then there's also that Nietzschean bullshit about "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Actually sometimes what doesn't kill you just fucks you up for life.

Also the one slightly cheerful thing I can think of: that cat is probably okay now. You may not have that cat, but the cat is probably going to have a good life. Also fuck anyone who would do that with someone's cat.

 

[Gog & Magog]

@BrunoMattei what if your next attempt really does kill you and then somebody who loves you decides life isn't worth it and kills themselves too?

 

[dick brain]

And then there's also that Nietzschean bullshit about "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Actually sometimes what doesn't kill you just fucks you up for life.

That's why I prefer the excerpt from Meditations along the lines of, "That which does not make a man worse also does not make his life worse." Sometimes bad things happen to you and you're stronger for it, but other times bad things happen that make you worse.

 

[GenociderSyo]

And this is exactly why actually suicidal people have nobody to consult without fear of being chucked instantly into an even worse situation than they're already in, when they're already at rock bottom.

Yes. First step is supposed to be safety planning, but some agencies will start to just be too trigger happy.

Where I am they must have intent, a plan and the will to actually do it before we will ever talk about committing. But I work with very low functioning people who are less apt to have the ability to plan in advance.

But if your ending up in hospitals treating you like that you have every right to report them. They are REQUIRED to have posted someplace the agencies to call above them and their board members. These reports can be anonymous.

 

[BrunoMattei]

@BrunoMattei what if your next attempt really does kill you and then somebody who loves you decides life isn't worth it and kills themselves too?

That's another thing about depression. You try pulling away from the people you care about so as to attempt to minimize that from happening.

 

[Gog & Magog]

That's another thing about depression. You try pulling away from the people you care about so as to attempt to minimize that from happening.

Imagine your family walking into your room, looking at the books you used to read, the bed you used to sleep in, remembering the smile that used to brighten up their days. A book you never finished there, and over here a picture you never framed, and there inside their chests a now broken heart that shall never heal.