💀 Horrorcow Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta / "u/Early-Leopard-8351" - Polysubstance abuser, child doser, dog killer. "Lawtube pope" turned zesty Dabbleverse Redditor streamer. Swinger "whitebread ass nigga" who snuffs animals and visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold. Still not over his ex Aaron. Wife's bod worth $50.

[Haru Okumura]

Broke: Arguing for 20 pages about what style and color of suit one must wear to avoid being thrown out of court

Woke:

 

[Me262PrinceOfTurboJet]

Some other drug addict showing up for his hearing is gonna turn to his lawyer and say, "I swear to God, I'm not using! Tell me you see it too! Tell me you see the 5 foot tall walking ballsack in front of the court!"

 

[Procrastinhater]

Broke: Arguing for 20 pages about what style and color of suit one must wear to avoid being thrown out of court

Woke:
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Ralph looks old. I've never seen him this thin either.

 

[Vibralldo]

Ralph looks old. I've never seen him this thin either.

You lose weight if you can't afford food

 

[SaidNoOneEver]

Witnesses are literally not allowed to attend anything prior to them testifying.

It's up to the judge's discretion.

 

[AltisticRight]

He actually qualifies this statement at one point saying it's the fail rate for both false positives and false negatives. The intent is obviously to imply it has a high rate of false positives when it sounds like the opposite is true and the test is fairly insensitive leading to a high rate of false negatives.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=45iUD1vvei4:179

So he just adds up both numbers...? It still can't be that high.
Is this retard seriously citing those self-report studies again, where the accuracy is defined by it's adherence to correctly self-reporting, and surprise, most people who claim they didn't do cocaine (but did) were tested positive? Is he retarded?
Also surprise, the rates are a lot lower among cannabis users because the plant is less frowned upon and socially more acceptable to most.

While we're at it, here's a study that shows any competent lab's procedure can correctly rule out external contamination of cocaine.

https://academic.oup.com/jat/article/43/7/543/5423761?login=false

https://doi.org/10.1093/jat/bkz022
Unlike other ones, this study is really technical. Basically they got volunteers and contaminated their hair with cocaine samples, and then compared it to volunteers that are known, self-reported users of the drugs. They found reliable ways to discriminate between user and contaminated hair. The contaminant was applied days before evaluation. Maybe a raccoon snuck into Balldo's coomden to rub cocaine into his daughter's hair several days prior to their arrest.

In the present study, it was shown that seized street cocaine samples contained traces of p-OH-COC, m-OH-COC, p-OH-BE and m-OH-BE. In cohort 1 (externally contaminated hair) only traces of p-OH-COC, m-OH-COC, p-OH-BE and m-OH-BE were detected, whereas cohort 2 (drug users) displayed higher hydroxy metabolite metabolic ratios which can be used to differentiate between contamination and drug use. Furthermore, the data revealed that the exclusive use of the BE/COC, NC/COC, and CE/COC metabolic ratios in hair does not enable the reliable discrimination between COC intake and the external contamination of the hair by contact with COC.

Broke: Arguing for 20 pages about what style and color of suit one must wear to avoid being thrown out of court

Woke:
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This looks fucking awful and why is the text mirrored? Did this fat tard with quadruple titties run his ugly face through some dumb beauty filter? Shameful.
He looks like discount fat Where's Waldo. He's got the fashion senses of a teenager.

 

[Molag Bal]

I can't believe instead of the battle of Jim's driveway it'll be the battle of Nick's courthouse.

 

[Iron Hamster]

Ralph will be there for like 20 minutes until security asks him to leave or stop filming, then he'll just go straight to a bar or restaurant to shovel some diarrhea fuel down his gullet while getting drunk before noon and tweeting "The Kiwi Kowards had to cry to security because they're all afraid of the Ralphamale! SAD!!!" When he needs more money, he'll probably say "If we hit the goal, I'll pay that faggot Medicare a visit and film him hiding behind his fat ugly slut!" Then he'll just take the money and return to his Mexican Hooverville.

Ralph ain't going. He won't take the chance of a couple Somalis beating him up for another purse.

 

[Swole McPole]

I still don't understand how Ralph is going to get there and back. A rental car for just one day costs about $200, plus there's a deposit of a few hundred dollars required. He barely has any money and has atrocious credit. It's a 4 to 5 hour bus ride from Minneapolis to Willmar, and costs around $50 (depending on the line). He needs to pay for a motel, food, and other basic necessities while travelling.

Rekieta is obviously footing Ralph's bills. He thinks it'll be some kind of own to Kiwifarms if Ralph turns up.

What kind of halfwitted nigger finds themself in court after they've had their children removed by the state because of their compulsive cocaine use and their immediate thought is, 'I know, I'll get that drunken, drug addled moron to come down and advocate on my behalf?'

And people wonder why this cunt was an abject failure as a lawyer?

 

[owed to joy]

You lose weight if you can't afford food

Mexican tapeworm. Probably been drinking the water.

Ralph yelling about how he's personally acquainted with rekieta while rekieta pretends not to know him, will be better than afpac.

 

[Swole McPole]

You’re a fucking moron if you think Nick will go to trial for this.

I said exactly the same thing when the Montegraph summons landed on his doorstep. Nobody who isn't a complete and utter retard wouldn't just withdraw his statement, apologize, send a couple of hundo to a charity of his choice and make the thing disappear.

And yet here we are. Hundreds of thousands of dollars pissed up against the wall and he hasn't even gone to trial yet.

 

[Primer Colonel Ragout]

Balldo Man, Balldo Man
Does whatever a Balldo can.

Since that's squat
That is what
Balldo does
Nothing but
The Amazing Balldo Man!

 

[Balldo's Gate]

>It's not like I've read 40 scientific papers
And that led you to think metabolites can be produced outside of the human body, Englesh lawage litrature majour hedonist freak.
The guy that's struggling to pronounce benzoylecgonine (ben-zoy-lego-knee), cocaethylene (literally pronounced as it's written) and norcocaine (not nora-cocaine, Nicholas Ralph) is now an expert in biochemistry because he read 40 papers. You do you DarkBalldo8888.
Heavens forbid if your daughter tested positive for cocaethylene, for fuck's sake.

There was a lot of discussion in the dedicated thread to guessing what specific metabolites were tested.

If they only found norcocaine or cocaethylene and not the normally tested-for metabolites this sounds like it could actually be correct.

Cocaine itself is one of the metabolites that is looked for, but there are others, like benzoylecgonine, which is also abundant in hair follicles.

The amount and ratio of these two indicates active cocaine use, if they did not detect any benzoylecgonine, they know that the kid did not touch coke, and it was just in the sample, if they found it in a good ratio, they know it was actual use.

Nick, despite doing so much research and reading 40 papers, can't pronounce any of the substances, but it appears he's saying his daughter tested POSITIVE for benzoylecgonine and NEGATIVE for cocaethylene and norcocaine, and that Rekieta claims that benzoylecgonine is the metabolite which is "actually is created outside of human bodies."

Spoiler: Clip

From what I understand, this claim by Rekieta does not have an actual scientific basis, and benzoylecgonine is in fact the primary metabolite which is tested for in drug tests, but I am not a subject matter expert.

I have no clue where he came up with this, but a guess for what happened is that Rekieta looked at his own personal hair test which tested positive for all three and concluded the test which only tested positive for one was faulty.

So he just adds up both numbers...? It still can't be that high.
Is this retard seriously citing those self-report studies again, where the accuracy is defined by it's adherence to correctly self-reporting, and surprise, most people who claim they didn't do cocaine (but did) were tested positive? Is he retarded?

Even if he did have come up with a number that made sense, the rate of a false negative is irrelevant conditional on a positive test, and from what I remember looking up a couple months ago, even in the self-report studies the tests have much higher specificity than sensitivity, the paper I read had over 90% specificity

Nick really ought to have figured that out with his "40 fucking scientific papers" read.

Let's be honest, the county is probably used to crackheads spending 20 minutes on Google and coming up with garbled pseudoscientific nonsense.

Check out the top Google search suggestion.

 

[Swole McPole]

Nick, despite doing so much research and reading 40 papers, can't pronounce any of the substances

Rekieta, N., Rekieta, K. Anderson, A. (2024) Crack cocaine as an adjunct to methylphenidate in the treatment of juvenile Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: An informal clinical trial. American Journal of Crackhead Studies, Spicer, Minnesota.

 

[LiquidKid]

People bitching about their fave cow not winning last year are basically absolutely retarded. Name another cow who in a single year managed shit like getting catfished by a dude, getting his house raided by the cops and copping multiple felony charges, having his kids taken away by CPS despite having presented himself as a wholesome family trad dad (even having streams called "chad dad" streams), and losing on every imaginable human level.

This dude is basically Supercow. Maybe the Vitophile should do a comic about him, the most degenerate superhero.

Bossman’s saga last year was certainly a ride,
And Riley’s saga this year has been more notable than most, but I agree with you, Patrick didn’t have nearly as interesting of a year as Nick did last year

 

[Mister Friendly Dude]

While we're at it, here's a study that shows any competent lab's procedure can correctly rule out external contamination of cocaine.
https://academic.oup.com/jat/article/43/7/543/5423761?login=false https://doi.org/10.1093/jat/bkz022
Unlike other ones, this study is really technical. Basically they got volunteers and contaminated their hair with cocaine samples, and then compared it to volunteers that are known, self-reported users of the drugs. They found reliable ways to discriminate between user and contaminated hair. The contaminant was applied days before evaluation. Maybe a raccoon snuck into Balldo's coomden to rub cocaine into his daughter's hair several days prior to their arrest.

I want to add to this in very simple terms so that Balldoman can't trick people: These tests are for METABOLITES, which means that the body modified the cocaine molecule. So unless Nick pissed on her daughter's hair, there is no way to find those metabolites from the air.

Now, in "fairness" to Nick, a simple search gave me this

"In order to confirm environmental contamination, the player’s lawyer requested a hair test of the player’s aunt, with whom he stayed regularly throughout the months before the competition and where she was living with a regular cocaine consumer, except for the last 6 months. The cocaine addiction was unbeknown to the player. The hair of the aunt was collected ~3 months after the athlete’s hair. The head hair was >30 cm in length and light brown to blond in color. Evidence of recent cosmetic treatment (highlights) was noticed. Her hair test revealed an identical profile of concentrations, also in agreement with external contamination, despite recent cosmetic treatment, which is known to produce a large decrease in drug concentrations, due to loss of binding during the chemical process.

Hair testing can significantly contribute to exculpation of athletes by demonstrating alternative administration pathways with contamination risks. It was admitted that the player was not a cocaine abuser nor a social user (based on the measured concentrations) and that the hair tests are more likely to indicate that he was in contact with an environment where cocaine is being used (based on the specific cocaine pattern, with regular increasing concentrations from root to tip). The International Tennis Federation accepted this explanation and the player returned with no fault."

Source: https://academic.oup.com/jat/article/44/9/e4/5851809

The fun part? the test results were way below 500 pg/mg. The Balldoman spawn hair test was 5000 pg/mg.

So, using Nick's new favorite word, Myopia, my guess is that he was looking for studies that refuted the follicle test with false negatives/positives, but I can bet you that most of those faulty tests are way below the 500 pg/mg cutout (which exists for a reason)

 

[Jungle Strike]

The comparisons to fictional characters to accentuate Rekieta's own faults (I agree with others that it's unfair to Ahab, Quixote, etc.) remind me that, as others here & even Aaron Imholte speculate, there may be an adaptation of this part of Rekieta's (squandering of) life. The fictional characters mentioned were partly or wholly based on actual aqcuaintances of the authors, even if they didn't consciously have anyone in mind in particular. Due to another person writing these characters, their actual inspirations won't translate to the ficiontal story one-to-one.

And like these characters, one aspect of this tragedy that is impossible to translate to whatever medium it may wind up on is the insanity of being here over time and living through the inflection point where Rekieta went from basically respectable to where his reputation is now. I certainly don't know what that was like as Rekieta fell off my radar after the Chauvin trial and only became aware of him again as he became more topical on Mad at the Internet.

Without that aspect the story is just noveau riche wiggers falling to pedestrian pitfalls, their money shielding them from consequences that would ward off conscientious individuals from ever indulging in daily drugs, alcohol, and polyamory.

 

[PhoBingas]

Expert tips to avoid the Ralphamale

1. Park far away from the entrance (He will tire out following you)
2. stay inside the courthouse for 10 minutes (He will become bored and waddle away for drugs and booze)

Just bring a bag of McDoubles and leave it on the hood of some car. The burgers will distract Ralph.

 

[Dr Naomi Hunter]

Knowing that Nick reads these threads he 100% knows Ralph is attempting to come, which must be genuinely terrifying to think about, your criminal trial will have a drunk hog squealing outside the entire time.

What are you gonna do when he fucks something up Nick? Are you going to wrangle the rage pig?
Imagine if someone from the news realizes Ralph is supporting you, your public image will be even more ruined from the realization that you are allies with people like that.

Also if Nick tells him not to come or not to be fucked up then Ralph will go nuclear like he did to Nick Fuentes.

 

[Balldo's Gate]

Just bring a bag of McDoubles and leave it on the hood of some car. The burgers will distract Ralph.

I would recommend placing them in the trash as it's where he's likely to look first