Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[AnOminous]

its such a weird thing to fuck up too, it feels like the last act of the movie where it shows how rock bottom things have gotten. there's no way in hell Nick didn't realize how important it was to his reputation and in the end he decided "fuck it" or better yet he was literally ready to appear in court all suited up with april but decided "we have 5 minutes, let's have a quick drink to loosen the nerves" then an hour later he goes "surely we have 10 more minutes before he reaches you in the docket" before ultimately arriving at the court after its already ended.

That's the amazing part of this. He had to be aware the world was literally watching him fail, and he just decided "I'll be the biggest failure it is possible to be, because that is just how much I suck!" And then he chose to be a huge public failure, the worst lawyer that ever lived, a pathetic failure and a moron who couldn't even defend a traffic ticket. What a LOSER. What a FAILURE!

 

[AltisticRight]

>You're just looking for berries?
>You're just looking for pests like grasshoppers and cockroaches?
>Well not in my backyard, prude
>Drowning skunk noises
>Inaudible Balldo glee

 

[Strix454]

its such a weird thing to fuck up too, it feels like the last act of the movie where it shows how rock bottom things have gotten. there's no way in hell Nick didn't realize how important it was to his reputation and in the end he decided "fuck it" or better yet he was literally ready to appear in court all suited up with april but decided "we have 5 minutes, let's have a quick drink to loosen the nerves" then an hour later he goes "surely we have 10 more minutes before he reaches you in the docket" before ultimately arriving at the court after its already ended.

It was a hearing over a zoom call. He didn't even have to go into court or even clean himself up. Its the lowest bar imaginable because he had to do just about nothing. Even if he had showed up on zoom without video to ask for a delay, the judge would have given it to him.

 

[feral cat #6385]

DSP mogging rakets with gaytor tier takes. Love to see it.

DSP is something else. He is like some sort of armor-plated battle cow or something. The dude just keeps on chugging along. He just keeps getting away with it.

Any time I go into the Rekieta thread I keep track of how many pages it takes me to see a Balldo reference. Today it was 1 page.

Should be zero. We have at least one reg with Balldo in their username.

His kitchen is a cluttered mess.

A window into his mind... Family life. Soul....

So, out of curiosity, if tomorrow Nick quits drinking (and assuming he survived withdraw and DTs) and makes a return to actually covering law and stuff he used to, do you think he'd be able to recover his lost audience? Perhaps even return to being somewhat entertaining?

well if he did get his act together then i imagine a lot of those people will be more than willing to welcome him back into the fold
a lot of them got their start because of him, and his name still carries some weight because of that

No. He's done. Those who are interested in law have moved on.

Locals is starting to notice things:

Oy vey!

Still-Life's avatar is... interesting. Anybody else noticed that?

At first I saw a merchant. Then I saw a Kiwi.

That would take a LOT of fucking dedication though. He's been at it for a long time now.

Twitter is Cancer says hi. Maybe Still Life is Twitter is Cancer.

What's interesting is I don't think Nick has ever made any effort to do it on his side. I don't think he's ever criticized SL, or asked him to stop. The reason for this seems to be that Nick is Mr. Freeze Peach, unless you're criticizing him. SL spends a lot of time threatening/wishing Nick's internal critics with death. I think, in a way, this thing with SL has been an interesting window into how messed up Nick's mind is. One of many windows.

Detractors "harm his business." But fedposters are A-OK!

It's worse than that. I would bet anything he agreed to do this pro bono.

Instead he gave her the old prone bone.

If you have a choice between a free representation from Nick, or representing yourself, for fuck's sake, chose the latter

I would take Darrel Brooks over Nick. More courtroom experience. Knows the law better.

I can't wait for the Silent Hill x Rekieta Law crossover special where it's revealed the Ceiling Cats were his starving children pawing for food this entire time.

On a side note, can someone put Komm Susser Todd over his Dear John soliloquy?

Been thinking of cutting Nick's greatest hits to Komm Susser Todd. But I just don't have the tolerance to listen to hours of Nick to extract his "greatest hits."

 

[prolapsed_cranium]

View attachment 5967910

That's a pretty huge juxtaposition. lol

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

That's a pretty huge juxtaposition. lol

Yeah, Runkle really has the normie audience. He has done amazingly since Depp (Rittenhouse? idr.)
I hope Sean grows (stream, not physically).

 

[Strix454]

Been thinking of cutting Nick's greatest hits to Komm Susser Todd. But I just don't have the tolerance to listen to hours of Nick to extract his "greatest hits."

90% of the greatest hits are in his lolcow of the year package. I've listened to it with as-is with Komm Susser Todd running to the side at a slightly higher volume.

That would leave the 2024 things to go through and add. Though there is already a whole lot of new stuff in 2024. Including weight loss, man-licking, ceiling cats and DSP.

 

[feral cat #6385]

I've said this before, but I really wish somebody would do a John Goodman voice AI and run @AnOminous's Rekieta posts through it.

Bonus points if it's full rage-mode Walter Sobchak Goodman.

Challenge ac-

Consider it done. I'll add it to my growing collection.

Dammit too late. Work projects are keeping me too busy to keep up with Nick the drunkard.

In hindsight, maybe we shouldn't have laughed so hard at Super Lawyers and strip malls.

We never laughed at strip mall lawyers because Nick was one. And back then we thought Nick was a credible lawyer. We shouldn't have discounted LawTwitter.

Nick’s trial streams are the worst casualty of his heel arc. His best talent was getting a bunch of actually knowledgeable guests on the same stream and facilitating commentary with surface level observations that could be expounded upon or argued by the guests, then saying something stupid and edgy to smooth over conflicting personalities. He had genuinely good instincts as a show host before he destroyed his mind with alcohol. It also got him to shut the fuck up while court was in session, so there was no time to practice his awful stand up comedy.

That's never happening again. The only reason he got those people was because no one knew how lucrative trial streams would be. Now there are few to no panel law streams to cover trials. Everyone wants their piece of the pie. We've all had enough of Nick saying stupid shit like the diaper remark. Such comments are not a draw.

That 'yet is horrifying. Hopefully he is the only occupant of the vehicle when he gets pulled over or crashes into a ditch.

No I hope he is driving the family SUV at full occupancy. With EVS, Dick, Vito, Riley, April, the Steel Toe Faggot, Mint Salad or whatever the fuck her name is. And he drives the SUV off the road into a lake. And everyone in the SUV dies. Except for him. Shawn covers the trial. Nick gets convicted of seven counts of Vehicular Manslaughter. To be served consecutively. His cellmate is Darrel Brooks.

Another Monday stream. Is he counting these towards his "14 locals stream"? I kid, I kid, but uh...those locals streams tho?

I guess his gay lover wasn't over this weekend.

Nick doesn't need his own board, he streams so little that half the time this thread gets sidetracked on religious or movie talk or talk about butter dishes. For fucks sake do people realize most of our "nick" content so far this year is from nick appearing on other people's channels? STMS and now DSP. Nicky's managed to get sober enough on his own streams that they're now ethan ralph tier boring.

Maybe the real Nick Rekieta thread is the friends we made along the way.

90% of the greatest hits are in his lolcow of the year package. I've listened to it with as-is with Komm Susser Todd running to the side at a slightly higher volume.

It's very hard to keep up-to-date with nick because he keeps sinking to new lows. By this time next year we will be looking at stuff that makes those look tame.

 

[AltisticRight]

Another Monday stream. Is he counting these towards his "14 locals stream"? I kid, I kid, but uh...those locals streams tho?
View attachment 5967773

>India's favourite sex position
>Marital rape
Ha ha ha.
Funny.
Very. Funny.

A man who uses this device.

 

[Dr Naomi Hunter]

the streams are just a hobby, the trust fund means none of nick's fuck ups will 'ffect the household financially.

I agree in the sense that we will never see Nick homeless and fighting other bums for a drop of whisky and a garbage hamburger.

But the lifestyle he became accustomed too with new Mustangs that he immediately crashesd and monthly/fortnightly vacations a la Hedonism II was tied to his Rumble and super chat income. When he first began to really spiral he said something along the lines that he was finally able to have the freedom to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. That freedom is now gone again and I think that has got him depressed.

I think Mummy and Daddy won’t send money for trips to Swinger’s resorts but will for food, water and shelter. Parents are FUNNY and WEIRD like that,

DSP is something else. He is like some sort of armor-plated battle cow or something. The dude just keeps on chugging along. He just keeps getting away with it.

The Goutroach transcends time and space. He will outlast the universe itself.

 

[daffodils]

Merrick Garland In Contempt, Racist Voting Laws, Trump In Contempt, India Shows Vagene

Boring show. Nick didn't get drunk enough to be entertaining. Twelve minutes late because he was "wiggling his windows" too hard. He was on top of Rumble's front page picks, but still stayed under 4000 live viewers (whatever that may mean given Rumble's creative accounting). Troll chats weren't Monty related and were brushed off. He's seen the first DSP clip and pretends not to be bothered by the "not a real lawyer" jab, because "streaming is way more fun". The schedule is still scheduling but will "get there eventually" and then everything will be great. No mention of Locals streams. Nick likes Boss Hog X whiskey, which "runs about $430 a piece"; when bottles turn up in his town, he tends to buy them. His 107 degree fever was terrifying, but it might just have been a 104 degree fever. Nick has gained two pounds and is very happy with that. Bathroom break takes seven minutes, the plan to make it quicker seems already forgotten. Four glasses of whiskey.

Locals chat thinks it's Monty's fault they don't get their 5k gift:


But there are still some naysayers:

 

[Father Balldo]

Nick does NOT snort provigil, he's only ever taken it orally, only takes it like once a month and DOES NOT drink while on it. The incel prude fanfic has been DEBUNKED.

Another Karen Farms L... Rekieta sisters we can't stop winning... Have a drink. Nick! You're over the target!!

 

[Tubby Aardvark]

Nick does NOT snort provigil, he's only ever taken it orally, only takes it like once a month and DOES NOT drink while on it. The incel prude fanfic has been DEBUNKED.

Another Karen Farms L... Rekieta sisters we can't stop winning... Have a drink. Nick! You're over the target!!

Who needs provigil when you got some good ole fashioned Minnesota Meth

>India's favourite sex position
>Marital rape
Ha ha ha.
Funny.
Very. Funny.

A man who uses this device.
View attachment 5968006View attachment 5968009

I have more questions than answers with this, and maybe I just need to watch a porn at this point but the whole balldo really confuses me, probably because I dont have a set of balls but why the fuck do the rings go up it and not around the balls themselves?

 

[AltisticRight]

Who needs provigil when you got some good ole fashioned Minnesota Meth

I have more questions than answers with this, and maybe I just need to watch a porn at this point but the whole balldo really confuses me, probably because I dont have a set of balls but why the fuck do the rings go up it and not around the balls themselves?

It adds rigidity to the scrotum, allowing the scrotum to be used as a dildo. They even sell extra rings I think.
I mean, this device is as sick as it gets.

 

[East_Clintwood]

I have more questions than answers with this, and maybe I just need to watch a porn at this point but the whole balldo really confuses me, probably because I dont have a set of balls but why the fuck do the rings go up it and not around the balls themselves?

What are the Spacer Rings for?​

The Balldo™ also ships with two ‘spacer rings’ – these are pulled over the Balldo™ and sit between its base and your abdomen. Their purpose is to take up the slack in your scrotal skin and extend the Balldo™ and balls away from your body to make it rigid against your abdomen and make penetration effective. With both rings fitted the Balldo™ is 7 inches long – the same as the average penis.
You might need more or less spacer rings depending on how loose the skin is at the top of your balls.

From their FAQ (it's lulzy) https://www.balldo.com/pages/ballsex-faqs

Also you're confused about it not because you don't have balls, but because you're a normal functional (well functional-ish you are on the farms after all) human being, and the Balldo is retarded and only makes sense to drink and drug addled sex pests like Nick.

 

[Pepper Jack]

Neither April Imholte nor her lawyer bothered turning up to court after they both failed to appear at a pre-trial hearing. There was a 10-day grace period to explain the exigent circumstances, such as her lawyer's alleged illness, which justified the failure to appear.

As a result, the case is over and she has 30 days to pay.

View attachment 5966434

Another excellent job by lead attorney Nicholas Robert Rekieta:

View attachment 5966433

He wants to transition from non-practicing lawyer to malpracticing lawyer.

Great jerb to the drunken, drug-addled Balldo Pope. Truly awesome performance. The public is amazed at your acumen you fucking retard.

How EMBARRASSING to be a law pontiff too fucking incompetent to handle a traffic ticket.

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

Nick likes Boss Hog X whiskey, which "runs about $430 a piece"; when bottles turn up in his town, he tends to buy them.

I read this as "this is the most expensive whiskey he can regularly find, therefore it is Balldoman's favorite." Sad it's wasted by a moron who considers drinking half a bottle a day sobriety. Even the prudes who wrote the Bible knew that no one drinks nice liquor when they're smashed.

 

[zyclonPD]

Balldo got a mention on the latest episode of the Digital Archipelago

Edit: thanks to @Sobake for the video compression help

 

[Pepper Jack]

I put the original picture of Nick into the magik filter and Nicholas Larson was the result.



BALLDO HIM
BALLDO HIM
BALLDO HIM

 

[WelperHelper99]

It adds rigidity to the scrotum, allowing the scrotum to be used as a dildo. They even sell extra rings I think.
I mean, this device is as sick as it gets.

The more I learn of the balldo, the more blackpilled I get on mankind as a whole. It's a medieval torture device.