Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

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Red Frida said:
In an alternative universe, some might call the best possible universe, Patrick is at the salad bar paying for their meals, distractedly telling Nikki what time tomorrow he will pick up Annabelle for his weekly joint custody session driving his Tesla Model X which he charges inside the garage he built in their alleyway above the car port, safe from the Milwaukee weather, next to a correctly installed fence because he spends his internet time googling how to build things rather than combating death cyber cultists.
An urban youth places a cellphone into Patrick's hand.
You left your phone by the cash register.
Why thank you, child.
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Enjoy prison.
 
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Red Frida said:
In an alternative universe, some might call the best possible universe, Patrick is at the salad bar paying for their meals, distractedly telling Nikki what time tomorrow he will pick up Annabelle for his weekly joint custody session driving his Tesla Model X which he charges inside the garage he built in their alleyway above the car port, safe from the Milwaukee weather, next to a correctly installed fence because he spends his internet time googling how to build things rather than combating death cyber cultists.
An urban youth places a cellphone into Patrick's hand.
You left your phone by the cash register.
Why thank you, child.
Click to expand...
I already am living my best possible life, stalker. My reputation and life has never been better, while yours is already over. Enjoy prison.
 
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Giant Troonade said:
Holy fuck, my sides are in orbit. The sheer cognitive dissonance Patrick has is mind boggling, he'll swat himself and deface his own property to try and gain asspats over his 'victimhood', to the point of trying to sue people for the crime of going to the same bar as him, but he won't say a single word when he gets robbed at gunpoint by hoodrats. Is he just so clinically retarded that he's started to believe his own lies instead of the shit actually happening to him?

EDIT: The name of the fucking restaurant being Chubby's just fucking slays me, this man's entire life is just God shitposting :story:
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I don't know who sounds more crazy, me trying to explain to my wife who's checking on me that this is merely my sides in orbit over this post and I'm not actually having a medical episode of some kind, or Patrick convinced that it's illegal to disagree with him on social media and thousands of people are going to serve time over that.
 
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REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! said:
I would be willing to bet money that Pat makes sure to either pass mirrors at a flattering angle or avert his eyes when he can't. I think he insists that he's a healthy young buck partly because he does not realize how fat he is. It would take a shit ton of effort but so does writting Enjoy Prison Stalker hundred of times a day. Gravy over here could keep it on the clipboard but no, he does it the old fashioned way every single time.

I bet every single time he passes a reflective surface, he turns his hips just so and tilts his head to hide a couple chins. It would not surprise me if he legitimately had no idea how fat he looks and thinks that cameras just add a couple of pounds to everybody. To be that fat for that long and still have the balls to publicly state that you ran down and beat up three teenage negros speaks to a deeper level of willful ignorance than even we realize.

I don't think that even our pepperoni enthusiast friend would say such a stupid lie if he actually knew what he looked like.
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Wrong thrice more, stalker! You know that old photography trick of putting Vaseline on the lens? Well he just naturally secretes his own lard, plenty enough to alter his perception at any moment.
 
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FinnSven said:
How long would it take for him to notice if Niki packed her stuff and left?
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When the fridge is empty of beers and brats,
child.

Red Frida said:
You definitely have been criminally charged before.
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And pled no contest.

Billy Bong said:
I'm sorry he got robbed
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I'm not. It was inevitable and I value certainty. I strongly doubt his descriptions of the assailants, because he was sat on his fat ass tweeting when his phone was snatched and we all know pigs can't look up.
 
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Red Frida said:
In an alternative universe, some might call the best possible universe, Patrick is at the salad bar paying for their meals, distractedly telling Nikki what time tomorrow he will pick up Annabelle for his weekly joint custody session driving his Tesla Model X which he charges inside the garage he built in their alleyway above the car port, safe from the Milwaukee weather, next to a correctly installed fence because he spends his internet time googling how to build things rather than combating death cyber cultists.
An urban youth places a cellphone into Patrick's hand.
You left your phone by the cash register.
Why thank you, child.
Click to expand...
Worth remembering how there already is an alternate universe Fatrick residing in our reality, in the form of Fat's infinitely superior cousin SERGEANT JAKE RAVEN (what a guy)
1735990425245.png

A renowned soldier and loving father and by all accounts a man among men, who has assisted in international sniper tournaments while correctly wearing a fuckin baseball hat unlike his fatter, gayer cousin....
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....and a man respected and loved by those who served with him
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And in case it wasnt obvious why this is the funniest fucking shit imaginable....here is a fuckin closeup
1735990678020.png

I still cant stop myself fucking laughing every time I remember that there exists a chad mirror universe fatrick with the same goddamn phenotype down to the absurd tuft hairstyle and manages to make it work solely by dint of his own innate anti-fatrick aura. And thats before we factor in how this is almost certainly the cousin pig man has obliquely referenced while seething about damn dirty MAGA supporting veteran relatives.
 
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Judge Holden said:
same goddamn phenotype down to the absurd tuft hairstyle
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It looks significantly less absurd on Jake; his is a military high and tight (if a bit wooly). Rick's hair, on the other hand, looks like his barber has only had the zoomer broccoli haircut described to him via poor-reception cell phone call.
 
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Judge Holden said:
I still cant stop myself fucking laughing every time I remember that there exists a chad mirror universe fatrick with the same goddamn phenotype down to the absurd tuft hairstyle and manages to make it work solely by dint of his own innate anti-fatrick aura. And thats before we factor in how this is almost certainly the cousin pig man has obliquely referenced while seething about damn dirty MAGA supporting veteran relatives.
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holy shit he LITERALLY looks like a fake giga chad edit of Patrick with an exaggerated jawline and everything. Ahahahahahaahahahahaha. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK
 
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There is a great and grievous irony and inaccuracy, in the title for the recent feature marker of this thread-
While it is true that Pat carelessly Childs every being with whom he interacts, the statement that he was mugged by "three black men" is WRAWNG.

15 is no man.

Pat was mugged by three black Childs.

A much more shameful oink.
 
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