Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[Mandy Stroyer]

My relationship isn't working (boyfriend is addicted to porn, trooning out, and not doing anything with his life), but I am so damn monogamous that the idea of being emotionally/romantically/physically intimate with someone else makes me want to vomit. I get this horrible "WRONG WRONG WRONG" mental impulse when I think of breaking up with him or being with someone else. It's strong enough that it almost gives me a headache and I don't know how to get rid of it. It feels almost like when I was anorexic (ages 12 - 21), when some foods/ instances of eating would give me the same "WRONG WRONG WRONG". It happens whenever I ruminate on something and something sparks this feeling, to a lesser degree. It can happen when I think about going to mass, too.

Is this the normal level of brain-funk that just happens to people, codependency, or like some sort of mental problem? My old ED therapist told me that anorexia was related to OCD, but I don't feel like this impacts my life enough to be an actual disorder, except when it comes to romantic things. It's just so incredibly, incredibly, incredibly anxious that I feel like I have no way to address it. Like it feels genuinely impossible. It took me three months of daily attempts the only other time I've broken up with someone.

I have OCD and was in a similar situation. I did not want to be dating this guy but I got a feeling of intense dread and guilt when I considered breaking up with him, like it'd be the same as physically killing him. It took a year to dump him and - Nothing happened. I felt better instantly. All the rationalizations I made for wanting to leave were solidified. I was a little peeved I wasted so much of my time worrying over someone so uncomfortable to be with.

I'm not going to say whether you have OCD but this is disrupting your life. You're in a relationship with someone you have no future with, who does not respect you or the relationship, who is likely in some tranny discord at this moment bitching to a fifteen year old about you wanting him to pull himself together. You deserve far better than that. You don't deserve to sit in limbo for a year yelling at yourself that leaving is wrong. I understand being disgusted at the thought of being with someone else but being with someone else isn't necessary when you alone are already better off than with him.

 

[soup peddler]

who does not respect you or the relationship, who is likely in some tranny discord at this moment bitching to a fifteen year old about you wanting him to pull himself together.

Well, so the situation is bad, but it's different from this. He doesn't engage with the "trans community" in basically any capacity except HRT timeline google sheets. You can tell because he has no knowledge about what trans women look like or trans ideology itself. He even agrees with things like "it's impossible to feel like a woman or man".

Basically he is a really nice and respectful partner who takes care of me in lots of ways and is generally attentive and loving, but his porn addiction, depression, and lack of life direction are just so, so bad he can't function as a person anymore. He went from holding down a normal job to quitting it and masturbating like 4-5 hours a day. He won't go to a therapist because he quit his job and doesn't have health insurance anymore, and hasn't applied to a job in like six months or figured out what he wants to do with his life (as a 24 year old). I've tried so much to help him but nothing works. He won't put any effort into treating himself well, and he is just full of despair and self-hatred that he can't manage it. It's extremely sad and I can't feel anything but pity, guilt, and sadness?

Spoiler

I think he's transitioning basically because he thinks being a pretty/hot/confident/powerful futa woman from his porn comics will make him a happy/confident person. But it's obviously not working and estrogen is making him look sick.

I guess ultimately he just doesn't have the internal drive or resilience to be a functioning member of society, and he only seemed like he did when we started dating because he was trying to do better to be with me? And now the facade has fallen/ the motivation has run dry since we're in a "stable" relationship. Like aside from what he invests into his passive escapism, basically the only effort he puts forward in life is for me and his family. He does anything to help me or take care or me, but won't do anything to improve himself or his life, and just surrounds himself in escapism. The fact that what I really want is for him to thrive as a person seems like it's killing him, since he just can't seem to do it. He says that when he was a teenager he tried a boat load of different antidepressants but they didn't help, but he obviously needs professional help now. I just can't help and it's just too sad to watch someone throw their youth away.

 

[Bunny Tracks]

He went from holding down a normal job to quitting it and masturbating like 4-5 hours a day

I think he's transitioning basically because he thinks being a pretty/hot/confident/powerful futa woman from his porn comics will make him a happy/confident person.

Leave him. He's only going to get worse.

 

[Thé au lait]

That definitely describes the feeling

I'm pretty sure it's anxiety then. The best thing I've found useful in managing it so far is CBT, which I didn't really think would work but it definitely does.

He went from holding down a normal job to quitting it and masturbating like 4-5 hours a day.

I think he's transitioning basically because he thinks being a pretty/hot/confident/powerful futa woman from his porn comics will make him a happy/confident person. But it's obviously not working and estrogen is making him look sick.

I will warn you that AGPs are basically guaranteed to be narcs, and more often than not sex offenders. If nothing else, it's best to keep away from him for your safety.

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

Basically he is a really nice and respectful partner

porn addiction

masturbating like 4-5 hours a day. He won't go to a therapist because he quit his job and doesn't have health insurance anymore, and hasn't applied to a job in like six months

He won't put any effort into treating himself well

the facade has fallen/ the motivation has run dry since we're in a "stable" relationship

These are all mutually exclusive with the first reply.

just surrounds himself in escapism

You are part of that escapism for him.

I just can't help

He doesn't want help. He wants to be unemployed and jack off for 4-5 hours a day while you coddle him. I'm not trying to be mean, but he's using you. I get depression and mental illness, truly, but you are not obligated to stay with someone who is showing no desire to get better outside of what seems to be occasional bouts of guilt, if I can call it that. That eventually goes away and he will continue pushing these boundaries when he realizes there won't be any consequences. A good majority of time, at least in my experience, this self loathing is a cover for deviant behavior - like a sort of preemptive "get out of jail free" card because he was in a bad place mentally. Given the troon thing, it sounds like that's the case. Is he really a good partner or have you taught yourself not to think otherwise for his sake?

 

[斯尼 德之王]

@baron harkonnen All of the care and love in the world is useless if the person isn't dependable nor stable.

Leave.

 

[A Cat in a Minefield]

Run, nothing good will come from it. Save yourself.

 

[Hubelublub]

He does anything to help me or take care or me

No, he doesn't.
You're unhappy to the point it's consuming your thoughts. He's not willing to sacrifice his short term "fixes" for his problems to sustain your long term happiness. He's not willing to change anything about his own lot to improve yours. How is he helping you or taking care of you, when you feel like this?

Would he write a similar post as you did, wanting help and wishing to improve his life?

Your life is your life, so you must make your own choices, but I think you're giving your life to him. I think you deserve better, and that sick feeling in your gut is your intuition trying desperately to save you.

Time is the most precious thing you have. Once it's been spent you can't get it back, and none of us know even how much of it we'll get.

I wish you valued your own needs, as much as you seem to value his.

 

[Local Farmer]

Congratulations, I didn't realize you were gay!

Yeah I keep tell you guys in the no moid November thread how I’m trying to not fuck a dood. My true and honest XX Fiancée is appreciating it, but it’s been hard on us (only me)

Stop buying shit for her. Any faggot on your street can buy her $20 of chocolate and flowers.
Clear your fucking calendar and dedicate that time to her. Just her. Turn off your phone, ignore your emails, and give her an evening where she feels like she is the only person in your world.

Listen to her, let her talk about her life and her problems and her wishes, all while you appreciate the person she is.

Giving her your time, the most priceless and irreplaceable thing on this earth, will mean more to her than the nicest box of cocoa powder and palm oil your money can buy.

After reading this post I started thinking, I talked to her a little bit and I promised to carve out more time out of my day to let her vent/talk. Usually I try to be attentive to her issues and make sure to listen but I think she’s been so caught up in work that it’s hard for her to take a step back and breath, and I’ve been too busy with work that I forgot to prioritize the most important thing in my life, her. We talked about it for a little bit and she seemed a lot happier.

In general I want to do more romantic things together. I’m going to take her to a park near our house this Saturday and then she’s going to teach me how to bake.

 

[Hubelublub]

she’s going to teach me how to bake.

After this, if you sus out a new recipe without her prompting, and bake something nice for her as a surprise, she'll fucking love you.

 

[Local Farmer]

Developing a hobby of your own, instead of just going to hobby stores when you need a specific item, can certainly help the situation as well, but it’s a start.

Unironically, when I got a hobby my fiancée honestly just kind of fell into my lap. The only dating advice that actually works is just telling guys to get autistic about a hobby (nerd shit doesn’t fucking count) unless your writing a Book or doing something that requires actual creative labor

After this, if you sus out a new recipe without her prompting, and bake something nice for her as a surprise, she'll fucking love you.

I actually really enjoy cooking. I usually make different historical based dishes like Tu’hu and beef bourguignon about 3-4 times a week. I’ve gotten pretty good at it but I fucking suck at baking.

I actually am going to surprise try to surprise her with Crème Brûlée and blueberry sauce next Friday

 

[missnaptime]

does anyone know how to clear up hormonal acne? i realise this is a very silly thing, but i'm in my 20's and i'm really sick of getting persistent acne and i'd quite like to get rid of it, or at least keep it at bay. if any of you have any recommendations or tips on what worked for you; i'd be indebted!

 

[DickMain]

My relationship isn't working (boyfriend is addicted to porn, trooning out, and not doing anything with his life), but I am so damn monogamous that the idea of being emotionally/romantically/physically intimate with someone else makes me want to vomit.

Don't let yourself get dragged down too. If he's going to ruin his own life that's his prerogative, and this is a case in where compromising on your own values a teensy bit is probably in your best interest. When I was with 'the one' and being a lazy shit coasting off savings while she worked, she dumped my ass and it was the best for both of us; I learned to get off my ass and work, she finished up college without my bullshit. Who knows, it might be good for him too, but at the very least you won't be wrecking up your own life for the sake of his bullshit.

 

[Deezy]

does anyone know how to clear up hormonal acne? i realise this is a very silly thing, but i'm in my 20's and i'm really sick of getting persistent acne and i'd quite like to get rid of it, or at least keep it at bay. if any of you have any recommendations or tips on what worked for you; i'd be indebted!

I’m a little older, but I never grew out of those deep cystic zits around my jaw and mouth. The only thing that cleared it up finally was getting a prescription for spironolactone

I’ve heard DIM recommended as a hormonal regulator, might be worth a try. For quick fixes, buy a box of insulin syringes (32G I think, they’re very thin and may be purchased without a prescription). Use them to lance those fuckers, then slap a pimple patch on it overnight.

 

[Meursault's gun]

@baron harkonnen Thinking/talking about him allows you to obfuscate who is actually allowing this to happen, and it is you. He is not the issue in your life, he is an outcome of your issues. If it wasn't him, then it'd be someone else. Your cope is that he treats you decently on the surface, but hasn't he disrespected you on an unforgivable level? He must have cheated on you in his mind thousands of times already, why is this not a complete deal-breaker? It seems like you don't believe you deserve unwavering love and devotion, why?

I think you need to accept that your standards are currently below sea level, and that you need to start working on yourself exclusively. Think about why that could be. You mentioning long-lasting anorexia makes me suspect that this relationship is an expression of the same issues that caused you to suffer from that to begin with. Think about what that'll entail for you years down the line if you don't change. Do you want to be made smaller and more insignificant by the hands of dead-end men until you disappear? God forbid, what if you have a kid? A daughter? Do you think they deserve to take on life with such a father?

 

[Bunny Tracks]

I’m a little older, but I never grew out of those deep cystic zits around my jaw and mouth. The only thing that cleared it up finally was getting a prescription for spironolactone

Spironolactone was a godsend to one of my friends who has suffered from severe acne for years. Unfortunately, after working perfectly for months it suddenly stopped, and while it has resumed working a little after increasing the dosage, it's not nearly as effective as it once was.

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

I get this horrible "WRONG WRONG WRONG" mental impulse when I think of breaking up with him or being with someone else

You are all focusing on the wrong thing. She has obsessive thoughts she needs a therapist and somehow to leave with the leech . She needs to move in with someone who can manage her for few months while keeping the leech off of her.

 

[Booger1488]

@baron harkonnen
Definitely leave him. If he's masturbating for 4 or 5 hours a day there's something severely wrong, and staying will only see you being worn down. Better to do it now before it becomes harder to leave.

Yeah I keep tell you guys in the no moid November thread how I’m trying to not fuck a dood. My true and honest XX Fiancée is appreciating it, but it’s been hard on us (only me)

Fiancé = male
Fiancée = female

 

[demicolon]

It's a weird attitude in our culture to treat science as infallible and honest, rather than recognizing more and more it has become a business, as have academic institutions.

Society dropped religion, but it can't drop religious thinking. The more things change the more they stay the same. Instead of Satan, we have Hitler. Instead of God, we have Marx. Instead of nuns, we have these pastel-haired liberal studies chicks who never smile. Instead of pedophile priests, we have trannies.

 

[grenouille crétine]

It feels almost like when I was anorexic

My old ED therapist told me that anorexia was related to OCD, but I don't feel like this impacts my life enough to be an actual disorder, except when it comes to romantic things.

Not to dredge your post history up for no reason, but you were also trans-IDed and on T for a time, correct? I revisited the Scrambled Eggs thread recently and remembered your post there. You need to get your house in order. All the same issues are still there, in some form. Maybe it is different dating men, but if my partner ever gave me even the slightest hint of poonerism I would immediately make it known that no, I am not going down that rabbit hole ever again, and I would be even angrier about it given my history. Trans people are addicts, and detrans people are addicts in recovery. The things that made you starve yourself and take T and date a loser with a porn addiction are all connected.

I felt better instantly. All the rationalizations I made for wanting to leave were solidified.

I'm not going to say whether you have OCD but this is disrupting your life.

I have known people with OCD and my anxiety has manifested as OCD-like symptoms in the past. The mental block is real and is very difficult if not impossible to resolve without support, but a competent goals-oriented therapist will help. There’s not really baby steps to be had here. Rip the band-aid off by following through with plans to get out and live with your mom for a while (iirc). It will be ok.

The best thing I've found useful in managing it so far is CBT, which I didn't really think would work but it definitely does.

You have to be honest with yourself and the therapist for CBT to do much. DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is related but a bit more long-term/intensive. I have read it is considered very good for treating addiction and self-harm, and that tracks.

A good majority of time, at least in my experience, this self loathing is a cover for deviant behavior - like a sort of preemptive "get out of jail free" card because he was in a bad place mentally.

A bit of a sidebar, but if I had a dollar for every mopey sadboi using his self-inflicted poor mental health as a cudgel for mistreating his gf/friends/family, I would be a millionaire. Billionaire, if it were retroactive.

I think you deserve better, and that sick feeling in your gut is your intuition trying desperately to save you.

It seems like you don't believe you deserve unwavering love and devotion, why?

Only @baron harkonnen knows the answer. Good luck, fren. We have given you much advice, but it is on you to see yourself as worthy.

Isn't it a little suspicious that scent seems to dominate how other mammals mark their territory and family units (and aforementioned defensive purpose, E.G. skunks) but humans don't have obvious ways of doing anything like this?

I already thought it was very primitive of males to piss on everything like dogs, but unironically there may be something to this. lol stinky