Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • April-May 2024

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  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 18 1.3%
  • August-September 2024

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  • October-November 2024

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  • December 2024

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  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 18.6%
  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 196 14.1%
  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 791 56.9%

  • Total voters
    1,390
This is the real deal from some horse buggy dootch spraking guy from pa . Note the layering. The proper crust , etc. the texture is unexpectedly fluffy and light. The molasses is not thick or gooey. The topping is a little more granular than powdery but very soft. (Tastes clean, 🧼 grandmas flavors)
Technically a gooey or thick molasses layer is fine if you're shooting for a wet bottom pie. What you had is a dry bottom pie, and they tend to be more cakey since the idea is to let the thing set completely.

Also yes that is a far better example of what the dish should look like and I am not surprised it tastes fine, rather than like iron and lime whites.
New Jack on the Go:

OREILLY'S AMISH FURNITURE STORE, NASHVILLE, TN
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I think this is my favorite Jack video in years. He sounds like a serial killer shopping for dressers to stuff bodies in. Awkwardly waddling around pointing his phone at tables, mumbling with that guttural stroke voice to himself about how they're "nice and sturdy" and that he "loves this, it's very nice" as if he's thinking about furniture of a different kind
Absolute snoozer and I don't really think it's an Amish store given the Irish name attached to this one, except maybe from the affinity scheme. In my experience you tend to find their shit you go to a Farmer's market or a store where they have a stall or agreement with the owner for space on the floor. It probably does have Amish furniture, sure, but a good chunk of it isn't.

What a stupid faggot he is thinking garbo like this is remotely entertaining.
 
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My favorite type of hotdog is usually a skin on one, or something like kielbasa with diced onions and a browner mustard as my toppings. Ketchup tends to be a bit too sweet in my experience, but if you round it out with something like some curry powder and dampen said sweetness, or find one that works, it can do wonders on a hot dog.
 
Did Jack manage to not immediately swallow something, or are his teeth absolutely fucked?
I have been wondering this about the Jack-eating-cookie-and-smiling picture for years, lol. Relatedly I am kind of shocked at how good his teeth seem to be. (This will be the first and last positive thing I say about Jack Scalfani until January 1, 2026.) Maybe he's blessed with good genes in literally only the teeth department, because the smiles of people who grew up poor and/or with parents who didn't stress oral hygiene tend to be not great.

...that the mom who gave him terrible Christmas presents and then snarled at him to put them in the cardboard box by the door if he didn't like them [so that 'needy kids' could have them instead] didn't care if he brushed his teeth before bed or flossed a few times a week.)
 

Good god look at that thumbnail
So the dog doesn't want to stay in the cold darkened empty part of the house by itself... who'd have thunk? Also if the door doesn't fucking work, fix the door?

Recipe isn't below anywhere

"you can't hurt yourself with cinnamon, you can put it in anything" No, it does not just go into anything. Tammy has also broken out the nitrile gloves she uses to normally clean up Fatty, so he can mix the topping together. Between the measuring cup and mixing bowl, it looks like he managed to leave out 1/4 of the molasses.

What the fuck is this camera shot? Why is he whispering to it? Says to wait 30 minutes, but then he says he won't wait(like usual) but then will wait till it cools off. And then it turns out he left it for an hour.
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There's more whipped cream than pie, and of course she does the trashy thing and sucks the whipped cream out of the nozzle on camera. Even Fatty gives an "ew" in response to that.
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There's even less pie to whipped cream on her fork than the fucking plate
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"it's good, you can taste the sugar, you can taste the cinnamon, you can taste the molasses" she gives the same stupidly simplistic appraisal that Fatty would. Need to confirm with Tammy that he's doing scrapple next week "I thought it was a game, but anyway we're doing scrapple next week that is the most famous amish dish"
 
My honest to god favorite moments of Jacks videos is the final 3 or 4 seconds where you can see the thousand yard stare at his wife's eyes before she quickly leaves the set without the recording even finish. She's so eager to get the fuck away from whatever the fuck inedible gubbins Jack made and called food

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"it's good, you can taste the sugar, you can taste the cinnamon, you can taste the molasses" she gives the same stupidly simplistic appraisal that Fatty would.
You can tell it's shit because of the absurd amount of whipped cream needed to cover up the bitter, salty Blackstrap molasses that Jack used because he's a retard.
 
My honest to god favorite moments of Jacks videos is the final 3 or 4 seconds where you can see the thousand yard stare at his wife's eyes before she quickly leaves the set without the recording even finish. She's so eager to get the fuck away from whatever the fuck inedible gubbins Jack made and called food

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Also he asked her "good enough to bring to work good?" followed with an unenthusiastic "yeah." You just KNOW she took it to work and dumped it in the first trash can she saw and came home to tell Jack that everyone just LOVED it.
 
People are sometimes afraid to go with raw white onions because, well, your breath. But I've loved them on hotdogs since I was a kid. They're also delicious and appropriate being grilled or sautéed on a hotdog, but still: Raw hits just right.
I'll do fresh onions (white) or kraut sometimes, too, or Sabrett onions if I can get them.
"Sauerkraut should never be eaten cold." Wtf is this tardbabble. Also he calls a glass food jar microwave safe, no the fuck it isn't, those can blow.

You CAN heat it up but you don't have to, and microwaving one of those store food jars is absolutely retarded.

Also the onions should be diced finely. That's just an opinion, I suppose, but what Jack did looks gross and lazy. Get a Slap Chop or something you fat bitch, you can even do that one handed.
 
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Good god look at that thumbnail
The things he most botched come in the following order:

1. He wastes over a minute yapping about how his kitchen door is so loose with its lock he, err, the dogs he's using an excuse for it, can open it with a push. This is worthless.
2. Wrong Molasses. Blackstrap is way too bitter for this pie; you use first or second (light/dark) instead. Blackstrap is too bitter to make this really work.
3. Tempered Egg failure. He mixes in the wet bottom incorrectly; you're supposed to mix the egg, brown sugar, molasses, and baking soda first, and then pour in slowly boiling water. This tempers the yolk. Jack, being a lazy retard, does this assbackwards, and then ignores the strings of cooked egg throughout this pile of fuck. Even doing it backwards would probably work if you could whisk fastly, which he can't.
4, The random cuts to avoid tammy doing all the work. Fuck showing off the pie crust setting or the mixing the crumbles, just hard cut since you can't stand your ego being ruined.
6. Swerve sugar serving as the crumble. This fucks with texture due to it being artificial.
6. Knowing it's shit, Tammy completely douches it with whipped cream to negate the bitter fuck it is. She literally ate like none of the pie in her first bite and Jack tard mugs as she repeats the lines he demands she says.

Amish lady does a great job with making a good pie of course.

Anyways fuck yeah scrapple's next! He's just gonna have someone else make it for him like livermush! Also you should see his soying out over the pie; he goes full down syndrome look on it with his wonked eyes. It's fucking comical.
 
2. Wrong Molasses. Blackstrap is way too bitter for this pie; you use first or second (light/dark) instead. Blackstrap is too bitter to make this really work.
Is molasses a rare thing in US? Or it's readily available and Jack's just retarded?

3. Tempered Egg failure. He mixes in the wet bottom incorrectly; you're supposed to mix the egg, brown sugar, molasses, and baking soda first, and then pour in slowly boiling water. This tempers the yolk. Jack, being a lazy retard, does this assbackwards, and then ignores the strings of cooked egg throughout this pile of fuck. Even doing it backwards would probably work if you could whisk fastly, which he can't.
They didn't even whisk it, half assedly used a fork. Jack hoards a fuckload of instruments and don't use them when the time calls for it. A whisk for whisking, and a silicone spatula so you could scrape the molasses instead of dumping the (former) boiling water there. Two most essential tools when working pastries... What the fuck.
 
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