why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

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Wait, are you saying those are examples of things people DO perk up at or DON'T perk up at? Because I can attest from decades of experience that women don't give a single solitary shit about your ability to play instruments unless it makes you wealthy and/or famous.
I meant don’t.

Basically, in my experience, things like gambling, competitive sports, and certain specific types of outdoors activity seem to draw attention.

Creative crafts/arts, music if you’re not a teenager and playing popular genres, and so on do not.
 
Creative crafts/arts, music if you’re not a teenager and playing popular genres, and so on do not.
Couldn't agree more. No matter how skilled you are and no matter how good what you create is, women consider music to be a manchild affectation barely distinguishable from sitting around smoking weed and playing Call of Duty.

That actually really took me by surprise when I started dating. I figured it would at least be a mildly attractive trait, but it's a net negative if anything.
 
Couldn't agree more. No matter how skilled you are and no matter how good what you create is, women consider music to be a manchild affectation barely distinguishable from sitting around smoking weed and playing Call of Duty.

That actually really took me by surprise when I started dating. I figured it would at least be a mildly attractive trait, but it's a net negative if anything.
I dont know what type of women you date. But I've been playing classical and jazz guitar since I was 10 and have gotten mega pussy from it.
 
Yeah, there are artsy/creative types of girls who also like music or appreciate the skill it takes to play well. If you're another Wonderwall bro on acoustic guitar then it won't mean much to anyone.
 
Wait, are you saying those are examples of things people DO perk up at or DON'T perk up at? Because I can attest from decades of experience that women don't give a single solitary shit about your ability to play instruments unless it makes you wealthy and/or famous.
They must at least consider it a bonus. I can say from experience that women in particular are really into the idea of violin for some reason, way more than even much more technically proficient guitar.
I'm can't report that I have gotten any mega pussy from that but it can't hurt either.

Maybe they just don't like all the reddit tier loser baby losers you see in guitar threads with no taste who love soying out and wasting money on piles of functionally identical electric guitars more than they like actually playing.
 
at this point? Just terrible fucking luck it seems. Last two gf's, both considered potential wife material at first. Both, a few months in, started displaying unacceptable levels of gaslighting and other related bullshit. Hard for them to successfully pull that off when I have a rule to never delete texts.

Hopefully this is rock bottom and the Sun, being born again in this eclipse, has seen this bullshit and had enough. Cause thats really my only shot at this point.
 
Eh, 30 something years old, barely any experience, have money, have my own place but it feels there is no place to meet people, hate dating apps.

Just waiting till my parents die to off myself tbqh, life just never felt worth living anyway.
You just need to talk to people. Start conversations and make friends. FFS it's not that hard.

Creative crafts/arts, music if you’re not a teenager and playing popular genres, and so on do not.
What are you talking about? Chicks flock to band dudes all the time. They love to bang them. They'll bend over backwards for a cute guitar or vocalist in a band. They bang artists too. They just don't like dating them. They like the hobby, but they hate it taking away your time. They like your hobby, but they hate it doesn't make you more money. When they insist you quit and get a job, they're mad you change and dump you. It's hilarious.

Personally, I hate the starving artist/creative types and my favorite thing about those people is when they starve to death. But that's just me. So I think this cycle is fucking great.
 
Maybe I'm talking out of my ass, but people just aren't interesting to talk to. In nearly all of my conversations (though to be fair, online conversations but with people I know irl), people have little to say or add. It's like talking to a brick wall. It's hard to want to get into relationships if you're surrounded by people like that.
 
Maybe I'm talking out of my ass, but people just aren't interesting to talk to. In nearly all of my conversations (though to be fair, online conversations but with people I know irl), people have little to say or add. It's like talking to a brick wall. It's hard to want to get into relationships if you're surrounded by people like that.
Did you watch the latest episode of #INSERT_SHOW_NAME_HERE#, and how do you feel about #GENERIC_POP_STAR#?
 
I'm just too busy, and I can't, nor want to get into a relationship, when I don't have the time and energy to devote to one. I'm hoping by next year my circumstances will be better and my schedule will be more lenient, so I can get out there and be an active part of my community and meet someone. But for now, I'm just focusing on getting my life in order.
 
Short and simple: I rejected a girl last year. Not into her.

The longer explanation is 2020 marked the start of a rut for me where I lost contact with my friends. I was left socially stunted while my progress in my skills/hobbies halted.
I am still young, but if things continue as is, I can't imagine my future turning out well. All I do is think and think and I end up thinking myself out of doing anything.
How could I date someone if I'm stuck in my head?
 
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Short and simple: I rejected a girl last year. Not into her.

The longer explanation is 2020 marked the start of a rut for me where I lost contact with my friends. I was left socially stunted while my progress in my skills/hobbies halted.
I am still young, but if things continue as is, I can't imagine my future turning out well. All I do is think and think and I end up thinking myself out of doing anything.
How could I date someone if I'm stuck in my head?
You just have to act. I know, it's far easier said than done, but you can't be complacent with being stuck in this state. Push yourself, little by little, out of your comfort zone and into more social situations and engagements. Even if you're awkward at first, as long as you make a genuine effort to connect with people you'll develop the skills needed to maneuver relationships.

As for the over thinking part, as someone who has a similar issue, I find that keeping a journal or notebook is useful (yes I know, call me a queer for having a diary). I don't know if you enjoy writing at all but if you do, just jot down your thoughts, keep note of your goals and plans in life, hell just even write stories or poems that help to get whatever you're feeling off your chest. Hope this helps.
 
You just need to talk to people. Start conversations and make friends. FFS it's not that hard.

My post came out too negative, but I needed to vent. I'm not having a good week, month, maybe year perhaps.

I have friends, most my age, all married or married with kids. It's alright to hang out, but it doesn't lead to any new relationships for me. Hell, people even say I'm funny or sound too optimistic sometimes, which feels really odd because they don't know how bad my thoughts go.

I access meetup.com almost weekly to see if there's some event or something where I live in. It's usually just 5-6 events, one third professional career, one third 50+, one third women-only. Dating apps while I have them, only lead to ghosting and disappointment, I was never able to get any dates from them.

The idea of getting new hobbies just to get to meet new people is a bit alien to me. I tried it before the pandemic but it didn't lead to much. Plus, I lost a lot of trust in people overall during the pandemic as well. And to top it all off, if it feels I have to put in 100% and the other parties involved never put even a mere 5%, I just bail out.

Anyway, back to lurking like a retard.
 
I hate how porn brain-rotten men are nowadays. It's near impossible to find a normal one.
How bad it gets? I was with a girl who was a bit of what now would be called a coomer, always wanted to be chocked and I wasn't into that plus there were a couple close calls.

Everybody wants a nympho until she starts schlicking in public...
Yes, it's called marriage.
Come on its not always like that.
I have no interest in having sex with a strsnger I've interacted with a total of maybe eight hours over a date or two
Same.
but have the personality of a wet rag.
Its incredibly common these days with all people, but while in the past you could bring that up now you can't because "don't judge me!".
I'd like to date but the expectations are too high
As a men sure, as a woman? never been lower, like others have said even the morbidly obese chicks come with a list of requirements now.
the advice only works if it's "get specifically socially prestigious 'cool' hobbies."
Always been like that, my uncle hated golf, really hated it, but it was necessary to do business so he went anyway. He specially hated having to spend good money on new fancy clubs just to keep up with the rest, they don't take you seriously if you show up with cheap gear.
It's a sausage fest filled with desperate guys.
Welcome to the internet, always been like that.
Local church seems to have something going on
Beware of the born-again virgin "churchgirl", she will always be the town bike.
Just waiting till my parents die to off myself tbqh, life just never felt worth living anyway.
Jesus bro don't do that...
It's impossible to have a conversation with women on there either. Most are in it for attention
I seen women comparing numbers of matches among themselves, half the time they didn't even bother talking to the guys, its was about bragging rights that's all.
and certain specific types of outdoors activity
Go on, which?
 
As a men sure, as a woman? never been lower, like others have said even the morbidly obese chicks come with a list of requirements now.
As the thread suggests, men have just as many expectations and requirements from women now as well. I think this post pandemic dating crisis is self perpetuating at this point because everyone spent too much time thinking about themselves and it's pretty hard for people in the dating scene to consider that although there may be some gendered issues, on a whole everyone is kind of shit. A few years ago I used to take it more personally but now Ive come to fully accept that George Carlin quote about stupid people.

There's just way, way, way more stupid, unattractive (looks and or personality), boring or otherwise gross people than there are those who are more fully conscious of their life experience. Unfortunately I think if you're on a place like the Farms you probably fit into the latter which can create an echo chamber of frustrations which are all probably more or less true about dating experiences in general but applicable across the board. Perhaps if others consider this thought, they'd feel less negativity about women or men and just focus on finding the person you can stand to be around the longest in an otherwise cold/annoying/stupid society.

When I talk about men now, it's mostly in reference to the fact I date men. If I really truly thought all men for sure were faulty humans, I'd be a lesbian by choice. I don't need dick that badly if it were true all men rape or abuse etc. I can, however, wade through all of the stupid people, which happen to be a pool of men, to try and find the one(s) I can tolerate enough to care about.

One gendered issue is match ratio on apps but again, if you consider it in the theory of everyone is stupid - there's a larger portion of people, primarily men, who swipe on everything or swipe as though they can game the algorithm. A person, primarily women, who swipe with more intention based on the behavior of selective breeding in mates within biology, will more often match with someone who saw perhaps a single photo for half a second before swiping. Suddenly they realize the incompatible factors after reviewing and the match is a dead end before the conversation begins. But just because stupid people outnumber the smarter ones does not mean a smarter person won't swipe with intention and end up stuck in a pile of 15 dead end conversations in the others inbox.

As I said before, dating has become depersonalized and gamified probably primarily due to the apps and algorithm and how society chooses to use them. Even if you're not using them, the environment is adapted for them. Tinder is probably as insidiously evil as Meta and Amazon and Google in terms of population control and data collection.

But I'm sure all of the above is actually why I'm single overall.
 
@Totallyunknown

That's the most accurate and in-depth answer I've heard as to why dating is a wate of time in $CURRENT_YEAR: everything is depersonalized and there are no real venues to get to know a person (in my case a woman) before going out with her. Work is just too bureaucratic and filled with HR shit deincentivising personal relationships, especially romantic ones. School is out of the question for most adults and even the ones that are still there are dealing with a generation of women that are completely alien than previous ones. Most churches are glorified country clubs, where people are extremely insular and partake in retarded gossiping, which is something I don't want for me or any woman I'm involved with.


All there is left are dating apps and frankly, I value personal relationships to the point that monetizing them and putting gacha mechanics on them is not only senseless, but kinda blasphemous. Even fucking hipsters 15 years ago had third spaces to hang out, meet new people with similar interests or hobbies and find romantic partners let alone all the various subcultures that existed from the 50s onwards (and probably before then too like the pub in a Victorian era city). It's the way the world has always worked really. But leading up to the pandemic and in it's immediate aftermath, things have changed so drastically for the worst in terms of social connections, I'm honestly not that concerned I'm not dating right now. I would if I coukd and found a good woman, but most women are not good nor even interesting enough to pursue like that. Right now, a small circle of friends is good enough for me and I'm grateful I even have that honestly.


All in all, I think social media technology has made people stupider, more anti-social and self-serving and less relationship material. I can only really see this with girls, but I do believe it's a universal trend.
 
Yeah, I'd say by choice. I've been cheated on and mistreated, and it's actually much better being single. I realized years ago, while I was addicted to mobile games, that I was paying for the privilege to pay. Spending money so I could spend more money. That's kind of what dealing with a shitty relationship is; you're putting up with disrespect and cruelty so you can continue to put up with disrespect and cruelty. Honestly, I'd rather be alone than with someone who makes me feel bad.
 
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