- Joined
- May 26, 2013
If Charles hasn't mentioned it. The only unimpeachable authority in Jack's rotted little brain.
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
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lazy mans pink chicken
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2023
stroke face strikes again… letting us all know at the theatre how much he hates the Garfield movie
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2022
Bro. What. The. Fuck.
Holy fuck. This is almost sad.
Is he still in Hendersonville? There’s some gnarly storms rolling through Tennessee today.
Yankee Bastard
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 13, 2024
Jack Scalfani accidentally photographing his final stroke, 2024 (colorized)
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2023
He literally looks dead.
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
It gets washed off before selling, and you wash 'em again to get any left over dirt off anyway. But I guess chowing down on chicken antibiotics is better.
Anyways I promised I'd autopsy his horrible melt, so let's go:
1. Seizure warning for the intro this time as the stupid fuck puts a strobing effect onto the intro to hide how awful and lazy it is. Either that or it's to make sure others suffer as he does from vision problems via diabetes and strokes.
2. Anyways the enslaved robochild gurns out the intro and Jack's wearing the Lemon Cap paired with... I'm gonna call it the Fake Fat Philly shirt for that phonic alliteration.
3. Jack's "energetic" intro sounds like he's already struggling to not choke to death on phlegm. Get you congestive heart failure. Get you dysphagia.
4. Jack is likely once more months late to some bullshit called "Carnivore Crisps". Basically it's some type of bullshit gimmick jerky that just has it sliced thin so it's utterly dehydrated when prepared.
5. Apparently they have a gimmick flour which makes me even LESS excited.
5b. I think this stems from a trend a few months back where carnies tried to make alternate bread by mixing in something like that...
6. Strokey Jack tries to eagerly chant this is beef turned into flour, but due to his TBI caused by repeat TIAs and ischemia in general, he mushes it into beef.
6b. Oh wow, I can tell he's so delusional and coping and stroking over this being a magic pill; he's full on giggly that he can finally make the meat holder taste like meat.
7. Oh wow, he actually admitted it wasn't a fake sponsor. That's a rarity for him.
8. So today he confuses a melt for a grilled cheese, carnival style.
8b. The line between a grilled cheese and a melt can be blurry, but this is clearly a melt; the cheese has to share the stage with steak as a major component.
9. As Jack rambles on about what the recipe told him to do, I'm going to take a stab in the dark and link CoachCarnivoreCam as the likely source since he's the most relevant result on tiktok and in a basic google search.
10. So onto the ingredients to this smorgasbord of slaughter. He's using eggs and cottage cheese to serve as a the binding agent and lattice to the horrid bread when combined with the meat powder. He's also undercooked one steak and has three baggies of cheese.
10b. American, Swiss, and White Cheddar if I had to guess from later footage.
11. I should note Jack had to COUNT the three cheeses right after saying this was a three cheese melt. Dementia is a helluva condition.
12. A hard jumpcut has us exposed up close and personal to Jack's gunt. HELP.
13. Jack nearly dies just plopping the eggs into this three ingredient organic cement. So healthy guys.
14. Aww Hope starts mooching for some of the cottage cheese or the beef powder. This little half-second of cuteness is ruined by Jack getting angy.
14b. Yes, this fat fucking baby got angry that a dog that he got for the purpose of being a prop is actually for once doing what he bougbt her for: being cute.
15. Also it's really telling Hope is slightly nervous around him; she is not trying to scooch closer to him and draws back when his hand got near. Fucking awful human being.
15b. And of course this narcissistic piece of shit chortles at that reaction. The vet should put Jack down honestly; even before the brain damage he wasn't much smarter than Hope.
16. *pig snort* at 2:08
17. Jack then stabs at the three ingredient mix with his fork, as he is absolutely unable to actually blend this together himself.
18. Jack stab shakes the bowl for several seconds before his wounded ego cuts to a "finished" product, ie it's still filled with meat clumps and egg streaks.
19. That's some sexy abscess fluid there Jack. I'm so glad I've not had dinner yet since the cottage cheese really sells the dying tissue element to the horror.
20. He allegedly lets the horror bake for 15, but either he's lying or his bad mix job prevented it from firming more. It's more a quiche than a bread IMO.
21. Jack has Tammy cut the pseudough into triangle shapes just like the other video.
22. And it's a bit more solid than I actually expected; I expect it to be a bit on the delicate side, but I could hypothetically see it hold its shape and structure. More a credit to CoachCarnivore than Jack tho.
23. "We're go'start with some cheese! Thatsagreatidea! Siziz a grill cheese, right?" ~ Jack on being wrong about this steak melt
23b. In fairness CoachCarnivore is also wrong; he calls it a grilled cheese too.
24. And Jack actually tries to correct the original recipe, trying to be smug, and STILL gets it wrong by calling it a steak n cheese. Amusing.
25. And Jack fucks up organizing this thing. He is stacking cheese on top of cheese, with one slice even being folded so there's a really thick spot, which does affect melt time and evennness.
25b. A smarter person would tear the cheese so it better fits the quiche it's sitting on so it can melt more evenly.
26. Jack seriously stretches the run time by just having him do some meat foreplay by stacking on the steak slices. Really trying to sneak a midroll ad there.
26b. And yeah no shit he overstuffs the steak too. That ain't surprising at all.
27. Jack's cheese choices are also mediocre too. Swiss is a good melter, same with cheddar. You really don't need American with those two.
27b. I'd suggest picking a saltier or more flavorful cheese to combo to it. Hell, be a degen and put a wee bit of blue cheese in there for pungeance at this point; it'd compliment the steak rather well.
28. Also holy shit yeah this pile of slop ain't melting. Not at all. Not with that tower of dairy product.
28b. RIP Jack's toilet.
29. He's using a pan rather than a skillet to toast the sides. I guess the chinesium skillets all broke or something.
30. Jack misremembers the time it takes to cook this thing "correctly" on the skillet. CoachCarnivore gave it a minute per side and then put it back into the oven for a bit.
31. The final product looks fuck-awful. There's huge segments of cold cheese in this sandwich from Hell's 9th Circle, which is going to absolutely ruin the texture of this thing.
31b. Seriously, the center of this thing is goddamn not cooked. I'd not be shocked if Jack just chose to lie about putting it into the oven to avoid another step.
32. Jack is super giggly because he thinks he finally found a way to make the yucky not-meat meat holders taste like meat meaning he can eat entire cakes of meat-meat holders.
33. Cluster B Headcase crows about the quality of his sandwich; intentionally is ignoring how most of the cheese in a fucking melt is cold and solid.
34. Jack aborts eating it like a taco due to belatedly remembering this meat-holder is meat. He uses his giraffe tongue to course correct.
35. Jack cut his negative reaction abruptly to lie about how good this really was. And he's desperately lying to himself, pleading with his reflection in the lens of the camera and hoping he can lie to his audience that he succeeded.
36. "Cheesy" *quivers* "MEATY!" *repressed shudders* "BREADY!"
37. Jack recommends this thing for a carnival diet, which I'd say a big fuck no to, but that's mainly due to the portion amounts.
37b. Carnivore diets as mentioned can include dairy products so long as you track sugars and macros for the day. The original video I'd argue could work as an indulgence, since the steak is the star and dressed up as a melt. This shitshow does not.
2. Anyways the enslaved robochild gurns out the intro and Jack's wearing the Lemon Cap paired with... I'm gonna call it the Fake Fat Philly shirt for that phonic alliteration.
3. Jack's "energetic" intro sounds like he's already struggling to not choke to death on phlegm. Get you congestive heart failure. Get you dysphagia.
4. Jack is likely once more months late to some bullshit called "Carnivore Crisps". Basically it's some type of bullshit gimmick jerky that just has it sliced thin so it's utterly dehydrated when prepared.
5. Apparently they have a gimmick flour which makes me even LESS excited.
5b. I think this stems from a trend a few months back where carnies tried to make alternate bread by mixing in something like that...
6. Strokey Jack tries to eagerly chant this is beef turned into flour, but due to his TBI caused by repeat TIAs and ischemia in general, he mushes it into beef.
6b. Oh wow, I can tell he's so delusional and coping and stroking over this being a magic pill; he's full on giggly that he can finally make the meat holder taste like meat.
7. Oh wow, he actually admitted it wasn't a fake sponsor. That's a rarity for him.
8. So today he confuses a melt for a grilled cheese, carnival style.
8b. The line between a grilled cheese and a melt can be blurry, but this is clearly a melt; the cheese has to share the stage with steak as a major component.
9. As Jack rambles on about what the recipe told him to do, I'm going to take a stab in the dark and link CoachCarnivoreCam as the likely source since he's the most relevant result on tiktok and in a basic google search.
10. So onto the ingredients to this smorgasbord of slaughter. He's using eggs and cottage cheese to serve as a the binding agent and lattice to the horrid bread when combined with the meat powder. He's also undercooked one steak and has three baggies of cheese.
10b. American, Swiss, and White Cheddar if I had to guess from later footage.
11. I should note Jack had to COUNT the three cheeses right after saying this was a three cheese melt. Dementia is a helluva condition.
12. A hard jumpcut has us exposed up close and personal to Jack's gunt. HELP.
13. Jack nearly dies just plopping the eggs into this three ingredient organic cement. So healthy guys.
14. Aww Hope starts mooching for some of the cottage cheese or the beef powder. This little half-second of cuteness is ruined by Jack getting angy.
14b. Yes, this fat fucking baby got angry that a dog that he got for the purpose of being a prop is actually for once doing what he bougbt her for: being cute.
15. Also it's really telling Hope is slightly nervous around him; she is not trying to scooch closer to him and draws back when his hand got near. Fucking awful human being.
15b. And of course this narcissistic piece of shit chortles at that reaction. The vet should put Jack down honestly; even before the brain damage he wasn't much smarter than Hope.
16. *pig snort* at 2:08
17. Jack then stabs at the three ingredient mix with his fork, as he is absolutely unable to actually blend this together himself.
18. Jack stab shakes the bowl for several seconds before his wounded ego cuts to a "finished" product, ie it's still filled with meat clumps and egg streaks.
19. That's some sexy abscess fluid there Jack. I'm so glad I've not had dinner yet since the cottage cheese really sells the dying tissue element to the horror.
20. He allegedly lets the horror bake for 15, but either he's lying or his bad mix job prevented it from firming more. It's more a quiche than a bread IMO.
21. Jack has Tammy cut the pseudough into triangle shapes just like the other video.
22. And it's a bit more solid than I actually expected; I expect it to be a bit on the delicate side, but I could hypothetically see it hold its shape and structure. More a credit to CoachCarnivore than Jack tho.
23. "We're go'start with some cheese! Thatsagreatidea! Siziz a grill cheese, right?" ~ Jack on being wrong about this steak melt
23b. In fairness CoachCarnivore is also wrong; he calls it a grilled cheese too.
24. And Jack actually tries to correct the original recipe, trying to be smug, and STILL gets it wrong by calling it a steak n cheese. Amusing.
25. And Jack fucks up organizing this thing. He is stacking cheese on top of cheese, with one slice even being folded so there's a really thick spot, which does affect melt time and evennness.
25b. A smarter person would tear the cheese so it better fits the quiche it's sitting on so it can melt more evenly.
26. Jack seriously stretches the run time by just having him do some meat foreplay by stacking on the steak slices. Really trying to sneak a midroll ad there.
26b. And yeah no shit he overstuffs the steak too. That ain't surprising at all.
27. Jack's cheese choices are also mediocre too. Swiss is a good melter, same with cheddar. You really don't need American with those two.
27b. I'd suggest picking a saltier or more flavorful cheese to combo to it. Hell, be a degen and put a wee bit of blue cheese in there for pungeance at this point; it'd compliment the steak rather well.
28. Also holy shit yeah this pile of slop ain't melting. Not at all. Not with that tower of dairy product.
28b. RIP Jack's toilet.
29. He's using a pan rather than a skillet to toast the sides. I guess the chinesium skillets all broke or something.
30. Jack misremembers the time it takes to cook this thing "correctly" on the skillet. CoachCarnivore gave it a minute per side and then put it back into the oven for a bit.
31. The final product looks fuck-awful. There's huge segments of cold cheese in this sandwich from Hell's 9th Circle, which is going to absolutely ruin the texture of this thing.
31b. Seriously, the center of this thing is goddamn not cooked. I'd not be shocked if Jack just chose to lie about putting it into the oven to avoid another step.
32. Jack is super giggly because he thinks he finally found a way to make the yucky not-meat meat holders taste like meat meaning he can eat entire cakes of meat-meat holders.
33. Cluster B Headcase crows about the quality of his sandwich; intentionally is ignoring how most of the cheese in a fucking melt is cold and solid.
34. Jack aborts eating it like a taco due to belatedly remembering this meat-holder is meat. He uses his giraffe tongue to course correct.
35. Jack cut his negative reaction abruptly to lie about how good this really was. And he's desperately lying to himself, pleading with his reflection in the lens of the camera and hoping he can lie to his audience that he succeeded.
36. "Cheesy" *quivers* "MEATY!" *repressed shudders* "BREADY!"
37. Jack recommends this thing for a carnival diet, which I'd say a big fuck no to, but that's mainly due to the portion amounts.
37b. Carnivore diets as mentioned can include dairy products so long as you track sugars and macros for the day. The original video I'd argue could work as an indulgence, since the steak is the star and dressed up as a melt. This shitshow does not.
Yeah, it was a pretty awful melt. It wasn't even melted.
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2020
man take a look at the state of those collapsed nostrils. you would think he was addicted to cocaine for a decade+ and they just gave out
LaughJoke2.0
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2023
Good God Fatties go on those low carb diets just to eat meat and cheese at gross and insanely unhealthy levels. Just using some flat bread hell go whole wheat if you want to go the extra mile and adding veggies (Grilled Peppers, Mushrooms, Onions) and less meat and cheese is healthier than that shit and bonus it will taste better.
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2022
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2022
Da Fuq does Fatty and Hammy need that much space? It's just the two of them and their one dog. No idea where the second one is. And there's an upstairs. Fatty can't climb stairs.
The longer this goes on the less sense this makes.
Yeah. Keep showing people how much of a retard you are there Fatty.
He gets all his information from his brother and accepts it as being 100% true and honest.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2023
He'll probably just store them under that overhang all year so they get covered with bird shit.
Remember, if Fatty is getting his way he's also getting a podcast set, a talk show set, and a cooking show set. As far as the upstairs...I can only assume this is some influence from Tammy for some post Fatty financial gain.
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2022
Except he doesn't actually need any of that.
A podcast can be done from a closet. A "Talk Show" set can be a corner of the spare room. And a cooking set? It's called a fucking kitchen.
He's spending money on shit because he honestly feels he's right on the edge of breaking out and becoming a big shot. His time as a Youtube cook was 10 years ago. Now it's just sad.
densedance
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2021
His Narcisism is one helluva drug. Also Tammy being an enabler. Jack, take the coat off and hang it up. It's over. But I know this is never going to happen.
Imagine believing at this point that food network or whatever might still pick him up, as if a cripple who can't even fucking walk is going to be allowed to gurgle and fart on TV while complaining about eating his vegetables like a damned child. Tammy is absolutely enabling his narcissistic bullshit. If she wanted to prove otherwise, all she has to do is disappear for the weekend with her lesbian friends, leaving Fatty to fend for himself for 48 hours.
smug comporon
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2021
The stairs were an intentional choice by Hammy. Even with her level of brain rot she can't stand Jack for too long at a time.
biggacracka
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
Yeah, she's too fat (and I would not have sex with her)
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2022
I still dont understand it and it looks like a mess to deal with. Especially with how Jacks health is on a steady decline, I dont think hes gonna make it to move into that house.
I just think of it like Of Mice and Men where George talks to Lennie about the farm before he blows his brains out.
"Well have a big garage. An, well have a large studio kitchen and a huge patio..."
"To smoke da pulporks?"
"You get to tend the pulporks"
Jack giggled with happiness, "An live off the fatta of da lan'."
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2021
densedance
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2021
His early videos are legitimately entertaining, like the first year or two of his channel when he was still had hopes & dreams because his narcissistic tendencies were on full display and it made for some really cringy content. After he got his ego crushed by Food Network it became really boring, and after multiple strokes it's just depressing now. His personal disorder is still in full effect, but his Physicall avaibility, well ..