Elden Ring

[HodgePodgeRogerDodger]

This is why becoming Lord of the Frenzied Flame is the only moral choice. There is no ethical consumption under the Elden Lord.

The only answer the DLC gives is that the Two Fingers are getting an error code when trying to contact the Greater Will, which according to the Tranny in the Church it’s just a black hole, but it might just be some Buddhist Nihillist crap. The Mother Finger is defective and by the logic of the tranny so is the Greater Will. The Three Fingers is just turning everything on and off again with the Lord of Frenzied Flame making you an Indian Tech Support manager turning everything on and off again.

Costumers aren't satisfied with the $40 product they purchased. But since the company is Fromsoft it's "seething".

SimpsonsLemonEating.png basically.

I’m waiting for Data miners to confirm that it’s another Dark Souls 3 where the story got rewritten 3 months before release because they couldn’t code the Eclipse properly.

 

[Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus]

For some fights I ended up using a tower shield against with ironically no skill weapon art, so that I can do Lions Claw when defending.

I never actually considered using it with a shield not because of "git gud" but because they just generally felt bad to use. I think the last time I remember using one was in Demon's Souls and being an asshole poking people with a Scraping Spear. It worked so well on Radahn though it's probably worth giving it a try again. I wish they had more to them, something like the lance in Monster Hunter. Barricade Shield is kinda close and fun but then removes the ability to use a weapon art. I might take a shot at the next NG cycle using a shield and the various Smithscript weapons as I'm having fun chucking the hammer at people.

 

[Left Ass Cheek]

The bosses are awful. First of all they all have a crazy second phase, making that feature really overused and just makes the first phase feel like filler.

I like the DLC so far but I really don't get why they keep doing this. I think the last time a boss in these games actually impressed me with their second phase was back in vanilla DS3 with Nameless King because both phases were completely different and were really damn good (aside from shitty camera in phase 1). That was also the last time a second phase actually made sense and wasn't treated as some sort of anime powerup, even if it was perhaps a bit too reminiscent of O&S.
Imagine if the previous games were as obsessed with this stupid shit as Elden Ring is, we would've seen Dragon God and Sif go Super Saiyan and spin around 100000 times with visual clutter everywhere.

 

[ratnoid]

I never actually considered using it with a shield not because of "git gud" but because they just generally felt bad to use. I think the last time I remember using one was in Demon's Souls and being an asshole poking people with a Scraping Spear. It worked so well on Radahn though it's probably worth giving it a try again. I wish they had more to them, something like the lance in Monster Hunter. Barricade Shield is kinda close and fun but then removes the ability to use a weapon art. I might take a shot at the next NG cycle using a shield and the various Smithscript weapons as I'm having fun chucking the hammer at people.

Shields are absolutely broken in ER since you can pick up an already good one and then put on Greatshield Talisman (Reduces stamina damage taken while blocking by 20%) and Pearl Shield Talisman (Boosts all non-physical damage negation while guarding) and you'll be able to take on most of crazy combos. Then you can follow up with a Turtle Talisman for faster stam regen and throw in whatever offensive Talisman of your choice. Super mega cheese? Sure thing! But do check my name. I love cheese.

 

[gay]

You know what? This is the first time I ever considered a cheese tactic.

there's a difference between a cheese tactic (breaking the game) and just using an effective or specialized build, after 50 tries i gave up on doing it with a Beast Claw build i've used for everything else leading up to that point (including Bayle, Gaius, and basically every single other Remembrance boss) cause it was clear to me that you need to reciprocate cancerous anime attack patterns with cancer of your own (in my case, Giant Crusher with Lion's Claw and an armada of defensive consumables and talismans).

you just cant stunlock every boss anymore

The only ones I could see that consistently being a problem with are Radahn and the Putrescent Knight since they both move around a lot and the former pretty much never stops attacking.

Spoiler: Radahn Giant Crusher sperging.

every 3 casts of Lion's Claw stunned Radahn in my run very consistently, allowing you to get a free critical hit in and taking a chug or two from your flask to recuperate from the damage you just traded while he recovers, save for one pattern where he flies into the air he tends to just do his pattern where he attacks 6 times in a row where he is basically stationary and thus easy to hit.


i think this was my third attempt with this build and if you check my HP you see i'm basically alive by a single digit (respeccing and pouring excess points into vigor saved me here), plus i don't have Malenia's great rune in this save so this trading damage build was missing a pretty vital piece of the build that makes it even easier, aside from that it had the basic stagger accoutrement (Dragoncrest Greatshield Talisman, Golden Braid, +3 Pearldrake, Stone Barbed Cracked Tear in mixed physick, you have options for your fourth Talisman like Shard of Alexander, Two-Headed Turtle Talisman or that talisman that buffs damage after a critical hit, consuming Boiled Crab and Holyproof Dried Liver also helps with the damage but i only used Boiled Crab for my runs).

 

[Tablet County]

Costumers aren't satisfied with the $40 product they purchased. But since the company is Fromsoft it's "seething".

I can understand being unsatisfied with it. I'm enjoying it but it's obviously a slapdash mishmash of ideas cobbled together under a time crunch a-la Dark Souls 2 and I can completely understand not being happy with it. What I can't understand is sperging out about it. Niggers like are acting like Fromsoft's dev team personally broke into their houses, killed their dogs, and wiped their asses all over the pillows. And the part these people seem to take the most offense with isn't even the mechanical/gameplay issues, it's that the villain is ostensibly a morally bankrupt homosexual which somehow ruins the lore because ???????, which may be the single most retarded reason to be mad at something I've ever seen.

 

[X Prime]

Once again, the axiom holds true!

The ideal amount of gay in any game after mandatory player interactions to complete it is 0%.

Clearly we need the No Fags Rune for a happy ending.

 

[Tablet County]

Once again, the axiom holds true!

The ideal amount of gay in any game after mandatory player interactions to complete it is 0%.

Clearly we need the No Fags Rune for a happy ending.

Yes, let the hate floooooow through you.

 

[Terror Sandwich]

First of all they all have a crazy second phase, making that feature really overused and just makes the first phase feel like filler

This reminds me of a quote from a Matthewmatosis video I like:

Intentionally turning the Sif fight into an anticlimax is far more impactful than just letting it play out normally. This is especially funny to look back on now that the series seems obsessed with multi-phased bosses that get stronger after you smack them around a bit. The reality is, when you slash a big wolf creature enough times, it has trouble standing up.

Second phases were cool when they were used sparingly. Now it's just an expected annoyance.
I'm never surprised when the boss gets stronger, but it would be great to have another Sif situation. ER was really lacking in this type of emotional scene.


And since we are already complaining about the DLC, one thing that I disliked was the complete lack of challenge on the part of the (legacy) dungeons. The Shadow Keep is well designed and all, but it's a complete walk in the park. I really miss areas like Sen's Fortress.

 

[Tepes Thot]

Spoiler: Spoiler

it's that the villain is ostensibly a morally bankrupt homosexual which somehow ruins the lore because ???????, which may be the single most retarded reason to be mad at something I've ever seen

It’s already been explained in depth that it’s just a lame, edgy reason that overshadows two of the most iconic characters in the game, and shrinks their roles to fit under the weirdness, instead of adding to them. If you don’t like that reason, fine, but stop pretending it’s just

Spoiler: Bullshit

“muh gays aren’t liked”

.

And you can drop this “I’m laughing at you bothered tards and above it” act, because you’re clearly filled with tard-rage at opinions of the DLC you don’t like.

I’mnotcryingsoyjack.jpg.

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

This reminds me of a quote from a Matthewmatosis video I like:

Second phases were cool when they were used sparingly. Now it's just an expected annoyance.
I'm never surprised when the boss gets stronger, but it would be great to have another Sif situation. ER was really lacking in this type of emotional scene.

Every Souls game dlc should be compared to Bloodborne's DLC, and in case of bosses it's not even a contest:
Ludwig who you know just from item names, can infer his tragedy from looking at him and his phase 2 is a completely different due to getting his sanity back.
Maria who you know the entire game who does the empowering thing but it just increases her range and damage rather than add more attacks, as she gets more serious and uses her weapon effects.
Orphan who you easily infer from the cutscene what happened to him and his second phase is him "maturing" midfight.

Elden Ring on the other hand was all literal whos that grow stronger by just having more particle effects slapped on them because they reached half health.

 

[Tablet County]

It’s already been explained in depth that it’s just a lame, edgy reason that overshadows two of the most iconic characters in the game, and shrinks their roles to fit under the weirdness, instead of adding to them. If you don’t like that reason, fine

I think there's a disproportionate hatred of perceived "edgy" or "subversive" writing because of its association with reddit lore spergs despite said writing not being any more "edgy" or "subversive" compared to regular Fromsoft fare, nor do I feel it ruins the lore or overshadows/rewrites certain characters. It seems to me like it actually requires considerable mental gymnastics to actively try and find reasons to hate it so thoroughly.

stop pretending it’s just

Spoiler: Bullshit

“muh gays aren’t liked”

.

It is, just not from you, @HodgePodgeRogerDodger, @wtfNeedSignUp and some others I can't remember off the top of my head. If you don't think I'm talking about you when I talk about people bitching about "muh gaze" and quibbling about how Miquella can't abandon love because he's a sodomite then I'm not talking about you.

And you can drop this “I’m laughing at you bothered tards and above it” act, because you’re clearly filled with tard-rage at opinions of the DLC you don’t like.

Why not both? You're right, it does annoy me when people act like an overpriced, subpar DLC means that Fromsoft has fallen and billions must die. Christ, I made a joke about how the only moral choice is becoming the Lord of the Frenzied Flame and was met with a bitter screed about "buddhist nihilist crap" and trannies.
It's also hilarious when @Raging Capybara throws a fit because Fromsoft made something that wasn't very good.

 

[Left Ass Cheek]

Elden Ring on the other hand was all literal whos that grow stronger by just having more particle effects slapped on them because they reached half health.

Rellana is the worst example of this I've seen so far in the dlc. At least the Divine Lion and Bayle look cool. Rellana is just some fucking dude in armor who goes SSJ3 and shits out pillars of fire all over the place at half HP.

 

[Raging Capybara]

Rellana is the worst example of this I've seen so far in the dlc. At least the Divine Lion and Bayle look cool. Rellana is just some fucking dude in armor who goes SSJ3 and shits out pillars of fire all over the place at half HP.

Are you crazy? Rellana is obviously the best character in the game. It's Rennala but with the l and n inverted, isn't that genius?

This DLC is breaking new ground. We are witnessing high art being made before our own eyes.

 

[HodgePodgeRogerDodger]

Every Souls game dlc should be compared to Bloodborne's DLC, and in case of bosses it's not even a contest:
Ludwig who you know just from item names, can infer his tragedy from looking at him and his phase 2 is a completely different due to getting his sanity back.
Maria who you know the entire game who does the empowering thing but it just increases her range and damage rather than add more attacks, as she gets more serious and uses her weapon effects.
Orphan who you easily infer from the cutscene what happened to him and his second phase is him "maturing" midfight.

Elden Ring on the other hand was all literal whos that grow stronger by just having more particle effects slapped on them because they reached half health.

Even the lazy bosses from the Old Hunters did something to vary the bosses.

Living Failures was a DPS race as a check before you fought Maria. Laurence was a reskin with a modified moves and a phase 2. They at least gave him a fucking cutscene.

 

[Fathomless Eminence]

GAY HOMO SODOMITE BUTTSEX IN MY LANDS BETWEEN?A̷̢̧̘̳̪̘̟̭̖͈̤̣̹͎̗̮̱̙̱̰̝̝̟̟̞͔͖͊̿̀ͅͅŲ̶̢̡̨̝̟͉̰̮̗̝̬̫͈̭̫̠̩̱̖͙͚͇͇̩̖̺̞͔̰͈̾͒͛̓̀͒̈́U̶̟͍͔̩̼̞̓͑̅͑́̀Ũ̸͙͈͖͎̬͕̳̤͚̙̀̀̈͋̈́̔̽͌͝Ų̸̝̥̝̰̠̜̖̦͇̫͓͗́̒̇̈́̋̑̋̊̓͊́̈́̕Ú̴̡̨̠̺̫̹̗̜͈̞͈̟̺̹̰̝͉̹̞̳͓̩͍̺̗̯̂̿͋̀̃͛̿͘̕̚Ų̷̼̹̯̋̆̑̓̀̓͐̌͋̈́̒̓͗̄́̕͝Ů̴̡̨̺͚̳̹̺̜̭͚̟͔̱̱̜̠̹͎̮͈͇̭̌͋̑̊̀̽̂͆̈́̔̾̔͑̓̀̽͊͘ͅͅG̶̡̝̝̲̪̥̯͈̲̝̤̣̬̳̪͒̿̊̄̿͗̈́̔̑̈̐̉̄̾̇̀͒̚͠H̸̨̧̨̨̝̬̥̮̠̣̲̣̜̻̼̭̰̯͈͉͈̫̰̲̟͕̙͔́̋͑͛́̑̍͗̄̈̉́͆̌̆͆͛͘̕͠!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO PERVERTED I'M GOING TO GO PLAY MY KOREAN TITTY GAME INSTEAD LIKE A REAL MAN!
MY PRECIOUS KIWIFARMS BROWSING EYES HAVE NEVER BEEN EXPOSED TO ANYTHING THIS GROSS BEFORE!!!!!!!!!
THERE WERE NO INDICATIONS WHATSOEVER THAT MIQUELLA WAS A BUTTSEXER BEFORE THIS, NONE!!!!!!!
I HAVE TO EXPLORE TO GAIN POWERUPS? BULLSHIT!!! I CAN'T GAIN AUTISTIC E-HONOR THAT WAY!!!!!! OH MY GOD THE BOSSES JUMP THAT MEANS IT'S ANIME I CAN FEEL THE BUTTSEXIUM EFFECTING ME NOW I HAVE TO GO BEFORE I BECOME A FAGGOT TOO!!!!
You are all some seriously tiresome niggers

 

[ratnoid]

Elden Ring on the other hand was all literal whos that grow stronger by just having more particle effects slapped on them because they reached half health.

Well there are characters that were either mentioned before or tie in into stuff that was a mystery or were mentioned in an obscure way. So it isn't all that different. Messer was the only new important character and admittedly his presentation was good, even if it makes me think that they done him because they didn't think Rykard was a good enough representation of the Devouring Serpent due to being a gimmick fight. Other ones are sorta filler sorta sudden sorta cool. Better than whatever they done for DS3 DLCs admittedly. It is just a great shame that there is so little on Godwyn, Nothing on Gloom-eyed Queen and some other things. In general I think the issue is that the story developed nowhere in the end. Shit like We killed the Mother of Fingers and.. what does it mean? IDK, it suggest that a new one will be made sometime after anyways. The fact that none of it affects main game is also bad news. Does the fact that Miquella attempts to achieve godhood will stop you from becoming the Elden Lord? Who knows. Will you causing the Age of Death or having a Frenzied Flame ending do something about it? Dunno and we at Fromsoft don't care. The stories that happen in the DLC seem like big things but none of them really matter in the end. Wow you kill the other Lord of the Frenzied Flame! Does it matter? IDK. Wowie the quest where you save the Dragon Priestess and make her proclaim you as the next Dragonlord is very cool and could mean much. Does it actually mean anything? Not really and you don't even get a half assed ending for it where you just sit on a throne with a diff tint painted over. Fighting Miquella in the end is also big whatever. Big build up for you just killing him and nothing really happening. If they don't do a goty edition or something where they at least somehow tie it all in then I'm unsure why they even bothered with all these stories. Otherwise it feels like a self contained story that only in few instances helps the main plot.

As for the FX spam then it is pretty obnoxious. I miss the sorta low fantasy and slower games. Not even because I'm bad at the game or anything. You just could read the situation better and register the atmosphere of the fight. Now everything needs to be oveblown and epix because Fromsoft is a popular big company now so they need to constantly prove themselves to the world. I think it's a general issue with Jap developers where they have to go big if they have a lot of eyes on them. Maybe it got something to do with their antfarm culture who knows

GAY HOMO SODOMITE BUTTSEX IN MY LANDS BETWEEN?A̷̢̧̘̳̪̘̟̭̖͈̤̣̹͎̗̮̱̙̱̰̝̝̟̟̞͔͖͊̿̀ͅͅŲ̶̢̡̨̝̟͉̰̮̗̝̬̫͈̭̫̠̩̱̖͙͚͇͇̩̖̺̞͔̰͈̾͒͛̓̀͒̈́U̶̟͍͔̩̼̞̓͑̅͑́̀Ũ̸͙͈͖͎̬͕̳̤͚̙̀̀̈͋̈́̔̽͌͝Ų̸̝̥̝̰̠̜̖̦͇̫͓͗́̒̇̈́̋̑̋̊̓͊́̈́̕Ú̴̡̨̠̺̫̹̗̜͈̞͈̟̺̹̰̝͉̹̞̳͓̩͍̺̗̯̂̿͋̀̃͛̿͘̕̚Ų̷̼̹̯̋̆̑̓̀̓͐̌͋̈́̒̓͗̄́̕͝Ů̴̡̨̺͚̳̹̺̜̭͚̟͔̱̱̜̠̹͎̮͈͇̭̌͋̑̊̀̽̂͆̈́̔̾̔͑̓̀̽͊͘ͅͅG̶̡̝̝̲̪̥̯͈̲̝̤̣̬̳̪͒̿̊̄̿͗̈́̔̑̈̐̉̄̾̇̀͒̚͠H̸̨̧̨̨̝̬̥̮̠̣̲̣̜̻̼̭̰̯͈͉͈̫̰̲̟͕̙͔́̋͑͛́̑̍͗̄̈̉́͆̌̆͆͛͘̕͠!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO PERVERTED I'M GOING TO GO PLAY MY KOREAN TITTY GAME INSTEAD LIKE A REAL MAN!
MY PRECIOUS KIWIFARMS BROWSING EYES HAVE NEVER BEEN EXPOSED TO ANYTHING THIS GROSS BEFORE!!!!!!!!!
THERE WERE NO INDICATIONS WHATSOEVER THAT MIQUELLA WAS A BUTTSEXER BEFORE THIS, NONE!!!!!!!

Wait are you meaning to tell me that a character who was described as a coddled feminine man who was all about unwarranted compassion and love isn't some weirdo? I destroyed that fool with two giant hammers and restored power of the Heterosexual Order that I had established as the world's current Elden Lord. The Weak Should Fear the Strong (and Straight).

 

[Spirelord: Downfall]

I wish the spiral incantations were sorceries like it said in the description. Would've been better than what int got stuck with. The great spear that drops even has a staff casting animation as well as glintstone arc's animations existing so it's not like they'd have much to change. Also the new death weapons are lazy as fuck, just normal ashes with ghostflame and wraiths.

 

[Tablet County]

And now my unsolicited review of Messmer the Impaler.

Spoiler

That fight was fucking awesome. As much as it appears I've been ballwashing Fromsoft so far a lot of the bosses have felt like busywork, but Messmer felt like an actual boss, with attack patterns and shit. It was actually fun dodging around his big flashy spear attacks and countering him and staggering him. He's a lot easier to dodge in phase 2, when he does his big snake bullshit, but it was still a genuinely exciting fight.
That being said, it's kind of retarded that he's a footnote in the DLC he's the poster boy for. I knew going into it he wasn't going to be the BBEG, but with the way he's hyped up both in the promotional materials and the game proper it's underwhelming to just walk into his throne room and slap him down. I would've liked a Genichiro Ashina/Morgott deal where you fight Messmer more than once, bulding up a sort of rivalry with him. Who knows, maybe that was the idea early in development and they just dropped it because they didn't have time or resources.

Living Failures was a DPS race as a check before you fought Maria.

They also have a disproportionately badass soundtrack.

 

[Escalating Violence]

So in order to become Elden Lord you need to fuck an empyrian and your choices are a woman with a rotten vagina that will give you super AIDS, a soul possessing a doll and a femboy. Thier world is beyond fucked.

Not true. T-pose with this nigga to learn the truth of order and perfect it.