- Joined
- Apr 2, 2019
I have an early work meeting but I can't sleep because it's still too warm out. It's honestly pissing me off.
How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check
- Thread starter Milk Mage
- Start date
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2022
Welp.
It was rather nice today until my foster mom called. Seeing how I've gone NC, I didn't pick up. I called my brother later and we had a little brief talk about my choice.
TLDR: He accepts it and he understands it even if it gave him a lot to think about. He did tell me to "think about it in the big picture" as in when they die. And tbf, that has crossed my mind a lot.
Not in the way of regret and mourning but moreso a general acceptance of the inevitability and the reality that they will never quite take accountability and until they do, I'm staying away from them. But I'm not gonna hold my breath.
It's going to feel weird when they die. I'm not looking forward to it. It's not that I hate them either. Nor do I miss them. It's just...well, empathetic indifference if that makes sense. Like an emotional disconnect because I can't put myself in peril anymore.
That said...my brother did tell me a family friend had died and I suspect that was why my foster mom called. And I have not called back but I...I gotta admit, I feel affected by a sense of obligation and guilt for not doing so considering what happened.
I'll try to stand my ground though and focus on doing some hobbies while not focusing on the feeling of guilt.
It was rather nice today until my foster mom called. Seeing how I've gone NC, I didn't pick up. I called my brother later and we had a little brief talk about my choice.
TLDR: He accepts it and he understands it even if it gave him a lot to think about. He did tell me to "think about it in the big picture" as in when they die. And tbf, that has crossed my mind a lot.
Not in the way of regret and mourning but moreso a general acceptance of the inevitability and the reality that they will never quite take accountability and until they do, I'm staying away from them. But I'm not gonna hold my breath.
It's going to feel weird when they die. I'm not looking forward to it. It's not that I hate them either. Nor do I miss them. It's just...well, empathetic indifference if that makes sense. Like an emotional disconnect because I can't put myself in peril anymore.
That said...my brother did tell me a family friend had died and I suspect that was why my foster mom called. And I have not called back but I...I gotta admit, I feel affected by a sense of obligation and guilt for not doing so considering what happened.
I'll try to stand my ground though and focus on doing some hobbies while not focusing on the feeling of guilt.
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2020
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2022
It's bit of a long story.
I've talked about it numerous times in this thread but the short and the narrow is that I lived with mentally and emotionally abusive foster parents since age 11. It fucked me mentally and I've just begun to undo the damage in adulthood.
I wanted to have a healthier relationship with them because I assumed it was ignorance from their end regarding how they treated me. So I tried to talk with my foster mom about this but it didn't go well as she didn't want to even acknowledge she had not been perfect and blamed me for being "too broken".
I went no contact after that because that shit is corrosive acid to the mind.
Edit to add: that sense of obligation and guilt for not following through with my loyalty is an after-effect of my mental state while living with them.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2019
Sounds like you have some redecorating to do. Make it something different so that emotional connection isn't there.
I'm only half joking- if you keep doing things your mind will appreciate it, especially if you have something to show for your progress.
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2023
Freetube is broken. I'm rather pissed right now.
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2023
I caved and set up the portable AC unit
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2023
I wish I could give you a big hug.
As someone else who's NC with their family, you always feel something is off about not having that particular relationship.
I personally always imagined the possibility of us working it out, until...
my mother decided that we could finally have a decent relationship after my father died, only because she didn't have to pick between us anymore. Which always meant she chose him. And never had to apologize for any of it. And I'm not going to get into how my parents low-key thought I was gay and/or trans and never apologized for any of THAT either.
Honestly, I don't think much about them anymore. It was always getting the petty revenge of doing better than they ever thought you would have because they can't hold you back anymore. Now that my life is way better than they ever hoped it would be, I don't need the revenge, I just need my own life.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2021
Had an informal preview of my mid-year evaluation today. Essentially, unironic "you're doing amazing, sweetie." I've been getting good feedback (I'm relatively new to the organization so no formal eval before), and was just given oversight of my current area a few months ago, but today I'm told the near-term plan is for me to move into a higher-profile/ more senior role (if I want it, which I do).
A promotion, you ask?
, not quite. Probably another 18 months for a title jump. Classic corporate, "here do this job someone making twice what you do was doing, and let's talk in 18 months." But I don't fear a pathway. Everything suggested or hinted at in the last year has come to pass, so no ragrets for working like a fiend to do my part to make it happen.
A promotion, you ask?
, not quite. Probably another 18 months for a title jump. Classic corporate, "here do this job someone making twice what you do was doing, and let's talk in 18 months." But I don't fear a pathway. Everything suggested or hinted at in the last year has come to pass, so no ragrets for working like a fiend to do my part to make it happen.
- Joined
- May 19, 2020
Same here. It hit 100 yesterday in a region that isn't really supposed to get that hot. I waited for sunset and it was still unbearable, and I knew I'd never get to sleep. My house was built in 1908 and the infrastructure hasn't changed much (upgraded wiring though). The portable AC is a hand-me-down, I can use it in one room but the best it can do is make it bearable. It was 100 again today (but at least I was at work where there's AC), so it will be a couple of days before it will cool off enough at night to just make do with a fan. So help me, if I ever get some kind of windfall, I'm going for complete central heat and air in this old klunker, and get the windows upgraded with something that isn't glaringly modern.
I hope it cools down for you too. I hate hot weather and cloudless skies.
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2020
Every week I drive to the big city for a meeting. This week it was cancelled. The problem is that every 3-6 months I load up the pickup with all the trash that doesn't fit in the weekly garbage like construction debris and packing material, etc. and take it to the big city dump(transfer station) since it's a third of the price as the local one.
Of course the pickup was already loaded when I was notified the meeting was cancelled.
So I could take it locally, unload it, drive around with a giant pile of trash for the next week, or drive to the city anyway. I chose to drive anyway. And as usual the tourists on our fucking windy mountain roads are totally retarded, crossing the yellow line on blind curves when they're already 10-20mph slower than the "Don't go too fast sign." which I sort of treat as a minimum speed. But anyway, trash run successful, fancy big city groceries procured, back in the slightly cooler area I live in.
In that vintage house I'd start with finding all the air leaks and figuring out the insulation.
Of course the pickup was already loaded when I was notified the meeting was cancelled.
So I could take it locally, unload it, drive around with a giant pile of trash for the next week, or drive to the city anyway. I chose to drive anyway. And as usual the tourists on our fucking windy mountain roads are totally retarded, crossing the yellow line on blind curves when they're already 10-20mph slower than the "Don't go too fast sign." which I sort of treat as a minimum speed. But anyway, trash run successful, fancy big city groceries procured, back in the slightly cooler area I live in.
If they're double hung then Marvin windows makes some seriously high end retrofits. Well insulated, actual wood, exterior is aluminium clad but can look very close to original. Can get them as full windows or inserts where you strip out the existing window and pieces and do a retrofit. But 20 years ago they started at $500/window, excluding installation.
In that vintage house I'd start with finding all the air leaks and figuring out the insulation.
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2022
I will once again plug Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker because it has been more helpful for me than anything besides alcohol.
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2018
Good enough to not post much on the internet.
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2021
Been down that road, potentially consider keeping an eye open for positions outside of your current business that align with where you want your career to progress and look to make that jump elsewhere if/when you feel ready to do so. Even if they're promising a promotion and you're hearing it from multiple people within the business, there's a very high chance that same cycle will repeat in 18 months time. Hell even if it doesn't and they do offer a raise/better position etc, internal promotions will almost always not keep you in line with market rate either, not to mention they potentially may keep piling more and more onto your workload as it's already an established process, and you are worth far more than that. That's a fantastic review preview though regardless, good stuffA promotion, you ask?
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2019
going through the stages of grief while i miss bossman.
Overall, well mentally and physically. Feeling a bit hangry but waiting for my husband to finish an evening meeting. Difficult day with work, and the other person in my two-person team is away for another week. The major incidents seem to wait for me to have to deal with them alone. Trying to find a good true crime podcast to fill in the bossman shaped hole in my heart.
Overall, well mentally and physically. Feeling a bit hangry but waiting for my husband to finish an evening meeting. Difficult day with work, and the other person in my two-person team is away for another week. The major incidents seem to wait for me to have to deal with them alone. Trying to find a good true crime podcast to fill in the bossman shaped hole in my heart.
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2019
Recently arrived back from my first holiday in 16 years, and am back to work feeling really positive.
I also found out today that my little shop that I run, that sells products I've made myself, has been offered a spot to sell at the biggest annual event of the year in my area that attracts thousands of people in one day.
It's been a very long time since I've felt this uplifted and good, and comfortableabout the future.
I am self employed, running 2 businesses, and although I enjoy it, I can't help but feel permanently exhausted and that I'm not good enough.
Today is a good day.
Hope you are all feeling good, too.
I also found out today that my little shop that I run, that sells products I've made myself, has been offered a spot to sell at the biggest annual event of the year in my area that attracts thousands of people in one day.
It's been a very long time since I've felt this uplifted and good, and comfortableabout the future.
I am self employed, running 2 businesses, and although I enjoy it, I can't help but feel permanently exhausted and that I'm not good enough.
Today is a good day.
Hope you are all feeling good, too.
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2021
pretty good, I officially cashed out of TF2 making over $210 from selling my stuff (which can only be used on Steam, unfortunately).
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2024
I.... might be pregnant. Or it might be a cyst or a fibroid or some other fuckery.
It shouldn't be a baby, the vasectomy worked, why would it fail now. There's no big fat positive pregnancy test. There is a shadow on the test. But it might just be cheap tests, I guess.
But something's going on, and I probably only get to ignore that for another week or so before I have to submit to investigations. I don't like being poked around so I am hoping whatever it is clarifies itself.
It is fair to say a sixth kid was not in our plan, hence the snip, but neither were three, four and five, so we can't say we weren't warned. I really am too old for this though. Four and five aren't even in school yet. >.<
It shouldn't be a baby, the vasectomy worked, why would it fail now. There's no big fat positive pregnancy test. There is a shadow on the test. But it might just be cheap tests, I guess.
But something's going on, and I probably only get to ignore that for another week or so before I have to submit to investigations. I don't like being poked around so I am hoping whatever it is clarifies itself.
It is fair to say a sixth kid was not in our plan, hence the snip, but neither were three, four and five, so we can't say we weren't warned. I really am too old for this though. Four and five aren't even in school yet. >.<
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2018
I miss my best friend but other than that okay.
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2021
My aunt had 3 oopses, from age 37-43, the same woman who got between her dog and a rabid raccoon once. Best wishes however it pans out.
My knee is shit. My just repaired knee looks good compared to my 2023 replacement that has bone erosion around the top of my fibia. It hurts so much but I see the custom knee surgeon tomorrow for whatever bad news he has to say. It doesn't really matter 'cause I'm going to have to have it fixed. One surgery, twelve-teen, not trying for tranny levels and I'm not posting pics of my new knee vagina, sorry kiwi bros.
eta that my 2024 knee replacement dislocates and not little dislocation but the whole damned displaced upper and lower leg. It pops right back in, not sure if it's a big issue compared to bone erosion...