Fictional Characters who would deserve their own threads? - Just like the other thread.

[Bababooey Warlock]

-Blood is 99% crack

One could say that they found blood in his crack system.

 

[glass_houses]

My housemate has spent the last few weeks subjecting me to long stretches of Yellowstone. I've tried to sit down to watch it, but pretty much every main character has some form of severe personality disorder, and the only time they're not trying to destroy each other is is when they unite to destroy an outsider. Then they go right back to tearing chunks of flesh out of their parent/sibling/child/friend. It's like (may Allah forgive me) watching politics in the Middle East.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Stolas from Helluva Boss



>Cheats on his wife with a random peasant (who happens to be his childhood friend) because of arranged marriage
>Constantly thinks about that peasant's dick 24/7
>Made a deal that basically allows him to treat that guy as a sex life in exchange for a valuable magic item that is illegal to give away
>Harasses that guy on the phone while he's in the middle of life threatening job
>Terrible father, took his daughter to a carnival she didn't like and bring that imp to be a bodyguard despite being an all powerful demon
>Constantly spends most of his spare time fighting his wife or getting sad watching soap operas
>Divorces his wife for peasant dick
>Daughter runs away while he's busy gloating about how much he hates his wife, during a operation to rescue her, spends most of his time dicking around in LA with the man he cheated on his wife with, only finds daughter because that man's adopted daughter did the work
>Thinks soap operas are reality and tries to force actual romance on a guy who thinks he's using him for sex
>Cries and acts like he's the victim, then goes to a party about how much everyone hates that guy, singing songs about how he's so over them
>Not even a long time later, tries to sacrifice his life to save that guy despite promising he won't abandon his daughter
>Stripped of all his power, and his main concern becomes crying about how poor he is.
>Later gaslights his daughter to justify why he put peasant dick abover her needs

 

[Starscream's Loyalty]

Whole cast of Hetalia to varying degrees. But Germany is mostly the designated tard wrangler.

 

[Desire]

Jin Kisaragi from Blazblue

 

[Neurotypical Mantis]

Stolas from Helluva Boss

View attachment 6803193

>Cheats on his wife with a random peasant (who happens to be his childhood friend) because of arranged marriage
>Constantly thinks about that peasant's dick 24/7
>Made a deal that basically allows him to treat that guy as a sex life in exchange for a valuable magic item that is illegal to give away
>Harasses that guy on the phone while he's in the middle of life threatening job
>Terrible father, took his daughter to a carnival she didn't like and bring that imp to be a bodyguard despite being an all powerful demon
>Constantly spends most of his spare time fighting his wife or getting sad watching soap operas
>Divorces his wife for peasant dick
>Daughter runs away while he's busy gloating about how much he hates his wife, during a operation to rescue her, spends most of his time dicking around in LA with the man he cheated on his wife with, only finds daughter because that man's adopted daughter did the work
>Thinks soap operas are reality and tries to force actual romance on a guy who thinks he's using him for sex
>Cries and acts like he's the victim, then goes to a party about how much everyone hates that guy, singing songs about how he's so over them
>Not even a long time later, tries to sacrifice his life to save that guy despite promising he won't abandon his daughter
>Stripped of all his power, and his main concern becomes crying about how poor he is.
>Later gaslights his daughter to justify why he put peasant dick abover her needs

all the hazmat motel characters are cows

 

[Athena Save Us!]

Someone on this thread (I'm lazy and refuse to re-read it) did an awesome Pokemon writeup. However, they forgot the original Team Rocket trio: Jessie, James, and Meowth. These guys would be lolcows for sure.


Jessie

- Mother got herself killed in an avalanche while going after Mew - a Pokemon Jessie could never hope to catch.

- Can't steal or catch anything of value.

- Takes multiple seasons to catch a Likitung, Seviper, Wurmple, Mawile, Mimikyu, and a few others that I can't remember and can't be bothered to look up. Still can't steal a simple Pikachu from a retarded 10-year-old.

- Crossdresses for lulz, but I guess that's better than for pooning reasons.

- Thinks wearing Noh or Kabuki costumes will make them unnoticed by others (called invisibility costumes in the dub, which makes them even more retarded; at last there's a train of thought happening in the Japanese version)

- Completely broke

- Thinks she needs to compete with every one of Ash's female companions over retarded stuff.

- Thinks Jynx is Santa Claus and that Jynx has it out for her by stealing her toys.


James

- Was born to glowies but ran away when they decided he should marry an insane BDSM freak.

- Joined a stupid biker gang when he ran away, then joined Team Rocket.

- Sucks at his job, just like Jessie.

- Is either mad smart and can invent all kinds of things or is somehow able to convince Giovanni to keep pouring resources into their escapades even though they've never succeeded once. Either way, instead of using his brain to live a comfy life or become a politician or something, he chooses to keep trying and failing to steal a single Pikachu.

- Crossdresses for lulz, just like Jessie. Not gay or a troon, though.

- Used the advance on both his and Jessie's salaries to buy a Magikarp from a shady salesman on the ship they were already planning to steal all of the Pokemon from already.

- Abuses the poor Magikarp (nearly drowns the poor thing and then considers eating it) until it evolves and runs away.

Meowth

- Taught himself to walk bipedally and speak English (or Japanese) in order to impress a girl Meowth he had a crush on.

- Proceeded to get rejected by said female, leaving him a freak of nature.

- Constantly gives into peer pressure from Jessie and James.

- Was voiced by a troon for a while in the English dub who strangely died, probably from all the HRT. Look up Maddie Blaustein; he at one point insisted that Meowth as he played him was gay for Max. Yep, that's the kind of pervert we're dealing with.

The weirdest thing about Team Rocket is that they're constantly poor, but when they aren't on some hair-brained mission, they're actually good enough at making money that they could easily go into a legit business and thrive, Maybe they wouldn't get as rich as James' parents, but they wouldn't be crawling around during a summer festival, looking for dropped change. Total lolcows, even during their most redeeming moments.

 

[DoNotFeedTheSneed]

[Inactive] Charles Lindbergh McGill Jr. - Divorced Albuquerque attorney pretending to be allergic to electricity, A-logs his own brother, Forced out of a firm named after him, killed himself after losing one case

[Inactive] Pandak "Baby" Panay. - Dictator of Panau, So much of a weeaboo that he spent half of the country's budget building himself a Japanese palace and hiring ninjas as security, obese, failed pickup artist, had a meltdown so severe that he tried to start World War 3 and fucking died lol



[Horrorcow] Glenn Quagmire / Glenn Quagglechek. - Necrophilic, Zoophilic, and Pedophilic rapist with every fetish and STD under the sun, has a rape dungeon in his basement, Collects worn panties, Wants to have sex with his own daughter. His father is a troon

 

[Space Police]

Someone on this thread (I'm lazy and refuse to re-read it) did an awesome Pokemon writeup. However, they forgot the original Team Rocket trio: Jessie, James, and Meowth. These guys would be lolcows for sure.

Does this also mean the Doronbo Gang would be gegbvlls?

 

[Black Yoshi]

[Sadcow] Strong Sad - Likes board games more than most people, possibly an incel.

[Careercow] Bubs - Store owner who also deals in the black market. Is the only game in town so he can get away with scamming people.

[Horrorcow] Coach Z - Sports coach who has spent time in prison at least once. He's a shitty rapper and is possibly a sex offender who lives in a 1973 AMC Gremlin.

[Artcow] Marzipan - Bitchy vegan that sings folk songs and does macrame. Teaches a preschool like program that prioritizes feelings over facts.

[Lolcow] Homsar - A song from the 60s who's a million ladies tall. Was raised by a cup of coffee and a chipwich and is best friends with Reggie's brother that rhinoceros. May or may not be a reality warping god.

 

[Miriam Margoyles]

Buzz Lightyear is a total lolcow.
Well, specifically Andy's Buzz Lightyear from the movie, Toy Story.

He lives in a delusional, self-aggrandising fantasy world, where he's some kind of heroic action hero, who can fly and shoot lasers and fight evil, when in actuality he's little more than a commercial hunk of moulded plastic created for the amusement of children. He doesn't even have a laser, it's just a little lightbulb that blinks.

Woody, being based, tries to get him to snap out of his delusions, but all it does it cause Buzz to stubbornly dig his heels in and retreat even further into his fantasy world, endangering them both in the process. When he realises the enormity of his actual situation, his response is to immediately troon out and start calling himself 'Mrs Nesbitt' becoming aggressive when challenged.

However, once physically assaulted by Woody, he immediately backs down, like a cuck.

 

[Kid Named Rocket]

[Careercow] Gabriel, Judge of Hell/Apostate of Hate – Hardcore zealot, killed Minos just to flex his authority, throws tantrums when beaten, kicked out of Heaven because he lost to a walking GoPro, enforcing the will of a dead God, killed his leaders after discovering his battle autism

 

[AN/ALR56]

My housemate has spent the last few weeks subjecting me to long stretches of Yellowstone. I've tried to sit down to watch it, but pretty much every main character has some form of severe personality disorder, and the only time they're not trying to destroy each other is is when they unite to destroy an outsider. Then they go right back to tearing chunks of flesh out of their parent/sibling/child/friend. It's like (may Allah forgive me) watching politics in the Middle East.

Same shit as Sons of Anarchy.
They all tried to copy the byzantine games of The Sopranos but fail miserably.

 

[AnsemSoD1]

Donquixote Doflamingo
Any obnoxious love rival in an arranged marriage plot who tries to end the fucking universe because he lost his soon-to-be wife
(I.e. Toneri Otsutsuki or Geoffrey St. John)
Dio Brando
Electro (The Amazing Spiderman 2)
Mr. Crocker
Kurozumi Orochi (and Kurozumi Kanjuro for that matter)

 

[Miriam Margoyles]

Buzz Lightyear is a total lolcow.
Well, specifically Andy's Buzz Lightyear from the movie, Toy Story.

He lives in a delusional, self-aggrandising fantasy world, where he's some kind of heroic action hero, who can fly and shoot lasers and fight evil, when in actuality he's little more than a commercial hunk of moulded plastic created for the amusement of children. He doesn't even have a laser, it's just a little lightbulb that blinks.

Woody, being based, tries to get him to snap out of his delusions, but all it does it cause Buzz to stubbornly dig his heels in and retreat even further into his fantasy world, endangering them both in the process. When he realises the enormity of his actual situation, his response is to immediately troon out and start calling himself 'Mrs Nesbitt' becoming aggressive when challenged.

However, once physically assaulted by Woody, he immediately backs down, like a cuck.

He's also a sexual deviant, and I wouldn't trust him alone around baked pastry goods.

Not gay

Debatable.

 

[Black Yoshi]

[Lolcow] Oskar Kokoshka - A 38 year old NEET that lives off hand outs and has a gambling addiction. He's in a perpetual financhu crisis that his wife works long overtime hours just to barely break even. Rumor has it she left him. High chance he becomes a slavic version of Bossmanjack.

[Careercow] Phil Shortman - Despite being 81 he's in better physical shape then men half his age. In addition to that he rents out rooms in a boarding house to seek rent. However he gives himself and his family preferential treatment in terms of amenities. He has a secret bathroom in the basement that's extremely lavish, and the best room in the building is the bedroom of his grandson. His most well known renters are a short demoliton worker, a Vietnamese immigrant who's dabbling in country western, and Oskar. He is the Bob to Oscar's Chris and the two share a codependent relationship that drags Phil down. Rumor has it he dropped acid at Woodstock.

 

[Dr. Arinsu]

I propose a off forum called the FicFarms where we make threads on Fictional Lolcows.

 

[Dr. Arinsu]

Doubleposting But here's a few people I propose.

[Horrorcow] Frieza / Frieza Cold / Emperor Frieza / Frieza Force - Racist Dictator who was killed by a half monkey, Daddy's Boy, Single deadbeat father.

• Thread will have a bunch of information regarding his racism, genocidal tendencies and slavery.
• Becomes a Horrorcow for recruiting children to his genocidal group.
• Will be mocked for being a Daddy's Boy.
• Cooler will post under his throwaway account being too ospec fail (He earned his own thread)
• Kuriza would be banned for being underage trying to fight with others.

[Horrorcow] Cell / Imperfect Cell / Semi-Perfect Cell / Perfect Cell - Vore enthusiast, Narcissist,, got pwned by a child.

• Will be having a thread for how disgusting he is.
• Automatically a Horrorcow for his "absorbing"
• Gohan probably will be on this thread.

[Careercow] Hercule Satan / Mr. Satan / Mark Satan - Fraud, "Defeated" Cell, daughter dating the true hero of West City Goku, Mayor of West City

• Will have a thread for the simple fact he was just merely annoying.
• Thread points out he wasn't Cell's true defeater.
• Thread gets derailed because Majin Buu and Videl comes up and shits up the forums.
• Turns out Majin Buu was sock puppeting Videl the entire time.
• Ends up getting the pink triangle and verified badge.
• Majin Buu might actually get his own thread..

[Horrorcow] Monika / Monitor Kernel Access - Killed her friends over a real life guy, then sperged and DFE after she was deleted and rejected.

• Will have a thread for all the horrid shit she did.
• Probably would try and hack KF but fails.

 

[Tari]

who strangely died, probably from all the HRT. Look up Maddie Blaustein

Offtopic but the cause of death was stomach illness (allegedly severe gastroenteritis), also his brother is literally a jew who localizes anime.

[Horrorcow] Glenn Quagmire / Glenn Quagglechek. - Necrophilic, Zoophilic, and Pedophilic rapist with every fetish and STD under the sun, has a rape dungeon in his basement, Collects worn panties, Wants to have sex with his own daughter. His father is a troon

in S12E03 he fucks his troon father because his girlfriend forces him to. That's more eye-catching than just saying his father's a troon.

 

[glass_houses]

in S12E03 he fucks his troon father because his girlfriend forces him to. That's more eye-catching than just saying his father's a troon.

It really says something that the writers were able to come up with a character that's even worse than Quagmire or Peter.