Here's a hypothetical:
Patrick learns his fellow lolcow and distant pig cousin Ethan Ralph was once on okay terms with Joshua "Null" Moon. He also learns that Ethan is in Milwaukee and visiting Pat's local watering hole. Pat's rage gets the better of him, so he imbibes some liquid courage and waddles over to give Ethan hardest punch his pudgy arm can muster. Ethan Ralph, being an equally drunk, belligerent retard, listens to his gunt and responds in kind. Who would win that fight?
I actually think Fatrick would win that fight.
Ralph has been decked by a couple of Brummie Chavs, a bunch of pathetic nonces whom the horse lived with, some Portuguese prostitutes, and was given a wonky eye and probably lasting brain damage as a result.
Even if Fatrick has equally poor, at best, fighting skills, tussles like this usually come down to struggling and flailing at each other.
Fatrick lies about his actual height, but is undoubtedly a reasonable measure taller than Ralph.
In terms of physical fitness they are probably comparable, but I would imagine Fatrick weighs a bit more.
Substance abuse is I assume similar when it comes to alcohol, but Ralph smokes cigars and possibly cigarettes, and has several drug habits.
Provided neither of them chicken out at the last second and hopefully they will both have alienated any bystanders enough for them to just stay out of it and not break it up, I think Fatrick would “win” with his reasonable height advantage, his weight advantage if he manages to get on top of Ralph, and a marginal health advantage thanks to Ralph’s substance abuse and previous injuries.
This isn’t an endorsement of Fatrick’s tough guy status.
I really think it will fall down to who has a heart attack or stroke second.
