How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Feel like half a decade went down the drain when things didn't work out. I'm expecting a sore back tomorrow from using gardening as a distraction today. Have that frustrating desire for female company when emotions are fucked but not wanting to get involved with any one while head space is still figuring out what I want to do with my life now my past future plans are toast. It's frustrating when you find a great match but a flaw they can't resolve makes things impossible.
 
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Triple Flutz said:
My husband just about gave me a heart attack, lmao. I will preface this anecdote with the fact that the kids have been really into pranks lately, and I allow them against myself as long as they don't hurt anyone's body or feelings/don't involve anyone who doesn't want to be part of the prank/stop if it becomes clear that someone isn't having fun or is taking it too seriously.
The kids had an activity earlier today and I got them ready but had to stay home with the baby because he's sick and someone has to be here to accept a delivery, so I anticipated them being gone for like 1h-1h30. 20-ish minutes later, I hear the doorknob rattling and they come in, my daughter has her head bowed down in what I think is dejection, and my son looks like a deer caught in headlights, so I ask what happened with the lesson- my husband says they got kicked out. I ask why, he said that the kids were playing before the class and some other dad seemed drunk and got in their face and started yelling at them so he stepped in, and the dad got violent and went to push him, so he punched him in the face and the owner kicked them both out for it. I'm like WTF do you MEAN, how did all of this happen so quickly, and I start thinking about whether or not we'll get a police visit lmfao and he says ''Welcome to the Rekieta simulator, it was a holiday and they were closed, I didn't punch anyone, we just went to the gas station to cheer them up from the cancellation and they wanted to prank you.'' lmfao. My daughter lifts her head up- she was hiding her face so I wouldn't see her giant grin, and everyone's REALLY happy they got me, lmao. I ended up shouting at them to help me take down their dad and we wrestled him down to the floor so we're even now.
They got me good, 10/10 execution and I'm really impressed they kept it together long and well enough for me to actually believe it.
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I love this. Your husband is fun, and your kids are cool. :feels:
 
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My parents have some relatives visiting, and they all invited themselves over to my place today. Now, I love my family, but somehow my teenage cousin was better behaved than all the adults, going around messing with everything.

How is it that my son, a tiny little boy, and my cousin, a teenage girl, were better behaved than a bunch of adults?

Also I'm really not looking forward to work tomorrow, I feel like I didn't even have a long weekend.
 
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NEETing it up with beers at 10AM. Just went shopping and it is a beautiful german summer day, 15°C and raining. I actually mean that, the worse the weather the less gutter trash lurking on the streets. Still waiting on my neurologist's appointment, has been more than three months and the nerve damage in my left arm is worsening, it's starting to dawn on me should the damage be permanent i am more than royally fucked. Right now i have trouble even cracking a beer open just using my left hand, shit sucks. Nothing much to do besides getting loaded until i got that stuff cleared up.
 
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The Feline Solution said:
NEETing it up with beers at 10AM. Just went shopping and it is a beautiful german summer day, 15°C and raining. I actually mean that, the worse the weather the less gutter trash lurking on the streets. Still waiting on my neurologist's appointment, has been more than three months and the nerve damage in my left arm is worsening, it's starting to dawn on me should the damage be permanent i am more than royally fucked. Right now i have trouble even cracking a beer open just using my left hand, shit sucks. Nothing much to do besides getting loaded until i got that stuff cleared up.
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Is this nerve damage from some injury or just a weakness that seemingly appeared without a cause?
 
bile demon said:
Is this nerve damage from some injury or just a weakness that seemingly appeared without a cause?
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Well, both, kinda. The lady who did my MRT flattered me with asking "did you get this doing body building?" but my far more pathetic theory is that my craptastic gaming chair and 20+ hours chemically enhanced gaming sessions caused this. So far, i got "suspected Sulcus-Ulnaris-Syndrome" on paper but i have to go to the neurologist to check that it isn't coming from somewhere in the neck vertebrae.
 
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Depressed when looking at how much better 3D artists there are out there on japanese xitter who never had to deal with any of the retarded mindfuckery that I encountered among fellow artists when starting out, and thus progressed much faster with actual positive feedback loops for their sfw efforts. At least the farms did validate my experience that inmates are running the asylum on most western art sites online these days and it's better to not bother with that autism.

The depression normally goes away after I stop browsing xitter for a few days, force myself to get back up on the saddle, and realize my stuff isn't that bad for a hobbyist as I continue gitting gud and often learn some new modeling techniques from my visits there that I would not have been able to find otherwise. Nor does it revolve around the one track mind all bugmen seem to have around worshipping Japanese high school.
 
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doomocract said:
Got maybe interview. Hope get job
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make sure to review what common interview questions are so you have answers prepared, and research the company a little so you can make up a lie for why you want to work there and what about the work interests you. Also make sure you have an answer prepared for where you see yourself in five years, but it may also be a lie.
 
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My boss is driving me mental. I said last week, fine, go ahead and demote me, if it means less trouble for me. It hasn't happened yet, but she's still bitching about the same exact bullshit. I swear, I want to just quit and tell her to fuck off so badly, but I haven't been able to get a new job even though I've been trying for months, so I don't want to risk it. Maybe I just suck at interviewing. It's all so tiresome.

doomocract said:
Got maybe interview. Hope get job
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Same. Good luck, hope we both get something.
 
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After living my whole life with crippling social anxiety I finally got to the point where I can meaningfully interact with people. Thanks therapist lady
happy juice.jpg
Now I just need to find things to talk about assuming normies aren't interested in obscure lolcow lore
 
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I hate the intuitive eating people from the bottom of my heart because it's such a "If you were just chill, you'd be a healthy gymgoer like me, easy!" thing. It's made for people that stress-eat potato chips or skip breakfast out of laziness or think it's quirky or in general have neurotic, feminine qualities that keep them from eating or get them eating too much.

I hate it because I wish it worked for me- and because even in their shitty little blogs, they all insist, yes, yes, this will work for you if only you become a true believer- but the reality is that it doesn't work that way because I'm not a neurotic woman who refuses to eat due to too much Instagram and caffinated Starbucks.

I've autistically scheduled my meals because otherwise I just don't eat enough, and I'm always shocked, "whoa, it's time to eat again already?" Eating while you're still completely full is a weird experience and it leaves me wondering "Will it ever get any better? Is it going to be like this the rest of my life?" It's been a few weeks and I have not adjusted at all- I don't think I can be successful this way because I hate going on like this, but what's the alternative?

Everything out there is based on women, and more than that, a preoccupation on losing weight, and body image issues. People usually agree I'm in a different category because I've got a paralyzed face- but they usually just say "Your issues are like, really real, you know, rather than being like a mental thing." Nothing like validation I guess, but... what am I supposed to do???

I go to the doctor tomorrow and I know if I complained enough they would offer some sort of feeding tube, but that's the exact opposite of the route I want to go. They've also considered doing some weird surgery on my face to try to repair nerve damage but I'm not interested in any more surgery or anything like that. I'm tapped out on physical therapy, insurance said no more.


I'm starting a new job soon and it's my biggest concern- how do I maintain my weight? One lunch break isn't enough- currently I'm eating every 2hrs because I can eat very little in one go. Do I need to disclose this to HR, if so, what do I say? It's tempting to think "I'll say nothing and no one will care if I eat constantly", but that's the type of thing that can blow up in your face if no one knows it's a medical thing. I don't want to give people the wrong impression and THEN have to explain myself. I wish I didn't have to think about any of this- and people have the nerve to say "I wish I had YOUR problem" because most of my family is amerimutt fat.

Bodybuilders and male fitness people all come from the angle of assuming you can eat infinite amounts of protein powder, milk, and meat, and that appetite increases with increased activity. None of that is true for me. My closest friend recommended "simply eat 30 peanuts every half hour" and I took it seriously and that's how I ended up eating every two hours- but try doing anything for 30 minutes every two hours! It's miserable! How am I supposed to maintain this level of dedication when I start the new job? I'm just dreading everything!

The stress makes me read the stupid intuitive eating blogs because they write like it all makes sense and I just want answers. But answers don't really come that easy. I hate going on like this- clearly something has to change.


Motivation with Tofu


@SandyCat see if you're interested in any tabletop or trading card games. I'm serious. If you can find an introduction/beginner's night, these are some of the most accepting and welcoming groups you'll find. Being that accepting comes with lots of queers but I've still made good, upstanding friends this way- it's a LOT easier than making friends through work, church, or the gym. Because by the nature of the group, you're having fun playing games together.
 
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bliblblblbbllb said:
@SandyCat see if you're interested in any tabletop or trading card games. I'm serious. If you can find an introduction/beginner's night, these are some of the most accepting and welcoming groups you'll find. Being that accepting comes with lots of queers but I've still made good, upstanding friends this way- it's a LOT easier than making friends through work, church, or the gym. Because by the nature of the group, you're having fun playing games together.
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You go to Magic night to find more lolcows not discuss them. But they will force social interaction if that's what you're looking for.

Have you considered trying to eat very high calorie foods you can snack on? Instead of taking 30 minutes to eat something put candy in your face all the time. You do need to speak to HR about it either way. It's a serious issue and you will run into problems sooner or later and you should be upfront.
 
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Eh, I am doing much better than the last time, but years of shitty life taught me that it's just a calm before a storm. On the other hand, if I have this relief after the shit I'd encountered then it really is like in that song by Ink Spots - "into each life some rain must fall, but someday the sun will shine". Take care, people, and have a nice weekend.
 
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